Part 18

_Phi._ She's in love with all. The horse and him, and Saddle, and cloths, good woman, Thou justifiest thy Sex; lov'st all that's brave:

_Enter_ Incubo.

Sure though I lye o'th' ground, I'll stay here now And have a sight of him: you'll give me house-room, Fire, and fresh meat, for money, gentle Hostess; And make me a pallat?

_Inc._ Sir, she shall do reason.... I understood you had another Guest, Gossips, Pray you let his Mule be lookt to, have good straw, And store of bran: And Gossip, do you hear, Let him not stay for supper: What good Fowl ha' you? This Gentleman would eat a Pheasant.

_Host._ 'Lass Sir; We ha' no such.

_Inc._ I kiss your hands fair Sir. What ha you then? speak what you have? I'm one Sir Here for the Catholique King, an Officer T' enquire what guests come to these places; you Sir Appear a person of quality, and 'tis fit You be accommodated: why speak you not, What ha' you Woman? are you afraid to vent That which you have?

_Phil._ This is a most strange man; T' appoint my meat.

_Host._ The half of a cold hen, Sir, And a boil'd quarter of Kid, is all i'th' house.

_Inc._ Why all's but cold; let him see it forth, Cover, and give the eye some satisfaction, A Travellers stomach must see bread and salt, His belly is nearer to him, than his kindred; Cold hen's a pretty meat Sir.

_Phi._ What you please; I am resolv'd t' obey.

_Inc._ So is your Kid, With Pepper, Garlick, and the juyce of an Orange: She shall with Sallads help it, and clean linnen; Dispatch; what news at Court Sir?

_Phi._ Faith, new tires Most of the Ladies have, the men old Suits: Only the Kings Fool has a new Coat To serve you.

_Inc._ I did guess you came from thence, Sir.

_Phi._ But I do know I did not.

_Inc._ I mistook Sir. What hear you of the Archdukes?

_Phi._ Troth your question.

_Enter Hostess and Servants with Table._

_Inc._ Of the _French_ business, What?

_Phi._ As much.

_Inc._ No more? They say the _French_: Oh that's well: come, I'll help you: Have you no Jiblets now? or a broil'd rasher. Or some such present dish t' assist?

_Host._ Not any Sir.

_Inc._ The more your fault: you nev'r should be without Such aids: what cottage would ha' lack'd a Pheasant At such a time as this? well, bring your Hen, And Kid forth quickly.

_Phi._ That should be my prayer To scape his Inquisition.

_Inc._ Sir, the _French_, They say are divided 'bout their match with us, What think you of it.

_Phi._ As of naught to me, Sir.

_Inc._ Nay, it's as little to me too: but I love To ask after these things, to know the affections Of States and Princes, now and then for bettring.

_Phi._ Of your own ignorance.

_Inc._ Yes Sir:

_Phi._ Many do so.

_Inc._ I cannot live without it: what do you hear Of our _Indian_ Fleet; they say they are well return'd.

_Phi._ I had no venture with 'em Sir; had you?

_Enter Hostess and Servants with meat._

_Inc._ Why do you ask Sir?

_Phi._ 'Cause it might concern you, It does not me.

_Inc._ Oh here's your meat come.

_Phi._ Thanks, I welcome it at any price.

_Inc._ Some stools here, And bid mine Host bring Wine, I'll try your Kid, If he be sweet: he looks well, yes, he is good; I'll carve you Sir.

_Phi._ You use me too too Princely: Tast, and carve too.

_Inc._ I love to do these Offices.

_Phi._ I think you do: for whose sake?

_Inc._ For themselves Sir, The very doing of them is reward.

_Phi._ 'Had little faith would not believe you, Sir.

_Inc._ Gossip, some Wine.

_Enter_ Diego _with Wine._

_Die._ Here 'tis: and right _St. Martyn_.

_Inc._ Measure me out a glass.

_Phi._ I love the humanity Us'd in this place:

_Inc._ Sir, I salute you here.

_Phil._ I kiss your hands Sir.

_Inc._ Good wine, it will beget an appetite: Fill him, and sit down, Gossip, entertain Your noble guest here, as becomes your title.

_Die._ Please you to like this Wine Sir?

_Phi._ I dislike Nothing mine Host, but that I may not see Your conceal'd guest: here's to you.

_Die._ In good faith Sir; I wish you as well as him: would you might see him

_Inc._ And wherefore may he not:

_Die._ 'Has lock'd himself Sir Up, and has hir'd both the beds o' my wife At extraordinary rate.

_Phil._ I'll give as much If that will do't, for one, as he for both; What say you mine Host, the door once open I'll fling my self upon the next bed to him And there's an end of me till morning; noise I will make none

_Die._ I wish your worship well--but

_Inc._ His honor is engag'd: And my she-Gossip Hath past her promise, hath she not?

_Die._ Yes truly:

_Inc._ That toucheth to the credit of the house: Well, I will eat a little, and think: how say you Sir Unto this brawn o'th' Hen?

_Phi._ I ha' more mind To get this bed Sir.

_Inc._ Say you so: Why then Giv't me agen, and drink to me: mine Host Fill him his Wine: thou'rt dull, and dost not praise it, I eat but to teach you the way Sir.

_Phil._ Sir: Find but the way to lodge me in this chamber I'll give mine Host two Duckets for his bed, And you Sir two _Reals_: here's to you--

_Inc._ Excuse me, I am not mercenary: Gossip pledge him for me, I'll think a little more; but ev'n one bit And then talk on: you cannot interrupt me.

_Die._ This piece of wine Sir, cost me--

_Inc._ Stay: I have found: This little morsel, and then: here's excellent garlick: Have you not a bunch of grapes now: or some Bacon To give the mouth a relish?

_Die._ Wife, do you hear?

_Inc._ It is no matter: Sir give mine Host your Duckets.

_Die._ How Sir?

_Inc._ Do you receive 'em: I will save The honesty of your house: and yours too Gossip, And I will lodge the Gentleman: shew the chamber.

_Die._ Good Sir do you hear.

_Inc._ Shew me the chamber.

_Die._ Pray you Sir, Do not disturb my guests.

_Inc._ Disturb? I hope The Catholick King Sir, may command a lodging Without disturbing in his Vassals house, For any Minister of his, emploid In business of the State. Where is the door? Open the door, who are you there? within? In the Kings name. [Theodosia _within._

_Theo._ What would you have?

_Inc._ Your key Sir, And your door open: I have here command To lodge a Gentleman, from the Justice, sent Upon the Kings affairs.

_Theod._ Kings and necessities Must be obey'd: the key is under the door.

_Inc._ How now Sir, are you fitted? you secur'd?

_Phi._ Your two Reals are grown a piece of Eight.

_In[c]._ Excuse me Sir.

_Phi._ 'Twill buy a Hen; and Wine Sir, for to morrow. [_Exit_ Phil.

_Inc._ I do kiss your hands Sir. Well this will bear my charge yet to the Gallies Where I am owing a Ducket: whither this night By the Moons leave I'll march: for in the morning Early, they put from Port _St. Maries_. [_Ex. all but_ Diego.

_Die. Lazaro._

_Enter_ Lazaro.

How do the horses?

_Laz._ Would you would go and see Sir, A ---- of all Jades, what a clap h'as given me: As sure as you live Master he knew perfectly I couzen'd him on's Oats: he lookt upon me And then he sneer'd, as who should say, take heed sirrah: And when he saw our half Peck, which you know Was but an old Court dish, lord how he stampt: I thought 't had been for joy, when suddenly He cuts me a back caper with his heels And takes me just o'th crupper, down came I, And all my ounce of Oats: Then he neigh'd out As though he had had a mare by th' tail.

_Die._ Faith _Lazaro_ We are t[o] blame to use the poor dumb serviters So cruelly.

_Laz._ Yonder's this other Gentleman's horse Keeping our Lady Eve: the devil a bit H'as got since he came in yet: there he stands And looks, and looks, but 'tis your pleasure, Sir, He shall look lean enough: h'as Hay before him But 'tis as big as Hemp, and will as soon choak him, Unless he eat it butter'd: he had four shooes And good ones when he came: 'tis a strange wonder With standing still he should cast three.

_Die._ O _Lazaro_. The Devil's in this Trade: truth never knew it And to the devil we shall travel, _Lazaro_ Unless we mend our manners: once every week I meet with such a knock to mollifie me Sometimes a dozen to awake my conscience Yet still I sleep securely.

_Laz._ Certain Master We must use better dealing.

_Die._ 'Faith for mine own part Not to give ill example to our issues, I could be well content to steal but two girths, And now and then a saddle-cloth: change a bridle Only for exercise.

_Laz._ If we could stay there There were some hope on's Master: but the devil is We are drunk so early we mistake whole Saddles Sometimes a horse; and then it seems to us too Every poor jade has his whole peck, and tumbles Up to his ears in clean straw, and every bottle Shews at the least a dozen; when the truth is, Sir, There's no such matter, not a smell of Provinder, Not so much straw as would tie up a horse tail, Nor any thing i'th' rack, but two old Cobwebs And so much rotten Hay as had been a hens nest.

_Die._ Well, these mistakings must be mended, _Lazaro_, These apparitions, that abuse our sences, And make us ever apt to sweep the manger But put in nothing; these fancies must be forgot And we must pray it may be reveal'd to us Whose horse we ought, in conscience, to couzen, And how, and when; A Parsons Horse may suffer A little greazing in his teeth, 'tis wholsome; And keeps him in a sober shuffle: and his Saddle May want a stirrop, and it may be sworn His Learning lay on one side, and so broke it: H'as ever Oats in's Cloak-bag to prevent us And therefore 'tis a meritorious office To tythe him soundly.

_Laz._ And a Grazier may (For those are pinching puckfoysts, and suspitious) Suffer a myst before his eyes sometimes too, And think he sees his horse eat halfe a bushel: When the truth is, rubbing his gums with salt, Till all the skin come off: he shall but mumble Like an old Woman that were chewing Brawn, And drop 'em out again.

_Die._ That may do well too, And no doubt 'tis but venial, But good _Lazaro_ Have you a care of understanding horses, [Horses with angry heels, gentlemens horses,] Horses that know the world: let them have meat Till their teeth ake; and rubbing till their ribs Shine like a wenches forehead; they are devils.

_Laz._ And look into our dealings: as sure as we live These Courtiers horses are a kind of _Welsh_ Prophets, Nothing can be hid from 'em: For mine own part The next I cozen of that kind shall be founder'd, And of all four too: I'll no more such complements Upon my crupper.

_Die._ Steal but a little longer Till I am lam'd too, and we'll repent together, It will not be above two daies.

_Laz._ By that time I shall be well again, and all forgot Sir.

_Die._ Why then I'll stay for thee. [_Exit._

_Scæna Secunda._

_Enter_ Theodosi[a] _and_ Phillipo _on several Beds._

_Theo._ Oh,--ho! oh--ho!

_Phi._ Ha?

_Theo._ Oh--oh! heart--heart--heart--heart?

_Phil._ What's that?

_Theo._ When wilt thou break?--break, break, break?

_Phil._ Ha? I would the voice were strong, or I nearer.

_Theo._ Shame, shame, eternal shame? what have I done?

_Phil._ Done?

_Theo._ And to no end, what a wild journey Have I more wildly undertaken?

_Phil._ Journey?

_Theo._ How, without counsel? care? reason, or fear?

_Phil._ Whither will this fit carry?

_Theo._ Oh my folly!

_Phil._ This is no common sickness.

_Theo._ How have I left All I should love, or keep? oh heaven.

_Phil._ Sir?

_Theo._ Ha?

_Phil._ How do you gentle Sir?

_Theo._ Alas my fortune!

_Phil._ It seems your sorrow oppresses: please your goodness, Let me bear half, Sir: a divided burthen Is so made lighter.

_Theo._ Oh!

_Phil._ That sigh betraies The fulness of your grief.

_Theo._ I, if that grief Had not bereft me of my understanding, I should have well remembred where I was, And in what company; and clapt a lock Upon this tongue for talking.

_Phil._ Worthy Sir Let it not add to your grief, that I have heard A sigh or groan come from you: That is all Sir:

_The._ Good Sir no more: you have heard too much I fear, Would I had taken Poppy when I spake it.

_Phi._ It seems you have an ill belief of me And would have fear'd much more, had you spoke ought I could interpret. But believe it Sir Had [I] had means to look into your breast, And tane you sleeping here, that so securely I might have read all that your woe would hide I would not have betraid you.

_Theo._ Sir, that speech Is very noble, and almost would tempt My need to trust you.

_Phil._ At your own election, I dare not make my faith so much suspected As to protest again: nor am I curious To know more than is fit.

_Theo._ Sir, I will trust you But you shall promise Sir to keep your bed, And whatsoe'r you hear, not to importune More I beseech you from me.

_Phi._ Sir I will not.

_Theo._ Than I am prone to utter.

_Phi._ My faith for it.

_Theo._ If I were wise, I yet should hold my peace. You will be noble?

_Phil._ You shall make me so If you'll but think me such.

_Theo._ I do: then know You are deceiv'd with whom you have talk'd so long. I am a most unfortunate lost woman.

_Phil._ Ha?

_Theo._ Do not stir Sir: I have here a Sword.

_Phil._ Not I sweet Lady: of what blood, or name.

_Theo._ You'll keep your faith.

_Phil._ I'll perish else.

_Theo._ Believe then Of birth too noble for me, so descended--I am asham'd, no less than I am affrighted.

_Phil._ Fear not: by all good things, I will not wrong you.

_Theo._ I am the Daughter of a noble Gentleman Born in this part of _Spain_: my fathers name Sir: But why should I abuse that reverence When a childs duty has forsaken me.

_Phil._ All may be mended, in fit time too: speak it.

_Theo. Alphonso_, sir.

_Phil. Alphonso?_ What's your own name?

_Theo._ Any base thing you can invent.

_Phil._ Deal truly.

_Theo._ They call me _Theodosia_.

_Phil._ Ha? and love Is that that hath chang'd you thus?

_Theo._ Ye have observ'd me Too nearly Sir, 'tis that indeed: 'tis love Sir: And love of him (oh heavens) why should men deal thus? Why should they use their arts to cozen us? That have no cunning, but our fears about us? And ever that too late too; no dissembling Or double way but doating: too much loving? Why should they find new oaths, to make more wretches?

_Phil._ What may his name be?

_Theo._ Sir, a name that promises Methinks no such ill usage: _Mark-Antonio_ A noble neighbors son: Now I must desire ye To stay a while: else my weak eyes must answer.

_Phil._ I will:--Are ye yet ready? what is his quality?

_Theo._ His best a thief Sir: that he would be known by Is heir to _Leonardo_, a rich Gentleman: Next of a handsome body, had heaven made him A mind fit to it. To this man my fortune, (My more than purblind fortune) gave my faith, Drawn to it by as many shews of service And signs of truth, as ever false tongue utter'd: Heaven pardon all.

_Phil._ 'Tis well said: forward Lady.

_Theo._ Contracted Sir, and by exchange of rings Our souls deliver'd: nothing left unfinish'd But the last work, enjoying me, and Ceremony. For that I must confess was the first wise doubt I ever made: yet after all this love Sir, All this profession of his faith; when daily And hourly I expected the blest Priest He left me like a dream, as all this story Had never been, nor thought of, why, I know not; Yet I have called my conscience to confession, And every syllable that might offend I have had in shrift: yet neither loves Law Signior, Nor tye of Maidens duty, but desiring Have I transgrest in: left his father too, Nor whither he is gone, or why departed Can any tongue resolve me: All my hope (Which keeps me yet alive, and would perswade me I may be once more happy, and thus shapes me A shame to all my modest Sex) is this Sir, I have a Brother and his old Companion, Student in _Salamanca_, there my last hope If he be yet alive, and can be loving Is left me to recover him: For which travel In this Sute left at home of that dear Brothers Thus as you find me, without fear, or wisdom, I have wander'd from my Father, fled my friends, And now am only child of hope and danger: You are now silent Sir: this tedious story (That ever keeps me waking) makes you heavy: 'Tis fit it should do so: for that, and I Can be but troubles.

_Phil._ No, I sleep not Lady: I would I could: oh heaven is this my comfort?

_Theo._ What ail you gentle Sir?

_Phil._ Oh.

_Theo._ Why do you groan so?

_Phil._ I must, I must; oh misery;

_Theo._ But now Sir, You were my comfort: if any thing afflict ye Am not I fit to bear a part on't? and by your own rule?

_Phil._ No; if you could heal, as you have wounded me, But 'tis not in your power.

_Theo._ I fear intemperance.

_Phil._ Nay, do not seek to shun me: I must see you: By heaven I must: hoa, there mine Host: a Candle: Strive not, I will not stir ye.

_Theo._ Noble Sir This is a breach of promise.

_Phil._ Tender Lady It shall be none but necessary: hoa, there, Some light, some light for heavens sake.

_Theo._ Will ye betray me? Are ye a Gentleman?

_Phil._ Good woman:

_Theo._ Sir.

_Enter_ Diego _with a light._

_Phil._ If I be prejudicial to you, curse me.

_Dieg._ Ye are early stirring Sir.

_Phil._ Give me your Candle And so good morrow for a while.

_Dieg._ Good morrow Sir. [_Exit._

_Theo._ My Brother Don _Philippo_: nay Sir, kill me I ask no mercy Sir, for none dare know me, I can deserve none: As ye look upon me Behold in infinite these foul dishonors, My noble Father, then your self, last all That bear the name of kindred, suffer in me: I have forgot whose child I am; whose Sister: Do you forget the pity tied to that: Let not compassion sway you: you will be then As foul as I, and bear the same brand with me, A favourer of my fault: ye have a sword Sir, And such a cause to kill me in.

_Phil._ Rise Sister, I wear no sword for Women: nor no anger While your fair chastity is yet untouch'd.

_Theo._ By those bright Stars, it is Sir.

_Phil._ For my Sister I do believe ye: and so neer blood has made us With the dear love I ever bore your virtues That I will be a Brother to your griefs too: Be comforted, 'tis no dishonor Sister To love, nor to love him you do: he is a Gentleman Of as sweet hopes, as years, as many promises, As there be growing Truths, and great ones.

_Theo._ O Sir[!]

_Phil._ Do not despair.

_Theo._ Can ye forgive?

_Phil._ Yes Sister, Though this be no small error, a far greater.

_Theo._ And think me still your Sister?

_Phil._ My dear Sister.

_Theo._ And will you counsel me?

_Phil._ To your own peace too: Ye shall love still.

_Theo._ How good ye are!

_Phil._ My business, And duty to my Father: which now drew me From _Salamanca_ I will lay aside And only be your Agent to perswade ye To leave both love, and him, and well retire ye.

_Theo._ Oh gentle Brother.

_Phil._ I perceive 'tis folly: Delaies in love, more dangerous.

_Theo._ Noble Brother.

_Phil._ Fear not, I'll run your own way: and to help you, Love havi[n]g rackt your passions beyond counsel: I'll hazard mine own fame: whither shall we venture?

_Theo._ Alas, I know not Sir!

_Phil._ Come, 'tis bright morning Let's walk out, and consider: you'll keep this habit.

_Theo._ I would Sir.

_Phil._ Then it shall be: what must I call ye? Come, do not blush: pray speak, I may spoil all else.

_Theo._ Pray call me _Theodoro_.

_Enter_ Diego.

_Dieg._ Are ye ready? The day draws on apace: once more good morrow.

_Theo._ Good morrow gentle Host: now I must thank ye:

_Phil._ Who dost thou think this is?

_Die._ Were you a wench Sir, I think you would know before me.

_Phil._ Mine own Brother.

_Dieg._ By th' Masse your noses are akin: should I then Have been so barbarous to have parted Brothers?

_Phi._ You knew it then.

_Dieg._ I knew 'twas necessary You should be both together: Instinct Signior, Is a great matter in an Host.

_Theo._ I am satisfied.

_Enter_ Pedro.

_Ped._ Is not mine Host up yet?

_Phi._ Who's that?

_Die._ I'll see.

_Phil._ Sister, withdraw your self.

_Ped._ Signior _Philippo_.

_Phil._ Noble Don _Pedro_, where have you been this way?

_Ped._ I came from Port _St. Maries_, whence the Gallies Put this last tide, and bound for _Barcelona_, I brought _Mark-antonie_ upon his way.

_Phi. Marc-antonie_?

_Ped._ Who is turn'd Soldier, And entertain'd in the new Regiment, For _Naples_.

_Phi._ Is it possible?

_Ped._ I assure you.

_Phi._ And put they in at _Barcelona_?

_Ped._ So One of the Masters told me.

_Phi._ Which way go you Sir?

_Ped._ Home.

_Phi._ And I for _Sivil_: pray you Sir; say not That you saw me, if you shall meet the question, I have some little business.

_Ped._ Were it less Sir. It shall not become me, to lose the caution: Shall we breakfast together?

_Phi._ I'll come to you Sir: Sister you hear this: I believe your fortune Begins to be propitious to you: we will hire Mules of mine Host here: if we can, himself To be our guide, and straight to _Barcelona_, This was as happy news, as unexpected Stay you till I rid him away.

_Theo._ I will. [_Exeunt._

_Actus Secundus. Scæna Prima._

_Enter_ Alphonso _and a Servant_.

_Alph._ Knock at the door.

_Ser._ 'Tis open Sir.

_Alph._ That's all one, Knock when I bid you.

_Ser._ Will not your Worship enter?

_Alph._ Will not you learn more manners Sir, and do that Your Master bids ye; knock ye knave, or I'll knock Such a round peal about your pate: I enter Under his roof, or come to say god save ye To him, the Son of whose base dealings has undone me? Knock louder, louder yet: I'll starve, and rot first, This open air is every mans. _2 Ser. within._ Come in Sir.

_Enter two Servants._

_Alph._ No, no Sir, I am none of these _Come in Sirs_, None of those visitants: bid your wise Master Come out, I have to talk unto him: go Sir.

_2 Ser._ Your worship may be welcome.

_Alph._ Sir, I will not, I come not to be welcome: good my three Duckets, My pickell'd sprat a day, and no oil to't, And once a year a cotten coat, leave prating And tell your Master I am here.

_2 Ser._ I will Sir. This is a strange old man. [_Exit._

_Alph._ I welcome to him? I'll be first welcome to a Pesthouse: Sirrah Let's have your valour now cas'd up, and quiet When an occasion calls, 'tis wisdom in ye, A Servingman's discretion: if you do draw,

_Enter_ Leonardo, _and Don_ Zanchio _(carried by two Servants in a chair.)_

Draw but according to your entertainment; Five Nobles worth of fury.

_Leo._ Signior _Alphonso_, I hope no discontent from my Will given, Has made ye shun my house: [I ever lov'd ye.] An credit me amongst my fears 'tis greatest To minister offences.