BOOK III

I

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _On a journey, Apr._, B.C. _58_]

I had been thinking that it would be of the greatest service to me to have you with me, but when I read the bill,[95] I saw at once that the most desirable thing in view of the journey I have undertaken would be that you should join me as soon as possible. Then I should have the benefit of your own and your friends’ protection, if I passed through Epirus, after leaving Italy; and, if I chose any other course, I could lay down fixed plans on your advice. So please be quick and join me. You can the more easily do so as the bill about the province of Macedonia has been passed. I would say more, if facts themselves did not speak for me with you.

II

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _On a journey, Apr. 8_, B.C. _58_]

The reason why I moved was that there was nowhere where I could remain unmolested except on Sicca’s estate, especially as the bill has not been emended. Besides I noticed that I could get back to Brundisium from there, if I had you with me. Without you I could not stay in those districts on account of Autronius. Now, as I said in my last letter, if you will come, I can take your advice on the whole matter. I know the journey is an annoyance: but the whole of this miserable business is full of annoyances. I can’t write any more, I am so down-hearted and wretched. Take care of yourself. April 8, Nares in Lucania.

Footnote 95:

Clodius’ bill interdicting from fire and water anyone who had put to death a Roman citizen uncondemned.

III

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. in itinere circ. Non. Apr. a. 696_]

Utinam illum diem videam, cum tibi agam gratias, quod me vivere coegisti! adhuc quidem valde me paenitet. Sed te oro, ut ad me Vibonem statim venias, quo ego multis de causis converti iter meum. Sed, eo si veneris, de toto itinere ac fuga mea consilium capere potero. Si id non feceris, mirabor; sed confido te esse facturum.

IV

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. in itinere inter Vibonem et Brundisium Id. Apr. a. 696_]

Miseriae nostrae potius velim quam inconstantiae tribuas, quod a Vibone, quo te arcessebamus, subito discessimus. Allata est enim nobis rogatio de pernicie mea; in qua quod correctum esse audieramus, erat eius modi, ut mihi ultra quadringenta milia liceret esse, illo pervenire non liceret. Statim iter Brundisium versus contuli ante diem rogationis, ne et Sicca, apud quem eram, periret, et quod Melitae esse non licebat. Nunc tu propera, ut nos consequare, si modo recipiemur. Adhuc invitamur benigne, sed, quod superest, timemus. Me, mi Pomponi, valde paenitet vivere; qua in re apud me tu plurimum valuisti. Sed haec coram. Fac modo, ut venias.

III

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _On a journey about Apr. 5_, B.C. _58_]

Pray God that the day may come when I shall be able to thank you for compelling me to go on living. At present I am heartily sorry for it. Please come to me at once at Vibo. For several reasons I’ve made my way thither. If you come, I shall be able to lay plans for my whole journey in exile. If you do not, I shall be surprised: but I trust you will.

IV

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Between Vibo and Brundisium Apr. 13_, B.C. _58_]

Please attribute my sudden departure from Vibo after asking you to join me there to my misery rather than to caprice. I received a copy of the bill for my destruction, and found that the alteration of which I had heard, took the form of banishment beyond four hundred miles. Since I could not go where I wished, I went straight to Brundisium before the bill was passed; for fear of involving my host Sicca in my destruction and because I am not permitted to stay at Malta. Now make haste and join me; if I can find anyone to take me in. At present I receive kind invitations: but I fear the future. I indeed, Pomponius, am heartily sick of life: and it is mainly for your sake that I consented to live. But of this when we meet. Please do come.

V

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Thuriis IIII Id. Apr., ut videtur, a. 696_]

Terentia tibi et saepe et maximas agit gratias. Id est mihi gratissimum. Ego vivo miserrimus et maximo dolore conficior. Ad te quid scribam, nescio. Si enim es Romae, iam me adsequi non potes, sin es in via, cum eris me adsecutus, coram agemus, quae erunt agenda. Tantum te oro, ut, quoniam me ipsum semper amasti, ut nunc eodem amore sis; ego enim idem sum. Inimici mei mea mihi, non me ipsum ademerunt. Cura, ut valeas.

Data IIII Idus April. Thurii.

VI

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. in Tarentino XIV K. Mai. a. 696_]

Non fuerat mihi dubium, quin te Tarenti aut Brundisi visurus essem, idque ad multa pertinuit, in eis, et ut in Epiro consisteremus et de reliquis rebus tuo consilio uteremur. Quoniam id non contigit, erit hoc quoque in magno numero nostrorum malorum. Nobis iter est in Asiam, maxime Cyzicum. Meos tibi commendo. Me vix misereque sustento.

Data XIIII K. Maias de Tarentino.

V

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Thurii, Apr. 10_ (?), B.C. _58_]

Terentia continually expresses the deepest gratitude to you: and I am very glad of it. My life is one long misery and I am crushed with the weight of my sorrows. What to write I don’t know. If you are in Rome, you will be too late to catch me: but, if you are already on the way, we will discuss all that has to be discussed, when you join me. One thing only I beg of you, since you have always loved me for myself, to preserve your affection for me. I am still the same. My enemies have robbed me of all I had; but they have not robbed me of myself. Take care of your health.

At Thurium, April 10.

VI

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Tarentum, Apr. 17_, B.C. _58_]

I quite expected to see you at Tarentum or Brundisium, and it was important that I should for many reasons, among others for my stay in Epirus and for the advantage of your advice in other matters. That it did not happen I shall count among my many other misfortunes. I am starting for Asia, for Cyzicus in particular. I entrust my dear ones to you. It is with difficulty that I prolong my miserable existence.

From the neighbourhood of Tarentum, April 17.

VII

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Brundisi pr. K. Mai. a. 696_]

Brundisium veni a. d. XIIII Kal. Maias. Eo die pueri tui mihi a te litteras reddiderunt, et alii pueri post diem tertium eius diei alias litteras attulerunt. Quod me rogas et hortaris, ut apud te in Epiro sim, voluntas tua mihi valde grata est et minime nova. Esset consilium mihi quidem optatum, si liceret ibi omne tempus consumere; odi enim celebritatem, fugio homines, lucem aspicere vix possum, esset mihi ista solitudo, praesertim tam familiari in loco, non amara; sed, itineris causa ut deverterer, primum est devium, deinde ab Autronio et ceteris quadridui, deinde sine te. Nam castellum munitum habitanti mihi prodesset, transeunti non est necessarium. Quod si auderem, Athenas peterem. Sane ita cadebat, ut vellem. Nunc et nostri hostes ibi sunt, et te non habemus et veremur ne interpretentur illud quoque oppidum ab Italia non satis abesse, nec scribis quam ad diem te exspectemus.

Quod me ad vitam vocas, unum efficis, ut a me manus abstineam, alterum non potes, ut me non nostri consilii vitaeque paeniteat. Quid enim est, quod me retineat, praesertim si spes ea non est quae nos proficiscentes prosequebatur? Non faciam ut enumerem miserias omnes, in quas incidi per summam iniuriam et scelus non tam inimicorum meorum

VII

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Brundisium, Apr. 29_, B.C. _58_]

I arrived at Brundisium on April 17, and on the same day your men delivered a letter from you. The next day but one some others brought me another letter. I am very grateful for your kind invitation to stay at your place in Epirus, though I expected it. It is a plan, which would have just suited me, if I could have stayed there all the time. 1 hate a crowd, I shun my fellow-men, I can hardly bear to look upon the light: so the solitude there, especially as I am so at home there, would have been far from unpleasant. But for stopping on the route it is too far out of the way: moreover I should be only four days’ march from Autronius and the rest, moreover you would not be there yourself. Yes, a fortified place would be useful to me if I were settling there, but it is unnecessary, when I am merely passing. If I dared, I should make for Athens; and things were turning out right for it: but now my enemies are there, you have not joined me, and I am afraid that town too may not be counted far enough away from Italy. Nor have you let me know when I may expect you.

Your pleas to me not to think of suicide have one result that I refrain from laying violent hands on myself; but you cannot make me cease to regret our decision and my existence. What is there for me to live for, especially if I have lost even that hope I had when I set out? I will forbear to mention all the miseries into which I have fallen through the villainous machinations not so much of my enemies, as of

quam invidorum, ne et meum maerorem exagitem et te in eundem luctum vocem; hoc adfirmo, neminem umquam tanta calamitate esse adfectum, nemini mortem magis optandam fuisse. Cuius oppetendae tempus honestissimum praetermissum est; reliqua tempora sunt non iam ad medicinam, sed ad finem doloris.

De re publica video te colligere omnia quae putes aliquam spem mihi posse adferre mutandarum rerum. Quae quamquam exigua sunt, tamen, quoniam placet, exspectemus. Tu nihilo minus, si properaris, nos consequere; nam aut accedemus in Epirum aut tarde per Candaviam ibimus. Dubitationem autem de Epiro non inconstantia nostra adferebat, sed quod de fratre, ubi eum visuri essemus, nesciebamus; quem quidem ego nec quo modo visurus nec ut dimissurus sim, scio. Id est maximum et miserrimum mearum omnium miseriarum. Ego et saepius ad te et plura scriberem, nisi mihi dolor meus cum omnes partes mentis tum maxime huius generis facultatem ademisset. Videre te cupio. Cura ut valeas.

Data pr. Kal. Mai. Brundisii.

VIII

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Thessalonicae IV K. Iun. a. 696_]

Brundisio[96] proficiscens scripseram ad te, quas ob causas in Epirum non essemus profecti, quod et Achaia prope esset plena audacissimorum inimicorum et exitus difficiles haberet, cum inde proficisceremur. Accessit, cum Dyrrachi essemus, ut duo nuntii adferrentur, unus classe fratrem Epheso Athenas, alter

Footnote 96:

Brundisio _added by Graevius_.

those who envy me, for fear of arousing my grief again, and provoking you to share it by sympathy. But this I will say, that no one has ever suffered such a misfortune, and no one ever had more right to wish for death. But I have missed the time when I could have died with honour. At any other time death will only end my pain, not heal it.

I notice you collect everything which you think can raise any hopes in me of a change in affairs. That “everything” is very little: still, since you so decide, I will await the issue. Though you have not started, you will catch me yet, if you hurry. I shall either go to Epirus, or proceed slowly through Candavia. My hesitation about Epirus does not arise from my changefulness, but from doubts as to where I shall see my brother. I don’t know where I shall see him, nor how I shall tear myself from him. That is the chief and most pitiful of all my miseries. I would write to you oftener and fuller, if grief had not robbed me of all my wits and especially of that particular faculty. I long to see you. Take care of yourself.

At Brundisium, April 29.

VIII

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Thessalonica, May 29_, B.C. _58_]

As I was setting out from Brundisium, I wrote to you, explaining why I could not go to Epirus, because it is close to Achaia which is full of my most virulent enemies, and it is a hard place to get out of, when I want to start. My decision was confirmed by the receipt of two messages at Dyrrachium, one saying that my brother was coming by sea from Ephesus to

pedibus per Macedoniam venire. Itaque illi obviam misimus Athenas, ut inde Thessalonicam veniret. Ipsi processimus et Thessalonicam a. d. X Kal. Iunias venimus, neque de illius itinere quicquam certi habebamus nisi eum ab Epheso ante aliquanto profectum. Nunc, istic quid agatur, magno opere timeo; quamquam tu altera epistula scribis Idibus Maiis audire te fore ut acrius postularetur, altera iam esse mitiora. Sed haec est pridie data quam illa, quo conturber magis. Itaque cum meus me maeror cotidianus lacerat et conficit, tum vero haec addita cura vix mihi vitam reliquam facit. Sed et navigatio perdifficilis fuit, et ille, incertus ubi ego essem, fortasse alium cursum petivit. Nam Phaetho libertus eum non vidit. Vento reiectus ab Ilio in Macedoniam Pellae mihi praesto fuit. Reliqua quam mihi timenda sint video, nec quid scribam habeo et omnia timeo, nec tam miserum est quicquam, quod non in nostram fortunam cadere videatur. Equidem adhuc miser in maximis meis aerumnis et luctibus hoc metu adiecto maneo Thessalonicae suspensus nec audeo quicquam.

Nunc ad ea, quae scripsisti. Tryphonem Caecilium non vidi. Sermonem tuum et Pompei cognovi ex tuis litteris. Motum in re publica non tantum ego impendere video, quantum tu aut vides aut ad me consolandum adfers. Tigrane enim neglecto sublata sunt omnia. Varroni me iubes agere gratias. Faciam; item Hypsaeo. Quod suades, ne longius discedamus,

Athens, the other that he was coming by land through Macedonia. So I sent a note to catch him at Athens, asking him to come on to Thessalonica, and I myself set off and arrived at Thessalonica on the 23rd of May. The only certain news about him, that I have had, is that he started a short time ago from Ephesus. Now I am in great anxiety to know what is happening at Rome. It is true that in one letter dated May 15 you say you have heard that Quintus will be rigorously called in question, and in another that things are calming down: but the latter is dated a day before the former, to increase my perplexity. So, what between my own personal grief, which racks and tortures me daily, and this additional anxiety, I have hardly any life left in me. But the passage was very bad and perhaps, not knowing where I was, he took some other direction. My freedman Phaetho has seen nothing of him. Phaetho was driven back by wind from Ilium to Macedonia and came to me at Pella. I see how threatening the future is, though I have not the heart to write. I am afraid of everything: there is no misfortune that does not seem to fall to my lot. I am still staying in suspense at Thessalonica, with this new fear added to the woes and sorrows that oppress me; and I do not dare to make a move of any kind.

Now for the things you mention in your letter. Caecilius Trypho I have not seen. Of your talk with Pompey I have heard from your letter. I cannot see such signs of a political change as you either see or invent to comfort me: for, if they take no notice of the Tigranes episode, all hope is lost. You bid me pay my thanks to Varro. I will, and to Hypsaeus too. I think I will follow your advice not to go any

dum acta mensis Maii ad nos perferantur, puto me ita esse facturum, sed, ubi, nondum statui; atque ita perturbato sum animo de Quinto, ut nihil queam statuere, sed tamen statim te faciam certiorem.

Ex epistularum mearum inconstantia puto te mentis meae motum videre, qui, etsi incredibili et singulari calamitate adflictus sum, tamen non tam est ex miseria quam ex culpae nostrae recordatione commotus. Cuius enim scelere impulsi ac proditi simus, iam profecto vides, atque utinam iam ante vidisses neque totum animum tuum errori mecum simul dedisses! Quare, cum me adflictum et confectum luctu audies, existimato me stultitiae meae poenam ferre gravius quam eventi, quod ei crediderim, quem esse nefarium non putarim. Me et meorum malorum memoria et metus de fratre in scribendo impedit. Tu ista omnia vide et guberna. Terentia tibi maximas gratias agit. Litterarum exemplum, quas ad Pompeium scripsi, misi tibi.

Data IIII Kal. Iunias Thessalonicae.

IX

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Thessalonicae Id. Iun. a. 696_]

Quintus frater cum ex Asia discessisset ante Kal. Maias et Athenas venisset Idibus, valde fuit ei properandum, ne quid absens acciperet calamitatis, si quis forte fuisset, qui contentus nostris malis non esset. Itaque eum malui properare Romam quam ad me venire et simul (dicam enim, quod verum est, ex quo

further away, until I receive the parliamentary news for May. But where to stop I have not yet made up my mind; and I am so anxious about Quintus, that I can’t make up my mind to anything. But I will soon let you know.

From these rambling notes of mine, you can see the perturbed state of my wits. Yet, though I have been crushed by an incredible and unparalleled misfortune, it is not so much my misery as the remembrance of my own mistake that affects me. For now surely you see whose treachery egged me on and betrayed me. Would to heaven you had seen it before, and had not let a mistake dominate your mind as I did. So when you hear that I am crushed and overwhelmed with grief, be assured that the sense of my folly in trusting one, whose treachery I had not suspected, is a heavier penalty than all the consequences. The thought of my misfortunes and my fears for my brother prevent me from writing. Keep your eye on events and your hand at the helm. Terentia expresses the deepest gratitude to you. I have sent you a copy of the letter I wrote to Pompey.

At Thessalonica, May 29.

IX

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Thessalonica, June 13_, B.C. _58_]

My brother Quintus left Asia at the end of April and reached Athens on May the 15th: and he had to hurry, for fear anything disastrous might happen in his absence, if there were anyone who was not yet contented with the measure of our woes. So I preferred him to hurry on to Rome rather than to come to me: and besides—I will confess the

magnitudinem miseriarum mearum perspicere possis) animum inducere non potui, ut aut illum amantissimum mei, mollissimo animo tanto in maerore aspicerem aut meas miserias luctu adflictus[97] et perditam fortunam illi offerrem aut ab illo aspici paterer. Atque etiam illud timebam, quod profecto accidisset, ne a me digredi non posset. Versabatur mihi tempus illud ante oculos, cum ille aut lictores dimitteret aut vi avelleretur ex complexu meo. Huius acerbitatis eventum altera acerbitate non videndi fratris vitavi. In hunc me casum vos vivendi auctores impulistis. Itaque mei peccati luo poenas. Quamquam me tuae litterae sustentant, ex quibus, quantum tu ipse speres, facile perspicio; quae quidem tamen aliquid habebant solacii, antequam eo venisti a Pompeio, “Nunc Hortensium allice et eius modi viros.” Obsecro, mi Pomponi, nondum perspicis, quorum opera, quorum insidiis, quorum scelere perierimus? Sed tecum haec omnia coram agemus; tantum dico, quod scire te puto, nos non inimici, sed invidi perdiderunt. Nunc, si ita sunt, quae speras, sustinebimus nos et spe, qua iubes, nitemur; sin, ut mihi videntur, infirma sunt, quod optimo tempore facere non licuit, minus idoneo fiet.

Terentia tibi saepe agit gratias. Mihi etiam unum de malis in metu est, fratris miseri negotium; quod si sciam cuius modi sit, sciam, quid agendum mihi sit.

Footnote 97:

adflictus _Reid_; adflictas _MSS._

truth and it will show you the depth of my misery—I could not bear in my great distress to look on one so devoted to me and so tender-hearted, nor could I thrust upon him the misery of my affliction and my fallen fortune, or suffer him to see me. Besides I was afraid of what would have been sure to happen—that he would not be able to part from me. The picture of the moment when he would have had to dismiss his lictors or to be torn by force from my arms was ever before me. The bitterness of parting I have avoided by the bitterness of not seeing my brother. That is the kind of dilemma into which you who are responsible for my survival have forced me; and so I have to pay the penalty for my mistake. Your letter however cheers me, though I can easily see from it how little hope you have yourself. Still it offered some little consolation till you passed from your mention of Pompey to the passage: “Now try to win over Hortensius and such people.” In heaven’s name, my dear Pomponius, have you not yet grasped, whose agency, whose villainy and whose treachery have ruined me? But that I will discuss when I meet you. Now I will only say, what you must surely know, that it is not so much my enemies as my enviers who have ruined me. If there is any real foundation for your hopes, I will bear up and rely on the hope you suggest. But if, as seems probable to me, your hopes are ill-founded, then I will do now what you would not let me do before, though the time is far less appropriate.

Terentia often expresses her gratitude to you. The thing I most fear among all my misfortunes is my poor brother’s business: if I knew the exact state of affairs, I might know what to do about it. I am

Me etiam nunc istorum beneficiorum et litterarum exspectatio, ut tibi placet, Thessalonicae tenet. Si quid erit novi allatum, sciam, de reliquo quid agendum sit. Tu si, ut scribis, Kal. Iuniis Roma profectus es, prope diem nos videbis. Litteras, quas ad Pompeium scripsi, tibi misi.

Data Id. Iun. Thessalonicae.

X

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Thessalonicae XIV K. Quint. a. 696_]

Acta quae essent usque ad VIII Kal. Iunias, cognovi ex tuis litteris; reliqua exspectabam, ut tibi placebat, Thessalonicae. Quibus adlatis facilius statuere potero, ubi sim. Nam, si erit causa, si quid agetur, si spem videro, aut ibidem opperiar aut me ad te conferam; sin, ut tu scribis, ista evanuerint, aliquid aliud videbimus. Omnino adhuc nihil mihi significatis nisi discordiam istorum; quae tamen inter eos de omnibus potius rebus est quam de me. Itaque, quid ea mihi prosit, nescio, sed tamen, quoad me vos sperare vultis, vobis obtemperabo. Nam, quod me tam saepe et tam vehementer obiurgas et animo infirmo esse dicis, quaeso, ecquod tantum malum est, quod in mea calamitate non sit? ecquis umquam tam ex amplo statu, tam in bona causa, tantis facultatibus ingenii, consilii, gratiae, tantis praesidiis bonorum omnium concidit? Possum oblivisci, qui fuerim, non sentire, qui sim, quo caream honore, qua gloria, quibus liberis, quibus fortunis, quo fratre? Quem ego, ut novum calamitatis genus attendas, cum pluris facerem quam me

following your advice and still staying at Thessalonica in hope of the advantages you mention and of letters. When I get some news, I shall be able to shape my course of action. If you started from Rome on the first of June, as you say, I shall very soon see you. I have sent you the