Part 12

_Gentlemen_, the World is so nice in these our times, that for Apparel, there is no fashion, For Musick, which is a rare Art, (though now slighted) No Instrument; For Diet, none but the _French_ Kickshoes that are delicate; and for Plaies, no invention but that which now runneth an invective way, touching some particular persons, or else it is contemned before it is throughly understood. This is all that I have to say, That the Author had no intent to wrong any one in this _Comedy_, but as a merry passage, here and there interlaced it with delight, which he hopes will please all, and be hurtful to none.

The PROLOGUE.

_Where the Bee can suck no Honey, she leaves her sting behind;_ _and where the Bear cannot find_ Origanum _to heal his grief, he blasteth all other leaves with his breath. We fear it is like to fare so with us; that seeing you cannot draw from our_ _labours sweet content, you leave behind you a sower mis-like, and with open reproach blame our good meaning, because you cannot reap the wonted mirth. Our intent was at this time to move inward delight, not outward lightness; and to breed (if it might be) soft smiling, not loud laughing: knowing it (to the wise) to be a great pleasure, to hear Counsel mixed with Wit, as to the foolish to have sport mingled with rudeness. They were banished the Theater of_ Athens, _and from_ Rome _hissed, that brought Parasites on t[h]e Stage with apish actions, or Fools with uncivil habits, or Courtezans_ _with immodest words. We have endeavoured to be as far from unseemly speeches, to make your ears glow, as we hope you will be free from unkind reports, or mistaking the Authors intention (who never aimed at any one particular in this Play,) to make our cheeks blush. And thus I leave it, and thee to thine own censure, to like, or dislike._ Vale.

* * * * *

_The Actors Names._

The Prologue. Then a Citizen. The Citizens wife, and _Ralph_ her man, sitting below amidst the Spectators. A rich Merchant. _Jasper_ his Apprentice. Master _Humphrey_, a friend to the Merchant. _Luce_, the Merchants Daughter. Mistress _Merry-thought_, _Jaspers_ Mother. _Michael_, a second Son of Mistriss _Merry-thought_. Old M. _Merry-thought_. A Squire. A Dwarfe. A Tapster. A Boy that Danceth and Singeth. An Host. A Barber. Two Knights. A Captain. A Sergeant. Soldiers.

_Enter_ Prologue.

From all that's near the Court, from all that's great Within the compass of the City-walls We now have brought our Scene.

_Enter_ Citizen.

_Cit._ Hold your peace good-man boy.

_Pro._ What do you mean Sir?

_Cit._ That you have no good meaning: These seven years there hath been Plays at this House, I have observed it, you have still girds at Citizens; and now you call your Play _The_ _London Merchant_. Down with your Title, Boy, down with your Title.

_Pro._ Are you a member of the noble City?

_Cit._ I am.

_Pro._ And a Free-man?

_Cit._ Yea, and a Grocer.

_Pro._ So Grocer, then by your swe[e]t favour, we intend no abuse to the City.

_Cit._ No sir, Yes sir, If you were not resolv'd to play the Jacks, What need you study for new subjects, Purposely to abuse your betters? Why could not you be contented, As well as others, With the Legend of _Whittington_, Or the life and death of Sir _Thomas Gresham_? With the building of the _Royal Exchange_? Or the storie of Queen _Elenor_, With the rearing of _London bridge_ upon Woollsacks?

_Pro._ You seem to be an understanding man: What would you have us do sir?

_Cit._ Why? Present something notably In honor of the Commons of the City.

_Pro._ Why, What do you say, to the life and death of fat _Drake_, Or the repairing of Fleet Privies?

_Cit._ I do not like that, But I will have a Citizen, And he shall be of my own Trade.

_Pro._ Oh, You should have told us your mind A month since, Our Play is ready to begin now.

_Cit._ 'Tis all one for that, I will have a Grocer, And he shall do admirable things.

_Pro._ What will you have him do?

_Cit._ Marry I will have him--

_Wife._ Husband, Husband.

_Wife below, Ralph below._

_Ralph._ Peace, Mistriss.

_Wife._ Hold thy peace _Ralph_, I know what I do, I warrant ye. Husband, Husband.

_Cit._ What say'st thou Conie?

_Wife._ Let him kill a Lion with a Pestle Husband, Let him kill a Lion with a Pestle.

_Cit._ So he shall, I'll have him kill a Lion with a pestle.

_Wife._ Husband, Shall I come up Husband?

_Cit._ I Cony. _Ralph_, help your Mistriss this way: Pray Gentlemen make her a little room, I pray you sir Lend me your hand to help up my Wife: I thank you sir. So.

_Wife._ By your leave Gentlemen all, I'm something troublesome, I'm a stranger here, I was ne'r at one of these Plays, [a]s they say, before; But I should have seen _Jane Shore_ once, And my Husband Hath promised me any time this Twelvemonth, To carrie me to the _Bold Beauchams_, But in truth he did not; I pray you bear with me.

_Cit._ Boy, Let my Wife and I have a couple of stools, And then begin, And let the Grocer do rare things.

_Pro._ But sir, We have never a Boy to play him, Every one hath a part already.

_Wife._ Husband, Husband, For gods sake let _Ralph_ play him, Beshrew me if I do not think He will go beyond them all.

_Cit._ Well remembred wife, Come up _Ralph_, I'll tell you Gentlemen, Let them but lend him a suit of reparrel, and necessaries, And by gad, If any of them all blow wind in the tail on him, I'll be hang'd.

_Wife._ I pray you youth, Let him have a suit of reparrel, I'll be sworn Gentlemen, My Husband tells you true, He will act you sometimes at our house, That all the neighbors cry out on him: He will fetch you up a couraging part so in the Garret, That we are all as fear'd I warrant you, That we quake again: We'll fear our children with him, If they be never so unruly, Do but cry, _Ralph comes, Ralph comes_ to them, And they'll be as quiet as Lambs. Hold up thy head _Ralph_, Shew the Gentlemen what thou canst do, Speak a huffing part, I warrant you the Gentlemen will accept of it.

_Cit._ Do _Ralph_, do.

_Ralph._ By heaven (Methinks) it were an easie leap To pluck bright honor from the pale-fac'd Moon, Or dive into the bottom of the Sea, Where never fathome line toucht any ground, And pluck up drowned honor From the lake of Hell.

_Cit._ How say you Gentlemen, Is it not as I told you?

_Wife._ Nay Gentlemen, He hath plaid before, my husband says, _Musidorus_ Before the Wardens of our company.

_Cit._ I, and he should have plaid _Jeronimo_ With a shoo-maker for a wager.

_Pro._ He shall have a suit of apparel, If he will go in.

_Cit._ In _Ralph_, in _Ralph_, And set out the Grocer[y] in their kind, If thou lov'st me.

_Wife._ I warrant our _Ralph_ will look finely, When he's drest.

_Pro._ But what will you have it call'd?

_Cit. The Grocers Honor._

_Pro._ Methinks _The Knight of the b[u]rning Pestle_ were better.

_Wife._ I'll be sworn Husband. That's as good a name as can be.

_Cit._ Let it be so, begin, begin; My Wife and I will sit down.

_Pro._ I pray you do.

_Cit._ What stately Musick have you? You have Shawnes.

_Pro._ Shawns? no.

_Cit._ No? I'm a thief if my mind did not give me so. _Ralph_ plaies a stately part, And he must needs have Shawns: I'll be at the charge of them my self, Rather than we'll be without them.

_Pro._ So you are like to be.

_Cit._ Why and so I will be, There's two shillings, Let's have the Waits of _Southwark_, They are as rare fellows as any are in _England_; And that will fetch them all o'r the water, with a vengeance, As if they were mad.

_Pro._ You shall have them: Will you sit down then?

_Cit._ I, come Wife.

_Wife._ Sit you merry all Gentlemen, I'm bold to sit amongst you for my ease.

_Pro._ From all that's near the Court, From all that's great Within the compass of the City walls, We now have brought our Scæne: Flie far from hence All private taxes, immodest phrases, What e'r may but shew like vicious: For wicked mirth never true pleasure brings, But honest minds are pleas'd with honest things. Thus much for that we do: But for _Ralphs_ part You must answer for your self.

_Cit._ Take you no care for _Ralph_, He'll discharge himself I warrant you.

_Wife._ I'faith Gentlemen, I'll give [my] word for _Ralph_.

_Actus Primus. Scæna Prima._

_Enter_ Merchant _and_ Jasper _his Man_.

_Merch._ Sirrah, I'll make you know you are my Prentice, And whom my charitable love redeem'd Even from the fall of fortune; gave thee heat And growth, to be what now thou art, new cast thee, Adding the trust of all I have at home, In forreign Staples, or upon the Sea To thy direction, ti'de the good opinions Both of [my]self and friends to thy endeavors, So fair were thy beginnings: but with these As I remember you had never charge, To love your Masters Daughter, and even then, When I had found a wealthy Husband for her, I take it, Sir, you had not: but however, I'll break the neck of that Commission, And make you know you are but a Merchants Factor.

_Jasp._ Sir, I do liberally confess I am yours, Bound both by love and duty to your service; In which my labor hath been all my profit; I have not lost in bargain, nor delighted To wear your honest gains upon my back, Nor have I given a pension to my bloud, Or lavishly in play consum'd your stock. These, and the miseries that do attend them, I dare with innocence, proclaim are strangers To all my temperate actions: for your Daughter, If there be any love to my deservings, Born by her virtuous self, I cannot stop it: Nor am I able to refrain her wishes. She's private to her self, and best of knowledge, Whom she'll make so happy as to sigh for. Besides, I cannot think you mean to match her, Unto a fellow of so lame a presence, One that hath little left of _Nature_ in him.

_Mer._ 'Tis very well, Sir, I can tell your wisdom How all this shall be cur'd.

_Jasp._ Your care becomes you.

_Merc._ And thus it shall be, Sir, I here discharge you, My house, and service, take your liberty, And when I want a Son I'll send for you. [_Exit._

_Jasp._ These be the fair rewards of them that love, Oh you that live in freedom never prove The travel of a mind led by desire.

_Enter_ Luce.

_Luce._ Why how now friend, struck with my Fathers thunder?

_Jasp._ Struck, and struck dead, unless the remedy Be full of speed and virtue; I am now, What I expected long, no more your father's.

_Luce._ But mine.

_Jasp._ But yours, and only yours I am, That's all I have to keep me from the statute: You dare be constant still?

_Luce._ O fear me not. In this I dare be better than a woman. Nor shall his anger, nor his offers move me, Were they both equal to a Princes power.

_Jasp._ You know my Rival?

_Luce._ Yes, and love him dearly, Even as I love an ague, or foul weather, I prethee _Jasper_ fear him not.

_Jasp._ Oh no, I do not mean to do him so much kindness, But to our own desires you know the plot We both agreed on.

_Luce._ Yes, and will perform My part exactly.

_Jasp._ I desire no more, Farewel, and keep my heart, 'tis yours.

_Luce._ I take it, He must do miracles, Makes me forsake it. [_Exeunt._

_Cit._ Fie upon 'em little infidels, What a matter's here now? Well, I'll be hang'd for a half-penny, If there be not some abomination knavery in this Play, Well, let 'em look to't, _Ralph_ must come, And if there be any tricks a brewing--

_Wife._ Let 'em brew and bake too Husband, a gods name, _Ralph_ will find all out I warrant you, And they were older than they are. I pray my pretty youth, is _Ralph_ ready?

_Boy._ He will be presently.

_Wife._ Now I pray you make my commendations unto him, And withal, carry him this stick of Licoras, Tell him his Mistriss sent it him, And bid him bite apiece, 'Twill open his pipes the better, say.

_Enter_ Merchant, _and Master_ Humphrey.

_Mer._ Come, Sir, she's yours, upon my faith she's yours, You have my hand, for other idle letts Between your hopes and her, thus, with a wind, They are scattered, and no more: my wanton Prentice, That like a bladder blew himself with love, I have lett out, and sent him to discover New masters yet unknown.

_Humph._ I thank you Sir, Indeed I thank you, Sir, and e'r I stir, It shall be known however you do deem, I am of gentle blood and gentle seem.

_Mer._ Oh Sir, I know it certain.

_Hum._ Sir, my friend, Although as Writers say, all things have end, And that we call a Pudding, hath his two, Oh let it not seem strange I pray to you, If in this bloudy simile, I put My love, more endless, than frail things or gut.

_Wife._ Husband, I prethee sweet lamb tell me one thing, But tell me truly: Stay youths I beseech you, Till I question my Husband.

_Cit._ What is it Mouse?

_Wife._ Sirrah, Didst thou ever see a prettier child? How it behaves it self, I warrant ye: And speaks and looks, and pearts up the head? I pray you brother with your favour, Were you never none of Mr. _Moncasters_ Scholars?

_Cit._ Chickin, I prethee heartily contain thy self, The childer are pretty childer, But when _Ralph_ comes, Lamb.

_Wife._ I when _Ralph_ comes, Conie, Well my youth you may proceed.

_M[e]r._ Well Sir, you know my love, and rest, I hope Assur'd of my consent; get but my daughters, And wed her when you please: you must be bold, And clap in close unto her, come, I know You have language good enough to win a wench.

_Wife._ A whoresone tyrant, Hath been an old stringer in his days, I warrant him.

_Hum._ I take your gentle offer, and withal Yield love again for love reciprocal.

_Enter_ Luce.

_M[e]r._ What _Luce_, within there?

_Luce._ Call'd you Sir?

_Mer._ I did Give entertainment to this Gentleman, And see you be not froward: to her, Sir: My presence will but be an eye-soar to you. [_Exit._

_Hum._ Fair Mistriss _Luce_, how do you, are you well? Give me your hand, and then I pray you tell, How doth your little Sister, and your Brother? And whether you love me or any other.

_Luce._ Sir, these are quickly answer'd.

_Hum._ So they are, Where Women are not cruel: but how far Is it now distant from the place we are in, Unto that blessed place your Fathers Warren.

_Luce._ What makes you think of that, Sir?

_Hum._ Even that face, For stealing Rabbets whilome in that place, God _Cupid_, or the Keeper, I know not whether, Unto my cost and charges brought you thither, And there began.

_Lu[ce]._ Your game, Sir.

_Hum._ Let no game, Or any thing that tendeth to the same, Be evermore remembred, thou fair killer For whom I sate me down and brake my Tiller.

_Wife._ There's a kind Gentleman, I warrant you, when will you do as much for me _George_?

_Luce._ Beshrew me Sir, I am sorry for your losses, But as the proverb says, _I cannot cry_, I would you had not seen me.

_Hum._ So would I. Unless you had more maw to do me good.

_Luce._ Why, cannot this strange passion be withstood, Send for a Constable and raise the Town.

_Hum._ Oh no, my valiant love will batter down Millions of Constables, and put to flight, Even that great Watch of Midsummer day at night.

_Luce._ Beshrew me, Sir, 'twere good I yielded then, Weak Women cannot hope, where valiant men Have no resistance.

_Hum._ Yield then, I am full Of pity, though I say it, and can pull Out of my pocket thus a pair of Gloves. Look _Lucy_, look, the dogs tooth, nor the Doves Are not so white as these; and sweet they be, And whipt about with silk, as you may see: If you desire the price, sute from your eye, A beam to this place, and you shall espie _F. S._ which is to say my sweetest Honey, They cost me three and two pence, or no money.

_Luce._ Well Sir, I take them kindly, and I thank you; What would you more?

_Hum._ Nothing.

_Lu._ Why then farewel.

_Hum._ Nor so, nor so, for Lady I must tell, Before we part, for what we met together, God grant me time, and patience, and fair weather.

_Luce._ Speak and declare your mind in terms so brief.

_Hum._ I shall; then first and foremost for relief I call to you, if that you can afford it, I care not at what price, for on my word, it Shall be repaid again, although it cost me More than I'll speak of now, for love hath tost me In furious blanket like a Tennis-ball, And now I rise aloft, and now I fall.

_Luce._ Alas good Gentleman, alas the day.

_Hum._ I thank you heartily, and as I say, Thus do I still continue without rest, I' th' morning like a man, at night a beast, Roaring and bellowing mine own disquiet, That much I fear, forsaking of my diet, Will bring me presently to that quandary, I shall bid all adieu.

_Lu._ Now by _S. Mary_ That were great pity.

_Hum._ So it were beshrew me, Then ease me lusty _Luce_, and pity shew me.

_Luce._ Why Sir, you know my will is nothing worth Without my Fathers grant, get his consent, And then you may with assurance try me.

_Hum._ The Worshipful your Sire will not deny me, For I have ask'd him, and he hath reply'd, Sweet Master _Humphrey_, _Luce_ shall be thy Bride.

_Luce._ Sweet Master _Humphrey_ then I am content.

_Hum._ And so am I in truth.

_Lu._ Yet take me with you, There is another clause must be annext, And this it is I swore, and will perform it, No man shall ever joy me as his wife, But he that stole me hence: if you dare venture, I am yours; you need not fear, my father loves you: If not, farewel for ever.

_Hum._ Stay Nymph, stay, I have a double Gelding coloured bay, Sprung by his Father from _Barbarian_ kind, Another for my self, though somewhat blind, Yet true as trusty tree.

_Luce._ I am satisfied, And so I give my hand, our course must lie Through _Waltham_ Forrest, where I have a friend Will entertain us, so farewel Sir _Humphrey_. [_Exit_ Luce. And think upon your business.

_Hum._ Though I die, I am resolv'd to venture life and lim, For one so young, so fair, so kind, so trim. [_Exit_ Hum.

_Wife._ By my faith and troth _George_, and as I am virtuous, it is e'n the kindest young man that ever trode on shooe-leather: well, go thy waies, if thou hast her not, 'tis not thy fault 'ifaith.

_Cit._ I prethee Mouse be patient, a shall have her, or I'll make some of 'em smoak for't.

_Wife._ Thats my good lamb _George_, fie, this stinking Tobacco kills men, would there were none in _England_: now I pray Gentlemen, what good does this stinking Tobacco do you? nothing; I warrant you make chimneys a your faces: Oh Husband, Husband, now, now there's _Ralph_, there's _Ralph_.

_Enter_ Ralph, _like a Groc[e]r in's shop, with_ _two Prentices, reading_ Palmerin _of_ England.

_Cit._ Peace fool, let _Ralph_ alone, hark you _Ralph_; do not strain your self too much at the first, peace, begin _Ralph_.

_Ralph._ Then _Palmerin_ and _Trineus_ snatching their Lances from their Dwarfs, and clasping their Helmets, gallopt amain after the Giant, and _Palmerin_ having gotten a sight of him, came posting amain, saying, Stay traiterous thief, for thou maist not so carry away her, that is worth the greatest Lord in the World, and with these words gave him a blow on the Shoulder, that he struck him besides his Elephant; and _Trineus_ coming to the Knight that had _Agricola_ behind him, set him soon besides his horse, with his neck broken in the fall, so that the Princess getting out of the throng, between joy and grief said: All happy Knight, the mirror of all such as follow Arms, now may I be well assured of the love thou bearest me, I wonder why the Kings do not raise an Army of fourteen or fifteen hundred thousand men, as big as the Army that the Prince of _Portigo_ brought against _Rocicler_, and destroy these Giants, they do much hurt to wandring Damsels, that go in quest of their Knights.

_Wife._ Faith Husband, and _Ralph_ says true, for they say the King of _Portugal_ cannot sit at his meat, but the Giants and the Ettins will come and snatch it from him.

_Cit._ Hold thy tongue; on _Ralph_.

_Ralph._ And certainly those Knights are much to be commended, who neglecting their possessions, wander with a Squire and a Dwarfe through the Desarts, to relieve poor Ladies.

_Wife._ I by my faith are they _Ralph_, let 'em say what they will, they are indeed: our Knights neglect their possessions well enough, but they do not the rest.

_Ralph._ There are no such courteous, and fair well-spoken Knights in this age, they will call one the Son of a whore, that _Palmerin_ of _England_, would have called fair Sir; and one that _Rosicler_ would have called Right beaut[eous] Damsel, they will call Damn'd bitch.

_Wife._ I'll be sworn will they _Ralph_, they have called me so an hundred times about a scurvy pipe of Tobacco.

_Ralph._ But what brave spirit could be content to sit in his shop with a flapet of Wood, and a blew Apron before him selling _Methridatam_ and _Dragons water_ to visited houses, that might pursue feats of Arms, and through his noble atchievements, procure such a famous History to be written [of his] Heroick prowesse.

_Cit._ Well said _Ralph_, some more of those words _Ralph_.

_Wife._ They go finely by my troth.

_Ralph._ Why should [not I] then pursue this course, both for the credit of my self and our company, for amongst all the worthy Books of Atchievements, I do not call to mind, that I yet read of a Grocer Errant. I will be the said Knight: Have you heard of any that hath wandred unfurnished of his Squire and Dwarfe? my elder Prentice _T[i]m_ shall be my trusty Squire, and little _George_ my Dwarfe, hence my blew Apron, yet in remembrance of my former Trade, upon my shield shall be pourtraid a _Burning Pestle_, and I will be call'd the _Knight_ _of the burning Pestle_.

_Wife._ Nay, I dare swear thou wilt not forget thy old Trade, thou wert ever meek.

_Ralph. Tim._

_Tim._ Anon.

_Ralph._ My beloved Squire, and _George_ my Dwarfe, I charge you that from henceforth you never call me by any other name, but the _Right courteous and valiant Knight of the Burning Pestle_, and that you never call any Female by the name of a Woman or Wench, but fair Lady, if she have her desires; if not, distressed Damsel; that you call all Forrests and Heaths, Desarts, and all Horses Palfries.

_Wife._ This is very fine: faith do the Gentlemen like _Ralph_, think you Husband?

_Cit._ I, I warrant thee, the Players would give all the shooes in their shop for him.

_Ralph._ My beloved Squire _Tim_, stand out, admit this were a Desart, and over it a Knight Errant pricking, and I should bid you enquire of his intents, what would you say?