Part 2

_Broad_. Gentlemen, I intreat we may live sociably together as usual. Let us not give Way to Spleen or Ill-nature. Mr. _Roseband_ and Mr. _Smoothwell_ happen at this Time to be in a more charitable Disposition than the rest of the Company. But, I assure myself, you will be all of one Opinion, when you see perfect _Concord_ in the Administration, and that _Union_ directed to promote publick Happiness.

Sir _John_. Mr. _Broadbottom_, I heartily agree with you in the Banishment of Heat and Sarcasm from our Conversation; but can’t help dissenting from you in the other Point. Without giving up my Reason, I can’t reckon upon _Concord_ between two Sets of Men, as seemingly different in their Views and Principles as can well be imagin’d. By all that appears hitherto, you lately _Ingrafted_, have acted on Principles the most honourable, and with Views the most disinterested that ever Men did; whereas the _old Standards_ seem to have no Views but to _Self-Interest_, nor Principles, but such as are repugnant to _Patriotism_.

_Over_. _Patriotism!_ Ha, ha! Poor Wanderer! Where has she taken up her Habitation, since she was sent adrift by those _Ingrafted_ about two Years ago upon the old Stock?

_Blunt_. Patience. Mr. _Overall_, and you shall see her perch’d on the joint Endeavours of our mottley Ministry to save the Nation.

_Broad_. I hope you will, Mr. _Blunt_, tho’ you speak it with a Sneer.

Sir _John_. I heartily wish we may. But in my Mind, the Coalition on which you reckon so much, is as impracticable as squaring the Circle, if you Gentlemen newly _Ingrafted_, and _those_ you are _Ingrafted_ on, _thought_ as you _spoke_ and _acted_, and continue the same way of _thinking_?

_Over_. Have not you seen, that the late _Ingrafted_ had two Ways of _thinking_?

_Blunt_. One fitted for the _Country_, the other for the _Court_?

_Broad_. Good Mr. Mayor, spare your Friends, at least till you find them tripping.

Sir _John_. For my Part, the whole Stress of my Argument rests on a Supposition; that both Parties of the Administration will adhere to their native Principles and Way of thinking. On this Supposition then where can be the _Concord_, where the _Coalition_?

_Over_. Just where the Union would be between Kites and Doves.

_Blunt_. But, my Fox-hunter, leaving Concord and Union out of the Question, when has it been seen, that spotless innocent _Doves_ have had the weak Complaisance of associating with the crafty and guilty _Kites_, on the first Offer of Friendship and Cordiality?

_Broad_. Still, my worthy Magistrate, severe upon your old Friends?

Sir _John_. Mr. _Broadbottom_, call not that Severity, which is the Result of Friendship. I judge of Mr. _Blunt_ by myself, who, because I esteem you, fear you may be imposed upon in the Step you have lately taken. You could not but see that the Court made to you, was the Effect rather of _Necessity_ than _Choice_. You must not be the Man of Penetration I take you for, unless you saw that you would be an unwelcome Guest at C—t, and an unwelcome Companion to those who invited you thither. In such Circumstances, I should expect that you, and those whom you have selected among your Party to accompany you, wou’d insist upon such Terms for your Country, as would endear you to your Countrymen.

_Broad_. But, Sir _John_, would it become us to insist on Terms, when none were exacted from us?

Sir _John_. It not only would become you to insist on such Terms as would be of public Utility, but it was absolutely necessary you shou’d, if you would maintain your Character and serve your Country. You _New Comers_ are but a few, if compared to those you are ingrafted on. They may, and probably will out-argue, or rather out-vote you, whenever you shall presume to oppose their Measures; and should you persist in your Opposition, they will thrust you from the _Barn_ for your Contumacy. Such will be the best of your Case.

_Smooth_. Best do you call it? Pray, Sir _John_, what do you call the Worst of their Case?

Sir _John_. To quit their own Principles, and take up those of the old _Standards_. In that Case they might think to mend their own private Fortunes, but would most certainly ruin their Country, and of course would lose all Credit with their Countrymen.

_Broad_. But is it impossible for Men of different Principles to meet each other half Way, and agree in such Essentials as may promote the general Good of the Community?

Sir _John_. He who meets an Opponent half way, recedes from his own Principles, and embraces in part at least, those of his Antagonist. Now if your _Principles_ were _sound_, and those of the _old Standards unsound_, as we must believe from your constant Opposition for the Time past; how can you depart from yours, without embracing _unsound_ Principles? No, Sir, I protest against half-way Meetings between a Majority in _Power_, and a few, who, I’m afraid, grasp too eagerly at a Shred, or rather Shadow of that _Power_. The _Magnet_ is with the greater Number; pray Heaven, it attracts not the smaller to it!

_Broad_. Why so desponding, Sir _John_, you who were won’t to be the firmest Prop of our Party Hopes?

Sir _John_. To be very serious, Mr. _Broadbottom_, I apprehend we are in a wretched Situation; and I see but one Means, by which we may hope to better our Condition. But I foresee that we sha’n’t have the Wisdom or Virtue to pursue that only Way. Notwithstanding the Groupe of Ills we labour under; notwithstanding our Necks are sore gall’d with the Yoke, I fear, should the Time of procuring ourselves Ease ever offer, Corruption will prevail, and _Avarice_ will chuse the Continuance of our Woe. If we would expect such a thorough Change of Measures as the Nation seem to wish for and require, can we hope for it from the present Patch-work mingling of Hands?

The taking Gentlemen into the Administration, who have distinguished themselves by their Zeal for the Interests of their Country, is not, I fear, designed to ease the People, but to bring those Gentlemen to bear a Share of the public Hatred and Infamy, which the late M—rs have incurr’d by the most flagitious Measures. This must cause an irreparable Breach between the Public and those now rever’d and beloved Patriots; a Policy by which the Projectors think, perhaps, they leave the Flocks without Shepherds, and may at Pleasure then prey upon the Folds. But let me warn these Politicians, that it is not always safe to leave an injur’d, oppress’d, exasperated People without Leaders on whose Probity they may depend. On the other hand, let me warn our Patriots, that as a Snare may have been laid for them, it is their Business to take care they are not taken in it. They have been the Hopes as well as Darlings of their Country, and it should be their Study at this critical Juncture not to give Room for suspecting their Virtue. In short, they should avoid becoming themselves the Curse of their Country, or countenancing those that have been so for many Years.

The War for the Sake of _H——_, has been carried on after a Manner so dishonourable, not to say infamous, and so expensive, that the old _Standards_, for a Reason easily pointed out, look upon a _Peace_ to be absolutely necessary. The Conduct of the War will not suffer them to hope that equitable Terms will be allow’d them; on the other hand, they must be sensible, that the People have a greater Regard to the Honour of the Nation than to private Interest, and will be against sheathing the Sword, till the Blood of our foreign Enemies has wash’d off the Stain fix’d on the Glory of the Nation by her domestic Foes. In this Dilemma they may think it the best, indeed the only Expedient to cast the Burden on the _Favourites_ of the People. If they accept of Peace on dishonourable Terms, the late M—rs are acquitted; if they reject it, any Misfortunes that may attend the War will be intirely cast upon them. In a Word, the Ministers have entangled the Skein, and call upon the Patriots to disentangle it, or share the Odium of their Folly and Wickedness. They have woven the _Gordian Knot_, and the Friends of the People are to loose it.

_Over_. We shall soon see who are the Peoples Friends.

_Broad_. Can you have any Doubt concerning them?

_Blunt_. Were not those _Deserters_ lately thrust from the _Barn_, the Peoples Friends too before they were _ingrafted_ on the Ministry? All are the Peoples Friends while they are rising on the Shoulders of the People; but when once they are up, away goes the Scaffolding. Mr. _Broadbottom_, I believe you are a Friend to the People, or I would not support your last Election, or your present Re-election; but if you would convince us you are truly so, let us see you heartily endeavouring to obtain something for those willing People that have drain’d their Vitals to comply with a C—t and Ministry, and bore the Heat of the Day. Restore us our _Triennial_ Parliaments.

Sir _John_. Or rather our Annual Parliaments, which was the ancient Constitution. But, Mr. _Broadbottom_, let us have them without _Purchase_. I understand the C—l L—st is greatly incumber’d. I hope ’tis not intended to clear it at the People’s Expence, before the annual Produce of it be fairly stated and known.

_Blunt_. Can you expect to know any thing the Court has a mind you should not, while _Seven’s_ the Main?

_Over_. No more _Septs_ say I; I believe I shall never love the Number _Seven_ again, as long as live.

Sir _John_. _Seven_ or _Seventy_ would be of little Significancy in a Country and Age less corrupt than ours. But considering the present Depravity, I must confess that _septennial_ Parliaments afford Ministers more Opportunity than I would willingly allow them, to put in Practice the Arts of the Cabinet.

_Rose_. If the Depravity be so great and general as you represent it, how shall our Condition be better’d by a Repeal of the _septennial_ Law? The Cabinet Arts, which you so much apprehend, may be as well practised on the _triennial_ as _septennial_ Servants of the People.

_Over_. To prevent which, let us do as our braver, honester _Popish_ Ancestors did.

_Rose_. Ah! Mr. _Overall_! Your worthy Father would not have been so liberal of his Epithets to Papists.

_Over_. Mr. _Roseband_, my Father loved and rever’d Virtue wherever he found it. And he blush’d not any more than I should, to own that our Popish Ancestors had the true Spirit of Patriotism, and that they left us more valuable Blessings than we are like to leave Posterity.

_Smooth_. How, my Politician! Sha’n’t we and Posterity too bask in Plenty, if we do as you say our honester popish Ancestors did? ha, ha!

_Rose_. Pray, Mr. _Overall_, What are we to do in imitation of our braver Ancestors? ha, ha!

_Over_. To _curse_ the Ambitious and Corrupt.

_Rose_. Curse, Mr. _Overall_! Is it for Christians to curse?

_Over_. Is it for _Englishmen_ to be bribed out of their Virtue? What are the Curses you pronounce on _Ashwednesdays_?

Sir _John_. Mr. _Overall_ means, I suppose, the Anathema solemnly denounced in the Reign of _Henry_ III. by the Archbishop of _Canterbury_, at the Head of the Barons and other great Men of the Nation, against all such as should directly or indirectly oppose the Observance of the _two Charters_, and those who should violate, diminish, or alter in any Manner whatever the Laws and Constitutions of the Kingdom.

_Over_. I do, Sir _John_; and the Method I would propose should be, that the Members of the Legislature, not excepting the pious Lords the B—ps, on the Expiration of the present Parliament, would meet in _Westminster_ Abbey, and there solemnly denounce, by the Mouth of the Archbishop, or, if some squeamish Puritans should object to the Surplice, by the Mouths of the Lord C—r and Sp—r, the bitterest Curses against all who shall offer or accept a Bribe at a new Election, directly or indirectly.

_Blunt_. Or who shall accept of a Place or Pension after he is elected, in order to support the Measures of Evil Ministers, or screen them.

_Over_. _Blunt_, let you and I draw up a Form of the Anathema. I would ask the Vicar, but that he says ’tis Antichristian, to curse the Wicked. First then, _Cursed_ be he who offers any Bribe or Gratification to any Freeholder or Burgher to obtain his Vote: _Cursed_ be he who is an Instrument to corrupt any who has a Right to give his Vote for any Candidate to represent his County or Borough: _Cursed_ be he, who having a Right to vote, shall be biass’d in his Voting by any private Interest, Views, or Hopes: _Cursed_ be he who makes any unjust Returns of Members; and may such Enemies of their Country be _cursed_ in themselves, their Wives and Posterity, and in their Goods and Chattels; may they themselves become the Butt of public Scorn, Hatred and Contempt, whilst living, and their Widows and Daughters become common Prostitutes for Bread; and may their Sons experience that _Slavery_, which they would have brought upon their Country; may their Herds and Flocks die with the Murrain and Rot; may their Lands become barren, and may their Memory for ever stink in the Nostrils of all honest Men and true _Britons_. Let all here say, _Amen_.

_Broad_. See what it is to be a Foxhunter; no other’s Lungs would have held out in so long a Chase of useful Curses; ha, ha!

Sir _John_. Why indeed, Mr. _Broadbottom_, if Curses would cure the great Evil of _Corruption_, they might be truly called _useful_. But I am afraid the World is become too cursed to be frighten’d by Curses from the Commission of Evil. Therefore I would have them restrain’d by some more coercive Means. And as the Repeal of the _Septennial_ Act, and effectual _Place_ and _Pensions_ Bills, seem to bid fairest of any Means I can think of, for removing the Gangreen which preys upon the Vitals of our Constitution; I should be glad to see the P—— this very Session take them seriously into Consideration. I hope they will, for the good of Posterity and their own Honour. And let me add, Mr. _Broadbottom_, that I hope it for yours, and your new _Ingrafted_ Brethren’s Sake, who must rise or sink with the Publick, as these Points are dropt or vigorously pushed and obtain’d. What is it to the People who is _in_ or _out_ of Place, if they receive no Benefit by the Change? On the Contrary, a pretended Coalition leaves them in a worse Condition than they were before, as it deprives them of their present Leaders, and a colourable Pretence for Complaint. For won’t Courtiers be apt to call that a wanton Complaint, which has not the Sanction of the old Chiefs of the People?

_Broad_. Sir _John_, as all who hear you, improve by your Conversation; all who converse with you, ought to pay a Deference to your Opinions, which are generally well founded. But tho’ I should admit that the Points you contend for, would be of public Utility; yet I believe you will admit likewise, that there may be Seasons wherein it would not be proper to press these Matters with too great Warmth. It would be ill-timing the Embellishment or Repair of a House, when the Chimney was on Fire. The World at Home and Abroad is unsettled and perplexed. We have Quarrels and Parties——

Sir _John_. We have so, and Taxes, Poverty, and Corruption. And we have likewise open, and who are more dangerous, secret Enemies; at least, we have lukewarm Friends.——This is no more than what I dreaded, when I first heard how few of the reputed Friends of the People were invited to C—t. When I saw all the great Offices of Trust continued in the old _Standards_, I dreaded the Consequence of taking a few of the Leaders of the People into the subordinate Posts.——Mr. _Broadbottom_, I am sorry to tell you, that I dreaded you would have learnt the Court _Catechise_, when I heard you accepted of a Place before obtaining such Points as the People contend for, and are of absolute Necessity. Why should it be unseasonable to restore us to _triennial_ Parliaments, and to secure Liberty by effectual Place and Pension Bills? What Ferment or Combustion is here at Home, that should prevent or deter the Friends of our Constitution from seeking its immediate Repair, where it has been weakened by either Time or Art? What have the Broils of _Germany_ to do with the _British_ Constitution?

The World, you say, is unsettled and perplexed abroad, and we have Quarrels and Parties at Home. Granted; and who are accountable for the Perplexities on the Continent and the Parties here at Home? Not the People, Mr. _Broadbottom_, whose Contentment you would postpone to a more seasonable Opportunity. I should be glad to know the ministerial _Seasons_ for doing public Justice. We have had a long Interval of Peace since the passing the _Septennial_ Law, yet our Ministers never thought it _seasonable_ to suffer it to be repealed. The Ministers, Sir, I mean the _B——h_ Ministers, and not the _B——h_ Nation, have been principally and primarily Authors of the Broils on the Continent; and our Fewds at Home are no less owing to them.

_Smooth_. How, Sir _John_, will you place the Ambition of _France_, the Perfidy of _P——a_, and the Inaction of _Holland_, to the Account of our Ministers?

Sir _John_. I will, and with the strictest Justice.——_France_ had not dared to attempt gratifying her Ambition, nor _P——_ to support _France_, or _Holland_ to look on, if a Foreign Interest did not biass _B——h_ Ministers from the true Interest of their Country. To sum up all in one Word, _H——_ is accountable for all the Perplexities on the Continent, and all our Fewds at Home.——But what Fewds or Quarrels can be apprehended after so hopeful a _Coalition_ as the present? When shall _Britons_ expect Relief, unless when the _best Men of all Parties_, according to one of our Patriot Writers, have the Power and Direction of public Affairs?

_Broad_. We are only accountable for our own Conduct; and as we are but a few—

Sir _John_. I dread you may be biassed by the Majority. Why should you agree to come into the Support of a tottering M——y before you had secured such a Share of Power as would enable you to change Measures obnoxious and injurious to the People? Why would you come in without securing a Moiety at least, of the great Offices of Trust, such as first C—— of the T——y, S——y of S——, and P——t of the C——t, _&c. &c_.

_Over_. Faith now, Sir _John_, that would be keeping Gentlemen to d—d hard Meat. What, not allow Men to stoop at small Game, that have been beating about for many Years in vain? Pshaw! Gad! ’tis quite ungenteel and unconscionable.

Sir _John_. My Quarrel is not to the Gentlemen’s Humility, but to their Want of Prudence. Mr. _Broadbottom_, I hope, will pardon the Expression.

_Broad_. With all my Heart. Sir _John Probeum_ can say nothing, because I am sure he means not, to offend me.

Sir _John_. Sir, you do me but Justice; I intend an Affront to no Man, much less to you, whom I have always esteemed.

_Broad_. And of whom you shall have no Cause to alter your good Opinion.

Sir _John_. I hope not, tho’ I cannot so readily digest your _Seasons_ for redressing the People’s Grievances.

_Blunt_. _Times_ and _Seasons_ were Cant Words with the late _Deserters_, as soon as the People expected they would act according to their Professions.

_Over_. Ha, ha! Courtiers act up to their Professions! Ha, ha! What a Solecism wou’d that be? Why Man, you forget that _Double_ and _John_, and _Long Bib_, and _Dismal_, and the Rest of that precious deserting Gang were become _Courtiers_, when they found out that it was unseasonable to weaken the Ministerial Power, and strengthen that of the People.

Sir _John_. Experience, they say, is the Mother of Wisdom; but I am sorry we _Englishmen_ are seldom instructed by that sagacious Lady. I have lived to see the People deluded and injured by those whom they themselves had screw’d up into Power; and I have seen them receiving those very _Deluders_ a second and third Time into their Favour.

_Rose_. A Proof of their Lenity and Good-nature, Sir _John_.

Sir _John_. Of their Stupidity rather. I am bound to forgive an Enemy, but know of no Injunction human or divine, that enjoins me to trust that Enemy a second Time, and put the Snake in my Bosom.

_Broad_. Sir _John_, you shall never have Cause for making the Application here. If I can’t serve with Honour, I am a free Agent, and shall make use of the Freedom I was born to. I will fling up my P—— the Moment I find I can’t keep it consistent with my Duty to my Country.

_Over_. There spoke the Genius of old _England_.

_Blunt_. Like that _noble_ Patriot, who flung up not long since, that he might not share in the Guilt and Odium of the Company he kept.

_Broad_. And that noble Patriot is heartily with us in the present Change. I hope you will think that his Presence should be enough to keep us all in Countenance.

Sir _John_. There is not a Man alive has a better Opinion of that great Man than myself; but shou’d he tell me of _Times_ and _Seasons_ for redressing Grievances, I should alter my Opinion of him, and think him infected by the Air of the C—t. But that Patriot _Englishman_ is uncapable of so great Baseness and Folly. He knows that War Time is the properest for enquiring into the Misconduct of the War; and I hope for that Reason, he and all his Friends will encourage an Inquiry into the Miscarriage at _Carthagena_, and into the more dishonourable Misconduct last Year at the _Hieres_. I hope likewise he and you will promote a strict Inspection into the Management of our Land War.

_Blunt_. You mean the _H—n_ War. I am sure we are no otherwise concerned in it, than to have the Honour of defraying its Expence.

Sir _John_. Be our Concern what it will, it ought to have been managed with some Decency, if not with Vigour and Prudence. But ever since the Commencement, it has been carried on ingloriously for the Nation, and scandalously for those who had the Conduct of it. And should such wrong-headed or corrupt Agents go unpunish’d or unexamin’d at least, it will be setting such an Example of national _Lenity_, as may prove fatal in the Day of Necessity.

_Blunt_. National _Lenity_! Ah, Sir _John_, you were wont to call Things by their right Names—— What shall we call the _Lenity_ shewn to the late Arch-delinquent?

_Over_. The Duce! what would the Man have; was not there a S—t C—ee appointed?

Sir _John_. Yes; and the very little which that C—ee was pleas’d to publish concerning that Arch-spoiler of his Country, proves that they ought to have proceeded further.

_Over_. Dear _Broadbottom_, let us have no C—ees at all, unless you have the _Will_ and _Power_ to sift Things to the Bottom: For it is but tantalizing a Nation to pretend doing them Justice, and never intend any.

_Blunt_. ’tis encouraging public Venality and Corruption. But C—ees are pretty _Tubs_, too often thrown out to amuse the People.

Sir _John_. What Pity ’tis to abuse the Credulity of the best natur’d People in the World!

_Over_. Sir _John_, you may praise their good Nature as much as you please; but, Gad! I say they are the veriest Oafs in Christendom. Z—ds! that a People should be so d—n’d stupid as to delegate their Power again and again; nay, a Power too over their Lives and Fortunes, to Men who had done them repeated Injuries, and of whom they had made repeated Complaints. They complain’d of the _Septennial_ as a grievous Imposition; yet the very next Opportunity chose those very Men that had so grossly imposed upon them.

_Blunt_. Was it not the same in regard to the _Excise-Scheme_ and the _Convention_?

_Over_. The _H—r_ Troops, and the _&c. &c_. to the End of a Chapter as long as the Book of Homilies.

_Broad_. But, Gentlemen, don’t you forget to season your Account of the People’s _Folly_ with a certain native Spice called _Knavery_, or in other Words, _Self-interest_, which, according to Sir _John_, is the primary fundamental Ingredient in the Composition of most Men? Did not these injur’d complaining People bring their Suffrages to Market overt, where the best Bidder was sure to have them?