Part 5

Sometimes we see the flashing eyes of indignation gleaming through the very words. The following is evidently written to an old lover with all the burning passion of a woman deceived:--

It is enough; one man alone upon earth have I found noble. Away from me for ever! Cold heart and mean spirit, you have lost what millions--empires--could not have bought, but which a single word truthfully and nobly spoken might have made your own to all eternity. Yet you are forgiven: depart in peace: I rest in my Redeemer.--_Times_, Sept. 1st, 1852.

Sometimes it is more confiding love "wafting a sigh from Indus to the pole," or, finger on lip, speaking secretly, and as he thinks securely, through the medium of cipher advertisements to the loved one. Sweet delusion! There are wicked philosophers abroad who unstring the bow of harder toil by picking your inmost thoughts! Lovers beware! intriguers tremble! Many a wicked passage of illicit love, many a joy fearfully snatched, which passed through the second column of the first page of the _Times_ as a string of disjointed letters, unintelligible as the correspondents thought, to all the world but themselves, have we seen fairly copied out in plain if not always good English in the commonplace books of these cunning men at cryptographs. Here, for instance, we give an episode from the life of "Flo," which appeared in the _Times_ of 1853-54, as a proof:--

Flo.--Thou voice of my heart! Berlin, Thursday. I leave next Monday, and shall press you to my heart on Saturday. God bless you!--_Nov. 29, 1853._

Flo.--The last is wrong. I repeat it. Thou voice of my heart. I am so lonely, I miss you more than ever. I look at your picture every night. I send you an Indian shawl to wear round you while asleep after dinner. It will keep you from harm, and you must fancy my arms are around you. God bless you! how I do love you!--_Dec. 23, 1853._

Flo.--My own love, I am happy again; it is like awaking from a bad dream. You are, my life; to know that there is a chance of seeing you, to hear from you, to do things to enough. [There is some error here.] I shall try to see you soon. Write to me as often as you can. God bless you, thou voice of my heart!--_Jan. 2, 1854._

Flo.--Thou voice of my heart! How I do love you! How are you? Shall you be laid up this spring? I can see you walking with your darling. What would I give to be with you! Thanks for your last letter. I fear nothing but separation from you. You are my world, my life, my hope. Thou more than life, farewell! God bless you!--_Jan. 6, 1854._

Flo.--I fear, dearest, our cipher is discovered: write at once to your friend "Indian Shawl" (P.O.), Buckingham, Bucks.--_Jan. 7, 1845._

The advertisement of January 7th is written in a great fright, and refers to the discovery and exposure of the cipher in the _Times_ newspaper; for whenever the aforesaid philosophers perceive that a secret correspondence has arrived at a critical point they charitably insert a marplot advertisement in the same cipher. The "Flo" intrigue was carried on in figures, the key to which is as follows:--

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 y. u. o. i. e. a. d. k. h. f. s. t. n. m. r. l. d. g. w. p. x. c. b. v.

The reader will perhaps remember another mad-looking advertisement which appeared in the year 1853, headed "Cenerentola." The first, dated Feb. 2nd, we interpret thus:--

Cenerentola, I wish to try if you can read this, and am most anxious to hear the end, when you return, and how long you remain here. Do write a few lines, darling, please: I have been very far from happy since you went away.

One of the parties cannot frame an adequate explanation of some delicate matter clearly, as we find on the 11th the following:--

Cenerentola, until my heart is sick have I tried to frame an explanation for you, but cannot. Silence is safest, if the true cause is not suspected; if it is, all stories will be sifted to the bottom. Do you remember our cousin's first proposition?--think of it.

The following, which appeared on the 19th of the same month, is written in plain language, and is evidently a specimen of the marplot advertisement before alluded to:--

Cenerentola, what nonsense! Your cousin's proposition is absurd. I have given an explanation--the true one--which has perfectly satisfied both parties--a thing which silence never could have effected. So no more such absurdity.

The secret of this cipher consisted in representing each letter by the twenty-second onward continually. One more specimen of these singular advertisements and we have done. On Feb. 20, 1852, there appeared in the _Times_ the following mysterious line:--

Tig tjohw it tig jfhiirvola og tig psgvw.--F. D. N.

The general reader, doubtless, looked upon this jumble of letters with some such a puzzled air as the mastiff gives the tortoise in a very popular French bronze; but not being able to make anything out of it, passed on to the more intelligible contents of the paper. A friend of ours, however, was curious and intelligent enough to extract the plain English out of it, though not without much trouble, as thus:--If we take the first word of the sentence, Tig, and place under its second letter i the one which alphabetically precedes it, and treat the next letters in a similar manner, we shall have the following combination:--

T i g h f e

Reading the first letters obliquely we have the article "The;" if we treat the second word in the same manner, the following will be the result:--

T j o h w i. n. g. v. m. f. u. e. t. s.

which, read in the same slanting way, produces the word _Times_, and the whole sentence, thus ingeniously worked out, gives up its latent and extraordinary meaning, thus--

"The _Times_ is the Jefferies of the press."

What could have induced any one to take so much trouble thus to plant a hidden insult into the leading journal, we cannot divine. "East," "He Blew," "Willie and Fanny," "Dominoes," and "My darling A.," need not feel uncomfortable although we know their secrets. We have said quite enough to prove to these individuals that such ciphers as they use, are picked immediately by any cryptographic Hobbs; indeed, all systems of writing which depend upon transmutations of the letters of the alphabet, or the substitution of figures for letters, such as we generally find in the _Times_, are mere puzzles for children, and not worthy of the more cunning or finished in the art.

It is not to be expected, with all the caution exhibited by the morning papers to prevent the insertion of swindling advertisements that rogues do not now and then manage to take advantage of their great circulation for the sake of forwarding their own nefarious schemes. Sir Robert Carden has just done good service by running to earth the Mr. Fynn, who for years has lived abroad in splendour at the expense of the poor governesses he managed to victimize through the advertising columns of the _Times_. One's heart sickens at the stream of poor young ladies his promises have dragged across the continent, and the consequences which may have resulted from their thus putting their reputation as well as their money into his power. Such scandalous traps as these are, of course, rare; but the papers are full of minor pitfalls, into which the unwary are continually falling, sometimes with their eyes wide open. Of the latter class are the matrimonial advertisements; here is a specimen of one of the most artful of its kind we ever remember to have seen:--

To Girls of Fortune--Matrimony.--A bachelor, young, amiable, handsome, and of good family, and accustomed to move in the highest sphere of society, is embarrassed in his circumstances. Marriage is his only hope of extrication. This advertisement is inserted by one of his friends. Ingratitude was never one of his faults, and he will study for the remainder of his life to prove his estimation of the confidence placed in him.--Address, post-paid, L. L. H. L., 47, King Street, Soho.--N.B. The witticisms of cockney scribblers deprecated.

The air of candour, and the taking portrait of the handsome bachelor, whose very poverty is converted into a charm, is cleverly assumed. An announcement of a much less flattering kind, but probably of a more genuine and honourable nature, was published in _Blackwood_ some time ago, which we append, as, like Landseer's dog-pictures, the two form a capital pair illustrative of high and low life.

Matrimonial Advertisement.--I hereby give notice to all unmarried women, that I, John Hobnail, am at this writing five-and-forty, a widower, and in want of a wife. As I wish no one to be mistaken, I have a good cottage, with a couple of acres of land, for which I pay 2_l._ a year. I have five children, four of them old enough to be in employment; three sides of bacon, and some pigs ready for market. I should like to have a woman fit to take care of her house when I am out. I want no second family. She may be between forty and fifty if she likes. A good sterling woman would be preferred, who would take care of the pigs.

The following is also matter of fact, but it looks suspicious:--

Matrimony to Milliners and Dressmakers. A young man about to EMIGRATE to SOUTH AUSTRALIA would be happy to form an alliance with a young woman in the above line possessing 60_l._ or 100_l._ property. Any one so disposed, by applying by letter (post-paid) to T. Hall, 175, Upper Thames Street, till Saturday next, appointing an interview, may depend on prompt attention and strict secrecy.--_Times_, 1845.

The matrimonial bait is so obviously a good one, that of late years we see advertisements of institutions, at which regular lists of candidates for the marriage state, both male and female, are kept, together with portraits, and a ledger in which pecuniary and mental qualifications are neatly posted. Such springes are only suited, however, for the grossest folly; but there is another class of advertisements which empties the pockets of the industrious and aspiring in a very workmanlike manner: we allude to such as the following:--

Gentlemen having a respectable circle of acquaintance may hear of means of INCREASING their INCOME without the slightest pecuniary risk, or of having (by any chance) their feelings wounded. Apply for particulars, by letter, stating their position, &c., to W. R., 37, Wigmore Street, Cavendish Square.

Gentlemen whose feelings are so delicate that they must not be injured on any consideration, who nevertheless have a desire for lucre, we recommend not to apply to such persons, unless they wish to receive for their pains some such a scheme as was forwarded to a person who had answered an advertisement (enclosing, as directed, thirty postage-stamps) in _Lloyd's Weekly Journal_, headed "How to make 2_l._ per week by the outlay of 10_s._":--

"First purchase 1 cwt. of large-sized potatoes, which may be obtained for the sum of 4_s._, then purchase a large basket, which will cost say another 4_s._, then buy 2_s._ worth of flannel blanketing, and this will comprise your stock in trade, of which the total cost is 10_s._ A large-sized potato weighs about half a pound, consequently there are 224 potatoes in a cwt.

"Take half the above quantity of potatoes each evening to a baker's, and have them baked; when properly cooked put them in your basket, well wrapped up in the flannel to keep them hot, and sally forth and offer them for sale at one penny each. Numbers will be glad to purchase them at that price, and you will for certain be able to sell half a cwt. every evening. From the calculation made below you will see by that means you will be able to earn 2_l._ per week. The best plan is to frequent the most crowded thoroughfares, and make good use of your lungs; thus letting people know what you have for sale. You could also call in at each public-house on your way, and solicit the patronage of the customers, many of whom would be certain to buy of you. Should you have too much pride to transact the business yourself (though no one need be ashamed of pursuing an honest calling), you could hire a boy for a few shillings a week, who could do the work for you, and you could still make a handsome profit weekly.

"The following calculation proves that 2_l._ per week can be made by selling baked potatoes:--

"1 cwt., containing 224 potatoes, sold in two evenings, at 1_d._ each £0 18 8 Deduct cost 0 4 0 ------- £0 14 8 3 ------- Six evenings' sale £2 4 0 Pay baker at the rate of 8_d._ per evening for baking potatoes 0 4 0 ------- Net profit per week £2 0 0"

One more specimen of these baits for gudgeon, and we have done. We frequently see appeals to the benevolent for the loans of small sums. Some of these are doubtless written by innocent persons in distress, who confide in the good side of human nature; and we have been given to understand that in many cases this blind confidence has not been misplaced; for there are many Samaritans who read the papers nowadays, and feel a romantic pleasure in answering such appeals: at the same time, we are afraid that the great majority of them are gross deceptions. The veritable whine of "the poor broken-down tradesman" who makes a habit of visiting our quiet streets and appealing, in a very solemn voice, to "my brethren" for the loan of a small trifle, whilst he anxiously scans the windows for the halfpence, is observable, for instance, in the following cool appeal:--

To the Benevolent.--A Young Tradesman has, from a series of misfortunes, been reduced to the painful necessity of asking for a trifling SUM to enable him to raise 10_l._ to save himself from inevitable ruin and poverty; or if any gentleman would lend the above it would be faithfully repaid. Satisfactory references as to the genuineness of this case.--Direct to A.Z., Mr. Rigby's, Post-Office, Mile-end Road.

The receipt of conscience-money is constantly acknowledged in advertisements by the Chancellor of the Exchequer of the day, and the sums which in this manner find their way into the Exchequer are by no means inconsiderable. It is honourable to human nature, amid all the roguery we have exposed, to find that now and then some conscience is touched by a very small matter, and that great trouble and no little expense is often gone to in order that others may not suffer through the inadvertency or carelessness of the advertiser. The following is a delicate example:--

To Hackney-Coachmen.--About the month of March last, a gentleman from the country took a coach from Finsbury Square, and accidentally broke the glass of one of its windows. Being unwell at the time, the circumstance was forgotten when he quitted the coach, and it would now be a great relief to his mind to be put in a situation to pay the coachman for it. Should this meet the eye of the person who drove the coach, and he will make application to A. B., at Walker's Hotel, Dean Street, Soho, any morning during the next week, before eleven o'clock, proper attention will be paid to it.--_Times_, 1842.

The more curious advertisements which from time to time appear in the public journals, but particularly in the _Times_, do not admit of classification; and they are so numerous, moreover, that if we were to comment upon one tithe of those that have appeared within the last six years, we should far exceed the limits of this article. We make no apology, therefore, for stringing together the following very odd lot:--

Do you want a servant?--Necessity prompts the question.--The advertiser OFFERS his SERVICES to any lady or gentleman, company, or others, in want of a truly faithful confidential servant in any capacity not menial, where a practical knowledge of human nature, in various parts of the world, would be available. Could undertake any affair of small or great importance, where talent, inviolable secrecy, or good address would be necessary. Has moved in the best and worst societies without being contaminated by either; has never been a servant; begs to recommend himself as one who knows his place; is moral, temperate, middle-aged; no objection to any part of the world. Could advise any capitalist wishing to increase his income, and have the control of his own money. Could act as secretary or valet to any lady or gentleman. Can give advice or hold his tongue, sing, dance, play, fence, box, or preach a sermon, tell a story, be grave or gay, ridiculous or sublime, or do anything, from the curling of a peruke to the storming of a citadel, but never to excel his master.--Address, A. B. C., 7, Little St. Andrew Street, Leicester Square.--_Times_, 1850.

The Mighty Angel's Midnight Roar.--"Behold the Bridegroom cometh, go ye out to meet him." This awful cry, as is demonstrated, will very shortly be heard, viz.: at the commencement of "the great day (or year) of God's wrath," or the last of the 2,300 days (or years) in Daniel's prophecy. By the authors of "Proofs of the Second Coming of Messiah at the Passover in 1848." Price 6_d._ Fourth Edition.

This is a Muggletonian prophecy of the destruction of the world at a certain date. The prediction failed, however, and the prophet found it necessary to explain the reason:--

The Mighty Angel's Midnight Roar.--The authors, owing to their disappointment, most sedulously investigated its cause, and instantly announce its discovery. Daniel's vision, in chap. 8, was for 2,300 years, to the end of which (see 5-12) the "little horn" was to practise and prosper, after which comes the year of God's wrath, which was erroneously included in the 2,300 years, and thus the midnight cry will be a year later than stated.--_Times_, 1851.

To P. Q. How Is Your Mother? I shan't inquire further, and must decline entering upon the collateral branches of the family.--_Times_, 1842.

To Widowers and Single Gentlemen.--WANTED, by a lady, a SITUATION to superintend the household and preside at table. She is agreeable, becoming, careful, desirable, English, facetious, generous, honest, industrious, judicious, keen, lively, merry, natty, obedient, philosophic, quiet, regular, sociable, tasteful, useful, vivacious, womanish, xantippish, youthful, zealous, &c.--Address, X. Y. Z., Simmond's Library, Edgeware Road.--_Times._

The Title of an Ancient Baron. Mr. George Robins is empowered to SELL the TITLE and DIGNITY of a BARON. The origin of the family, its ancient descent, and illustrious ancestry, will be fully developed to those and such only as desire to possess this distinguished rank for the inconsiderable sum of 1,000_l._ Covent-garden Market.--_Times_, 1841.

Postage stamps. A young lady, being desirous of covering her dressing-room with cancelled POSTAGE STAMPS, has been so far encouraged in her wish by private friends as to have succeeded in collecting 16,000! these, however, being insufficient, she will be greatly obliged if any good-natured persons who may have these (otherwise useless) little articles at their disposal would assist in her whimsical project. Address to E. D., Mr. Butt's, glover, Leadenhall Street; or Mr. Marshall's, jeweller, Hackney.--_Times_, 1841.

To the Theatrical Profession.--WANTED, for a Summer Theatre and Circuit, a Leading Lady, Singing Chambermaid, First Low Comedian, Heavy Man, Walking Gentleman, and one or two Gentlemen for Utility. To open July 9th.

Address (enclosing Stamp for reply) to Mr. J. WINDSOR, Theatre Royal, Preston, Lancashire.--_Era_, July 1, 1855.

Wanted a Man and his Wife to look after a Horse and Dairy with a religious turn of mind without any incumbrance.