Part 19

* * * * *

“Boswell complained that he had too good a memory in trifles, which prevented his remembering things of consequence. ‘My head,’ said he, ‘is like a tavern, in which a club of low punch-drinkers have taken up the room that might have been filled with lords who drink Burgundy, but it is not in the landlord’s power to dispossess them.’”

* * * * *

“A gentleman was complaining that upon a long voyage their provisions were very bad, and, in particular, that their beef turned quite green. ‘Very right, sir,’ said Caleb Whitefoord,[150] ‘you know all flesh is grass, and therefore ought to be green.’”

I was present.

* * * * *

“Boswell says that a man who sets out on the journey of life with opinions that he has never examined is like a man who goes a-fowling with a gun that has never been proved.”

* * * * *

“Boswell, who had a good deal of whim, used not only to form wild projects in his imagination, but would sometimes reduce them to practice. In his calm hours he said with great good humour, ‘There have been many people who built castles in the air, but I believe I am the first that ever attempted to live in them.’”

* * * * *

“A gentleman said of a clumsy wench that she was as hot as fire. ‘Yes,’ said Boswell, ‘but in a very different way. The fire feels nothing, but communicates the heat to other bodies; but this wench leaves all cold around her while she herself is burning.’”

* * * * *

“A young lady was wishing much to be her _own mistress_. ‘You are mine, miss,’ said her lover, ‘and that is much better.’”

* * * * *

“Mademoiselle de Zuyl told Boswell one day, ‘Monsieur, cette après-midi j’ai voulee convaincre ma chere mere de quelque chose, mais elle ne vouloit pas m’entendre, et pour m’echaper elle a courue de chambre en chambre. J’ai la suivi pourtant et j’ai raisonnée.’ ‘Eh bien, Mademoiselle,’ replied Boswell, ‘c’etoit un raisonnement suivi.’”

* * * * *

“A gentleman told Boswell that one of his studious freinds used to have a bottle of wine set upon his desk in the evening, and that generally he caught himself at the end of it. ‘Ay,’ said Boswell, ‘I suppose, sir, he took care not to catch himself before he got to the end of it.’”

* * * * *

“A forward fellow asked Boswell one day the character of a certain general officer. ‘Sir,’ said Boswell, ‘the gentleman is a general, and I do not choose to enter into particulars.’”

* * * * *

“When Boswell had the rage of getting into the Guards, he talked of it to John Home,[151] whose poetry breathed a martial spirit, and therefore might approve his desire to be a soldier. ‘Sir,’ said John Home, ‘the Guards are no soldiers; they are just beefeaters, only they don’t eat beef.’”

* * * * *

“Boswell was at Leyden in the year 1764. The Hon. Charles Gordon[152] said to him with affected diffidence, in order to receive a compliment, ‘Mr. Boswell, I would willingly come and see you for a day at Utrecht, but I am afraid I should tire you.’ ‘Sir,’ replied Boswell, ‘I defy you to tire me for one day.’”

* * * * *

“When Boswell was passing through Leyden, in the year 1764, he put up at the ‘Golden Ball,’ and was shown into the great parlour, which, as in all the inns in Holland, is a public room. As he was eating a sober bit of supper there entered three roaring West Indians, followed by a large dog. They made a deal of rude noise. The waiter thought it incumbent upon him to make an apology for their roughness. ‘Sir,’ said he, ‘they are very good-natured gentlemen.’ ‘Yes, yes,’ said Boswell, ‘I see they are very good-natured gentlemen, and in my opinion, sir, the dog seems to be as good-natured as any of the three.’”

* * * * *

“When Mr. de Neitschutz, Grand Ecuyer du Prince d’Anhalt-Dessau was sent to the King of Prussia to treat with him, and to beg that he would not demand such great subsidies, the King used to say, ‘Mon ami, il faut soutenir des armees. Je ne suis pas en etat de la faire. Vous savez que je n’ai rien. Il faut que je vole.’”

M. DE NEITSCHUTZ.

* * * * *

“When Voltaire was at Berlin he used to be rude to the King of Prussia. The King came into his room one day when he had before him on a table a great parcel of his Majesty’s verses, which he no doubt put in order very freely. The King called to him, ‘Que faites-vous, Voltaire?’ He replied, ‘Sire, j’arrange votre linge sale.’”

M. LESTSCH AU’DEVANT GOUVERNEUR DU P. D’ANHALT.

* * * * *

“After the battle of Colline, where the King of Prussia was sadly defeated, his Majesty stood in a musefull melancholy, and looked through his glass at a battery of cannon which was still playing and was within reach of him. His troops had all retired, only the Scots General Grant stood behind him at a little distance; a cannon bullet took away the skirt of his coat, and at last when he found that the King made no preparation to retire, he came up to him and said, ‘Est-ceque votre majeste veut prendre la batterie tout seul?’ The King looked at him with approbation, and said, ‘Allons, mon ami,’ and retreated. ‘Eh bien, Grant,’ said he, ‘c’est une triste affaire.’”

MR. SECRETARY BURNET.[153]

* * * * *

“During one of his campaigns the King of Prussia composed a sermon entitled ‘Sermon sur le jour de jugement preché devant l’Abbé de Prade, par son aumonier ordinaire l’Incredulité.’ L’Abbé de Prade was his reader. The sermon was a grave discourse, full of Scripture phrases. It might have been preached in any church in Europe.”

MR. SECRETARY BURNET.

* * * * *

“Mr. Burnet was one day riding along with the Prussian army through a wood. He heard behind him a voice crying, ‘March furt in der Deivells naam,’ but did not think that the King had been near him. He turned about, however, and there was his Majesty’s horse’s mouth touching Burnet’s horse’s tail. The King had lost a battle. The weather was bad. He was muffled up in his great-coat, was in very bad humour, and looked confoundedly sulky. Burnet was anxious to make way for him, and immediately put spurs to his horse and sprung away. The wood was so thick that the branches caught hold of him and drove off his hat and wig. He had shaved his head that morning, so that there he was, he sticking with his white skull exposed to the elements. The King, notwithstanding his ill-humour, could not help being diverted, and burst out into an immense fit of laughter. He then said to Burnet, ‘Monsieur, je vous demande pardon, mais je m’en vais le reparer.’ He then called to a soldier, ‘Geve die Heer syn Hoed en zyn peruik.’”

MR. SECRETARY BURNET.

* * * * *

“The King of Prussia sometimes used to amuse himself in the most extraordinary manner. After having played on his flute till he was tired, he would say to the Abbé de Prade, ‘Allons, si j’etois membre du Parlement d’ Angleterre voici comment je parlerais;’ then he would harangue on the balance of power, &c., like a very Pitt.”

MR. SECRETARY BURNET.

* * * * *

“The British Envoy’s mail was once seized going from Berlin. It was said to have been done by the Ambassador of France. Mr. Mitchell said,[154] ‘Je n’en crois rien.’ ‘Peut être,’ said one, ‘il a reçu des ordres pour le faire et qu’est ce que cela feroit,’ said Mitchell. ‘Monsieur,’ said the gentleman, ‘si vous aviéz reçu des ordres du Roi votre maître de saisir une Malle ne voudriez vous pas le faire?’ ‘Monsieur,’ replied Mr. Mitchell, ‘Premierrement le Roi mon maître ne me donnera jamais _des telles_ ordres. En second lieu, assurement je ne les obeierois pas, “non,” je lui ecrirois, Si vous, Sire, voulez faire des choses comme cela, il faut envoyer un voleur, et non pas tacher de faire un voleur de votre Envoye.’”

MR. MITCHELL himself.

* * * * *

“Boswell was presented to the Duke of Argyle,[155] at Whitton, in the year 1760. The duke talked some time with him, and was pleased, and seemed surprised that Boswell wanted to have a commission in the guards. His Grace took Boswell’s father aside, and said, ‘My lord, I like your son. That boy must not be shot at for three and sixpence a day.’”

* * * * *

“Lord Auchinleck and his son were very different men. My lord was sollid (_sic_) and composed; Boswell was light and restless. My lord rode very slow; Boswell was one day impatient to get on, and begged my lord to ride a little faster; ‘for,’ said he, ‘it is not the exercise which fatigues, but the hinging upon a beast.’ His father replied, ‘What’s the matter, man, how a chield hings, if he dinna hing upon a gallows?’”

* * * * *

“When Captain Augustus Hervey was lying in the port of Leghorn, some of the first people of the country paid him a visit aboard his ship. He ordered his men to draw up a bucket of water, and presented it to the nobles, bidding them drink that. ‘Why,’ said they, ‘’tis salt water.’ ‘Is it?’ said he. ‘Then know that wherever this water is found the King of Great Britain is master.’”

CAPTAIN WAKE.

* * * * *

“Mr. Burnet went once into a Presbyterian kirk. The minister lectured on these words,—‘You shall take no scrip for your journey.’ ‘A scrip,’ said he, ‘my beloved brethren, was a clockbag, a portmanteau, or a wallise.’”

Himself.

* * * * *

“A gentleman was saying at Voltaire’s table, ‘J’ai lu un telle chose.’ ‘Monsieur,’ said Voltaire, ‘il ne faut pas croire tout ce qu’on a lu.’ ‘Monsieur,’ replied he, ‘j’ai pourtant lu tous vos ouvrages.’”

The Gentleman.

* * * * *

“Boswell said that to be a good rural poet a man must have an appetite for the beauties of nature as another has for his dinner. A man who has a poor stomach will never talk with force of a good dinner; nor will he whose taste is feeble talk with force of a fine prospect. This kind of taste must be felt, and cannot even be imagined by others.”

* * * * *

“Boswell said that a dull fool was nothing, as he never showed himself. The great thing, said he, is to have your fool well furnished with animal spirits and conceit, and he’ll display to you a rich fund of risibility. He said this at a certain court in Germany.”

* * * * *

“A formal fellow at Paris paid a great many long-winded compliments to Mademoiselle Ameté, the Turk. When he had finished, she said to the gentleman next her, ‘Je ne puis pas soutenir cet homme la; il me parle comme un Dedicace.’”

MY LORD MARISCHAL.[156]

* * * * *

“Boswell said that young people are often tempted to resign themselves to a warm fancy or a strong benevolent passion, because they have read that those who are thus agitated are nobler beings, and enjoy a felicity superior to that of sedate rational men. But let them consider that all these fine things have been said by the hot-brained people themselves, and that one who is drunk may and does boast as much his intoxicated situation. The impartial method of judging what state of mind is happiest is to hear the voice of the majority of sensible men, most of whom, either when young or when drunk, have felt the enticing delirium. If none approve it but such as immediately feel it, we may pronounce it a false joy. For other states, of mind, as the cool circumspection of wisdom, the moderate tenderness of affection, the solemn ardour of devotion, the noble firmness of manly honour,—these others approve of; others wish to possess.”

* * * * *

“Boswell asked, ‘Why have we not a neat phrase to express our being eager to see, equivalent to “I pricked up my ears” when eager to hear?’”

* * * * *

“When Sir Adam Fergusson[157] was at Dusseldorf he admired much an organ in one of the churches, and wished greatly to hear an English tune upon it. Barnard, (nephew to the great Sir John, and) a merchant at Dunkirk, was there. He begged of the organist to give him liberty to play the vespers, which he agreed to. Barnard played the solemn music very gravely, but by way of a voluntary he gave ‘Ally Croaker.’ He, however, adorned it with several variations, so that the organist said, ‘Monsieur, en que c’est un beau morceau.’”

MR. BARNARD.

* * * * *

At the court of Saxe-Gotha there were two ladies of honour, Mesdemoiselles de Rickslepen, sisters, very pretty, but very little. Boswell said to a baron of the court, “Monsieur, il faut les prendre comme des alouettes, par la demi-douzaine.”

* * * * *

“When Poniatowsky[158] was made king of Poland, anno 1764, many of the first nobles opposed his election, as they imagined that he would follow the system of the King of Prussia, and introduce arbitrary power. Le Comte de Sapia, grand Ecuyer de la Lithuanie, quitted his country in discontent. He passed some time at the court of Gotha. One of the courtiers there said to him, ‘Monsieur, vous qui aimez tant la liberté vous devez aller en Angleterre.’ ‘Dieu m’en garde!’ cried he; ‘non; il faut aller en France, pour apprendre nos nouveaux devoirs.’”

LA GRANDE MAITRESSE DE GOTHA.

* * * * *

“Boswell showed some of his verses to a German professor, who understood English. The professor was highly pleased with them. When he laid them down Boswell said, ‘I wrote some of them last night.’ ‘Ah,’ said the professor, ‘I did not know they had been yours, sir, or I should have praised them more.’”

* * * * *

“A prince talked of a subject of learning—a piece of history, and said, ‘Je ne sais en verité.’ Another prince said, ‘On trouvera cela peut être dans un dictionnaire.’ ‘H’m, oui,’ said another^{third} prince, ‘ui, on le trouvera dans un dictionnaire.’”

I was present.

* * * * *

“Boswell said the English language was like the ancient Corinthian brass. When Corinth was burnt, the fortuitous mixture of gold, silver, and copper produced a metal more excellent than any original one. So, by the different invasions of England was produced a mixture of old British, German, and French, which makes a language superior to any original tongue. The proportions in the one case are as curious as in the other.”

* * * * *

“Boswell compared himself to the ancient Corinthian brass. ‘I am,’ said he, ‘a composition of an infinite variety of ingredients. I have been formed by a vast number of scenes of the most different natures, and I question if any uniform education could have produced a character so agreable’” (_sic_).

* * * * *

“The Dutch bourgeois generally wear coats and wigs of prodigious size, by no means made to fit them; but by way of so much cloth and so much hair Boswell said, ‘Les Hollandois portent des habits et des peruques comme des Hardes.’”

* * * * *

“Krimberg, grand maître de madame la Marcgrave de Baden Baden, said of the Marcgrave of Baden Dourlach, ‘Les autres princes s’amusent des amusements, mais ce prince s’amusa des affaires.“‘

I was present.

* * * * *

“Boswell said that a great company was just a group of _têtes-à-têtes_.”

* * * * *

“The father of young M. Gaio, at Strasburg, had an immense cask of prodigious fine old Rhenish. His maître d’hotel came and told him that, unfortunately, it had burst the cask and was totally lost. M. Gaio (having eat his evening soup), replied, ‘Eh bien, mon vin est lu.’”

M. GAIO LE FILS.

* * * * *

“The uncle of young M. Gaio at Strasbourg had a set of Dresden tea china which he valued very much. As one of his servants was bringing it hastily in one day he fell and broke the whole set. His master stepped calmly forward, helped him up, and called to another servant, ‘Ecoutez, donnez une verre du vin de Bourgogne a François, je crois qu’il a en peur.’”

M. GAIO LE FILS.

* * * * *

“Lord Eglintoune said to his brother,[159] Colonel Montgomerie, who was to be his heir, ‘If I live, Archie, I’ll take care of you.’ ‘Yes, my lord,’ replied the colonel, ‘and if you die I’ll take care of myself.’”

LORD AUCHINLECK.

* * * * *

“Mr. Needham[160] went with another gentleman to call upon M. Diderot. A comely well-dressed lady opened the door to them. The gentleman said, ‘Madame est sans doute la femme de M. Diderot.’ She, with an air of smiling satisfaction, replied, ‘Monsieur, les philosophes ne ses marient point.’”

MR. NEEDHAM.

* * * * *

“Mr. Needham said that Rousseau’s not complying with the common established ceremonies of society was like a Quaker saying Thee and Thou, and not pulling off his hat.”

I was present.

* * * * *

“The Syndics or Magistrates of Geneva wear prodigious periwigs. M. de Voltaire said to them, ‘Messieurs, vous repandez votre poudre dans toutes les territoires voisines.’”

GRAND BAILLIF D’YUERDUN.

* * * * *

“Erskine[161] and Boswell were one day sauntering in Leicester Fields and talking of the famous scheme of squaring the circle. ‘Come, come,’ said Boswell, ‘let us circle the square, and that will be as good;’ so these two poets took a walk round the square, laughing very heartily at the conceit.”

* * * * *

“Mr. Richardson, chaplain to Sir Joseph Yorke,[162] and another clergyman were walking near a village by Cambridge, where were a number of Methodists. They saw a child of four year old lying accross (_sic_) the road, and immediately ran up to lift it up, when they heard a number of people cry, ‘Let it alone, let it alone, it’s convicted, it’s convicted.’ They asked, ‘Pray, how? so young a child has not been at church.’ ‘No, but its father and mother have, and the Lord has been dealing with their child.’”

From himself.

* * * * *

“Boswell said that Mademoiselle de Maasdain, at the Hague, was as black as a chimney. ‘Then,’ said the Rev. Dr. Maclaine, ‘her husband would be a chimney-sweeper.’”

* * * * *

“Boswell said that Mademoiselle de Zuyl was too vivacious, and crowded her _bon mots_ in conversation, so that one had not time to examine them one by one, and see their beauties. He said, she used to make people run through the Vatican, where you glance over a number of fine pictures, but have not time to look at and relish any.”

* * * * *

“Fordyce was much scandalized at a French barber who shaved him in Paris, and having caught a fly, called it _cette machine la_. ‘Why,’ said Boswell, ‘in England we call a machine a fly, why may not the French call a fly a machine?’”

* * * * *

“Andrew Stuart,[163] Nairne,[164] Colonel Scott, and Boswell went in a coach from the Hague to Rotterdam. The Dutch coachman was so heavy a blockhead that Andrew Stuart took the reins from him and drove. A mole, somehow or other, was seen upon the road. ‘Well,’ said Boswell, ‘when Mr. Andrew Stuart drove a Dutch coach, he drove so hard that the very moles came above ground to look at him.’”

* * * * *

“In the year 1715 Lord Marischal observed a Highlander crying, and looking at the poor fellow he observed he had no shoes. He sent one to him, who spoke Erse, and bid him not be cast down, for he should have shoes. ‘Sir,’ said the Highlander, ‘I want no shoes; I am crying to see a Macdonald retire from his enemy.’”

From LORD MARISCHAL.

* * * * *

“In the year 1715, when my Lord Marischal was preparing to leave London and join the Stuart army, Fletcher of Salton[165] came to him at seven in the morning, asked a dish of tea to get his servant out of the way, and then said, ‘My lord, you are now going to join with people who will not be honest, nor so steady as yourself. I advise you, don’t go.’ My lord answered, ‘Sir, I shall not dispute whether King James or King George has the best right to the crown. I know you are for no king. But, as things are, I think we may get rid of the union which oppresses us.’ ‘My lord,’ replied Fletcher, ‘it is a good thing to be young: when I was your age I thought as you do, and would have acted as you do; but I am now growing old, I have been sorely brought down by sickness, and I find my mind is failing with my body.”

LORD MARISCHAL.

* * * * *

“Boswell went from Berlin to Charlottenburg while the entertainments were there on account of the betrothing of the Princess Elizabeth of Brunswick to the Prince of Prussia; all the ladies and gentlemen pressed eagerly to get places at the windows of the palace, in order to see the royal families at supper. Boswell found this a little ridiculous, so came up to his acquaintances and said, ‘Allons, allons, je vous en prie voyons la seconde table; je vous assure il vaut mieux la peine; ces gens mangent plus que les autres?’ (‘Come, come, pray do let us go see the second table; I assure you it is more worth while; they eat more than the others.’)”

* * * * *

“Boswell said that Sir Joseph Yorke was so anxious lest people should forget that he was an ambassador, that he held his head as high and spoke as little as possible. As in the infancy of painting it was found necessary to write below a picture, this is a cow, or this is a horse, so from the mouth of Sir Joe cometh a label with these words—‘I am an ambassador.’”

* * * * *

“Boswell said that the descriptions of human life which we find in books are very false, because written in retirement. When a painter would take a portrait or a landscape, he is always sure to be present, whereas a painter of human life gets away from the object, buries himself in the shade, or basks in the sunshine, and consequently gives either too black or too gay a creature of his imagination, which he calls human life.”

* * * * *

“Two Scotch Highlanders were benighted, and lay down to sleep on the side of a mountain. After they had lain a little, one of them got up, but soon returned again. The other asked him, ‘What’s this, Donald? what have you been about?’ Duncan replied, ‘I was only bringing a stane to put under my head.’ Donald started up and cried, ‘H—g your effeminacy, man! canna ye sleep without a stane aneath your head?’”

MR. BURNET.

* * * * *

“After the Prince of Prussia had been defeated by the Austrians, the King, who was marching desperate against them, wrote to him thus:—‘Mon frère, Daun vous a traité comme un petit Ecolier. Il vous a foueté avec des verges. Un homme qui va mourir, n’a rien d’dissimuler.’”

MR. BURNET.

* * * * *

“Lord Auchinleck was one of the most firm and indefatigable judges that ever lived. Brown at Utrecht said that he was one of those great beams which are placed here and there to support the edifice of Society.”

I was present.

* * * * *

“Boswell said that Berkley[166] reasoned himself out of house and home.”

* * * * *

“An unhappy hypochondriack complained that in his gloomy hours he believed himself a fool. A hard-hearted wag was cruel enough to say to him, ‘Crede quod habes et habes.’”

* * * * *