Part 15

_Rafe._ Speak on Sir Knight, tell what he is, and where: For here I vow upon my blazing badge, Never to blaze a day in quietness; But bread and water will I only eat, And the green herb and rock shall be my couch Till I have queld that man, or beast, or fiend, That works such damage to all Errant Knights.

_Host._ Not far from hence, near [to] a craggy cliff At the North end of this distressed Town, There doth stand a lowly house Ruggedly builded, and in it a Cave In which an ugly Giant now doth won, Ycleped _Barbaroso_: in his hand He shakes a naked Lance of purest steel, With sleeves turn'd up, and him before he wears, A motly garment to preserve his clothes From blood of those Knights which he massacres, And Ladies Gentle: without his door doth hang A copper bason, on a prickant Spear; At which, no sooner gentle Knights can knock, But the shrill sound, fierce _Barbaroso_ hears, And rushing forth, brings in the Errant Knight, And sets him down in an inchanted chair: Then with an Engine, which he hath prepar'd With forty teeth, he claws his courtly crown, Next makes him wink, and underneath his chin, He plants a brazen piece of mighty board, And knocks his bullets round about his cheeks, Whilst with his fingers, and an instrument With which he snaps his hair off, he doth fill The wretches ears with a most hideous noyse. Thus every Knight Adventurer he doth trim, And now no creature dares encounter him.

_Rafe._ In Gods name, I will fight with him, kind sir, Go but before me to this dismal Cave Where this huge Giant _Barbaroso_ dwells, And by that virtue that brave _Rosicleere_, That damn'd brood of ugly Giants slew, And _Palmerin Frannarco_ overthrew: I doubt not but to curb this Traytor foul, And to the Devil send his guilty Soul.

_Host._ Brave sprighted Knight, thus far I will perform This your request, I'll bring you within sight Of this most loathsome place, inhabited By a more lothsome man: but dare not stay, For his main force swoops all he sees away.

_Rafe._ Saint _George_ set on before, march Squire and Page. [_Exeunt._

_Wife. George_, dost think _Rafe_ will confound the Giant? _Cit._ I hold my cap to a farthing he does: why _Nell_, I saw him wrestle with the great Dutchman, and hurle him.

_Wife._ Faith and that Dutchman was a goodly man, if all things were answerable to his bigness: and yet they say there was a Scottishman higher than he, and that they two and a Knight met, and saw one another for nothing: but of all the sights that ever were in _London_, since I was married, methinks the little child that was so fair grown about the members, was the prettiest, that and the _Hermaphrodite_.

_Cit._ Nay, by your leave _Nil_, _Ninivie_ was better.

_Wife. Ninivie_, O that was the story of _Jone_ and the wall, was it not _George_?

_Cit._ Yes lamb. [_Enter Mistris Merry-t[hou]ght._

_Wife._ Look _George_, here comes Mistris _Merry-though[t]_ [ag]ain, and I would have _Rafe_ come and fight with the Gyant, I tell you true I long to see't.

_Cit._ Good Mistriss _Merri-thought_ be [g]one, I pray you for my sake, I pray you forbear a little, you shall have audience presently, I have a little business.

_Wife._ Mistris _Merri-thought_, if it please you to refrain your passion a little, till _Rafe_ have dispatcht the Giant out of the way, we shall think our selves much bound to thank you: I thank you good Mistris _Merri-thought_.

[_Exit Mist. Merry-thought._

_Enter a Boy._

_Cit._ Boy, come hither, send away _Rafe_ and this whoreson Giant quickly.

_Boy._ In good faith sir we cannot, you'l utterly spoil our Play, and make it to be hist, and it cost money, you will not suffer us to go on with our plots, I pray Gentlemen rule him.

_Cit._ Let him come now and dispatch this, and I'll trouble you no more.

_Boy._ Will you give me your hand of that?

_Wife._ Give him thy hand _George_, do, and I'll kiss him, I warrant thee the youth means plainly.

_Boy._ I'll send him to you presently. [_Exit Boy._

_Wife._ I thank you little youth, feth the child hath a sweet breath _George_, but I think it be troubled with the Worms, _Carduus Benedictus_ and Mares milk were the only thing in the world for't. O _Rafe_'s here _George_; God send thee good luck _Rafe_.

_Enter_ Rafe, Host, Squire, _and_ Dwarf.

_Host._ Puissant Knight yonder his Mansion is, Lo, where the Spear and Copper Bason are, Behold the string on which hangs many a tooth, Drawn from the gentle jaw of wandring Knights, I dare not stay to sound, he will appear. [_Exit Host._

_Rafe._ O faint not heart, _Susan_ my Lady dear: The Coblers Maid in Milkstreet, for whose sake, I take these Arms, O let the thought of thee, Carry thy Knight through all adventurous deeds, And in the honor of thy beauteous self, May I destroy this monster _Barbaroso_, Knock Squire upon the Bason till it break [_Enter Barba._ With the shrill strokes, or till the Giant spake.

_Wife._ O _George_, the Giant, the Giant, now _Rafe_ for thy life.

_Bar._ What fond unknowing wight is this, that dares, So rudely knock at _Barbarossa_'s Cell, Where no man comes, but leaves his fleece behind?

_Rafe._ I, traiterous Caitiffe, who am sent by fate To punish all the sad enormities Thou hast committed against Ladies gentle, And Errant Knights, Traytor to God and men: Prepare thy self, this is the dismal hour Appointed for thee to give strict account Of all thy beastly treacherous villanies.

_Bar._ Fool-hardy Knight, full soon thou shalt aby This fond reproach, thy body will I bang, [_He takes down his pole._ And loe upon that string thy teeth shall hang: Prepare thy self, for dead soon shalt thou be.

_Rafe._ Saint _George_ for me. [_They fight._

_Barba. Gargantua_ for me.

_Wife._ To him _Rafe_, to him, hold up the Giant, set out thy leg before _Rafe_.

_Cit._ Falsifie a blow _Rafe_, falsifie a blow, the Giant lies open on the left side.

_Wife._ Bear't off, bear't off still; there boy, O _Rafe_'s almost down, _Rafe_'s almost down.

_Rafe. Susan_ inspire me, now have up again.

_Wife._ Up, up, up, up, up, so _Rafe_, down with him, down with him _Rafe_.

_Cit._ Fetch him over the hip boy.

_Wife._ There boy, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, _Rafe_.

_Cit._ No _Rafe_, get all out of him first.

_Rafe._ Presumptuous man, see to what desperate end Thy treachery hath brought thee, the just Gods, Who never prosper those that do despise them, For all the villanies which thou hast done To Knights and Ladies, now have paid thee home, By my stiff arm, a Knight adventurous. But say, vile wretch, before I send thy soul To sad _Avernus_, whither it must go, What captives holdst thou in thy sable cave?

_Barba._ Go in and free them all, thou hast the day.

_Rafe._ Go Squire and Dwarf, search in this dreadful cave, And free the wretched prisoners from their bonds.

[_Exit Squire and Dwarf._

_Barb._ I crave for mercy as thou art a Knight, And scornst to spill the blood of those that beg.

_Rafe._ Thou shewest no mercy, nor shalt thou have any, Prepare thy self, for thou shalt surely dye.

_Enter Squire leading one winking, with a Bason under his chin._

_Squire._ Behold brave Knight here is one prisoner, Whom this wild man hath used as you see.

_Wife._ This is the [first] wise word I hear[d] the Squire speak.

_Rafe._ Speak what thou art, and how thou hast been us'd, That I may give him condign punishment.

_1. Kni._ I am a Knight that took my journey post Northward from _London_, and in courteous wise, This Gyant train'd me to his [loathsome] den, Under pretence of killing of the itch, And all my body with a powder strew'd, That smarts and stings, and cut away my beard, And my curl'd locks wherein were Ribands ty'de, And with a water washt my tender eyes, Whilst up and down about me still he skipt, Whose virtue is, that till my eyes be wip't With a dry cloth, for this my foul disgrace, I shall not dare to look a dog i'th' face.

_Wife._ Alass poor Knight, relieve him _Rafe_, relieve poor Knights whilst you live.

_Rafe._ My trusty Squire convey him to the Town, Where he may find relief, adieu fair Knight. [_Exit Knight._

_Enter Dwarf leading one with a patch o'er his Nose._

_Dwar._ Puissant Knight of the _burning Pestle_ height, See here another wretch, whom this foul beast Hath scorcht and scor'd in this inhumane wise.

_Rafe._ Speak me thy name, and eke thy place of birth, And what hath been thy usage in this Cave.

_2. Knight._ I am a Knight, Sir _Pock-hole_ is my name, And by my birth I am a _Londoner_, Free by my Copy, but my Ancestors Were _Frenchmen_ all, and riding hard this way, Upon a trotting horse my bones did ake, And I faint Knight to ease my weary limbes, Light at this Cave, when straight this furious fiend, With sharpest instrument of purest steel, Did cut the gristle of my Nose away, And in the place this velvet plaster stands, Relieve me gentle Knight out of his hands.

_Wife._ Good _Rafe_ relieve Sir _Pockhole_, and send him away, for in truth his breath stinks.

_Rafe._ Convey him straight after the other Knight: Sir _Pockhole_ fare you well.

_[2]. Knight._ Kind Sir goodnight. [_Exit._

[_Cryes within._

_Man._ Deliver us.

_Woman._ Deliver us.

_Wife._ Harke _George_, what a woful cry there is, I think some woman lyes in there.

_Man._ Deliver us.

_Woman._ Deliver us.

_Rafe._ What gastly noise is this? speak _Barbaroso_ Or by this blazing steel thy head goes off.

_Barb._ Prisoners of mine, whom I in diet keep, Send lower down into the Cave, And in a Tub that's heated smoaking hot, There may they find them and deliver them.

_Rafe._ Run Squire and Dwarf, deliver them with speed.

_Exeunt Squire and Dwarf._

_Wife._ But will not _Raf[e]_ kill this Giant, surely I am afraid if he let him go he will do as much hurt, as ever he did.

_Citizen._ Not so Mouse neither, if he could convert him.

_Wife._ I _George_, if he could convert him; but a Gyant is not so soon converted as one of us ordinary people. There's a pretty tale of a Witch, that had the Divels mark about her, God bless us, that had a Gyant to her son, that was call'd _Lob-lie-by-the-fire_, didst never hear it _George_.

_Enter Squire leading a man with a glass of Lotion in his hand,_ _and the Dwarf leading a woman, with Dyet-bread and Drink._

_Cit._ Peace _Nell_, here comes the prisoners.

_Dwar._ Here be these pined wretches, manfull Knight, That for this six weeks have not seen a wight.

_Raph._ Deliver what you are, and how you came To this sad Cave, and what your usage was?

_Man._ I am an errant Knight that followed Arms, With spear and shield, and in my tender years I strucken was with _Cupids_ fiery shaft, And fell in love with this my Lady dear, And stole her from her friends in Turne-ball street, And bore her up and down from Town to Town, Where we did eat and drink and Musick he[a]re; Till at the length at this unhappy Town We did arrive, and coming to this Cave, This beast us caught, and put us in a Tub, Where we this two months sweat, and should have done Another Month if you had not relieved us.

_Wom._ This bread and water hath our dyet been, Together with a rib cut from a neck Of burned Mutton, hard hath been our fare, Release us from this ugly Gyants snare.

_Man._ This hath been [all] the food we have receiv'd, But only twice a day for novelty, He gave a spoonful of his hearty broth [_Pulls out a siringe._ To each of us, through this same [sl]ender quill.

_Raph._ From this infernall Monster you shall go, That useth Knights and gentle Ladies so. Convey them hence. [_Exeunt man and woman._

_Cit._ Cunny, I can tell thee the Gentlem[e]n like _Rafe_.

_Wife._ I _George_, I see it well enough. Gentlemen I thank you all heartily for gracing my man _Raph_, and I promise you, you shall see him oftner.

_Bar._ Mercy great Knight, I do recant my ill, And henceforth never gentle blood will spill.

_Raph._ I give thee mercy, but yet thou shalt swear Upon my burning Pestle to perform Thy promise utter'd.

_Bar._ I swear and kiss.

_Raph._ Depart then and amend. Come Sq[u]ire and Dwarf, the Sun grows towards his set, And we have many more adventures yet. [_Exeunt._

_Cit._ Now _Raph_ is in this humor, I know he would ha beaten all the boys in the house, if they had been set on him.

_Wife._ I _George_, but it is well as it is: I warrant you the gentlemen do consider what it is to overthrow a Gyant: but look _George_, here comes Mistriss _Merri-thought_, and her son _Michael_, now you are welcome Mistris _Merri-thought_, now _Raph_ has done you may go on.

_Enter_ Mistriss Merry-thought _and_ Michael.

_Mist. mer. Micke_ My Boy?

_Mich._ I forsooth Mother.

_Mist. mer._ Be merry _Micke_, we are at home now: where I warrant you, yo[u] shall find the house flung out of the windows: Hark: hey dogs, hey, this is the old world y'faith with my Husband: [if I] get in amo[n]g them, I'll play them such [a] les[s]on, that they shall have little list to come scraping hither again. Why Master _Merry-thought_, Husband, _Charles Merry-thought_.

_Old Mer. within._ If you will sing, and dance, and laugh, and hollow, and laugh again: and then cry there boys there: why then,

One, two, three, and four, We shall be merry within this hour.

_Mist. Mer._ Why _Charles_ do you not know your own natural wife? I say open the door, and turn me out those mangy companions; 'tis more than time that they were fellow like with you: you are a Gentleman _Charles_, and an old man, and father of two children; and I my self, (though I say it) by my mothers side, Niece to a Worshipful Gentleman, and a Conductor, he has been three times in his Majesties service at _Chester_, and is now the fourth time, God bless him, and his charge upon his journey.

Old Mer. _Go from my window, love go:_ _Go from my window my dear,_ _The wind and the rain will drive you back again,_ _You cannot be lodged here._

Hark you Mistriss _Merri-thought_, you that walk upon Adventures, and forsake your Husband, because he sings with never a penny in his purse; what shall I think my self the worse? Faith no, I'll be merry.

You come not here, here's none but Lads of mettle, lives of a hundred years, and upwards, care never drunk their bloods, nor want made them warble.

Hey-ho, my heart is heavy.

_Mist. Mer._ Why M. _Merri-thought_, what am I that you should laugh me to scorn thus abruptly? am I not your fellow-feeler, (as we may say) in all our miseries? your comforter in health and sickness? have I not brought you Children? are they not like you _Charles_? look upon thine own Image, hardhearted man; and yet for all this--

_Old Mer. within._ Begon, begon my juggy, my puggy, begon my love my dear. The weather is warm, 'twill do thee no harm, thou canst not be lodged here. Be merry boys, some light musick, and more wine.

_Wife._ He's not in earnest, I hope _George_, is he?

_Cit._ What if he be, sweet heart?

_Wife._ Marry if he be _George_, I'll make bold to tell him he's an ingrant old man, to use his bed-fellow so scurvily.

_Cit._ What how does he use her Honey?

_Wife._ Marry come up sir sauce-box, I think you'll take his part, will you not? Lord how hot are you grown: you are a fine man an you had a fine Dog, it becomes you sweetly.

_Cit._ Nay, prethee _Nell_ chide not: for as I am an honest man, and a true Christian Grocer, I do not like his doings.

_Wife._ I cry you mercy then _George_, you know we are all frail, and full of infirmities. Dee hear Master _Merri-thought_, may I crave a word with you?

_Old Mer. within._ Strike up lively lads.

_Wife._ I had not thought in truth, Master _Merri-thought_, that a man of your age and discretion (as I may say) being a Gentleman, and therefore known by your gentle conditions, could have used so little respect to the weakness of his wife: for your wife is your own flesh, the staff of your age, your yoke-fellow, with whose help you draw through the myre of this transitory world: Nay, she's your own rib. And again--

_Old Mer._ I come not hither for thee to teach, I have no pulpit for thee to preach, I would thou hadst kist me under the breech, As thou art a Lady gay.

_Wife._ Marry with a vengeance, I am heartily sorry for the poor Gentlewoman: but if I were thy wife, i'faith gray-beard, i'faith--

_Cit._ I prethee sweet Hony-suckle, be content.

_Wife._ Give me such words that am a Gentlewoman born, hang him hoary Rascal. Get me some drink _George_, I am almost molten with fretting: now beshrew his Knaves heart for it.

_Old mer._ Play me a light _Lavalto_: come, be frollick, fill the good fellows wine.

_Mist. mer._ Why Master _Merri-thought_, are you disposed to make me wait here: you'll open I hope, i'll fetch them that shall open else.

_Old mer._ Good woman, if you will sing, I'll give you something, if not--

SONG.

_You are no love for me_ Marget, _I am no love for you._ _Come aloft Boys, aloft._

_Mist. mer._ Now a Churles fart in your teeth Sir: Come _Mick_, we'll not trouble him, a shall not ding us i'th' teeth with his bread and his broth, that he shall not: come boy, I'll provide for thee, I warrant thee: wee'll go to Master _Venterwels_ the Merchant, I'll get his letter to mine Host of the _Bell_ in _Waltham_, there I'll place thee with the Tapster, will not that do well for thee _Mick_? and let me alone for that old Cuckoldly Knave your father, I'll use him in his kind, I warrant ye.

_Wife._ Come _George_, where's the beer?

_Cit._ Here Love.

_Wife._ This old fornicating fellow will not out of my mind yet; Gentlemen, I'll begin to you all, I desire more of your acquaintance, with all my heart. Fill the Gentlemen some beer _George_.

_Finis Actus Tertii. Musick._

_Actus Quartus. Scæna Prima._

_Boy danceth._

_Wife._ Look _George_, the little boy's come again, methinks he looks something like the Prince of _Orange_ in his long stocking, if he had a little harness about his neck. _George_, I will have him dance _Fading_; _Fading_, is a fine Jig I'll assure you Gentlemen: begin brother, now a capers sweet heart, now a turn a th' toe, and then tumble: cannot you tumble youth?

_Boy._ No indeed forsooth.

_Wife._ Nor eat fire?

_Boy._ Neither.

_Wife._ Why then I thank you heartily, there's two pence to buy you points withall.

_Enter_ Jasper _and_ Boy.

_Jasp._ There boy, deliver this: but do it well. Hast thou provided me four lusty fellows?

Able to carry me? and art thou perfect In all thy business?

_Boy._ Sir you need not fear, I have my lesson here, and cannot miss it: The men are ready for you, and what else Pertains to this imployment.

_Jasp._ There my boy, Take it, but buy no land.

_Boy._ Faith sir 'twere rare To see so young a purchaser: I flie, And on my wings carry your destiny. [_Exit._

_Jasp._ Go, and be happy: Now my latest hope Forsake me not, but fling thy Anchor out, And let it hold: stand fix[t] thou rolling stone, Till I enjoy my dearest: hear me all You powers that rule in men celestial. [_Exit._

_Wife._ Go thy ways, thou art as crooked a sprig as ever grew, in _London_, I warrant him he'll come to some naughty end or other: for his looks say no less: Besides, his father (you know _George_) is none of the best, you heard him take me up like a Gill flirt: and sing bawdy Songs upon me: but i'faith if I live _George_--

_Cit._ Let me alone sweet-heart, I have a trick in my head shall lodge him in the Arches for one year, and make him sing _Peccavi_, 'ere I leave him, and yet he shall never know who hurt him neither.

_Wife._ Do my good _Ge[o]rge_, do.

_Cit._ What shall we have _Rafe_ do now boy?

_Boy._ You shall have what you will sir.

_Cit._ Why so sir, go and fetch me him then, and let the Sophy of _Persia_ come and christen him a child.

_Boy._ Believe me Sir, that will not do so well, 'tis stale, it has been had before at the Red Bull.

_Wife. George_, let _Rafe_ travell over great hills, and let him be [very] weary, and come to the King of _Cracovia_'s house, covered with velvet, and there let the Kings daughter stand in her window all in beaten gold, combing her golden locks with a comb of Ivory, and let her spye _Rafe_, and fall in love with him, and come down to him, and carry him into her fathers house, and then let _Rafe_ talk with her.

_Cit._ Well said _Nel_, it shall be so: boy let's ha't done quickly.

_Boy._ Sir, if you will imagine all this to be done already, you shall hear them talk together: but we cannot present a house covered with black Velvet, and a Lady in beaten gold.

_Cit._ Sir Boy, lets ha't as you can then.

_Boy._ Besides, it will shew ill-favoredly to have a Grocers Prentice to court a Kings daughter.

_Cit._ Will it so Sir? you are well read in Histories: I pray you what was Sir _Dagonet_? was not he Prentice to a Grocer in _London_? read the Play of the _Four Prentices of London_, where they toss their Pikes so: I pray you fetch him in Sir, fetch him in.

_Boy._ It shall be done, it is not our fault Gentlemen. [_Exit._

_Wife._ Now we shall see fine doings I warrant thee _George_. O here they come; how prettily the King of _Cracovia_'s daughter is drest.

_Enter_ Rafe _and the Lady, Squire and Dwarf_.

_Cit._ I _Nell_, it is the fashion of that Countrey, I warrant thee.

_Lady._ Welcome sir Knight unto my fathers Court. King of _Moldavia_, unto me _Pompiona_ His daughter dear: but sure you do not like Your entertainment, that will stay with us No longer but a night.

_Raph._ Damsell right fair, I [a]m on many sad adventures bound, That call me forth into the Wilderness: Besides, my horses back is something gal'd, Which will enforce me ride a sober pace. But many thanks (fair Lady) be to you, For using errant Knight with courtesie.

_Lady._ But say (brave Knight) what is your name and birth?

_Rafe._ My name is _Rafe_, I am an Englishman, As true as steel, a hearty Englishman, And Prentice to a Grocer in the _Strand_, By deed indent, of which I have one part: But fortune calling me to follow Arms, On me this holy Order I did take, Of _burning Pestle_, which in all mens eyes, I bear, confounding Ladies enemies.

_Lady._ Oft have I heard of your brave Countrymen, And fertile soil, and store of wholesome food; My father oft will tell me of a drink In _England_ found, and _Nipitato_ call'd, Which driveth all the sorrow from your hearts.

_Rafe._ Lady 'tis true, you need not lay your lips To better _Nipitato_ than there is.