Part 13

_Clow._ When a Dove-house is empty, there is cuminseed used to purloine from the rest of the neighbors; in _England_ you have several Adamants, to draw in spurs and rapiers; one keeps silk-worms in a Gallery: A Milliner has choice of Monkies, and Paraketoes; another shewes bawdy East-Indian Pictures, worse than ever were _Aretines_: a Goldsmith keeps his Wife wedged into his shop like a Mermaid, nothing of her to be seen (thats Woman) but her upper part.

_Host._ Nothing but her upper part?

_Clow._ Nothing but her upper bodies, and he lives at the more hearts ease.

_Host._ What's the reason?

_Clow._ Because her nether part can give no temptation; by your leave, Sir, I'll tend my Master, and instantly be with you for a cup of _Cherally_ this hot weather.

_Host._ A nimble pated Rascal, come hither Daughter, When was _Cesario_ here?

_Bian._ Sir, not this fortnight.

_Host._ I do not like his visits, commonly He comes by Owl-light, both the time and manner Is suspitious; I do not like it.

_Bian._ Sir, the Gentleman Is every way so noble, that you need not Question his intent of coming, though you did; Pray Sir preserve that good opinion of me, That though the custome of the place I was born in, Makes me familiar to every guest, I shall in all things keep my self a stranger To the vices they bring with them.

_Hostis._ Right my daughter: She has the right strain of her Mother.

_Host._ Of her Mother? And I would speak, I know from whence she took it; When I was as young, I was as honest.

_Hostess._ Leave your prating. And study to be drunk; and abuse your guests over and over.

_Enter_ Forobosco, _and_ Clown.

_Host._ Peace Wife. My honorable guest.

_Foro._ My indear'd Landlord? And the rest o'th' complements o'th' house.

_Host._ Breakfast is ready Sir; It waites only the tide of your stomach.

_Clow._ And mine gapes for't like a stale Oyster. Ere you go to bed, fail not of that I pray.

[--_Exeunt all but_ Forobosco, _and_ Clown.

_Foro._ We will instantly be with you; Now we are all fellows. Nine a Clock, and no Clyents come Yet, sure thou do'st not set up bills enough.

_Clow._ I have set up bills in abundance.

_Foro._ What Bills?

_Clow._ Marry for curing of all diseases, Recovery of stoln goods, And a thousand such impossibilities.

_Foro._ The place is unlucky.

_Clow._ No certain, 'tis scarcity of mony; do not you hear the Lawyers complain of it? Men have as much Malice as ever they had to wrangle, but they have no Mony: Whither should this Mony be travell'd?

_Foro._ To the Devil I think.

_Clow._ 'Tis with his Cofferer I am certain, that's the Usurer.

_Foro._ Our cheating does not prosper so well as it was wont to do.

_Clow._ No sure, why in _England_ we coo'd cozen 'em as familiarly, as if we had travell'd with a Brief, or a Lottery.

_Foro._ I'th' Low-countries we did pretty well.

_Clow._ So so: as long as we kept the Mop-headed butter-boxes sober; marry when they were drunk, then they grew buzards: You should have them reel their heads together, and deliberate; your _Dutchman_ indeed, when he is foxt, is like a Fox; for when he's sunk in drink, quite earth to a Mans thinking, 'tis full Exchange time with him, then he's subtlest; but your _Switzer_, 'twas nothing to cheat him.

_Foro._ Nothing?

_Clow._ No, nor conscience to be made of it; for since nature afore-hand cozen'd him of his wit, 'twas the less sin for us to cozen him of his Mony.

_Foro._ But these _Italians_ are more nimble-pated, we must have some new trick for them; I protest but that our Hostess's daughter is a sweet Lass, and draws great resort to'th' house, we were as good draw teeth a horseback.

_Clow._ I told 'em in the Market-place you could conjure, and no body would believe me: but ere long I will make 'em believe you can conjure with such a figuary.

_Foro._ What language shall's conjure in? high _Dutch_ I think, that's full i'th' mouth.

_Clow._ No, no, _Spanish_, that roars best; and will appear more dreadful.

_Foro._ Prethee tell me thy conceit thou hast to gull them.

_Clow._ No, no, I will not stael it; but my dear Jews-trump, for thou art but my instrument, I am the plotter, and when we have cozen'd 'em most titely, thou shalt steal away the Inn-keepers daughter, I'll provide my self of another moveable: and we will most purely retire our selves to _Geneva_.

_Foro._ Thou art the compass I sail by.

_Enter_ Baptista _and_ Mentivole.

_Bap._ Was ever expectation of so Noble A requital answered with such contumely! A wild _Numidian_ that had suck'd a Tigress, Would not have been so barbarous; Did he threat To cut thy hand off?

_Ment._ Yes Sir, and his slaves were ready to perform't.

_Bapt._ What hind'red it?

_Ment._ Only his sons intreaty.

_Bapt._ Noble youth, I wish thou wert not of his blood; thy pitty Gives me a hope thou art not.

_Ment._ You mistake Sir, The injury that followed from the son, Was worse than the fathers; he did first disarme And took from me a Jewel, which I prize Above my hand or life.

_Bap._ Take thy sword from thee? He stole it like a Thief rather, he could not I'th' Field deprive thee of it.

_Ment._ He took it from me, And sent me forth so thin, and so unmade up, As if I had been a Foot-boy.

_Bap._ O my fury! I must now ask thee forgiveness, that my rashness, Bred out of too much friendship, did expose thee To so eminent a danger; which I vow I will revenge on the whole Family: All the calamities of my whole life, My banishment from _Genoa_, my wifes loss Compar'd to this indignity, is nothing; Their Family shall repair't; it shall be to them Like a plague, when the Dog-star reigns most hot: An _Italian's_ revenge may pause, but's ne'er forgot. [_Exit._

_Ment._ I would I had conceal'd this from my Father, For my interest in _Clarissa_; my care now Must be to untangle this division, That our most equal flames may be united; And from these various and perturbed streames, Rise, like a sweet Morn, after terrible dreams.-- [_Exit._

_Enter_ Clarissa _and_ Cæsario.

_Clar._ Brother, I am happy in your recovery.

_Cæs._ And I Sister, am ever best pleased in your happiness: But I miss a toy should be on your finger.

_Clar._ My Ring; this morning when I wash't I put it off, 'tis in my Window.

_Ces._ Where's your Looking-glass?

_Clar._ Here, Sir.

_Ces._ 'Tis a fair one.

_Clar._ 'Tis pure Chrystal.

_Ces._ Can a Diamond cut in Crystal? let me see, I'll grave my name in't.

_Clar._ Oh, you'll spoyl my glass. Would you not have your brother in your eye?

_Ces._ I had thought he had been Planted in your heart, Look you, the Diamond cuts quaintly, you are cozen'd, Your Chrystal is too britle.

_Clar._ 'Tis the Ring I gave unto _Mentivole_, sure the same. You put me to amazement Sir, and horror; How came you by that Ring?

_Ces._ Does the blood rise?

_Clar._ Pray Sir resolve me, O for pitty do; And take from me a trembling at the heart, That else will kill me: for I too much fear Nothing but Death could ravish it from his hand That wore it.

_Cesar._ Was it given to _Mentivola_ on that condition?

_Clar._ Tell me of his health first. And then I'll tell you any thing.

_Cesar._ By my life he's well, In better health than I am.

_Clar._ Then it was Sir.

_Cesar._ Then shall I ever hate thee, Oh thou false one; Hast thou a Faith to give unto a friend, And break it to a brother? Did I not, By all the tyes of blood importune thee Never to part with it without my knowledge? Thou might'st have given it to a Muliter, And made a contrail with him in a stable, At as cheap a price of my vengeance: never more Shall a Womans trust beguile me; You are all Like Relicks: you may well be look't upon, But come a Man to'th' handling of you once, You fall in pieces.

_Clar._ Dear Sir, I have no way Look't either beneath reason, or my self, In my election; there's parity in our blood, And in our fortunes, antient amity Betwixt our parents: to which wants nothing, But the Fruit of blest Marriage between us, To add to their posterities: nor does now Any impeachment rise, except the sad And unexpected quarrel, which divided So noble, and so excellent a friendship, Which as I ne'er had Magick to foresee, So I could not prevent.

_Cæsar._ Well, you must give me leave To have a hand in your disposing, I shall, In the absence of my Father, be your Guardian; His Suit must pass through my office. _Mentivole_, He has too much of my blood already; he has, And he get's no more of't-- Wherefore weep you Mother?

_Enter_ Mariana, _and a_ Sailor.

_Marian._ 'Tis occasion'd by a sorrow, Wherein you have a Child's part, and the mainest, Your Father's dead.

_Cæsar._ Dead?

_Marian._ There's one can relate the rest.

_Sailor._ I can Sir, your Father's drown'd, Most unfortunately drown'd.

_Cæsar._ How? In a tempest?

_Sailor._ No Sir, in a calm, Calm as this evening; the Gunner being drunk, Forgot to fasten the Ordnance to their ports, When came a sudden gust, which tumbled them All to the Starboord side, o'erturn'd the Ship, And sunk her in a moment, some six men That were upon the deck were sav'd: the rest Perish'd with your Father.

_Claris._ O my dearest Father--

_Cesar._ I pray thee leave us.

_Maria._ I have a sorrow of another nature, equal to the former.

_Cesar._ And most commonly they come together.

_Maria._ The Family of the _Baptisti_ Are grown to faction, and upon distast Of the injury late offer'd in my house, Have vow'd a most severe, and fell revenge 'Gainst all our family, but especially 'Gainst you my dear _Cæsario_.

_Cæsar._ Let them threat, I am prepar'd to oppose them.

_Maria._ And is your loss then Of so easie an estimation? What comfort Have I but in your life, and your late danger Presents afore me what I am to suffer, Should you miscarry; therefore I'll advise you When the Funeral is over, you would travel, Both to prevent their fury, and wear out th' injury.

_Cæsar._ No Mother, I will not travel, So in my absence he may marry my Sister, I will not travel certain.

_Maria._ O my _Cesario_, Whom I respect and love 'bove my own life, Indeed with a kind of dotage, he shall never Go forth o' doors, but the contrary faction Will indanger's life, and then am I most wretched. I am thinking of a strange prevention, Which I shall witness with a bleeding eye, Fondness sometimes is worse than cruelty.-- [_Exeunt._

Actus Tertius. Scæna Prima.

_Enter_ Host, Hostess, _and_ Bianca.

_Host._ Haunted, my house is haunted with goblins. I shall be frighted out of my wits, and set up a sign only to invite Carriers and Foot-posts; scar-crows to keep off the Cavalry, and Gentry of the best rank. I will nail up my doors, and wall up my Girle (wife) like an Anchoress; or she will be ravisht before our faces, by rascalls and cacafugo's (wife) cacafugo's.

_Hostess._ These are your In-comes, remember your own proverb, the savor of every gain smelt sweet; thank no body but your self for this trouble.

_Host._ No gauling (dear Spouse) no gauling, every days new vexation abates me two inches in the waste, terrible pennance for an Host, Girle, girle, girle, Which of all this gally-maufry of Mans flesh appears tolerable to thy choice; speak shortly, and speak truely: I must and will know, must and will; Hear ye that?

_Bian._ Sir, be not jealous of my care and duty; I am so far from entertaining thoughts Of liberty, that much more excellent objects Than any of such course contents as these are, Could not betray mine eye to force my heart; Conceive a wish of any dearer happiness Than your direction warrant's. I am yours Sir.

_Hostess._ What thinks the Man now? Is not this strange at 13.

_Host._ Very good words, there's a tang in e'm, and a sweet one, 'tis musick (wife) and now I come t'ee. Let us a little examine the several conditions of our Paragraphistical suitors. The first, a travelling Tailor, who by the mystery of his Needle and Thimble, hath survey'd the fashions of the French, and English; this Signior Ginger-bread, stitcht up in the shreds of a g[a]udy outside, sows Linings with his cross-leg'd complement, like an Ape doing tricks over a staffe, cringes, and crouches, and kisses his forefinger.

_Hostess._ Out upon him.

_Host._ A second, a lavolteteere, a saltatory, a dancer with a Kit at his Bum, one that, by teaching great _Madonnas_ to foot it, has miraculously purchast a ribanded Wastcote, and four clean pair of socks; a fellow that skips as he walkes, and instead of sensible discourse, vents the curious conceit of some new tune stolen from a Mask, or a bawdy dittie, elevated for the _Pole Artick_ of a Ladies chamber, in that file stands another of your inamoratoes.

_Hostess._ Hang him and his Fiddle together, he never fidles any child of ours.

_Host._ The third, a Mongrel, got by a _Switzer_ on an _Italian_; this puppy, being left well estated, comes to _Florence_, that the world may take notice, how impossible it is for experience to alter the course of nature; a fool (wife) and indeed, a Clown turn'd Gallant, seldom or never proves other than a gallant fool, this toy prates to little purpose other than What's a Clock? Shall's go drink? De'e forsooth? and thank ye heartily; I fear no art in him to catch thee, and yet we must be tormented with this buzard amongst the rest.

_Hostess._ 'Tis your own folly, forbid him the House.

_Host._ The fourth, a Mule-driver, a stubborn and a harsh knave: the fifth a School-Master, a very amorous Pedant, run almost mad with study of Sonnets, and Complements out of old Play-ends, the last an Advocates Clerk, that speaks pure Fustian in Law-terms: excellent Courtiers all, and all as neate as a _Magnifio_'s post new painted, at his entrance to an office; thou shalt have none of 'em. Laugh at 'em, do. I say thou shalt have none of 'em.

_Bian._ Still your command to me shall stand a Law.

_Host._ Now they throng like so many horse-coursers at a fair, in clusters about the Man of Art, for Love-powders, ingredients, potions, counsels, postures, complements, philters: the Devil and the--How now? Tumults? Batteries, Noise? ha, get from my sight. [_Clown cries within._

_Enter_ Forobosco, _and_ Clown, _his head bloody_.

_Clow._ Murther me, do, pound me to Mummy, do; see what will come on't.

_Foro._ Dog, leave thy snarling, or I'll cut thy tongue out, Thou un[l]ickt Bear, dar'st thou yet stand my fury, My generous rage? yet! by the sulpherous damps That feed the hungry and incessant darkness, Which curles around the grim _Alastors_ back, Mutter again, and with one powerful word, I'll call an Host up from the _Stygian_ Lakes, Shall waft thee to the _Acherontick_ fens; Where choak't with Mists as black as thy impostures, Thou shalt live still a dying.

_Clow._ Conjure me to the Devil and you can, I live in Hell upon earth already, and you had any mercy, you would not practice upon a kind heart thus.

_Host._ You have drawn blood from him Signior, Is his offence unpardonable?

_Foro._ A lump of ignorance, pray speak not for him, A drowsie grossness, in all Christian Kingdoms, The mention of my art, my name, my practise, Merit and Glory hath begot at once Delight and wonder; I'll not be entreated; Spare intercession for him,----O thou scorn Of learning, shame of duty; must thy sloth Draw my just fame in question? I discharge thee From my service; see me no more henceforth.

_Clow._ Discharge me! Is that my years wages? I'll not be so answer'd.

_Foro._ Not Camel? Sirrah I am liberal to thee; Thou hast thy life, be gone.

_Clow._ Vengeance, sweet vengeance.

_Foro._ De'e mumble?

_Clow._ I'll be reveng'd, monstrously, suddenly, and insatiably; my bulk begins to swell.

_Foro. Homotolenton_, _Pragmatophoros_, _Heliostycorax_.

_Clo._ Call up your Spirits, I defie 'em; well, I'll have Law for my broken pate, twelve ounces of pure blood; _Troy_-weight. In despight of thee my Master, and thy Master the grand Devil himself, _vindicta_, _vindicta_.--[_Exit._

_Host._ Signior, you are exceeding mov'd.

_Hostess._ Mercy upon us, What terrible words thou talk'st?

_Foro._ A slave, a curr--but be not you afrighted Young Virgin, 'twere an injury to sweetness: Should any rough sound draw from your cheeks, The pretious tincture which makes nature proud Of her own workmanship.

_Host._ Wife, Mark, mark that Wife.

_Bian._ Shake then your anger off Sir.

_Foro._ You command it Fair one, mine Host and Hostess, with your leaves I have a motion joyntly to you all.

_Hostess._ An honest one I hope.

_Host._ Well put in Wife.

_Foro._ A very necessary one, the Me[s]s And half of suitors, that attend to usher Their Loves sir-reverence to your daughter, wait With one consent, which can best please her eye; In offering at a Dance, I have provided Musick. And, 'twill be something I dare promise Worthy your laughter, Shall they have admittance?

_Host._ By any means, for I am perswaded the manner will be so Ridiculous, that it will confirm the assurance of their Miserable fooleries, but no longer trouble with 'em here, Than they are in these May-games.

_Foro._ So I am resolv'd.

_Hostess._ Nor any wise word of senceless love.

_Foro._ Not any; I have charm'd them, Did you see How they prepar'd themselves? how they stroak up Their foretops, how they justle for the Looking-glass, To set their faces by it; [_See they Muster._ You would look for some most impossible antick.

_Enter_ Tailor, Dancer, Mule-driver, School-Master, Clark: (_all with several papers, and present_ _'em to_ Forobosco.)

_Host._ So, so, so, so, here flutter the nest of Hornets, the hotch-potch of rascallity; now, now, now, now, the dung-hill of corruption hath yawn'd forth the burthen of abhomination. I am vext, vext to the soul, will rid my house of this unchristen'd fry, and never open my doors again.

_Foro._ Some other time, I'll give no answer now, But have preferred your suits, here shew your cunning. First, every one in order do his honor To the fair mark you shoot at; courtly, courtly, Convey your several loves in lively measure: Come, let us take our seates, some sprightly Musick.

_Host._ Dance all and part, 'tis a very necessary farewell.

_Enter_ Cæsario, _They all make ridiculous conges to_ Bianca: _rank themselves, and dance in several_ _postures: during the dance, Enter_ Cæsario, _and stands off_.

_Host._ Well done my lusty bloods, precisely well done, One lusty rouse of Wine, and take leave on all sides.

_Cesar._ Thanks for your Revels Gentlemen; accept This Gold, and drink as freely as you danc'd.

_Host._ My noble Lord _Cesario_, clear the rooms Sirs.

_Foro._ Away. Attend your answers. [--_Exeunt_ Foro, _and those that danc'd_.

_Cesar._ With your favor _Rolando_, I would change a word or two with your fair daughter.

_Host._ At your Lordships pleasure, come Wife, no muttering, have a care Girle, my love, service, and duty to your good Lordship. [--_Exeunt and_ Wife.

_Cesar._ My often visits (sweet _Bianca_) cannot But constantly inform thy judgment, wherein Thy happiness consists, for to steal minutes From great imployments, to converse with beauty, Lodg'd in so mean a fortune, to lay by Consideration of the unequal distance Between my blood and thine, to shun occasions Of courtship with the Ladies of the time: Noble, and fair, only for love to thee, Must of necessity invite a tenderness; As low as nature could have stampt a Bondwomans. To entertain quick motions of rare gratitude For my uncommon favors.

_Bian._ 'Deed my Lord, as far as my simplicity can lead me, I freely thank your curtesies.

_Cesar._ To thank them, is to reward them pretty one.

_Bian._ Then teach me How I may give them back again; in truth I never yet receiv'd a pair of Gloves: A trifling Ring from any that expected An equall satisfaction, but as willingly I parted with the guift unto the owner, as he bestow'd it.

_Cæsar._ But I pour before thee Such plenties, as it lies not in the ability Of thy whole kindred, to return proportionable One for a thousand.

_Bian._ You my Lord conclude For my instruction, to ingage a debt Beyond a possibility of paiment, I ever thought a sin; and therefore justly Without conceit of scorn, or curious rudeness, I must refuse your bounty.

_Cesar._ Canst thou love?

_Bian._ Love! Is there such a word in any Language That carries honest sence?

_Cesar._ Never dwelt ignorance In so sweet-shap't a building: love, _Bianca_, Is that firm knot which ties two hearts in one: Shall ours be tied so?

_Bian._ Use a plainer word, My Lord. In stead of tyes, say marries hearts, Then I may understand.

_Cæsar._ Their hearts are married Whose enterchange of pleasures, and embraces, Soft kisses, and the privacies of sweets, Keeps constant league together, when temptation Of great mens oathes and gifts, shall urge contempt, Rather than batter resolution, novelty Of sights, or taste of new delights in wantonness, Breeds surfeit more than appetite in any Reserv'd to noble vowes; my excellent Maid, Live thou but true to me, and my contents, Mine only, that no partner may partake The treasure of those sweets thy youth yet glories in, And I will raise thy lowness to abundance Of all varieties, and more triumph In such a Mistris, than great Princes doating On truth-betraying Wives.

_Bian._ Thus to yield up then The cottage of my virtue, to be swallow'd By some hard-neighbouring Landlord, such as you are, Is in effect to love, a Lord so vicious! O where shall innocence find some poor dwelling, Free from temptations tyranny.

_Cesar._ Nay prethee.

_Byan._ Gay clothes, high feeding, easie beds of lust, Change of unseemly sights; with base discourse, Draw curses on your Pallaces; for my part, This I will be confirm'd in, I will eate The bread of labour, know no other rest Than what is earn'd from honest pains, ere once more Lend ear to your vile toyles; Sir, would you were As noble in desires, as I could be in knowing virtue. Pray do not afflict a poor soul thus.

_Cesar._ I swear ---- to me?-- [Bianca _steales off_.

_Enter a_ Gentleman.

_Gent._ The Duke my Lord commands your speedy presence For answering agrievances lately urg'd Against you by your Mother?

_Cesar._ By my Mother.

_Gent._ The Court is near on sitting.

_Cesar._ I wait on it Sir.-- [_Exeunt._

_Enter_ Duke, Magistrate, Secretary, Baptista, Attendants, Mentivole: (_they sit_) Mentivole _stands by_.