Part 10

_Laz._ I will lay by these habits, forms, and grave respects of what I am, and be my self; only my appetite, my fire, my soul, my being, my dear appetite shall go along with me, arm'd with whose strength, I fearless will attempt the greatest danger dare oppose my fury: I am resolv'd where ever that thou art, most sacred dish, hid from unhallow'd eyes, to find thee out.

Be'st thou in Hell, rap't by _Proserpina_, To be a rival in black _Pluto's_ love; Or mov'st thou in the heavens, a form Divine: Lashing the lazie Sphear[s], Or if thou be'st return'd to thy first Being, Thy mother Sea, the[re] will I seek thee forth. Earth, Air, nor Fire, Nor the black shades below shall bar my sight So daring is my powerful appetite.

_Boy._ Sir, you may save this long voyage, and take a shorter cut: you have forgot your self, the fish head's here, your own imaginations have made you mad.

_Laz._ Term it a jealous fury, good my boy.

_Boy._ Faith Sir term it what you will, you must use other terms [ere] you can get it.

_Laz._ The looks of my sweet love are fair, Fresh and feeding as the air.

_Boy._ Sir, you forget your self.

_Laz._ Was never seen so rare a head, Of any Fish alive or dead.

_Boy._ Good Sir remember: this is the house, Sir.

_Laz._ Cursed be he that dare not venture.

_Boy._ Pity your self, Sir, and leave this fury.

_Laz._ For such a prize, and so I enter.

[_Exit_ Lazarello _and Boy_.

_Pan._ Dun's i'th' mire, get out again how he can: My honest gallant, I'll shew you one trick more Than e'er the fool your father dream'd of yet. _Madona Julia_?

_Enter_ Madona Julia, _a Whore_.

_Julia._ What news my sweet rogue, my dear sins-broker, what? good news?

_Pan._ There is a kind of ignorant thing, Much like a Courtier, now gone in.

_Jul._ Is he gallant?

_Pan._ He shines not very gloriously, nor does he wear one skin perfum'd to keep the other sweet; his coat is not in _Or_, nor does the world run yet on wheels with him; he's rich enough, and has a small thing follows him, like to a boat tyed to a tall ships tail: give him entertainment, be light, and flashing like a Meteor, hug him about the neck, give him a kiss, and lisping cry, good Sir; and he's thine own, as fast as he were tied to thine arms by Indenture[s].

_Jul._ I dare doe more than this, if he be o'th' true Court cut; I'll take him out a lesson worth the Learning: but we are but their Apes; what's he worth?

_Pan._ Be he rich, or poor; if he will take thee with him, thou maist use thy trade [free] from Constables, and Marshals: who hath been here since I went out?

_Jul._ There is a Gentlewoman sent hither by a Lord, she's a piece of dainty stuff my rogue, smooth and soft, as new Sattin; she was never gumm'd yet boy, nor fretted.

_Pan._ Where lies she?

_Jul._ She lies above, towards the street, not to be spoke with, but by [the] Lord that sent her, or some from him, we have in charge from his servants.

_Enter_ Lazarello.

_Pan._ Peace, he comes out again upon discovery; up with all your Canvas, hale him in; and when thou hast done, clap him aboard bravely, my valiant Pinnace.

_Jul._ Begone, I shall doe reason with him.

_Laz._ Are you the special beauty of this house?

_Jul._ Sir, you have given it a more special regard by your good language, than these black brows can merit.

_Laz._ Lady, you are fair.

_Jul._ Fair Sir? I thank ye; all the poor means I have left to be thought grateful, is but a kiss, and ye shall have it Sir.

_Laz._ Ye have a very moving lip.

_Jul._ Prove it again Sir, it may be your sense was set too high, and so over-wrought it self.

_Laz._ 'Tis still the same: how far may ye hold the time to be spent Lady?

_Jul._ Four a clock, Sir.

_Laz._ I have not eat to day.

_Jul._ You will have the better stomach to your supper; in the mean time I'll feed you with delight.

_Laz._ 'Tis not so good upon an empty stomach: if it might be without the trouble of your house, I would eat?

_Jul._ Sir, we can have a Capon ready.

_Laz._ The day?

_Jul._ 'Tis Friday, Sir.

_Laz._ I do eat little flesh upon these days.

_Jul._ Come sweet, ye shall not think on meat; I'll drown it with a better appetite.

_Laz._ I feel it work more strangely, I must eat.

_Jul._ 'Tis now too late to send; I say ye shall not think on meat: if ye do, by this kiss I'll be angry.

_Laz._ I could be far more sprightful, had I eaten, and more lasting.

_Jul._ What will you have Sir? name but the Fish, my Maid shall bring it, if it may be got.

_Laz._ Methinks your house should not be so unfurnish'd, as not to have some pretty modicum.

_Jul._ It is [so] now: but you'd ye stay till supper?

_Laz._ Sure I have offended highly, and much, and my [infl]ictions makes it manifest, I will retire henceforth, and keep my chamber, live privately, and dye forgotten.

_Jul._ Sir, I must crave your pardon, I had forgot my self; I have a dish of meat within, and it is fish; I think this Dukedom holds not a daintier: 'tis an _Umbranoes_ head.

_Laz._ [Lady, this] kiss is yours, and this.

_Jul._ Hoe! within there! cover the board, and set the Fish head on it.

_Laz._ Now am I so truly happy, so much above all fate and fortune, that I should despise that man, durst say, remember _Lazarello_, thou art mortal.

_Enter Intelligencers with a Guard._

_2 Int._ This is the villain, lay [hands] on him.

_Laz._ Gentlemen, why am I thus intreated? what is the nature of my crime?

_2 Int._ Sir, though you have carried it a great while privately, and (as you think) well; yet we have seen you Sir, and we do know thee _Lazarello_, for a Traitor.

_Laz._ The gods defend our Duke.

_2 Int._ Amen, Sir, Sir, this cannot save that stiff neck from the halter.

_Jul._ Gentlemen, I am glad you have discover'd him, he should not have eaten under my roof for twenty pounds; and surely I did not like him, when he call'd for Fish. _Laz._ My friends, will ye let me have that little favour--

_1 Int._ Sir, ye shall have Law, and nothing else.

_Laz._ To let me stay the eating of a bit or two, for I protest I am yet fasting.

_Jul._ I'll have no Traitor come within my house.

_Laz._ Now could I wish my self I had been a Traitor, I have strength enough for to endure it, had I but patience: Man thou art but grass, thou art a bubble, and thou must perish.

Then lead along, I am prepar'd for all: Since I have lost my hopes, welcome my fall.

_2 Int._ Away Sir.

_Laz._ As thou hast hope of man, stay but this dish this two hours, I doubt not but I shall be discharged: by this light I will marry thee.

_Jul._ You shall marry me first then.

_Laz._ I do contract my self unto thee now, before these Gentlemen.

_Jul._ I'll preserve it till you be hang'd or quitted.

_Laz._ Thanks, thanks.

_2 Int._ Away, away, you shall thank her at the gallows.

_Laz._ Adieu, adieu. [_Exeunt_ Laz. _2 Int. and Guard._

_Jul._ If he live I'll have him, if he be hang'd, there's no loss in it. [_Exit._

_Enter_ Oriana _and her waiting woman, looking out at a window_.

_Orian._ Hast thou provided one to bear my Letter to my brother?

_Wait._ I have enquir'd, but they of the house will suffer no Letter nor message to be carried from you, but such as the Lord _Gondarino_ shall be acquainted with: truly Madam I suspect the house to be no better than it should be.

_Ori._ What dost thou doubt?

_Wait._ Faith I am loth to tell it, Madam.

_Ori._ Out with it, 'tis not true modesty to fear to speak that thou dost think.

_Wait._ I think it [be] one of these [same] Bawdy houses.

_Ori._ 'Tis no matter wench, we are warm in it, keep thou thy mind pure, and upon my word, that name will do thee no hurt: I cannot force my self yet to fear any thing; when I do get out, I'll [have] another encounter with my Woman-Hater. Here will I sit. I may get sight of some of my friends, it must needs be a comfort to them to see me here.

_Enter_ Duke, Gondarino, Count, Arrigo.

_Gond._ Are we all sufficiently disguis'd? for this house where she attends me, is not to be visited in our own shapes.

_Duke._ We are not our selves.

_Arr._ I know the house to be sinful enough, yet I have been heretofore, and durst now, but for discovering of you, appear here in my own likeness.

_Duke._ Where's _Lucio_?

_Arri._ My Lord, he said the affairs of the Common-wealth would not suffer him to attend always.

_Duke._ Some great ones questionless that he will handle.

_Count._ Come, let us enter.

_Gond._ See how Fortune strives to revenge my quarrel upon these women, she's in the window, were it not to undoe her, I should not look upon her.

_Duke._ Lead us _Gondarino_.

_Gond._ Stay; since you force me to display my shame, Look there, and you my Lord, know you that face?

_Duke._ Is't she?

_Count._ It is.

_Gond._ 'Tis she, whose greatest virtue ever was Dissimulation; she that still hath strove More to sin cunningly, than to avoid it: She that hath ever sought to be accounted Most virtuous, when she did deserve most scandal: 'Tis she that itches now, and in the height Of her intemperate thoughts, with greedy eyes Expects my coming to allay her Lust: Leave her; forget she's thy sister.

_Count._ Stay, stay.

_Duke._ I am as full of this, as thou canst be, The memory of this will easily Hereafter stay my loose and wandring thought[s] From any Woman.

_Count._ This will not down with me, I dare not trust this fellow.

_Duke._ Leave her here, that only shall be her punishment, never to be fetcht from hence; but let her use her trade to get her living.

_Count._ Stay good my Lord, I do believe all this, as great men as I, have had known whores to their Sisters, and have laught at it: I would fain hear how she talks, since she grew thus light: will your grace make him shew himself to her, as if he were now come to satisfie her longing? whilst we, unseen of her, over-hear her wantonness, let's make our best of it now, we shall have good mirth.

_Duke._ Do it _Gondarino_.

_Gond._ I must; fortune assist me but this once.

_Count._ Here we shall stand unseen, and near enough.

_Gond._ Madam, _Oriana_.

_Oria._ Who's that? oh! my Lord?

_Gond._ Shall I come up?

_Oria._ Oh you are merry, shall I come down?

_Gond._ It is better there.

_Oria._ What is the confession of the lye you made to the Duke, which I scarce believe, yet you had impudence enough to do? did it not gain you so much faith with me, as that I was willing to be at your Lordships bestowing, till you had recover'd my credit, and confest your self a lyar, as you pretended to do? I confess I began to fear you, and desir'd to be out of your house, but your own followers forc'd me hither.

_Gond._ 'Tis well suspected, dissemble still, for there are some may hear us.

_Oria._ More tricks yet, my Lord? what house this is I know not, I only know my self: it were a great conquest, if you could fasten a scandal upon me: 'faith my Lord, give me leave to write to my brother?

_Duke._ Come down.

_Count._ Come down.

_Arr._ If it please your Grace, there's a back door.

_Count._ Come meet us there then.

_Duke._ It seems you are acquainted with the house.

_Arr._ I have been in it.

_Gond._ She saw you and dissembled.

_Duke._ Sir, we shall know that better.

_Gond._ Bring me unto her, if I prove her not To be a strumpet, let me be contemn'd Of all her sex. [_Exeunt._

_Actus Quintus. Scæna Prima._

_Enter_ Lucio.

_Luc._ Now whilst the young Duke follows his delights, We that do mean to practise in the State, Must pick our times, and set our faces in, And nod our heads as it may prove most fit For the main good of the dear Common-wealth: Who's within there?

_Enter a Servant._

_Serv._ My Lord?

_Luc._ Secretary, fetch the Gown I use to read Petitions in, and the Standish I answer French Letters with: and call in the Gentleman that attends: [_Exit Serv._

Little know they that do not deal in State, How many things there are to be observ'd, Which seem but little; yet by one of us (Whose brains do wind about the Common-wealth) Neglected, cracks our credits utterly.

_Enter Gentleman and a Servant._

Sir, but that I do presume upon your secresie, I would not have appear'd to you thus ignorantly attir'd without a tooth-pick in a ribbond, or a Ring in my bandstring[s].

_Gent._ Your Lordship sen[t] for me?

_Luc._ I did: Sir, your long practice in the State, under a great man, hath led you to much experience.

_Gent._ My Lord.

_Luc._ Suffer not your modesty to excuse it: in short, and in private, I desire your direction, I take my study already to be furnisht after a grave and wise method.

_Gent._ What will this Lord do?

_Luc._ My Book-strings are sutable, and of a reaching colour.

_Gent._ How's this?

_Luc._ My Standish of Wood, strange and sweet, and my fore-flap hangs in the right place, and as near _Machiavel's_, as can be gathered by tradition.

_Gent._ Are there such men as will say nothing abroad, and play the fools in their Lodgings? this Lord must be followed: and hath your Lordship some new made words to scatter in your speeches in publick, to gain note, that the hearers may carry them away, and dispute of them at dinner?

_Luc._ I have Sir: and besides, my several Gowns and Caps agreeable to my several occasions.

_Gent._ 'Tis well, and you have learn'd to write a bad hand, that the Readers may take pains for it.

_Luc._ Yes Sir, and I give out I have the palsie.

_Gent._ Good, 'twere better though, if you had it: your Lordship hath a Secretary, that can write fair, when you purpose to be understood.

_Luc._ 'Faith Sir I have one, there he stands, he hath been my Secretary these seven years, but he hath forgotten to write.

_Gen._ If he can make a writing face, it is not amiss, so he keep his own counsel: your Lordship hath no hope of the Gout?

_Luc._ Uh, little Sir, since the pain in my right foot left me.

_Gent._ 'Twill be some scandal to your wisdom, though I see your Lordship knows enough in publick business.

_Luc._ I am not imploy'd (though to my desert) in occasions forreign, nor frequented for matters domestical.

_Gent._ Not frequented? what course takes your Lordship?

_Luc._ The readiest way, my door stands wi[de], my Secretary knows I am not denied to any.

_Gent._ In this (give me leave) your Lordship is out of the way: make a back door to let out Intelligencers; seem to be ever busie, and put your door under keepers, and you shall have a troop of Clients sweating to come at you.

_Luc._ I have a back door already, I will henceforth be busie, Secretary, run and keep the door. [_Exit Secretary._

_Gent._ This will fetch 'um?

_Luc._ I hope so.

_Enter Secretary._

_Secr._ My Lord, there are some require access to you, about weighty affairs of State.

_Luc._ Already?

_Gent._ I told you so.

_Luc._ How weighty is the business?

_Secr._ Treason my Lord.

_Luc._ Sir, my debts to you for this are great.

_Gent._ I will leave your Lordship now.

_Luc._ Sir, my death must be suddain, if I requite you not: at the back door good Sir.

_Gent._ I will be your Lordships Intelligencer for once. [_Exit Gentleman._

_Enter Secretary._

_Secr._ My Lord.

_Luc._ Let 'em in, and say I am at my study.

_Enter_ Lazarello, _and two Intelligencers_, Lucio _being at his study_.

_1 Int._ Where is your Lord?

_Secr._ At his study, but he will have you brought in.

_Laza._ Why Gentlemen, what will you charge me withal?

_2 Int._ Treason, horrible treason, I hope to have the leading of thee to prison, and prick thee on i'th' arse with a Halbert: to have him hang'd that salutes thee, and call all those in question that spit not upon thee.

_Laz._ My thred is spun, yet might I but call for this dish of meat at the gallows, instead of a Psalm, it were to be endur'd: the Curtain opens, now my end draws on.

[_Secretary draws the Curtain._

_Luc._ Gentlemen, I am not empty of weighty occasions at this time; I pray you your business.

_1 Int._ My Lord, I think we have discover'd one of the most bloudy Traitors, that ever the world held.

_Luc._ Signior _Lazarillo_, I am glad ye are one of this discovery, give me your hand.

_2 Int._ My Lord, that is the Traitor.

_Luc._ Keep him off, I would not for my whole estate have touchd him.

_Laz._ My Lord.

_Luc._ Peace Sir, I know the devil is at your tongue's end, to furnish you with speeches: what are the particulars you charge him with?

[_They deliver a paper to_ Lucio, _who reads_.

_Both Int._ We [have] conferr'd our Notes, and have extracted that, which we will justifie upon our oaths.

_Luc._ That he would be greater than the Duke, that he had cast plots for this, and meant to corrupt some to betray him, that he would burn the City, kill the Duke, and poison the Privy Council; and lastly kill himself. Though thou deserv'st justly to be hang'd with silence, yet I allow thee to speak, be short.

_Laz._ My Lord, so may my greatest wish succeed, So may I live, and compass what I seek, As I had never treason in my thoughts, Nor ever did conspire the overthrow Of any creatures but of brutish beasts, Fowls, Fishes, and such other humane food, As is provided for the good of man. If stealing Custards, Tarts, and Florentines By some late Statute be created Treason; How many fellow-Courtiers can I bring, Whose long attendance and experience, Hath made them deeper in the plot than I?

_Luc._ Peace, such hath ever been the clemency of my gracious Master the Duke, in all his proceedings, that I had thought, and thought I had thought rightly; that malice would long e'r this have hid her self in her Den, a[n]d have turn'd her own sting against her own heart: but I well [now] perceive, that so froward is the disposition of a deprav'd nature, that it doth not only seek revenge, where it hath receiv'd injury, but many times thirst after their destruction, where it hath met with benefits.

_Laz._ But my good Lord--

_2 Int._ Let's gagg him.

_Luc._ Peace again, but many times thirst after destruction, where it hath met with benefits; there I left: Such, and no better are the business that we have now in hand.

_1 Int._ He's excellently spoken.

_[2] Int._ He'll wind a Traitor I warrant him.

_Luc._ But surely methinks, setting aside the touch of conscience, and all [other] inward convulsions.

_2 Int._ He'll be hang'd, I know by that word.

_Laz._ Your Lordship may consider--

_Luc._ Hold thy peace: thou canst not answer this speech: no Traitor can answer it: but because you cannot answer this speech, I take it you have confess'd the Treason.

_1 Int._ The Count _Valore_ was the first that discover'd him, and can witness it; but he left the matter to your Lordship's grave consideration.

_Luc._ I thank his Lordship, carry him away speedily to the Duke.

_Laz._ Now _Lazarillo_ thou art tumbl'd down The hill of fortune, with a violent arm; All plagues that can be, Famine, and the Sword Will light upon thee, black despair will boil In thy despairing breast, no comfort by, Thy friends far off, thy enemies are nigh.

_Luc._ Away with him, I'll follow you, look you pinion him, and take his money from him, lest he swallow a shilling, and kill himself.

_2 Int._ Get thou on before. [_Exeunt._

_Actus Quintus. Scæna [2]._

_Enter the Duke, the Count_, Gondarino, _and_ Arrigo.

_Duke._ Now _Gondarino_, what can you put on now That may [again] deceive us? Have ye more strange illusions, yet more mists, Through which, the weak eye may be led to error: What can ye say that may do satisfaction Both for her wrong'd honor, and your ill?

_Gond._ All I can say, or may, is said already: She is unchaste, or else I have no knowledge, I do not breathe, nor have the use of sense.

_Duke._ Dare ye be yet so wilful, ignorant of your own nakedness? did not your servants In mine own hearing confess They brought her to that house we found her in, Almost by force: and with a great distrust Of some ensuing hazard?

_Count._ He that hath begun so worthily, It fits not with his resolution To leave off thus, my Lord, I know these are but idle proofs. What says your Lordship to them?

_Gond._ Count, I dare yet pronounce again, thy Sister is not honest.

_Count._ You are your self my Lord, I like your setledness.

_Gond._ Count, thou art young, and unexperienc'd in the dark, hidden ways of Women: Thou dar'st affirm with confidence, a Lady of fifteen may be a Maid.

_Count._ Sir, if it were not so, I have a Sister would set near my heart.

_Gond._ Let her sit near her shame, it better fits her: call back the bloud that made our stream in nearness, and turn the Current to a better use; 'tis too much mudded, I do grieve to know it.

_Duke._ Dar'st thou make up again, dar'st thou turn face, knowing we know thee, hast thou not been discover'd openly? did not our ears hear her deny thy courtings? did we not see her blush with modest anger, to be so overtaken by a trick; can ye deny this Lord?

_Gond._ Had not your Grace, and her kind brother Been within level of her eye, You should have had a hotter volley from her, More full of bloud and fire, ready to leap the window where she stood. So truly sensual is her appetite.

_Duke._ Sir, Sir, these are but words and tricks, give me the proof.

_Count._ What need a better proof than your Lordship? I am sure ye have lain with her my Lord.

_Gond._ I have confest it Sir.

_Duke._ I dare not give thee credit without witness.

_Gond._ Does your grace think we carry seconds with us, to search us, and see fair play: your Grace hath been ill tutor'd in the business; but if you hope to try her truly, and satisfy your self what frailty is, give her the Test: do not remember Count she is your Sister; nor let my Lord the Duke believe she is fair; but put her to it without hope or pity, then ye shall see that golde[n] form flie off, that all eyes wonder at for pure and fixt, and under't base blushing Copper; metall not worth the meanest honor: you shall behold her then my Lord transparent, look through her heart, and view the spirits how they leap, and tell me then I did belie the Lady.

_Duke._ It shall be done: come _Gondarino_ bear us company, We do believe thee: she shall die, and thou shalt see it.

_Enter_ Lazarello, _two Intelligencers, and Guard_.

How now my friends, [whome] have you guarded hither?

_2 Int._ So please your Grace we have discover'd a villain and a Traitor: the Lord _Lucio_ hath examin'd him, and sent him to your Grace for Judgement.

_Count._ My Lord, I dare absolve him from all sin of Treason: I know his most ambition is but a dish of meat; which he hath hunted with so true a scent, that he deserveth the Collar not the Halter.

_Duke._ Why do they bring him thus bound up? the poor man had more need [of] some warm meat, to comfort his cold stomach.

_Count._ Your Grace shall have the cause hereafter, when you [may] laugh more freely:

But these are call'd Informers: men that live by Treason, as Rat-catchers do by poison.