Chapter 3

My life now grew every day more and more dismal. Dinner-time brought its bone, but bones soon failed to comfort me. The gardener said I was "off my feed," and his wife feared I should mope to death. All day I wandered about looking for Lily, and at night retired to my kennel, under the sad impression that she was farther off than ever. The gardener himself once invited me into the flower-garden in hopes of amusing me, and I explored all the gravel-walks, carefully avoiding the borders; but there was no trace of my lost Lily, and I never cared to visit it again.

One day I thought I would search the house. It was thrown open to me. There were no forbidden drawing-rooms now; I prowled about as I pleased. If the doors were shut, I might scratch as long as I liked; nobody answered. If open, I walked round and round the room, brushing the wainscot with my tail. There were no china ornaments to be thrown down now, and I might whisk it about as I would. Formerly I had often wished for free entrance to those rooms; now I should have welcomed a friendly hand that shut me out of them. In passing before a large mirror, I marvelled at my own forlorn and neglected appearance. Once, I was worth looking at in a glass; now, what a difference! Sorrow had so changed my whole aspect, that I stared with dismay at the gaunt spectre which stared at me in return, and we howled at each other for company.

Lying down before the blank mirror, which had formerly thrown back so many pleasant images, and now reflected only my solitary figure in the deserted room, I silently pondered on the past. In a half-wakeful, half-dozing state, my eyes alternately opening and shutting, now winking and blinking at the glass, now for a moment losing sight of every thing, the events of my life seemed to pass before me in a dream; the persons with whom I had been connected rose up again as shadows, and I myself seemed another shadow gliding about among them, but a shadow whose behaviour I had acquired a new faculty of observing.

I saw myself now as others saw me,--an uncommon condition either for dogs or men,--and I watched my own deportment in all my states of mind and stages of life. I saw myself first a mere puppy, not worth notice. The puppy grew, and I saw it as a dog; a fine, well-bred, and certainly a fortunate dog. Then as a clever, knowing, useful dog; a gentle, patient, obedient dog. Sometimes perhaps an awkward or foolish dog; but those were pardonable faults, while I was certainly a brave, honest, and faithful dog. But at last I saw myself as a _jealous dog_; and I paused, startled at the strange light in which my conduct appeared. How silly, unreasonable, and fractious I had been! I plainly perceived that what I had taken for injured dignity and wounded affection was nothing but pride and envy; that I had not a single ground of complaint, but that my own ill-temper might have justly given offence to my best friends; and while I had fancied myself setting so high a value upon Lily's regard, I was recklessly running the risk of losing it altogether. Happily I had been spared _that_ punishment, however well deserved. Lily's friendship had never failed me. She had either excused or not perceived my faults, and we had parted on the best possible terms.

Now that I could view matters more justly, I was quite out of patience with myself for fancying that I should be happy if I no longer saw Lily nursing that kitten. Happy indeed! There was no chance of my being troubled with such a sight, and I was miserable! I would have put up with all the cats and kittens that were met coming from St. Ives; I would have tried to settle the quarrel between the Kilkenny cats who ate each other up, all but the tips of their tails;--any thing to see Lily once more, even if she chose to nurse all the kittens of "Catland."

But it was too late; my regrets were all in vain; and the only course that seemed left for me now was to give up the rest of my days to brooding over my sorrows and my faults. But before I had quite devoted myself to this line of life, I gave a glance at my shadow in the glass doing the same. There I saw him moping away all his time; making no amends for his bad conduct, no attempts at behaving better; utterly useless, sulky, and disagreeable; in fact, more foolish than ever.

"No," thought I, as I jumped up and shook myself all over, "I will not have this distressing experience for nothing; I will make good use of it; I cannot recall the past, but I will act differently for the future;" and down I lay again to make plans for the future. Coming events cast no shadows before, either in the glass or in my dreams. I knew nothing about what I might, could, would, or should do. The Past I had lost, the Future was not in my power; and what remained to me? Perhaps I might never have an opportunity of behaving well again.

I was fast relapsing into despondency, when suddenly I was aroused from my dreams by a sound once odious to me. I raised myself upon my front paws and listened. There was no mistake, I heard it again; a thin and timid _mew_, dying away in the distance, and sounding as if it proceeded from the mere shadow of a cat. But faint and shadowy as it was, I recognised it; it recalled me to realities, and the conviction of my right line of conduct flashed across my mind. The Present--the present moment was mine. I could only take warning by the past, and hope for the future, but I must act _now_. I have but to take every opportunity when it offers itself, and there would be no fear of not having opportunities enough. Here was one ready at hand. Instead of worrying that kitten, who was now in my power, I would magnanimously endure her existence. I would do more; I would let her know that she had nothing any longer to fear from me; and in pursuance of this kind intention, I walked about the room in search of her.

I soon descried her, perched upon the top of a high bookcase, not daring to come down for fear of me. She was altered by recent events, though not so much as I. She looked forlorn and uncomfortable, but not shaggy, haggard, or dirty. The regard to her toilette which had characterised her in better days still clung to her, and made her neat and tidy in misfortune. The blue ribbon round her neck was indeed faded, but in other respects she looked as clean and white and sleek as Lily herself. She had evidently licked herself all over every day, instead of moping in the dirt. She and Lily had always been somewhat alike in point of cleanliness. Indeed, I once imagined that Lily must lick herself all over in order to look so clean; but on further consideration I had reason to believe that she commonly attained her object by plunging into cold water, more after my own fashion.

But to return to the kitten. There she stood, the very picture of fear; her legs stretched, her tail arched, her back raised, trying to assume the best posture of defence she could, but evidently believing it of no use. She mewed louder at every step I took nearer. Even if I had been inclined to harm her, she was safe enough on the top of that high bookcase; but she did not know that. In her inexperience, she fancied me able to spring about the world as she did, and expected every moment that I should perch on the carved oak crown, and seize her in my mouth, jump down again and crunch her as she would a mouse.

She began running backwards and forwards on the top of her bookcase, mewing piteously at every turn. I understood her language: it meant, "Oh, what shall I do? Mew, mew! Pray, my lord, have pity upon an unfortunate kitten! Mew, mew, mew! If you will let me run away this time, I will keep out of your lordship's sight all the rest of my life. Mew, mew, mew! Oh dear, I had not the least intention of intruding on your highness; I thought your majesty was in the stable. I wish I was in the coal-cellar myself. Oh, oh, pray! oh, mew!"

So she went on for a long time, in too great a fright to observe the encouragement and condescension which I threw into my countenance and manner. I sat down in front of the bookcase, and holding my head on one side, looked up at her with an expression of gentle benevolence, which I thought must re-assure the most timid spirit. It had some effect. She ceased running from side to side, and stopped opposite me, her yellow eyes fixed on mine. I returned her gaze, and wagged my tail. She lowered hers, which bad been held up like a peacock's, and reduced to its natural dimensions. After a sufficient amount of staring, we began to understand one another, and Pussy's mews were in a very different tone, and one much more satisfactory to me.

Though every animal makes use of a dialect of its own, so different as to appear to men a distinct language for each race,--for instance, the barking of a dog, the mewing of a cat, the bellowing of a bull, &c.,--still, a general mode of expression is common to all, and all can understand and be understood by one another. The reason of this is, that the universal language is that of _feeling_ only, which is alike to every one, and can be made evident by the most inarticulate sounds. Moans, murmurs, sighs, whines, growls, roars, are sufficient to express our _feelings_: our _thoughts_, when we have any, we must keep to ourselves; for they cannot be made intelligible by mere sound without speech, and speech we know belongs to man alone. In fact, I suppose it is the power of thinking and speaking which makes him our master; without it, I am not at all sure that he would have so much the upper hand of us, for we are often the strongest. But a man can always know what he means to do, and why he means to do it; and he can tell others, and consult them about it; which, of course, gives him an immense advantage over us, who only act upon the spur of the moment, without knowing whether we are right or wrong.

Good-nature was all that Pussy and I wanted to express just now, and _that_ is always easy to show, with or without words. Mews in various tones from her were met by small, good-humoured half-barks and agreeable grunts from me, till at last she fairly left off mewing, and began to purr. Much pleased with my success so far, I now lay down, stretching out my front paws to their full length before, and my tail behind, brushing the floor in a half-circle with the latter. Then I yawned in a friendly way, and finally laid my head down on my paws to watch my little protégée quietly, in hopes of enticing her from her fortress.

This last insinuating attitude decided her. She gently placed first one little white paw, and then another, on projecting ornaments of the bookcase, one step on the lion, and the next on the unicorn; and without hurting either herself or the delicate carved work which she chose to use as her staircase, she alighted harmless and unharmed within my reach. Then she mewed once more; but that was her last expression of doubt or dread. I soon reassured her; and that moment was the first of a confidence and intimacy seldom seen between our uncongenial races.

We had now, in our way, a long conversation, during which we became pretty well acquainted with each other's dispositions; and in due time we descended the stairs together in perfect amity; I gravely walked step by step, and looking up benignly at the gambols of little Pussy, who, now in high spirits, had no idea of coming down in a regular way, but must scramble up the banisters, hang by her claws from the hand-rail, recover herself instantaneously when within an inch of falling headlong into the hall, and play a hundred other wild tricks. A short time before, I should have thought all this a most despicable waste of time and strength; but now I could see that it did her good and made her happy, and I looked on rather with approbation.

I shall never forget the surprise of the gardener's wife when Puss and I entered the kitchen side by side. She screamed as if we had been a couple of wild beasts.

"Oh," cried she, "there's that poor little kitten just under Captain's nose! He'll be the death of her. What shall I do?"

She seized a broom, and held it between us, ready to beat me if I ventured to attack the kitten. But I wagged my tail, and Puss jumped over the broomstick.

"Well to be sure!" said Mrs. Gardener, letting fall the broom, and holding up her hands; "did any body ever see the like of that!"

She placed a saucer of milk on the floor, and I sat quietly and let the kitten drink it. The kitten herself was a little surprised at this, and hesitated before beginning, not knowing exactly what it might be proper for her to do; indeed, I could scarcely expect her to understand the etiquette of so unusual a circumstance; but she had a great deal of tact, and soon perceived that I wished her to go on naturally; so she began lapping, though looking round at me between every two or three mouthfuls, to make sure that she was not taking a liberty. But meeting with nothing but encouragement, she finished her repast with great satisfaction, and we both laid ourselves down by the kitchen-fire, as if we had been friends all our lives.

"Well to be sure!" exclaimed the gardener's wife again. It was her favourite phrase; she seemed never to tire of it, and to have little else to say; but I understood what she meant, and took a comfortable nap in consequence.

By and by came dinner, and a pleasant little meal it was. Instead of flying at the kitten for presuming to eat at all, I quite enjoyed having a companion. My platter stood, as usual, in the yard, and Pussy's in a corner of the kitchen; but by mutual consent we began dragging our respective bones along the ground to eat in company; and the gardener's wife seeing the proceeding, carried our plates for us, and placed them side by side outside the door, and we finished our meal in the most sociable manner.

Times were now altered: but I need not give a detailed account of every day. The good understanding between Pussy and me continued to increase, till it ripened into the warmest friendship. Uncongenial companion as she appeared, I grew by degrees fonder of her than I had ever been of any of my own tribe; and although our habits were by nature totally dissimilar, we learned to understand, and even to take pleasure in accommodating ourselves to each other's little peculiarities.

I confess this was not done in a moment. At first I certainly was occasionally annoyed by Pussy's inconsistencies. She would profess to be so refined, that a speck of dirt on her white coat made her unhappy; so delicate, that she could not endure to wet her feet; so modest, that she could not bear to be looked at while she was eating; while at the same time she would scamper into the dirtiest hole after a mouse, and then devour the nasty vermin with a satisfaction quite disgusting to a well-bred sporting dog like myself.

I wished to educate her in the sentiments and habits of my own nobler race, but I found it a hopeless task. If I took her out for a walk, and tried to impress her with the pleasure of a good healthy swim in the pond, she listened politely; but in spite of all my arguments, when we arrived at the water's edge, and I plunged in, she never could be induced to follow; there she stood, mewing and shivering on the brink, not daring even to wet her claws. If I objected to her mice, she argued that they were her natural food, and agreed with her; and so on through all my attempts to reform her.

The little creature had generally an answer ready; and what was peculiarly provoking to a person unused to contradiction, like myself, she often disputed points upon which I had supposed there could be but one opinion. When I was trying to shame her into being more like a dog, she actually told me that she doubted whether mine really was the nobler race, for that the lion was her chief, and she challenged me to show his equal. This was the more irritating because I could not answer it; and I take some credit to myself for having kept my temper on the occasion, as I did feel tempted to give her a shake. Luckily it occurred to me that quarrelling with people for being in the right would not put them in the wrong, and that shaking them might not be the way to shake their opinions. So I was silent, and pretended to be indulgent.

After all, the little cat had received an education extremely suitable to her character and circumstances. Lily had made an in-door companion of her, as she had made an out-door one of me, and had taken great pains to cultivate her natural talents. Her manners were perfect. It was impossible to be more gentle, graceful, and courteous than Puss. Always at hand, but never in the way; quick in observing, but slow in interfering; active and ready in her own work, but quiet and retiring when not required to come forward; affectionate in her temper, and regular in her habits,--she was a thoroughly feminine domestic character.

She had her own ideas about me, which she communicated to me when we were sufficiently intimate for her to speak openly. Perhaps she did not admire me quite so much as I admired myself; but perhaps she was right--who knows? I have heard that even among men, lookers-on are sometimes the best judges. She did full justice to my strength and courage, and applauded my daring way of rushing upon an enemy, without regard to his size or position, instead of running into a corner and spitting at him. She admitted, without hesitation, that mine was the superior proceeding; but she suggested, that perhaps it might be as well not to be quite so ready to attack other dogs before they had given me any offence: also that it was unnecessary to suppose that every man who came to the house _must_ have bad intentions, whether he gave me just cause for suspicion or not. In fact, she hinted that it was good to be brave, but bad to be quarrelsome. Then as to my personal appearance, she acknowledged that I was larger and handsomer than she, and that my rough, shaggy coat was far from unbecoming; but when I laughed at her finical cleanliness, and called her affected for not keeping her own white fur as rough and muddy as mine, she reminded me that it was that very neatness, so despised by me, which had procured her entrance into Lily's drawing-room, while I, with all my good qualities, was never allowed to come up stairs.

I had always thought it rather grand to bang about in a careless manner; and if I knocked any thing down, I supposed it was the thing's fault. I once swept down with my tail a whole trayful of crockery; and when I was scolded for doing mischief, I thought it quite sufficient excuse to say to myself, "I did not do it on purpose; what is the use of making such a fuss?" But I now saw clearly that Pussy's care not to do any mischief at all was both more agreeable to others and more advantageous to herself.

For instance, the gardener's wife turned me out in the cold while she was washing the china, whereas she let Pussy walk about on the very table among the cups and saucers, stepping so carefully with her soft little paws that there was no danger of any breakage. I have seen her walk along the edge of every shelf on the dresser, without disarranging a single plate. Then, while I was despising Puss for catching mice, I heard the gardener's wife giving her the highest praise for being an excellent mouser; and to my surprise, I found out that it was the regular work for which she was kept in the house.

So, as time went on, we learnt to understand each other better and better, and our companionship was useful in teaching us to be less narrow-minded in our estimation of each other and things in general. I discovered that it was not necessary for every body to be exactly alike; that cats and dogs, and perhaps also men and women, had a right each to his own character; and that people must be mutually accommodating, every body giving up a little, and no one expecting to make his own way the rule for every body. And Pussy learnt herself, and taught me another lesson, that every body is one's superior in something, so that any body may improve by taking pattern by any body else; I mean, by looking for and imitating their good qualities, instead of picking out and snarling over their faults.

Time slipped away very happily and imperceptibly. There were few changes in our mode of life; though Pussy, from a kitten, in due time became a full-grown cat, who left off running after her tail and climbing up the banisters, and walked up and down stairs as steadily as I did myself. In other respects our relations remained the same; I was the patron and protector, she the friend and companion, sharing the same kennel and the same platter, and both metamorphosed from the bitterest enemies into the comfort and delight of each other's lives.

One day while we were basking in the sunshine, with our eyes half shut, and Pussy purring pleasantly, I heard the sound of wheels at a distance. Supposing it to be the baker's cart, I roused myself, and ran to the gate, according to custom, to see him give in the bread. But long before the vehicle came in sight, I smelt the difference between it and the baker's cart. It came nearer; I felt in a state of uncommon agitation; old recollections and associations returned with extraordinary vividness, and my eagerness was intense till the carriage stopped at the door. No wonder I had been so much excited; for who should be on the box but my old friend John? and who should get out of the carriage but my master himself.

Was I not in raptures! And did I not jump and tear about the court in my joy! Pussy sat at the window watching my vagaries with astonishment. When she understood the state of the case, she was very glad to see our master, but expressed her pleasure in a more moderate way than I.

My master and John were cordial in their greetings to every body, but they seemed very busy, and spent the rest of the day in walking over the place and giving a number of orders. I followed close at their heels, very happy to be in their company once more. The gardener and his wife made many inquiries about Lily, as I would have done myself if I could; and I listened eagerly to my master's replies, though I was rather puzzled by some of them. He said she was quite well and very happy, but that he missed her sadly.

"I can understand _that_," thought I, as I looked up at him in sympathy.

I believe he understood me, for he patted my head, saying, "Poor Captain, she was very fond of you."

The gardener and his wife said that they had been "quite proud to hear the news, for that if any body deserved her it was Sir Rodolph;" and my master answered, "True, true; I must not complain of giving her up to _him_."