Part 6
Bill alone of the whole force remained awake, and waited and waited, and as he stood before the gates of the little town, the noise within grew louder and louder until there was a terrific hub-bub within the walls. At last the wicket opened and the face of the respectable Mayor appeared in the little opening, but so altered that at first Bill hardly recognised his good host of the day before, so upset and disturbed did he seem.
The poor man then in the most nervous manner explained that no one in the town had seen anything of the boy scout nor of the town keys since he had let the army out of the gate the previous morning, and until they found them it was, of course, impossible to let any one in. However, the good fellow (who certainly seemed rather helpless without his faithful attendant), besought Bill to wait patiently, as they had not yet given up hope of being able to open the gate. The wicket was again hurriedly closed, and Bill, sitting down by the gate, prepared to wait as patiently as he could. So tired, however, was the noble lad, that in spite of all his endeavours to remain awake he soon fell fast asleep. Long and deeply did he slumber, when he was awakened by a most terrible and deafening noise within the town, which had been growing greater and greater during his repose.
Fortunately all in the camp, on account of their great fatigue, were so deep in sleep that the great uproar was unable to awaken them, but Bill at once stood up and scaled the walls to ascertain if possible the cause of the awful din.
The hub-bub was truly deafening, and from his position on the walls Bill could see all over the little town, which was in a shocking state of confusion. The contents of every house were turned into the streets, and the distracted inhabitants everywhere hunting amongst the furniture and taking it to pieces in their search for the lost keys. Beds were cut open and discharged their feathers in great clouds that floated about the town; the church steeple had been removed and shaken, and the inside well scoured; many of the good people were descending chimneys attached to lines; pavements were lifted, cellars ransacked, the Town Hall taken to little pieces, old houses pulled down, pillar-boxes cleared out, and lamp-posts blown through by the perplexed and almost frantic Killgruellers in their efforts to find the lost keys. All the milk, the wine, the water, the lemonade and the gravy were being strained through butterfly nets or lawn tennis rackets, and, after melting it down, all the butter, dripping and lard was treated in the same way. The treacle tanks and great reservoirs of linseed tea were thoroughly dragged, but with no result whatever.
A great procession of the townsmen nearly filled the high street which led from the gate to the further end of the town. One by one they approached the gates and tried every key they possessed. All kinds of keys, latch keys, watch keys, cupboard keys, box keys were tried, but not one could be found that would open the lock. To make matters even more unbearable, the respectable Mayor, to whom, of course, every one looked for direction and advice in their trouble, was of no earthly use whatever without his scout, upon whom he had so accustomed himself to rely, that he was perfectly helpless without him. His respectability, exert it as much as he would, made no difference of any kind upon the situation, except, perhaps, to place the poor man in everybody's way.
Bill returned to the King who, with the whole camp, was now wide awake, and wondering what on earth was taking place in the town. Bill at once hastened to explain the state of things, in the hope that the old man would at last give up all idea of the liquorice; but in this he was much mistaken, for, instead of replying to Bill, the grumpy old provoker turned sulky and would not say a word, so that there was nothing for the poor lad to do but to wait with what patience he could assume.
The day declined, with no lessening of the terrific din within the town, and the gates remained obstinately closed. As evening approached, little clouds of smoke, with now and again a spurt of flame, could be seen rising from the other side of the walls. Presently a single Killgrueller was observed upon the walls, from which he nimbly leapt to the ground on the outer side, and made off round the base of the mountains, in an opposite direction to the camp. Now another appeared and disappeared in the same way; then another and another, and yet another, and then families of two, three, and four. At last whole crowds came scrambling over the walls, and vanished in the same direction, all carrying as many of their belongings as they could conveniently bring along with them.
This went on until all the inhabitants, with the exception of the Mayor, had left the now blazing town, when he was seen standing alone upon the walls. Like the captain of a sinking ship, the noble fellow had waited until all had found safety before he sought it for himself. Bill hastened to assist him in his descent, and no sooner had the poor man reached the ground than Bill led him gently before the King and all the officers of the little army, who were assembled together watching the flames, and besought him to give them some explanation of these truly unaccountable proceedings of the Killgruellers.
'Alas! and alack-a-day!' sighed the unfortunate gentleman, 'allow me first of all to put four questions to you. Firstly, What is the good of a locked lock without a key?'
They were all forced to admit that it was of no use whatever.
'Secondly, What is the good of a gate with a useless lock that won't unlock?'
No earthly use, all again admitted.
'Thirdly, What is the use of a town if you can't get into it?'
Of course, they all agreed there was only one answer to that.
'And now, fourthly and lastly,' said the Mayor, 'What do you do with all useless things?'
'Destroy them,' Bill promptly rejoined.
'Exactly,' said the Right Honourable Hesketh, 'and that is what we have done with our now useless town, and all the inhabitants are hastening to build another town on the further side of the mountain, the gates of which shall always be nailed open in order that such a dreadful calamity may not occur again.'
Bill somehow could not help thinking that there might have been another way out of the difficulty, but he did not like to say so. The old King at last realised that the Killgruel liquorice was not for him, so he offered no serious objections when Bill, early next morning, gave the necessary orders to pack up and prepare for the march, which they now resumed. The respectable gentleman preferred to remain with them rather than again face the unfortunate Killgruellers.
They had not advanced very far upon their road, when Bill, who generally walked a little in advance of his troop, heard a strange clanking noise that appeared to proceed from a tall tree at the wayside. Wondering what odd bird possessed such an unmusical song, he allowed his gaze to wander thoughtfully among the leaves when, suddenly, what should he behold but the form of the vanished scout, dangling by his legs from a branch, and every time the tree was gently stirred by the breeze, there came forth upon the air this weird sound.
Bill hastened to cut him down, but, to his unspeakable surprise, the unhappy young stripling cried, 'Don't, don't! the keys! the keys!' He then explained that when bidding farewell to them the other morning from the walls of Killgruel, in his excitement he had suddenly fallen back and swallowed the keys which, at the time, he had been holding between his teeth. Bill now recalled the strange cry that the poor lad had uttered as they left Killgruel on that occasion. However, in spite of his reluctance to be right side up again until he had recovered the keys, Bill insisted on fetching him down, and, in the severe struggle that ensued, the keys fell out of the boy's throat.
When at length the army came upon the scene, nothing could exceed the joy of the respectable Mayor at beholding his good attendant, whom he had despaired of ever seeing again. He easily persuaded the willing young creature to remain with him, and share the fortunes of the King of Troy, and thus, with this very welcome addition to their forces, the gallant band marched on.
* * * * *
THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN
Some weeks after leaving Killgruel, the noble little band entered a great forest, in the middle of which they overtook a stately char-woman; and no sooner did the Doctor behold her than he left the ranks, and going up to her, shook her kindly by the hand. He then introduced her to the King as the Sicilian Char-woman, and very chatty and pleasant she proved to be, and as she was travelling in the same direction, she graciously entertained them with the story of her life:--
'You may indeed find it more than difficult to believe me when I aver that I am the daughter of an Arabian Prince, and that in my early years I was considered not merely the most intelligent, but also the most beautiful and fascinating creature in my father's dominion. As companions in my early childhood I had sixteen elder sisters, all of whom were blessed with singularly affectionate natures, and were generally declared to be only less beautiful and intelligent than myself. No care or expense was spared in our education and in fitting us for the truly exalted position it was hoped that we should occupy, as the daughters of a distinguished Arabian Prince. With this good end in view, the services were secured of the best of music-masters, dancing-masters, and instructors in the many graceful accomplishments that were becoming to our rank; yet, alas! with all that one could reasonably ask for, with every whim and wish gratified almost before it was expressed, with the most indulgent of parents, whose sole joy was to fill our lives with happiness, a settled melancholy by degrees possessed my soul and rendered me unfit to share the youthful pleasures of my sisters. It was not that I was in any way unmindful of all the kindness shown to me in countless ways, but that a craving, always with me since my earliest days, to see the wonderful world I had so often heard described in glowing terms, grew with me as time went by, and, weary of the idle life I led, I longed to use and develop in wider fields the great intelligence I had been gifted with.
'At first, as was to be expected, my parents would not hear of my leaving them, but seeing that I grew sadder and more discontented day by day, they at length reluctantly gave their consent, for, after all, what greater wish had they than for my happiness.
'After many consultations with the wisest men in my father's court, it was decided that I should take a course of instruction at the Royal Charing College of Sicily, and, on the fateful day, I took leave of my sorrowing parents and sisters, and, in charge of the Grand Vizier, left for Sicily.
'With such good introductions as my father was easily able to command, I had no difficulty in gaining an entry to the College, in which I very soon learnt to distinguish myself. No lack of enthusiasm and industry did I bring to my tasks, and a native ability far above the average soon found opportunities for development, so that in the course of time I was discharged, a fully certified and perfected char-woman.
'Since those early days my skill, my virtues, and my affections have been devoted to the welfare of many families, some of whom were undoubtedly good, some indifferent, while some again were undoubtedly bad. But without any question the worst household of all was that of the Pettigrew Leanmuffins, when first I devoted myself to the wellbeing of its members. Afterwards, however, as you shall hear, their trials, together with my disinterested conduct, wrought a reformation in their natures as astounding as it was welcome to all who knew them.
'Mr. Pettigrew Leanmuffins himself, a man of some attainments, though ill-tempered and close to a degree bordering on meanness, had little enough to do with me, hardly ever, indeed, disguising his efforts to ignore my very existence; but no words at my command could describe the ungenerous nature of Mrs. Leanmuffins, who not only refused to concede any little favours to me, such as gracefully offering to entertain my worthy friend the waiter and his respectable family, but even denied, with much asperity, my right to enjoy an afternoon nap on the drawing-room lounge.
'Of no value, in her prejudiced eyes, were the hardly-earned diplomas that had been awarded me during my five years' course at the College, and though richly illuminated with gold, amethysts and pearls, and framed in gorgeously brocaded velvet, she would not hear of my certificates for charing being displayed on the walls of the music-room beside her daughters' certificates for musical proficiency. With such poor examples as their parents constantly before them, it is not to be wondered at that the three daughters, Grillette, Pandalaura, and Blen should discover to one, who would have been their good friend, natures so mean that there seemed little promise of their ever possessing more generous dispositions. Rather, the wonder is that they were not really worse than they were, and beyond the chance of any reformation.
'Each valued her own paltry and merely ornamental accomplishments at a far higher rate than my own well proved and certified skill in the serious art of charing, and in their own rude way they never missed an opportunity of reminding me of their fancied superiority.
'During these early years of trial no other consolation had I than the society of the youngest of the Leanmuffin brood--Basil Herbert, one who as yet had not developed the mean disposition of his parents and sisters. For hours together, when the other Leanmuffins were away at some jaunt or frolic mayhap, would I, perhaps smarting under some recent indignity, pour forth my troubles into his not unwilling ears. Though but two years of age at the most, he seemed to understand, and I felt that in his own quiet way he gave me his sympathy. I therefore resolved in my young heart that he, at least, should not be spoilt, and to save him from falling to the depths of the other Leanmuffins was now my one hope in life.
'How often would I, in dumb show, act kind deeds before him in little scenes and plays that I had composed for the purpose, using the kitchen utensils to personify my various characters, thus accustoming his growing mind to kind thoughts, until in time he gave promise of becoming as virtuous as he was handsome.
'He endeared himself to all by his amiable ways, though none suspected to whose loving and untiring care they were due, and friends, nay, even strangers from distant lands travelled to see him, and marvelled at his decorous and kindly behaviour, which charmed as well as astonished all beholders.
'His virtues, however, strong as they were, did not render him immune to the weaknesses to which young children are liable, and in his fifth year he developed a chilblain of the most painful description. Every remedy was tried, dried turnip seed, applications of roasted capers, poultices of wild figs and nard, fomentations of honey and turbot's roe, and many other recipes for the curing of chilblains, recommended by anxious friends. Nevertheless the blain grew chillier and chillier until at last they were compelled to send for a physician.
'The physician, after spending a whole afternoon examining the foot, eventually took the most serious view of the case imaginable, and hastily wrote out the following prescription, promising to call again in a few days:--
1 Pint New Gruel. 1 gr. Tincture of Green Acorns. 1/2 gr. Hypo. 1/16 gr. Castor Sugar. 3 Clove Kernels. 1/2 lb. Coffee Essence. 3/4 lb. Sugar of Zinc. 2 gr. Bisulphite of Lead. 1 Pint Spirits of Sulphur. 5 gr. Bicarbonate of Saltpetre. 1 oz. Table Salt.
'Three drops to be mixed in a quart of lukewarm water and gently rubbed into the roots of the blain every five minutes, day and night, until its disappearance, which, if all went well, should take place in about six months' time.
'I was sent out at once, without a "please" or "will you kindly" of course, to the nearest chemist to have the prescription made up. But, alas! he was unable to do it, as he had only three of the necessary ingredients in stock,--the bicarbonate of saltpetre, the table salt, and the hypo. I now went in turn to every chemist in the town, only to find that not one of them could supply me with _all_ the necessary ingredients. One perhaps had the tincture of green acorns and the hypo, while another had all but the coffee essence and the clove kernels. Some again only had the spirits of sulphur and the sugar of zinc, and so on. Now, in my despair, I resolved to buy each separate ingredient at a different store and mix the prescription myself, but, alas! I was no nearer obtaining it, as no one could supply me with the clove kernels. Determined to succeed, I visited in succession every town in Sicily, but not a single clove kernel could I find from one end of the island to the other.
'As I stood on the sea-shore at the edge of the island wondering what next I should do to complete the prescription, my thoughts flew across the sea to my home in Arabia, and I decided to return there at once in the hope of learning from my parents where I should be most likely to find the kernels.
'With the other ingredients securely sewn into the lining of my skirt, I embarked for Arabia, and in due course arrived at my father's palace.
'When my good parents recognised me, which they did only after some minutes of close scrutiny, for it was at least twenty-five years since I had left home, they extended to me the kindliest welcome, and by their affectionate conduct dispelled any restraint I might have felt after so long an absence. In the meanwhile each of my sixteen sisters had married a Sultan or Prince at the very least, and they were now reigning in truly regal splendour in different parts of the world, and my parents, being alone in their old age, begged of me to come and live with them and gladden their declining years. This, however, I soon convinced them I could not do, and besought their help and advice in my quest. The Prince, my father, manifested the greatest desire to assist me, and took a fatherly interest in my fortunes. He caused the palace to be ransacked from top to bottom, but with no success,--there was not a single clove kernel to be found in the place.
'After an affectionate parting with my father and mother, I visited every one of my married sisters in turn, each of whom introduced me to her husband and friends with considerable pride, for you must know that already my fame as a char-woman of great ability had reached even to the most distant parts. One and all were equally felicitous in their expressions of delight at seeing me, and equally pressing in their invitations to me to take up my abode with them. Yet none were able to help me in the quest I had so much at heart.
'At last I returned to Sicily without the clove kernels, and, too ashamed to appear before the Leanmuffins without the completed prescription, I wandered about the island in despair, resting at night in the caves of the mountains, satisfying the cravings of my hunger on the hard dry leaves of the cactus.
'I now bethought me of my good friend the waiter and the willingness he had consistently evinced to help me when in trouble, and once more I embarked, this time for the shores of Lombardy, at which place I knew he had a comfortable situation. With very little difficulty I found the refreshment establishment at which he worked, and, as I anticipated, he was extremely pleased to meet me again, and manifested the liveliest joy at the prospect of being of some help to me. Together we studied the menu of the day very thoroughly, but could find no mention whatever of clove kernels, and then, idly looking through some menus of recent date, handsomely bound together for future reference, we discovered that clove kernels had been served as recently as the day before. It would be useless to attempt to describe the despair that took possession of me when I discovered that I had only missed them by one day. The waiter excitedly rushed down to the kitchen to see if any had been left over, but, alas! there was not a single clove kernel to be found in the larder or anywhere else. On leaving the refreshment rooms I shed the bitterest tears that had ever fallen from my usually joyful eyes, and on the rocks by the sea gave way to a mood of the greatest despondency.
'More ashamed than ever to return to the Leanmuffins, I made several inquiries for any one requiring the services of an amicable, virtuous, and, at the same time, experienced char-woman, determined to find work in Lombardy if any were to be had.
'Not receiving satisfactory replies to my inquiries, my good waiter, true to his kind nature, introduced me to one of his most regular customers, the Marquis of Lombardy, who had been looking out for some years for a capable char-woman to superintend the management of his domestic affairs. Meeting with the approval of the Marquis, I thus secured a comfortable home, and resolved to forget that I had ever lived in Sicily.
'Now it happened that the Marquis, being a regular diner at the restaurant, had partaken of clove kernels on the last occasion they were served, and three or four must have fallen from his spoon into his waistcoat pocket at the time, for I overheard his valet repeat to the housemaid that he had found them therein when brushing his master's clothes, and that he had presented them to one of the boatmen's children. Learning the name of the child, not a moment did I lose in hunting for him high and low, and eventually discovered him playing idly on the sands with what, I was convinced, were the kernels I so much coveted. At last, thought I, they are within my reach, and running joyfully up to the light-hearted lad discovered, alas! that he was only playing with brass buttons.
'After the first shock of my new disappointment had passed away, I questioned the lad as to how he had disposed of the clove kernels, and he told me that his father, who considered them excellent bait, had taken them from him and given him three brass buttons in exchange.
'On asking him where his father was at the present moment, he pointed with his sunburnt hand to the horizon, and looking in the direction indicated, I perceived a little fishing-smack, miles away. Without the loss of a single second, I hired a boat, and, with a boatman to assist, rowed in pursuit, and after a chase of three or four hours drew up, in an exhausted condition, alongside the smack. I now in piteous tones begged the clove kernels of the weather-beaten mariner, but he only laughed loudly and bitterly in reply, and, on my inquiring the reason of his cruel mirth, told me in faltering accents that he had only just hauled in his lines to discover that the fish had gone off with the bait and hook as well. Thus doomed to disappointment, I spent the rest of the day in a state of mind bordering on madness.