CHAPTER XXVIII.

Here we three are seated round the open window--after dinner--familiar as in the old happy time--and my mother is talking low that she may not disturb my father, who seems in thought.----

Cr-cr-crrr-cr-cr! I feel it--I have it.--Where! What! Where! Knock it down--brush it off! For Heaven's sake, see to it!--Crrrr-crrrrr--there--here--in my hair--in my sleeve--in my ear.--Cr-cr.

I say solemnly, and on the word of a Christian, that, as I sate down to begin this chapter, being somewhat in a brown study, the pen insensibly slipt from my hand, and, leaning back in my chair, I fell to gazing into the fire. It is the end of June, and a remarkably cold evening--even for that time of year. And while I was so gazing, I felt something crawling, just by the nape of the neck, ma'am. Instinctively and mechanically, and still musing, I put my hand there, and drew forth--What? That _what_ it is which perplexes me. It was a thing--a dark thing--a much bigger thing than I had expected. And the sight took me so by surprise that I gave my hand a violent shake, and the thing went--where I know not. The what and the where are the knotty points in the whole question! No sooner had it gone than I was seized with repentance not to have examined it more closely--not to have ascertained what the creature was. It might have been an earwig--a very large motherly earwig--an earwig far gone in that way in which earwigs wish to be who love their lords. I have a profound horror of earwigs--I firmly believe that they do get into the ear. That is a subject on which it is useless to argue with me upon philosophical grounds. I have a vivid recollection of a story told me by Mrs Primmins--How a lady for many years suffered under the most excruciating headaches; how, as the tombstones say, "physicians were in vain;" how she died; how her head was opened, and how such a nest of earwigs--ma'am--such a nest!--Earwigs are the prolifickest things, and so fond of their offspring! They sit on their eggs like hens--and the young, as soon as they are born, creep under them for protection--quite touchingly! Imagine such an establishment domesticated at one's tympanum!

But the creature was certainly larger than an earwig. It might have been one of that genus in the family of _Forficulidæ_, called _Labidoura_--monsters whose antennæ have thirty joints! There is a species of this creature in England, but, to the great grief of naturalists, and to the great honour of Providence, very rarely found, infinitely larger than the common earwig or _Forficulida auriculana_. Could it have been an early hornet? It had certainly a black head, and great feelers. I have a greater horror of hornets, if possible, than I have of earwigs. Two hornets will kill a man, and three a carriage-horse sixteen hands high. However, the creature was gone.--Yes, but where? Where had I so rashly thrown it? It might have got into a fold of my dressing-gown--or into my slippers--or, in short, any where, in the various recesses for earwigs and hornets which a gentleman's habiliments afford. I satisfy myself at last, as far as I can, seeing that I am not alone in the room--that it is not upon me. I look upon the carpet--the rug--the chair--under the fender. It is _non inventus_. I barbarously hope it is frizzing behind that great black coal in the grate. I pluck up courage--I prudently remove, to the other end of the room. I take up my pen--I begin my chapter--very nicely, too, I think upon the whole. I am just getting into my subject, when--cr-cr-cr-cr-cr-crawl--crawl--crawl--creep--creep--creep. Exactly, my dear ma'am, in the same place it was before! Oh, by the Powers! I forgot all my scientific regrets at not having scrutinised its genus before, whether _Forficulida_ or _Labidoura_. I made a desperate lunge with both hands, something between thrust and cut, ma'am. The beast is gone. Yes, but again where? I say that that where is a very horrible question. Having come twice, in spite of all my precautions--and exactly on the same spot, too--it shows a confirmed disposition to habituate itself to its quarters--to effect a parochial settlement upon me; there is something awful and preternatural in it. I assure you that there is not a part of me that has not gone cr-cr-cr!--that has not crept, crawled, and forficulated ever since; and I just put it to you what sort of a