Part 16

_Serv._ Oh for a private place to ease my Lungs! Heaven give me patience, such a pair of jades Were never better ridden to this hour, Pray heaven they hold out to the journeys end.

_Long._ Twitch him aside good _Monsieur_, whilst I break Upon the body of his strength, his wife, I have a constant promise: she is my own.

_Serv._ Ply her to wind-ward _Monsieur_, you have taken The most compendious way to raise your self, That could have been delivered by a Counsel.

_Cos._ I have some certain aims, Sir: but my wife--

_Serv._ Your wife, you must not let that trouble you.

_Cos._ It will Sir, to see her in a strangers arms.

_Serv._ What mean you? let her alone, be wise, stir not a foot For if you do, all your hopes are buried: I swear you are a lost man if you stir.

_Cos._ I thank you Sir, I will be more advis'd.

_Serv._ But what great Office do you level at?

_Cos._ Sir, they are kissing.

_Serv._ Let them kiss, And much may do their good hearts; they must kiss And kiss, and double kiss, and kiss again, Or you may kiss the post for any rising: Had your noble kinsman ever mounted To these high Spheres of honor, now he moves in, But for the kisses of his wife?

_Cos._ I know not.

_Serv._ Then I do; credit me, he had been lost, A fellow of no mark, and no repute. Had not his wife kist soon, and very sweetly: She was an excellent woman, and dispatcht him To his full being, in a moment, Sir-- [_Exit_ Long. _and Wife_.

_Cos._ But yet methinks he [sh]ould not take her, Sir, Into a private room.

_Serv._ Now stand and flourish, You are a mad[e] man for ever. I do envy you if you stand your fortunes up, You are the happiest man, but your great Cosin, This day in Court: well, I will marry surely, And not let every man out-run me thus. 'Tis time to be mine own friend, I live In town here, and direct the readiest way, To other men, and be a slave my self.

_Cos._ Nay, good Sir be not mov'd, I am your servant, And will not be ungrateful for this knowledge.

_Serv._ Will you be walking home?

_Cos._ I would desire to have my wife along.

_Serv._ You are too raw, Begone, and take no notice where you left her, Let her return at leasure, if she stay A month, 'twill be the better, understand me This Gentleman can do't. [_Exit Cosin._

_Cos._ I will Sir, and wife remember me, a Duke, a Duke wife.

_Serv._ Aboard her _Longaveile,_ she's thine own, To me the fooling of this fool is venery. [_Exit Servant._

_Enter_ Bewford _and_ Jaques.

_Bew._ Come, prethee come, have I not crowns? behold And follow me, here; not a word, go in Grope by the walls, and you shall find a bed, Lie down there, see, see, a turn or two, to give My blood some heats, and I am presently For action: darkness, by thy leave, I come. [_Exit_ Bew.

_Enter_ Maria.

_Ma._ I am perfect in my lesson, be my speed, Thou god of marriage, this is the door, I'll knock.

Bew. _within_. Whose there, I cannot come yet.

_Ma._ Monsieur _Bewford_?

_Bew._ Stay till I light a candle, who are ye?

_Ma._ Sir? a poor Gentlewoman.

_Enter_ Bewford.

_Bew._ Oh come in, I'll find a time for you too, be not loud.

_Ma._ Sir, you have found that time already, shame On my soul therefore.

_Bew._ Why? what's the matter?

_Ma._ Do you not see, Sir, is your light so dim?

_Bew._ Do you not wait on the Lady Mount _Marine_?

_Ma._ I do Sir, but my love on you.

_Bew._ Poor soul! how cam'st thou by this big belly?

_Ma._ By your self.

_Bew._ By heaven I ne'er touch'd your body.

_Ma._ Yes, unswear that oath again, I'll tell you all; These two years I have lov'd you, but the means How to enjoy you, I did never know Till Twelf-night last, when hearing of your game To take up wenches private in the night, I apprehended straight this course to make My self as one of them, and wait your coming; I did so, and enjoyed you, and now this child That now is quick within me, hide my shame, And marry me, or else I must be forc'd--

_Long. within._ Monsieur _Bewford_, Monsieur _Bewford_.

_Bew._ Whose that calls?

_Long._ Are you a bed?

_Bew._ No Sir, the hangings.

_Enter_ Longaveil.

_Long._ Nay _Monsieur_, I'll forbid that, we'll have fair play, Lend me your candle, are you taken _Bewford_? A lecher of your practice, and close carriage To be discovered thus? I am asham'd So great a master in his art should fail, And stagger in his grounds.

_Bew._ You're wide, This woman and my self are man and wife, And have been so this half year, Where are you now? have I been discover'd? You cannot break so easily on me, Sir, I am too wary to be open'd by you.

_Long._ But these are but illusions, to give colour To your most mystick leachery, but Sir, The belly hath betraid you all, it must out.

_Bew._ Good _Longaveil_ believe me on my faith, I am her husband.

_Long._ On my faith I cannot, unless I saw Your hands fast, and your hearts.

_Bew._ Why _Longavile_, when did I give that to your ears, That was not truth? by all the world she's mine, She is my wife, and to confirm you better I give my self again, here take my hand And I yours, we are once more married, Will this content you?

_Long._ Yes I am believing, and God give you joy.

_Bew._ My loving wife, I will not wrong thee, Since I am thine and only loved of thee From this hour I vow my self a new man, Be not jealous: for though I had a purpose, To have spent an hour or two in solace otherwise, And was provided for it, yet my love Shall put a better temper to my blood, Come out thou woman of unwholsome life, Be sorry for thy sins, and learn to mend, Nay, never hide your face, you shall be seen.

_Long._ _Jaques_, why _Jaques_, art thou that _Jaques_, The very staffe, and right hand of our Duke? Speak, thou bearded _Venus_.

_Jaq._ I am he, by miracle preserv'd to be that _Jaques_, Within this two hours Gentlemen, poor _Jaques_ Was but as coarse in grave: a man of wisdom, That of my conscience, if he had his right Should have a pretty State, but that's all one That Noble Gentleman did save this life, I keep it for him, 'tis his own.

_Long._ Oh _Bacchus_! is all the world drunk? come we'll to the Duke And give thanks for this delivery.

_Actus Quintus. Scaena Prima._

_Enter Duke and_ Jaques.

_Duke._ Not gone unto my Tenants to relate My Grace and Honor; [and] the mightiness Of my new name, which would have struck a terror Through their course doublets, to their very hearts?

_Jaq._ Alas, great Lord and Master, I could scarce With safety of my life return again Unto your graces house, and but for one That had some mercy, I had sure been hang'd.

_Duke._ My house?

_J[a]q._ Yes Sir, this house, your house i' th' Town.

_Duke._ _Jaques_ we are displeas'd, hath it no name?

_Jaq._ What name?

_Duke._ Dull rogue; what hath the King bestow'd So many honors, open'd all his springs, And show'red his graces down upon my head, And has my house no name? no title yet? _Burgundy_ house you ass.

_Jaq._ Your graces mercy, when I was come off, and had recover'd _Burgundy_ house, I durst not yet be seen, But lay all night for fear of pursevants In _Burgundy_ privie house.

_Duke._ Oh Sir, 'tis well, Can you remember now? but _Jaques_ know Since thy intended journey is so crost, I will go down my self this morning.

_Jaq._ Sir?

_Duke._ Have I not said this morning?

_Jaq._ But consider, That nothing is prepared yet for your journey, Your graces teams not here to draw your cloaths; And not a Carrier yet in town to send by.

_Duke._ I say once more go about it, You're a wise man, you'd have me linger time, Till I have worn these cloaths out: will ye go? [_Ex._ Jaq. Make ye ready Wife.

_Enter Wife._

_Duc._ I am so, mighty Duke.

_Duke._ Nay, for the Countrey.

_Duc._ How? for the Countrey?

_Duke._ Yes I am resolv'd to see my Tenants in this bravery, Make them a sumptuous feast, with a slight shew, Of _Dives_ and _Lazarus_, and a squib or two, And so return.

_Duc._ Why Sir? you are not mad?

_Duke._ How many Dukes have ye known mad? I pray speak.

_Duc._ You are the first, Sir, and I hope the last, But you are stark horn-mad.

_Duke._ Forbear good wife.

_Duc._ As I have faith you're mad: your horns Have been too heavy for you, and have broke Your skull in pieces: If you be in earnest.

_Duke._ Well, you shall know my skull and wits are whole E'r I have done, and yet I am in earnest.

_Duc._ Why, do you think I'll go?

_Duke._ I know you shall.

_Duc._ I shall? by what authority shall I?

_Duke._ I am your Husband.

_Duc._ True, I confess it, And by that name, the world hath given you A power to sway me; but Sir, you shall know There is a greater bond that ties me here, Allegeance to the King, has he not heapt Those honors on you to no other end, But to stay you here, and shall I have a hand In the offending such a gracious Prince? Besides, our own undoings lies upon't, Were there no other cause, I do not see, Why you should go: If I should say you should not.

_Duke._ Do you think so?

_Duc._ Yes faith.

_Duke._ Now good wife make me understand that point.

_Duc._ Why that you shall, did I not bring you hither?

_Duke._ Yes.

_Duc._ And were not all these honors wrought out of the fire by me?

_Duke._ By you?

_Duc._ By me? how strange you make it! When you came first, did you not walk the Town, In a long Cloak half compass? an old Hat, Lin'd with Vellure, and on it for a band, A skein of crimson Cruil?

_Duke._ I confess it.

_Duc._ And took base courses?

_Duke._ Base?

_Duc._ Base, by this light, extream base, and scurvie, monstrous base.

_Du[k]e._ What were these courses, wife?

_Duc._ Why, you shall know, Did you not thus attir'd, trot up and down, Plotting for vild and lowsie Offices, And agreed with the Sergeant of the Bears, To buy his place? deny this, if you can.

_Duke._ Why it is true.

_Duc._ And was not that monstrous base?

_Duke._ Be advis'd wife, a Bear's a Princely beast.

_Duc._ A Bear?

_Duke._ Yes wife, and one side venison.

_Duc._ You're more than one side fool, [I'm] sure of that.

_Duke._ But since you have vext me wife, know you shall go; Or you shall never have penny from me.

_Duc._ Nay, I have done, and though I know 'twill be Your overthrow, I'll not forsake you now.

_Duke._ Be ready then. [_Exit Duke._

_Duc._ I will.

_Enter_ Bewf. Long. _Serv._ Maria.

_Long._ What are you married _Bewford_?

_Bew._ I, as fast as words, and hearts, and hands, and Priest can make us.

_Duc._ Oh Gentlemen, we are undone.

_Long._ For what?

_Duc._ This Gentleman, the Lord of _Lor[n]e_, my Husband, Will be gone down to shew his play-fellows Where he is gay.

_Bew._ What, down into [the] Countrey?

_Duc._ Yes faith, was ever fool but he so cross? I would as fain be gracious to him, As he could wish me, but he will not let me; Speak faithfully, will he deserve my mercy?

_Long._ According to his merits he should wear, A guarded coat, and a great wooden dagger.

_Duc._ If there be any woman that doth know, The duties 'twixt a Husband and his wife, Will speak but one word for him, he shall scape; Is not that reasonable? but there's none, Be ready therefore, to pursue the plot We had against a pinch, for he must stay.

_Long._ Wait you here for him, whilst I goe And make the King acquainted with your sport, For fear he be incens'd for our attempting Places of so great honor. [_Exit_ Long.

_Duc._ Go, be speedy.

_Enter Duke_, _Cosin_, _Wife_, Jaques, _Man_.

_Duke._ Come let me see how all things are dispos'd of.

_Jaq._ One Cart will serve for all your furniture, With room enough behind to ease the Footman, A capcase for you[r] linnen, and your plate, With a strange lock that opens with _Amen_, For my young Lord, because of easie portage, A quiver of your graces lin'd with Cunney, Made to be hang'd about the Nurses neck, Thus, with a Scarfe or Towel.

_Duke._ Very good.

_Jaq._ Nay, 'tis well, but had you staid another week, I would have had you furnisht, in such pomp, As never Duke of _Burgundy_ was furnisht, You should have had a Sumpter, though 't had cost me The laying on my self, where now you are fain, To hire a Rippers mare, and buy new dossers, But I have got them painted with your Arms, With a fair darnex Carpet of my own Laid cross for the more state.

_Duke._ _Jaques_ I thank you: your Carpet shall be brusht And sent you home; what, are you ready wife?

_Duc._ An hour ago.

_Duke._ I cannot chuse but kiss thy royal Lips, Dear _Duchess_ mine, thou art so good a woman.

_Bew._ Youl'd say so if you knew all, goodman Duckling.

_Cos._ This was the happiest fortune could befal me Now in his absence will I follow close Mine own preferment, and I hope e'r long, To make my mean and humble name so strong, As my great Cosins, when the world shall know, I bear too hot a spirit to live low. The next Spring will I down, my wife and houshold, I'll have my Ushers, and my four Lacquies, Six spare Caroches too, but mum, no more, What I intend to do, I'll keep in store.

_Duke._ Mountey, mountey, _Jaques_, be our Querry.

_Groom._ To horse there Gentlemen, and fall in couples.

_Duke._ Come honoured Duchess.

_Enter_ Longavile.

_Long._ Stand thou proud man.

_Duke._ Thieves, _Jaques_, raise the people.

_Long._ No, raise no people, 'tis the Kings command, Which bids thee once more stand, thou haughty man, Thou art a monster, for thou art ungrateful, And like a fellow of a rebel nature, Hast flung from his embraces: and for His honors given thee, hast not return'd So much as thanks, and to oppose his Will, Resolv'd to leave the Court, and set the Realm A fire, in discontent, and open action: Therefore he bids thee stand, thou proud man, Whilst with the whisking of my sword about, I take thy honors off: this first sad whisk Takes off thy Dukedom, thou art but an Earl.

_Duke._ You are mistaken, _Longavile_.

_Long._ Oh would I were: this second whisk divides Thy Earldom from thee, thou art yet a Baron.

_Duke._ No more whisks if you love me _Longavile_.

_Long._ Two whisks are past, and two are yet behind, Yet all must come, but not to linger time. With these two whisks I end, now mount _Marine_, For thou art now no more, so says the King, And I have done his Highness Will with grief.

_Duke._ Degraded from my honors?

_Long._ 'Tis too certain.

_Duke._ I am no Traitor sure, that I know of; Speak _Jaques_, hast thou ever heard me utter word Tending to Treason, or to bring in the enemy?

_Jaq._ Alas Sir, I know nothing, Why should your Worship bring me in to hang me? [God's my judge Gentlemen] I never medled But with the brushing of his cloaths, or fetching In water in a morning for his hands.

_Cos._ Are these the honors of this place? _Anthony_ Help me to take her Gown off quickly, Or I'll so swinge ye for't--

_Wife._ Why Husband? Sir?

_Cos._ I'll not loose a penny by this town.

_Long._ Why what do you mean, Sir, have her to her lodging, And there undress her, I will wait upon her.

_Cos._ Indeed you shall not, your month is out I take it, Get you out before me wife: Cosin farewel, I told you long agoe, That pride begins with pleasure, ends with woe. [_Exit with's Wife._

_Bew._ Goe thy way sentences, 'twill be thy fortune, To live and dye a Cuckold, and Churchwarden.

_Duc._ Oh my poor Husband! what a heavy fortune Is fallen upon him!

_Bew._ Methinks 'tis strange, That heaven fore-warning great men of their falls, With such plain tokens, they should not avoid 'em: For the last night betwixt eleven and twelve, Two great and hideous blazing stars were seen To fight a long hour by the clock, the one Drest like a Duke, the other like a King; Till at the last the crowned Star o'er-came.

_Serv._ Why do ye stand so dead, Monsieur _Marine_?

_Duke._ So _Caesar_ fell, when in the Capitol They gave his body two and thirty wounds. Be warned all ye Peers, and by my fall, Hereafter learn to let your wives rule all.

_Serv._ Monsieur _Marine_, pray let me speak with you; Sir, I must wave you to conceal this party, It stands upon my utter overthrow; Seem not discontented, nor do not stir afoot, For if you do, you and your hope-- I swear you are a lost man if you stir. And have an eye to _Bewford_, he'll tempt you.

_Bew._ Come, come, for shame go down; Were I _Marine_, [by heaven] I would go down: And being there, I would rattle him such an answer Should make him smoke.

_Duke._ Good Monsieur _Bewford_, peace Leave these rebellious words, Or by the honors which I once enjoyed, And yet may swear by, I'll tell the King of your proceedings; I am satisfied.

_Wife._ You talkt of going down when 'twas not fit, But now let's see your spirit, A thousand and a thousand will expect it.

_Duke._ Why wife, are ye mad?

_Wife._ No, nor drunk, but I'd have you know your own strength.

_Duke._ You talke like a most foolish woman, wife; I tell you I will stay, yet I have a Crotchet troubles me.

_Long._ More crotchets yet?

_Duke._ Follow me _Jaques_, I must have thy counsel, I will return again, stay you there wife.

_Long._ I fear this loss of honor will give him some few stools.

_Wif._ No, no, he is resolv'd, he will not Stir a foot, I'll lay my life.

_Bew._ I, but he's discontented, how shall we resolve that, And make him stay with comfort?

_Wife._ Faith _Bewford_ we must even let nature work, For he's the sweetest temper'd man for that As one can wish, for let men but go about to fool him, And he'll have his finger as deep in't as the best; But see where he comes frowning, bless us all!

_Enter Duke._

_Duke._ Off with your hats, for here doth come The high and mighty Duke of _Burgundy_. What ever you may think, I have thought And thought, and thought upon't, and I find it plain, The King cannot take back what he has given, Unless I forfeit it by course of Law. Not all the water in the River _Seine_, Can wash the blood out of these Princely veins.

_Wife._ God-a-mercy Husband, thou art the best To work out a thing at a pinch in _France_.

_Duke._ I will ascend my State again, Duchess, take your place, And let our Champion enter.

_Long._ Has he his Champion? that's excellent.

_Duke._ And let loud Musick sound before his entrance. Sound Trumpet.

_Enter_ Jaques _in Armor_, _one carrying a Scutcheon before him_, _and a two-handed Sword_.

_Wife._ How well our Champion doth demean himself, As if he had been made for such an action? Methinks his sturdy truncheon he doth weild, Like _Mars_ approaching to a bloody field.

_Duke._ I think there's no man so desperate To dare encounter with our Champion, But trust me, _Jaques_, thou hast pleas'd us well; Once more our warlike Musick, then proceed.

_Enter_ Shattillion.

_Shat._ What wondrous age is this! what close proceedings! I hear the clang of Trumpets in this house, To what intent do not our States-men search? Oh no, they look not into simple truth; For I am true, and they regard not me, A man in Armor too: God save the King, The world will end, there's nought but treachery.

_Jaq._ I _Jaques_, servant to the high and mighty _Godfrey_, Duke of _Burgundy_, do come hither to prove by natural strength, and activity of my body, without the help of sorcery, inchantment, or negromancy, that the said _Godfrey_, late of _Mount Marine_, and now of _Burgundy_, hath perfect right thereto, notwithstanding the Kings command to the contrary, and no other person whatsoever: and in token that I will be ready to make good the same: I throw down my gage, which is my honor, pronounced the 37 of _Feb. Stilo novo_, _God save the_ Duke.

_Shat._ Of all the plots the King hath laid for me This was the shrewdest, 'tis my life they seek And they shall have it: if I should refuse To accept the challenge in the Kings behalf, They have some cause to take away my life, And if I do accept it, who can tell, But I may fall by doubtful chance of War? 'Twas shrew'd, but I must take the least of evils, I take thy gauntlet up, thou treacherous man, That stands in armed Coat against the King. Whom God preserve, and with my single sword, Will justifie whatever he commands; I'll watch him for catching of my words.

_Duke._ _Jaques_ go on, defend our Princely Title.

_Shat._ Why shrink'st thou back? thou hast an evil cause; Come forward man, I have a rock about me, I fight for my true Liege.

_Duke._ Go forward _Jaques_.

_Jaq._ I do beseech your Grace to pardon me, I will not fight with him, with any else I'll shew my resolution speedily.

_Shat._ Come, do thy worst, for the King shall see All is not true, that is reported of me.

_Jaq._ I may not fight with him by Law of Arms.

_Duke._ What? shall my Title fall? wilt thou not fight?

_Jaq._ Never with him that once hath sav'd my life.

_Shat._ Dar'st thou not fight? behold then, I do go Strong with the zeal I bear my Sovereign, And seize upon that haughty man himself. Descend the steps (that thou hast thus usurp'd Against the King and State,) down to the ground, And if thou do utter but a syllable To cross the Kings intent, thou art but dead; There, lye upon the earth, and pine, and dye. Did ever any man wade through such storms To save his life, as poor _Shattillion_?

_Long._ I fear this challenge hath spoil'd all.

_Duc._ Ne'er fear it, he'll work it out again, servant. See where _Shattillion's_ Love, poor Lady, comes.

_Enter Love._

_Duke. Jaques._

_Jaq._ Lie still, Sir, if you love your life, I'll whistle when he's gone,

_Love._ Oh Gentlemen, I charge you by the Love Which you bear to women, take some pitty On this distressed man, help to restore That precious Jewel to him he hath lost.

_Bew._ Lady, what ever power doth lie in us By Art, or Prayer, or danger, we are yours.

_Love._ A strange conceit hath wrought this malady, Conceits again must bring him to himself, My strict denial to his Will wrought this: And if you could but draw his wilder thoughts To know me, he would sure recover sense.

_Long._ That charge I'll undertake.

_Duke._ Look _Jaques_, look, for Gods sake let me rise, This greatness is a jade, I cannot sit it.

_Jaq._ His sword is up, and yet he watcheth you.

_Du._ I'll down again, pray for thy Master, _Jaques_.

_Shat._ Now the King may see all the suggestions are not true, He hath receiv'd against my loyalty; When all men else refuse, I fight his battels, And thrust my body into dangers mouth; I am become his Champion, and this sword Has taught his enemies to know themselves; Oh that he would no more be jealous of me!

_Long._ Monsieur _Shattillion_, the King ass[ign]s you, That for this valiant loyal act of yours, He hath forgot all jealousies and fears, And never more will tempt you into danger.

_Shat._ But how shall I believe this, what new token Of reconcilement will he shew me? Let him release my poor Love from her torment, From her hard fare, and strict imprisonment.

_Long._ He hath done this to win your after-love, And see your Lady sent you from the King By these two Gentlemen: be thankful for her.

_Shat._ She lives, she lives, I know her by the power Shoots from her eyes.

_Love._ Rise dear _Shattillion_.

_Shat._ I know my duty, Next unto my King, I am to kneel to you.

_Love._ I'll have you rise, fetch me a chair, sit down _Shat_.

_Shat._ I am commanded, and faith tell me Mistriss, What usage have you had? pray be plain!