Part 4

Look even at Pussy Sobersides, with her dull sleepy glance, her grave slow walk, and dignified, prudish airs; who could ever think that once she was the blue-eyed, whirling, scampering, head-over-heels, mad little firework that we called a kitten.

What marvelous vitality a kitten has. It is really something very beautiful the way life bubbles over in the little creatures. They rush about, and mew, and spring; dance on their hind legs, embrace everything with their front ones, roll over and over, lie on their backs and kick. They don’t know what to do with themselves, they are so full of life.

Can you remember when you and I felt something of the same sort of thing? Can you remember those glorious days of fresh young manhood; how, when coming home along the moonlit road, _we_ felt too full of life for sober walking, and had to spring and skip, and wave our arms, and shout? Oh, that magnificent young _Life!_ that crowned us kings of the earth; that rushed through every tingling vein, till we seemed to walk on air; that thrilled through our throbbing brains, and told us to go forth and conquer the whole world; that welled up in our young hearts, till we longed to stretch out our arms and gather all the toiling men and women and the little children to our breast, and love them all—all.

Ah! they were grand days, those deep full days, when our coming life, like an unseen organ, pealed strange, yearnful music in our ears, and our young blood cried out like a war-horse for the battle. Ah, our pulse beats slow and steady now, and our old joints are rheumatic, and we love our easy chair and sneer at boys’ enthusiasm. But oh! for one brief moment of that god-like life again.

DICK WHITTINGTON.

[Music: SONG WITH TABLEAUX.

1. “Clouds of trouble hover o’er me, I will leave this London drear; Save my cat, I’m lone and friendless, Naught but failure greets me here.” Thus said Dick; and off he wandered, Eyes bedimmed with burning tears, Till, fatigued, he paused and rested— Sweet-toned bells salute his ears. “Stay, O stay!” They seem to say. “Turn again, Whittington, Thrice Mayor of London.”

2. Years rolled by, and Dick was dwelling In a land beyond the sea; Fickle fortune smiled upon him, He was rich as man need be. Gold and jewels were his payment, But the labor was his cat’s— It had cleared the Prince’s palace Of a mighty swarm of rats. Still he hears, As pass the years, “Turn again, Whittington, Thrice Mayor of London.”

3. Once again in merry London Dick had landed safe and sound; Famed afar for truth and honor, Many were the friends he found. As Lord Mayor he counseled wisely, Cheered the poor man’s humble lot, For the struggles of his boyhood In success he ne’er forgot. Yet again Resounds the strain, “Long live Dick Whittington, Lord Mayor of London.”]

PERSONS REPRESENTED IN THE TABLEAUX: Dick Whittington, a beggar, attendants, etc. A cat.

SCENE. For Tableau I, an exterior; for Tableaux II and III, an interior.

N.B. The chimes played on the Fairy Bells or some similar instrument will greatly add to the effect.

TABLEAU I. Verse 1. Dick, with a bundle over his shoulder, turns round at the sound of the bells.

TABLEAU II. Verse 2. Dick, well dressed, sits fondling his cat.

TABLEAU III. Verse 3. Dick, as Lord Mayor of London, sits in a chair of state. He gives alms to a poor man who kneels before him. Attendants look on.

“TWO’S COMPANY, THREE’S NONE.”

MRS. FREDERICK W. PENDER.

_Written expressly for this book._

Two kittens bright With haughty air That plainly said, “Two make a pair,” A picture made As they sat there, A parasol Kept off the air.

It shaded them From wind and sun; ’Twas Japanese, (A lovely one!) And well they knew They had outdone In style, their chums, Yes, ev’ry one.

And how they blinked At Pussy Snow, And said, “My friend, You cannot go With us about, You are too slow; Besides, your voice Is never low.

“And people might, Why, something say, If you were seen With us to-day. Besides, we’ve heard You’ve been quite gay, And that should make Us say, ‘Nay, nay!’

“Then, we, you see, Are finely bred, And our swell set By us is led; And nothing ’bout Us must be said To make us blush And bow our head.

“We put on style In dress, and air, And often tend Some great affair; And you, by now, Must be aware We surely are A happy pair.

“Then, too, perhaps, You do not know What ‘blue blood’ in Our veins doth flow. It might affect Our social sway Were we with you For just one day.

“Then you have heard By ev’ry one, How ‘two’s company’ While ‘three is none.’ So run away, And seek some fun With peasant cats, Out in the sun.”

Poor Kitty Snow Was very sad, The little dear, It was too bad! And though her voice Was high, ’twas sweet; And neat she looked In house or street.

She did not know That selfish pride Was used to all Her goodness hide, By those who oft She’d played beside, From day to day; And they to chide

Her for her birth— She, too, a pet. Oh, how it hurt! Her eyes were wet From grieving much When told to “get,” By those she loved And daily met.

A lowly life Is often best To prove our friends; And, for the rest, If they should not Stand by the test, It’s well we know Them at their best.

POLLY PRY’S KITTEN.

[1]My dear old Maltese pussy! You’re so soft and sweet to pat, [2]An’ I love you all the better, ’Cause you’re called a Maltese cat.

[3]When brother Dickey brought you, He said: “Now, Polly Pry, You can’t maul an’ tease this kitty, And I will tell you why.

[4]“She’s called a Maltese pussy, [5]So as little girls like you, Will know that maulin’ an’ teasin’ her Is what they musn’t do!”

DIRECTIONS.

[Footnote 1: Child enters, walks to chair at stage C, looks down at kitty, speaking in loving tones, and petting her.]

[Footnote 2: Speaks as if she felt slightly teased.]

[Footnote 3: Continues petting kitty, and shakes a finger as if in warning.]

[Footnote 4: Drawls the line, separating the word into “Mal-tese,” and giving stress to “tease.”]

[Footnote 5: Shakes finger insistently, pulls and hauls at kitty. Gives a little meow.]

THE RASH YOUNG MOUSE.

_Action Poem._

“[1]Come in, [2]come in, you naughty child, Don’t run about the house,” [3]“Oh, mother, mother, let me please!” Thus spoke the little mouse.

[4]“Those crumbs, I’m sure they’re meant for me, Upon the parlor floor, And most [5]delicious cheese I smell, [6]Within the pantry door.”

[7]“Dear child, dear child,” mamma replied, “The danger you don’t see; If [8]puss appeared, what would become Of you? [9]_That_ troubles me.”

“Pussy won’t come,” said young Miss Mouse, [10]“I’m pretty sure of that,” And [11]off she ran to taste the cheese, Quite [12]merrily, pit! pat!

And mother-mouse [13]within her hole, Said [14]“Dear! oh dearie, dear! Young children are so headstrong, ah! They never think of fear.”

So little mousie ate her cheese, And never [15]heard behind The [16]footsteps soft, which mother dear Had told her she must mind.

[17]Pounce, pounce, squeak, squeak! Oh! ’tis too late! And never, never more Will young Miss Mouse eat cheese so nice, Behind the pantry door.

So ends the tale of little mouse, But one word more comes here; Remember, mother always knows What’s best for children dear.

DIRECTIONS.

[Footnote 1: and]

[Footnote 2: Beckon.]

[Footnote 3: Put hands together.]

[Footnote 4: Point to floor.]

[Footnote 5: Fold hands quickly.]

[Footnote 6: Point to door.]

[Footnote 7: Shake head slowly.]

[Footnote 8: Hold up forefinger.]

[Footnote 9: Emphasize with forefinger.]

[Footnote 10: Nod head saucily.]

[Footnote 11: Point outward.]

[Footnote 12: Shake hands loosely.]

[Footnote 13: Bend hands and place them together.]

[Footnote 14: Shake head slowly.]

[Footnote 15: Point over shoulders with both hands.]

[Footnote 16: Imitate walking with fingers on desks.]

[Footnote 17: Bring hands down suddenly.]

THE GOOD-FOR-NOTHING CAT.

There lives a good-for-nothing cat, So lazy it appears, That chirping birds can softly come And light upon her ears.

And rats and mice can venture out To nibble at her toes, Or climb around and pull her tail, Or boldly scratch her nose.

Fine servants brush her silken coat And give her cream for tea; Yet she’s a good-for-nothing cat, As all the world may see.

THE TIMID KITTEN.

CAROLYN WELLS.

There was a little kitten once, Who was of dogs afraid, And, being by no means a dunce, His plans he boldly made.

He said, “It’s only on the land That dogs run after me, So I will buy a _catboat_, and I’ll sail away to sea.

“Out there from dogs I’ll be secure, And each night, ere I sleep, To make assurance doubly sure, A _dog watch_ I will keep.”

He bought a _catboat_, hired a crew, And one fine summer day Triumphantly his flag he flew, And gayly sailed away.

But in midocean one midnight— ’Twas very, very dark— The pilot screamed in sudden fright, “I hear a passing _bark_!”

“Oh, what is that?” the kitten said. The pilot said, “I fear An _ocean greyhound’s_ just ahead, And drawing very near.”

“Alack!” the kitten cried, “alack! This is no paltry pup! An _ocean greyhound’s_ on my track! I may as well give up!”

OUT FOR A HIGH TIME.

E. LOUISE LIDDELL.

Three gay little kittens, named Black, White and Gray, From their own cozy corner once wandered away. And old Mother Catkins, asleep on her chair, Ne’er dreamed that her babies were off “on a tear.”

The kitty-cats frolicked, and gambolled, and ran, And cut up such capers as only cats can; And when they encountered a very high wall, Up scrambled and clambered the little cats all.

“We’re out for a high time,” the kitty-cats said; And they danced a few quicksteps; turned heels overhead. Then Whitey and Graycoat struck up a sweet tune, While Black sat sedately and mewed at the moon.

But brief was their pleasure. They soon heard a yell Of “Scat there, you cats there!” while shoes and things fell. Down scrambled and tumbled the poor little kits, And scampered off homeward, scared out of their wits.

With joy, their warm corner the runaways spied; And when they were nestled by old Catkin’s side, The kittens purred softly, “No more will we roam, For all the world over, there’s no place like home.”

WE CATS.

ACTION SONG.

[Music:

1. [1]We sit upon the mat, Each comfortable cat, And we [2]lick our sleek, soft fur, you see; Then we [3]curl up on the rug, And we [4]lay ourselves so snug, And in [5]happy dreams we purr, you see, In happy dreams we purr, you see. [6]When dinner-time comes round How hungry we are found, With our [7]eager paws held out, you see; And the [8]kittens rush and roll, [9]Till they tumble in the bowl, And they [10]splash the milk about, you see, And they [11]splash the milk about.

2. But if [12]a dog should bark, With bristling ears we hark, And with [13]saucer eyes we glare, you see; For we [14]know the way to fight, We can [15]scratch and we can bite— Let him enter if he dare, you see, [16]Let him enter if he dare, you see. What merry games and free [17]We have when dinner’s done! And how gaily then we [18]play, you see! For a feather is enough, [19]Or a little bit of fluff, [20]To amuse our kits all [21]day, you see, To amuse our kits all day.

3. [1]We sit upon the mat, Each comfortable cat, And we [2]lick our sleek soft fur, you see; Then we [3]curl up on the rug, And we [4]lay ourselves so snug, And in [5]happy dreams we purr, you see, In happy dreams we purr, you see. But [22]when the night comes round A-hunting [23]we are bound, And we [24]rampage thro’ the house, you see! We have [25]played, and slept, and fought, And [26]now we think we ought Just to [27]catch a fine, fat mouse, [28]you see, [29]Just to catch a fine, fat mouse.]

DIRECTIONS FOR ACTIONS IN “WE CATS.”

[Footnote 1: Each child should sit on a footstool.]

[Footnote 2: Affect to lick breast and paws like a cat.]

[Footnote 3: Lay head down on curled left arm upon knee.]

[Footnote 4: Change attitude to right arm.]

[Footnote 5: Look up with shut eyes, blink and smile, and lay head down again.]

[Footnote 6: All get up and look about eagerly.]

[Footnote 7: Stand on tiptoes and raise paws, like a cat begging; open mouth.]

[Footnote 8: Run three steps to left.]

[Footnote 9: Same action to right.]

[Footnote 10: Raise forefinger, looking down with severe air.]

[Footnote 11: Affect to lap milk eagerly.]

[Footnote 12: Spring back, raise head, put hand to ear.]

[Footnote 13: Stand stiff and erect, with wide eyes.]

[Footnote 14: Shake clenched fist, scowling.]

[Footnote 15: Scratch and bite at imaginary foe.]

[Footnote 16: Remain with both hands extended in clawing attitude and teeth showing.]

[Footnote 17: Each lay left arm around left hand neighbor’s shoulder, smiling.]

[Footnote 18: Each pats her neighbor lightly, smiling.]

[Footnote 19: Blow upward, as if at a feather.]

[Footnote 20: Pounce down playfully with right hand.]

[Footnote 21: Sit down on footstool, and affect to play with something on floor.]

[Footnote 22: Look up mysteriously and lay finger to lips.]

[Footnote 23: Rise stealthily and look to and fro with keen eyes.]

[Footnote 24: Rush three steps to left and then three steps to right.]

[Footnote 25: Quickly pat the next child as in 18, lay head on shoulder and shut eyes, and scratch forward as in 15.]

[Footnote 26: Raise forefinger, smiling mysteriously; stoop, crouching forward.]

[Footnote 27: Pounce forward and seize imaginary mouse.]

[Footnote 28: Swallow imaginary mouse.]

[Footnote 29: Look up smiling, and resume seat on footstool.]

CATKIN.

I had a little pussy, And her coat was silvery gray; She lives in a great wide meadow, And she never runs away.

She always was a pussy; She never came a cat. Because—she’s a pussy willow! Now, what do you think of that?

THE CATS.

(_With Apologies to Robert Southey._)

Hear the warbling of the cats— Merry cats! Oh, I love to hear the music of their midnight nightly spats! And they waltz around and frisk all, In the icy air of night, In a way so weird and brisk all, While their shapely tails they wisk all With a Cataline delight— Keeping time with their tails, Like a lot of Runic flails, To the concat-cantentation, sung in sundry sharps and flats, Of a canticle on rats, Rats, rats, rats, Rats— To a wild carnivorous canticle on rats!

Hear the turbulent Tom cats, Daddy cats! How the catapultic bootjack interrupts their fiendish chats! In the darkness of the night, How their ghoulish outcries smite Portland flats! From their catacoustic throats An intense Cataphonic ditty floats To the turtle cat that gloats On the fence!— Ah, the tabby cat that listens, while she gloats, To the surging cataclysm of their wild, catarrhal notes!

Hear the hoarse grandfather cats— Aged cats! How they make us long to grasp a score of rattling good brickbats! They have caught a bad catarrh, Caterwauling at the moon! (See it? Caught a bad cat R!) You may hear them from afar, Roll it like a British R, Out of tune. In a clamorous appealing to the aged tabby cat, In a futile, mad appealing to the deaf, old tabby cat! Shrieking higher, higher, higher, Like a demon in a fire— While the little kitten cats— Infant cats— Sing an emulous, sweet ditty of their love for mice and rats? That’s But a rudimental spasm of the capers of the cats!

KITTEN AND THE MOUSE.

Once there was a little kitty, whiter than the snow, In a barn she used to play, long time ago. In a barn a little mousie ran to and fro; For she heard the kitty coming, long time ago.

Two black eyes had little kitty, black as any sloe; And they spied the little mousie, long time ago. Four soft paws had little kitty, paws soft as dough; And they caught the little mousie, long time ago.

Nine pearl teeth had little kitty, all in a row; And they bit the little mousie, long time ago. When the teeth bit little mousie, mousie she cried, “Oh!” But she got away from kitty, long time ago.

HOW PUSSY AND MOUSIE KEPT HOUSE.

A.C. KISH.

One Summer day, not long ago, A pussy and a mouse, Decided that it would be fun— If togeth’r they kept house.

They felt that they could always live In love and harmony— And never say an unkind word Or never disagree.

So they bought a little cottage And fix’d it very fine;— And liv’d there-in for quite a-while, And had a jolly time.

For pussy broiled the beef-steak And bak’d the bread quite light While mousie made the beds so neat And polished the windows bright.

And thus they liv’d, for quite a year, As happy as could be; And nothing happened all that time To mar their love, you see—

Until one day old selfish puss— Drank all the good rich cream; And she only left some skim-milk For mousie,—wasn’t it mean!

When mousie said:—“Oh, pussy dear I think that you are mean To leave me only some skim-milk And drink up all the cream.”

Then pussy’s eyes grew very big, And pussy’s tail went thump, It frightened little mousie so It almost made her jump.

And pussy said: “Now, mousie, mind Our mistress here to-day, And if you say another word, I’ll eat you right away.”

ELDER JOHNSON’S LECTURE ON CATS.

The subject of this lecture is Cats, a domestic animal what is in common use. Cats is a animal as resembles poor people, as they scratches for a living, and never has enough. Cats is lazy, wherein they resemble the rich. Women am fond of cats—p’raps because both uses their claws in asserting their rites—cats on Toms and rats and mice, and little birds, and women on their husbands—which accounts for the great number of divorces. Cats likes milk, but not water, hence the aversion that milkmen have to ’em. Cats is like dandies, as they have great whiskers and white teeth, and is fond of gallivanting about, especially Thomas Cats. There are always a war between cats and rats. Cats has lofty naturs, as they gets on the house-tops, and ascends to the utmost branches of the tallest trees. Robinson Crusoe had a cat, and so had Mahomet. Cats is anti-Malthusians, and increases in geometrical progression, or more. The productions of cats is kittens and electric sparks. This is all there is about cats, except caterwaulin’, which they shares with human bein’s.

A SUNDAY EPISODE

BY HERBERT RANDALL

A goose, a frog, a cat, a dog All went to church one day; The goose went on ahead, the rest All followed on this way

When they got there they heard the choir, And all began to sing, The goose, the frog, the cat, the dog, ’Twas such a funny thing!

The goose went, “Honk-a-wonk-e-konk!” I can’t tell how just now, The frog went “Peep,” the cat went “Mew,” The dog went “Bow-wow-wow!”

The people wouldn’t have them there, They turned them out, and then The goose, the frog, the cat, the dog Went walking home again.

LITTLE KITTENS.

Three little kittens in coats so grey, Went out with the old mother cat one day.

Said the first little kitten, “If we only might see A monstrous great rat, what fun it would be!”

Said the next little kitten, “I’d seize hold of his head, And bite him, and squeeze him, until he was dead.”

Said the third little kitten, “Should I see a rat, I’d eat him all up in much less time than that.”

Suddenly something jumped out of the wood— All three turned and ran as fast as they could,

And never once stopped till they came to their house. Yet it wasn’t a rat, but a wee baby mouse.

It was then caught and eaten by old mother cat; Said the three little kittens, “Now, just think of that!”

TWO GRAY KITS AND THE GRAY KITS’ MOTHER.

Two gray kits And the gray kits’ mother, All went over The bridge together. The bridge broke down, They all fell in. “May the rats go with you,” Says Tom Bolin.

SANDY JENKINS’S REMARKS ON THE BLACK CAT.

J.D. CORROTHERS.

[From “The Black Cat Club,” by special permission.]

The cat—an’ pertickler de Black Cat—have bin a pow’ful an’ ’spectable genamun sense Time fust begun to wheel his eternal flight ob circumlocution th’u’ endless ages ob nitric acid, quinessence ob floatin’ protoplasm, an’ parliamentary usage!

Long befo’ de earf wah made, de Black Cat had gradjiated f’om a singin’ school in Mahs, an’ had created de planet ob Juan Fernandez an’ de islan’ ob Mesopotamia!

De cat am a practical pusson. He am no spring chicken. He am gen’ly cal’cated to hab nine libes, but dis de cunjah man ’roun’ de co’nah assures me am a sad mistake. He hab nine hundred and ninety-nine libes, libs as long as he want to evah time, an’, lak de good Christ’an, is “bo’n ag’in” almose any ole time. Dat’s why de Theosophists sings dey sacred solo, “De Cat Come Back.”

When de earf wah made without fo’m er void, de Black Cat wah dah watchin’ de whole business, an’ a-layin’ his wires foh to sen’ Grobah Clebelan’ to de United States senate an’ Dick Crokah to de happy lan’ o’ Canaan! Fust thing he done wuz to cross our fo’ parents’ luck in de beautiful Gahden ob Eden, an’ sen’ po’ Adam out to play football wid de rattlesnakes an’ In’juns in de lonely Province ob Wes’ Virginny.