Chapter 5

miss Lewccretia Baley had spraned her anckle by steping in a hole and had to set with her anckle rapped up in a shorl. but i notised she et as mutch as ennyone, and Tommy Tomson had got a fishhook in his leg and had to have it cut out. evryone was having a good time and i cood smell the coffy.

after Beany was pernounced out of dainger and was able to crawl round and drink about 3 glases of lemonaid before dinner was ready, sum fellers is pigs ennyway, i had to row sum moar peeple up river for sum cardinel flowers. before i done this i got them to give me 2 creem cakes and a peace of blewberry pie. i aint like Beany always waiting to eat without wirking for it. a feller has to eat in order to wirk good.

well when i had et them i rew the people up river and when they wood see a cardinel flower they wood holler to me and i wood row the boat up to the place where the cardinel flower was and they wood pick it and holler over it and then we wood go on. the river was kind of low and the banks were steep and slipery where the cardinel flowers grew and Charlie Lane, the feller whitch was in the boat, had on sum white britches and we had got enuf and was going back when one of the wimmen sed oh see that splended one we must have that one. so i rew up and Charlie got out and clim up and got the flower whitch was a big one 2 or 3 feet above the water. when Charlie got it he turned round and sed

the rose is red the vilet blew the pink is sweet and---

and his hels flew up and he set down in the slipery mud and slid rite into the water, that is his hine legs went in to his gnees but he grabed the boat and that stoped him. his white britches were wet and covered with green slime to his gnees and the seat of his britches was black with mud. the wimmen nearly dide laffing and Charlie sed mersy sakes what a mess. most evry other feller wood have swore feerful but Charlie doesnt sware and is a good young man. that is why we call him Charlie.

well Charlie sed he gessed he wood woulk home and change his britches, he called them his pants, and so he got out of the boat and clim up the bank and started. i dident tell him he was on the rong side of the river becaus he dident ast me and i supose he gnew what he was about. the last i see of him he was going towerds Kensinton. while i was sick i sort of wurred about him but when i ast mother she sed he was in the store. he works for old Gid Lyford.

when we got back to the picknic old Mrs. Bolton had had a spell and the minister and Decon Sawyer was lifting her into Miss Susan Parkinsons caryall to drive her home. sum feller had throwed a teeny little bull toad in her lap. huh i shood think that was a prety thing to have a spell for. i never see ennyone have a spell. i wish i had got there in time to see it. Beany sed it was grate fun and elvrybody injoyed it.

Mr. E. O. Luvrin had been stang by a hornit on his underlip and evrybody had a good time looking at him. i don't beleeve there was ever a beter picknic.

the tables had been set and looked fine. our table with the reaths was the pretyest. well we all set down and evrybody sed hush, hush and the minister sed a long prair. peraps it seamed longer becaus i was most starved to deth. i had been wirking so hard and it was a long time since i had my breckfast.

well after the minister got through, we pitched in and et. i never had so good a dinner in my life. we had ham sanwiches and cornbeef sanwiches and tung sanwiches and pickles and milk and pickle limes and creem cakes and blewberry pie and chese and rasbery tirnovers and astrackan apples and balled egs and blackberrys and tee and coffy and sardeens on crackers and custerd pyes and squash pyes and apple pyes and gelly roles and tarts and coconut cakes and all the ice creem we cood eat, pink ice creem and white ice creem and yeller ice creem.

i et sum of everything they had. you see it was a long time since i had my breckfast and i had been wirking hard and mother had always told me to eat evrything in my plait and i wanted to ennyway. so i et until i coodent eat ennymore and most everybody done so two.

after dinner i helped clear away the things and then sum peeple went wauling in the wood sum slep in the hammucks and sum set down in cerkles and played gaims and told storys. they was one big cerkle whitch had the minister and most of the decons and their wifes and all the old wimmen and they was playing childrens gaims and hollering and laffing jest like children. old E. O. Luverin the feller whitch had been stang by a hornit on the underlip had told me to bate a hook and set my pole for a big hornpout or an eal. so i done that before dinner. i put a big steal hook on the line and bated it with the bigest grashoper i cood find, an old lunker, one of them kind that maiks a noise lika a nutmeg graiter and when it flise ratles its wings. then i unwound al my line and threw the bate out as fur as i cood and set the pole with a croched stick rite down in the sand by the boats. i was lissening to the peeple playing gaims when sum feller hollered Plupy you got a bite and i looked and saw that my line was tite and my pole bending. so i hipered down the bank and grabed the pole and pulled in. i had a big one on the hook and he pulled terrible, but i yanked him out and i pulled so hard that he went way over my head and rite in the middle of the cerkle of peeple.

it was an old lunker of an eal and when it lit on the ground it twisted and squirmed and thrashed round like a snaik and of al the screaching and tirning of back summersets by the wimmen whitch were fat and coodent get up quick, and of all the holding up of skerts and hipering for the woods by the thin wimmen you never saw in all your life.

and the men hollored and got out of the way of that eal as quick as the wimmen and one decon hollered what in hel and damnation are you trying to do you cussid fool, and sum of the others sed things i gess they wished they hadent. me and Beany was triing to get that eal of the hook. i got my foot on his neck and he squermed round my leg and got my britches leg all covered with slime. bimeby i got him off and into my boat, and when i went back old Mrs. Sofire Peezley was having a spell. i never seen ennyone have a spell before and it was very interesting. she screached and cried and then threw her head back and laffed and claped her hands together and roled her eys and gulped and swallered, and the wimmen were patting her on the back and making her smell of amonia botles and calling her dear and blesid lamn, and poar darling and talking to her as if she was a baby, and wimmen were coming back from the woods and saying it was a burning shaim and looking at me mad and saying i had aught to be in jale. and old E. O. Luvrin jawed me but it dident do no good becaus his lip was so swole that nobody cood understand what he sed. but i sed i aint done nothing what are you pichin into me for?

Then a woman sed you are the wirst boy in town and you are jest like your father was, and i sed i gess if you gnew what my father sed about you you woodent say much more and she tirned red and sed if that boy stays here i wont. it is a shaim to have sutch a boy at a desent picnic or with desent peeple.

then they all got round me and jawed me and the minister sed i must go home and i sed all rite if i have got to go i wil taik my boat, and he sed verry well take your boat and go. i am verry mutch disapointed in you. then i sed ennyway i want my fifty cents and they all sed dont you give him a cent he has been a newsense. then i sed it may be all rite to call a feller a newsence after he has rew about a hundred peeple more than fifty miles and luged barils stuff up the bank and made reaths and picked flowers and rescued peeple from drownding whitch dident know enuf to sit in a boat, but i aint going till i get my fifty cents then they sed if i dident go rite off they wood lick me and i woodent get my fifty cents.

so i got into my boat and rew up river. then i rew back and kept in the middle of the river and began to holer things to Beany. i gnew they coodent drive me off the river so i hollered to Beany did you see old Misses Peezley have that fit? gosh i bet she maiks old man Peezley stand round. peraps that is why he is baldheaded. Beany dident dass to say nothing.

then i hollered Beany did you hear old decon Aspinwall sware at me? he wanted to know what in hel and damation i was triing to do. that is prety talk for a decon aint it?

i shood think he wood feel ashaimed the nex time he speeks in prair meeting.

i cood see the decon talking to the minister xcited, and Misses Peezley was talking xcited two. but Beany dident dass to say nothing. so i hollered again to Beany did you see old Rhody Shatuck hold up her skirts and hiper for the woods? did you ever see sutch skinny legs? then old man Shatuck run down the bank and hunted round for a rock but i gnew he coodent find one becaus there aint enny rocks there and he tride to break a lim off a tree to plug at me and he hollered and sed he would brake my back, but i gnew he coodent get me and i hollered again to Beany o Beany aint it lucky the minister is married becaus all the wimmen is hanging round him and Beany dident dass to say nothing, but they all got together and talked and then the minister come down the bank and called me to come in and he wood give me my fifty cents if i wood go strait home but i sed not mutch i dont come where you can get a holt on me and lam time out of me.

well he sed i will not hurt you but i sed you sed you wood pay me and you dident and i cant trust you. he turned red as a beat and sed i am verry sorry that you acuse me of being untroothful but here is your money if you will come near enuf so i can toss it into the boat. so i backed the boat in holding my oars ready to row out if he tride to grab the boat or to gump in but he dident do eether but throwed the fifty cent peace into the boat and i started for home.

i gess it was about time for i began to feel prety quear. my head aked and there was black specks before my eys and my face and hands burned like fire and smarted and my boans aked.

i gess i shall have to stop here for i hear mother coming up with my chicken broth and tost and am most starved to deth. father says i weig 2 pounds less than nothing and my arms and legs is jest like pipe stems or spider legs.

Continnude from the last.

August 29 186---when i got home i hiched the boat and my head went round so i had to set down. then i got up and went home. mother saw me and sed what is the matter with your face it is as red as fire. i sed i gess the muskeeters done it. she asted me if i wanted enny supper but i sed i dident ever want to eat again but i wanted a drink of water. so i drunk sum water and went up stairs. then i begun to feel bad and caled mother and she come up jest in time. i was awful sick. father come up and Aunt Sarah and they held my head and run in and out of the room with wash boles and towels. o i was awful sick and mother sed for mersy sakes what have you been eating and father sed for goddlemity sake what haven't you been eating?

bimeby i felt a little better only my face and hands burned and itched. mother sed she dident like the looks of it and she never gnew a feller to be sick at his stomack with a red face and hands. so she wet a towel in cold water and put it on my face and hands and bimeby i gess i went to sleep.

sumtime in the nite i began to feel sick again and had awful panes in my stomack and i called mother again. this time i was awful sick again and father and mother and Aunt Sarah were verry busy for a long time. bimeby i wasent so sick to my stomack but my panes were wirse and father went for docter Perry. he was gone a long time before he come back with him. doctor Perry he took a look at me and sed poison ivory, so he got it did he. then he felt of my stomack and looked at by tung and felt my pulce and heard me grone and gave me a dose of castor oil and then he took out a little popsquirt the litlest i ever see and he sed i gess i shall have to give you a subteranian interjection. i thougt a interjection was a part of speach like alas and o and ah. ennyway that is what the grammar says.

but this wasent that kind for the docter run the sharp point of that little popsquert whitch was jest as sharp as a needle rite into my arm. it hurt like time and i hollered but after he had pulled it out i began to feel kind of lite and floty and the ferst i gnew the pane was gone and i dident know nothing more.

well the next morning i felt a little beter but not enuf to get up and not enuf to eat but after a while i felt wirse again and mother sent for doctor Perry again and he come and give me some more medecine and another subteranian interjection whitch put me to sleep again. the next time i woke up again i coodent open one ey and only see a teeny bit out of the other, but i felt better, only i iched feerful and smarted. doctor Perry laffed when he come in and sed i looked funny but not so funny as old E. O. Luvrin. he sed all the peeple whitch set at one table had it and had it wirse than i did, but i was sicker the other way.

he sed that all the docters had been up day and nite and always were buzy when there was a chirch picknic. he sed that if he had his way chirch picknics wood not be aloud enny more than prize fites and cock fites. he sed that the peple were prety mad with me and thougt i done it purpose, but he told them if i had done it a perpose i woodent have been fool enuf to tuch the ivory myself, whitch was prety good for the docter. ennyway i give him plenty of biziness. i suppose i hadent augt to have sed what i did about Missis Shatucks legs and old Misses Peezleys fit, but i aint sorry for what i sed about the old decon swaring. i hadent done nothing. jest cougt a eal. i must have left him in the boat. gosh when i get well enuf to go down to the boat he will be in auful smelly condition. i am sory i forgot him.

Well i had to stay in bed 4 days. most of the time i had web cloths on my head and coodent see nothing. Cele come up and read Wild Mag the Trapers Bride and a new novil Dair Devvil Dave the Dead Shot. she oferred to read the 92th palsam to me but i told her i dident feal strong enuf yet so she read 2 more chapters of Dair Devvil Dave instead.

Beany come over with a tame rat tide with a string. he wasent very tame and bit Beany 2 times. Potter Goram brogt his collexion of butterflise and a live green snaik. mother woodent come in until he put the snaik in his poket. the 2 Chadwicks Puz and Bug came in twise and fit for me, in the ferst fite Puzzy got a black ey and in the 2th fite Bug got a bludy nose. they was good fites and jest about even. i tell you they is always redy to help a frend.

Ed Tole brougt up his rooster and had arainged a fite with Gimmy Fitzgeralds rooster but jest as they was going to set them a going the old minister called to see if i was ded and when he found i wasent he made a long call and praid fer me and told me i had sinned deaply but wood be forgiven if i had faith. all the time i cood see Ed and Gimmy peeking round the corner of the barn and wateing till the old minister had went so they cood have their rooster fite. i was afrade they wood have it behine the barn where i coodent see it and i thout that old minister never wood go. while he was there he saw the bible open to the 92th palsam and he sed it is very grattifiing to me to see that you are reading the bible and i sed i wasent reading it becaus i coodent read ennything yet, but my sister Cele comes up and reads to me and he sed she is a very good girl indeed and i have heard she is very diffeernt from the rest of the Shute family. i sed yes sir. then he looked round some moar and found Wild Mag the Trapers Bride whitch was rite on the table. i wood have hid it only i coodent get it unless i piled out of bed and i dident think it was proper to get up in my shert tale befoar the minister. so i hoaped he woodent see the novil but he did and he picked it up and looked at it and read the naim and held it jest as if it was a bull toad or a snaik and then he sed are you reading this vile trash and i sed yes sir, and he sed how cood you read it with your eyes swole up, and i sed i cood see sum. he sed you jest told me you coodent see to read. i dident know what to say so i sed yes sir. then he sed awful stern do you meen to tel me that your sister Celia---and jest then mother she come in and sed i am afrade mister Barrows that we hadent aught to disturb our pashent too long. he isent verry strong yet.

and he said that is true Misess Shute but he has made some staitments about this improper book that i think it is my duty to look into and he held up Wild Mag the Trapers Bride and mother she sed it seems as if Mr. Shute and i are compitent to deside what our children are to read.

and he sed but my dear Misses Shute this is a verry improper book indeed and mother she sed have you read it and he sed god forbid i wood not disgraice my inteligents by reading sutch a book, and my mother she sed how do you know then it is a impropper book without reading it? and he sed how can a bok of the naim of Wild Mag the Trapers Bride be a good book and mother she sed she had read it and there was nothing impropper at all in it.

i dident know she had read it so when the minister had went off kind of stiflegged i asted her if she dident thing it was a riping story and she sed no she dident see how i cood read it but she had read it to see if there was ennything impropper in it and they wasent. she sed she only read it to see if there was ennything really rong in it. she dont care for sutch stories i am afrade. then she asted if i wanted ennything and i sed no and she went down stairs. then when she had went i clim out of bed and waived my hand to Ed and Gimmy and they come out with their rosters under their arms and set them a going and they hadent made more than a dozen gumps at eech other when in come old mother Moulton with sum gelly and custerd for me and she stoped the fite and jawed the boys and asted them if they dident know enny beter than to have a rooster fite in the yard of a poar boy whitch had nearly dide only a few days ago and Ed and Gimmy sed no mam we dident know he had been so sick and we woodent have did it and they picked up their roosters and went home and i skiped into bed prety lively for a boy whitch had nearly dide a few days ago. so when she come up i was in bed and i et the custerd and part of the gelly and it was bully. i wish she hadent come so soon. that wood have been a good rooster fite.

i set up most haff of the time today. tomorrow i am going downstairs. Fatty Gilman come down today and brought me 2 oranges and a red bananner. mother let me eat the oranges but woodent let me eat the bananner. i dont know what she done with it. i supose sumone et it. enyway i dident.

Aug. 30 186---today i went out in the yard. it was brite and fair all day. lots of the felers come up and had a tirnament. first they had a match throwing green apples on a stick. Puzzy Chadwick throwed the furtherest. he threw one from my yard across the high school yard and it went throug a window in old Heads cariage shop. it was so far that when the men in that room piled out swaring they dident supose it was one of us and thy swore at John Toomy and 2 other fellers in the school yard.

Pewt was the next best. perhaps it wood have went as far as Puzzys but sumthing stoped it. what stoped it was a mans head. i dont know who the man was but when that apple hit him rite on the back of his head he throwed down sum boards he was luging into the shop and clim the fense and chased John Toomey and the 2 other felers way down south street. i gess he dident catch them becaus he swore so when he come back and if he had cougt them and licked them he wood have felt better. men always do.

so we dident throw enny more apples. so then we had sum rassels and the twin Browns and Potter Goram had a mach wigling their scalps and ears. Harry Brown beat on a scalp wigling and Potter on ear wigling. the 2 Chadwicks Puzzy and Bug fit again and neether licked.

then we had a spitting match. Ed Tole beat. he always does. then mother come out and sed i had been out long enuf. so i went in. i had a pretty good day.

September 1. brite and fair. it seams bully to be well again and to see the fellers and to go in swimming and fishing. i havent went in swimming or fishing since i have ben sick but i am going in in a day or too. i can eat things now whitch is better than enything. a feller cant do mutch unless he has a good apetite. father says there is one thing whitch has kept me back all these years. he sed that if i had had a beter apetite when i went to that picknic i cood have et nine pecks of stuff insted of only five. he sed he wood have to get the doctor to give me a tonick the nex picknic time so that i can do a gob that will be a credit to the family. he sed enny healthy boy witch can go to a chirch picknic and only eat 5 meesly pecks of food aint doing jestice to himself or his frends and he hoaps i will do beter nex time. he says he dont want me to make a hog of myself but he does want me to make a record that he can be proud of. he says i can be champeen if i only try hard.

i never know whether father is goking or not, but i think this time he must be goking. ennyway it wasent becaus i et two mutch that made me sick, it was becaus i got poizoned by poizen ivory leeves and that stuffed up my stomack. if it hadent been for that i bet i woodent have been sick. then going so long without ennything to eat and wirking hard dident do me enny good. they are still mad with me. i am sorry now i sed what i did. when a feller has lade between life and deth for 3 days he looks at things diferent from what they wood if he was well and was going round with fellers like Pewt and Beany and Whach and Fatty and Pop and Medo and Tady and Skinny and fellers like them.

So i have been thinking over what i have did and sed and i am very mutch ashaimed of myself. if enny other feller had went and sed things about my mother and sister or about aunt Sarah and my father that i sed about old Rody Shatuck and Misses Peezley and Decon Aspinwall i wood have felt like giving him a bang in the snoot. i wood have did it if he wasent two big, and if he was i wood have triped him up sum nite with a roap or plunged him with ripe tomatose or rotten egs when he had got on his best close.

but i needent be afraid that ennyone wood say ennything against my folks becaus they dont have fits and dont run round after ministers and dont hold up their skerts xcept when there is a mouse round and that is always at home where peeple cant see them. so i shant have to bat ennyone for that but that dont make enny difference becaus i have did rong.

so i have thougt it over and last nite when the band was playing departed days and the romance from Leclare in the band room i desided i wood wright a letter to all the peeple i had sassed and beg their pardon. it is prety tuff to do it but it aint haff as tuff as being snaiked rite up befoar them by your father and made to beg their pardon. i have had to do this quite a number of times. so this morning when i woke up and had brekfast i remembered what i desided and i went up to my room and rote a lot of letters to peeple. i gess when father finds it out he will think i am prety good feller after all.

it took me a long time to do it and i hated to waist the time becaus it is prety near the last weak of vacation but i gnew i wood feel beter when i had done it and i done it. this is what i rote to decon Aspinwall.