SCENE III.

_Enter_ Alphonso, _Master and Keepers_.

_Mast._ Yes, Sir, here be such people; but how pleasing They will appear to you.

_Alph._ 'Pray let me see 'em, I come to that end; 'pray let me see 'em all.

_Mast._ They will confound ye, Sir, like Bells rung backward, They are nothing but Confusion, and meer Noises.

_Alph._ May be I love a noise; but hark ye, Sir, Have ye no Boys? handsome young Boys?

_Mast._ Yes, one, Sir, A very handsome Boy.

_Alph._ Long here?

_Mast._ But two days; A little crazed; but much hope of recovery.

_Alph._ I, that Boy, let me see, may be I know him, That Boy I say; this is the Boy he told me of, And it must need be she; that Boy, I beseech ye, Sir, That Boy I come to see.

_Mast._ And ye shall see him; Or any else: but pray be not too violent.

_Alph._ I know what to do, I warrant ye; I am for all fancies; I can talk to 'em, and dispute.

_1 Keep._ As madly; For they are very mad, Sir.

_Alph._ Let 'em be horn-mad.

_1 Keep._ We have few Citizens: they have Bedlams of their own, Sir, And are mad at their own charges.

_Alph._ Who lyes here?

_Mast._ 'Pray ye do not disturb 'em, Sir, here lie such youths Will make you start if they but dance their trenchmores, Fetch out the Boy, Sirrah; hark!

[_Shake Irons within. English mad-men, Scholar, Parson, Jenkin._

_Alph._ Heigh Boys.

_Eng._ Bounce, Clap her o'th' star-board; bounce, top the Can.

_Schol._ Dead ye dog, dead, do ye quarrel in my Kingdom? Give me my trident.

_Eng._ Bounce, 'twixt wind and water, Loaden with Mackrel; O brave meat.

_Schol._ My Sea horses; I'll charge the Northern Wind, and break his Bladder.

_Pars._ I'll sell my Bells before I be out-brav'd thus.

_Alph._ What's he? what's he?

_Mast._ A Parson, Sir, a Parson That run mad for tyth Goslings.

_Alph._ Green sawce cure him.

_Pars._ I'll curse ye all, I'll excommunicate ye; Thou _English_ Heretick, give me the tenth Pot.

_Eng._ Sue me, I'll drink up all, bounce I say once more. O have I split your Mizen? blow, blow thou West-wind, Blow till thou rive, and make the Sea run roaring. I'll hiss it down again with a Bottle of Ale.

_Schol. Triton_, why _Triton_.

_Eng. Triton_'s drunk with _Metheglin_.

_Seb._ Strike, strike the surges, strike.

_Eng._ Drink, drink, 'tis day light; Drink, didle, didle, didle, drink, _Parson_, proud _Parson_; A Pigs tail in thy teeth, and I defie thee.

_Par._ Give me some porridg, or I'll damn thee, _English_.

_Alph._ How comes this _English_ mad man here?

_Mast._ Alas, that's no question; They are mad every where, Sir; Their fits are cool now, let 'em rest.

_Enter Keepers and She-fools._

_Alph._ Mad Gallants; Most admirable mad; I love their faces.

_1 Keep._ Ye stinking Whore, who knew of this? who lookt to him? 'Pox take him, he was sleepy when I left him.

_2 Keep._ Certain he made the fool drunk.

_Mast._ How now, who's this here? Where is the Boy?

_1 Keep._ The Boy, Sir?

_Mast._ I, the Boy, Sir.

_1 Keep._ Here's all the Boys we found.

_Mast._ These are his Cloaths. But where's the Boy?

_She-fool._ The Boy is gone a Maying, He'll bring me home a Cuckows Nest; do you hear, _Master_? I put my Cloaths off, and I dizen'd him, And pin'd a Plum in's forehead, and a feather, And buss'd him twice, and bid him go seek his fortune; He gave me this fine money, and fine Wine too, And bid me sop; and gave me these trim Cloaths too, And put 'em on.

_Alph._ Is this the Boy you would shew?

_She-fool._ I'll give you two pence, Master.

_Alph._ Am I fool'd of all sides? I met a fool i'th' Woods, they said she dwelt here, In a long pied Coat.

_Mast._ That was the very Boy, Sir.

_She-f._ I, I, I, I gave him leave to play, forsooth, He'll come again to morrow, and bring peascods.

_Mast._ I'll bring your bones.

_Alph._ 'Pox o' your fools, and Bedlams, 'Plague o' your Owls and Apes.

_Mast._ 'Pray ye, Sir, be tamer, We cannot help this presently, but we shall know; I'll recompence your Care too.

_Alph._ Know me, a pudding, You juggle, and ye riddle; fart upon ye; I am abused.

_Mast._ 'Pray ye, Sir. [_Welsh madman._

_Alph._ And I will be abused, Sir, And you shall know I am abused.

_Welsh._ Whaw, Mr. Keeper.

_Alph._ 'Pox o' thy whaws, and thy whyms, 'Pox o' thy urship.

_Wel._ Give me some Ceeze, and Onions; give me some wash-brew, I have ---- in my bellies, give me abundance, _Pendragon_ was a Shentleman, marg you, Sir, And the Organs at _Rixum_ were made by Revelations, There is a spirit blows, and blows the Bellows, And then they sing.

_Alph._ What Moon-calf's this? what dream?

_Mast._ 'Pray ye, Sir, observe him, He is a Mountaineer, a man of _Goteland_.

_Welsh._ I will beat thy face as black as a blue Clout, I will leave no more sheet in thine eyes.

_Mast._ He will not hurt ye.

_Welsh._ Give me a great deal of Guns; thou art the Devils, I know thee by thy tails; poor _Owen's_ hungry, I will peg thy bums full of Bullets.

_Alph._ This is the rarest Rascal, He speaks as if he had butter-milk in's mouth, Is this any thing akin to th' _English_?

_Mast._ The elder Brother, Sir, He run mad because a Rat eat up's Cheese.

_Alph._ H'ad a great deal of reason, Sir.

_Welsh. Basilus manus_, is for an old Codpiss, mark ye, I will borrow thy Urships Whore to seal a Letter.

_Mast._ Now he grows villainous.

_Alph._ Methinks he's best now.

_Mast._ Away with him.

_Alph._ He shall not.

_Mast._ Sir, he must.

_Welsh._ I will sing and dance, Do any thing.

_Alph._ Wilt thou declaim in Greek?

_Mast._ Away with the fool, And whip her soundly, Sirrah.

_She fool._ I'll tell no more tales. [_Exit._

_Alph._ Or wilt thou flye i'th' air?

_Eng._ Do, and I'll catch thee, And like a wisp of Hay, I'll whirl, and whirl thee, And puff thee up, and puff thee up.

_Schol._ I'll save thee, And thou shalt fall into the Sea, soft, softly.

_Welsh._ I'll get upon a mountain, and call my Countrymen.

_Mast._ They all grow wild, away with him for Heavens sake, Sir, ye are much to blame.

_Alph._ No, no, 'tis brave, Sir, Ye have cozen'd me; I'll make you mad.

_Mast._ In with him, And lock him fast.

_Alph._ I'll see him in his lodging. [_Exit._

_Mast._ What means this Gentleman?

_Enter_ Juletta.

_Jul._ He's in; have at him, Are you the Master, Sir?

_Mast._ What would you with him?

_Jul._ I have a business from the Duke of _Medina_, Is there not an old Gentleman come lately in?

_Mast._ Yes, and a wild one too, but not a Prisoner.

_Jul._ Did you observe him well? 'tis like it may be he.

_Mast._ I have seen younger men of better temper.

_Jul._ You have hit the cause I come for; there's a Letter, Pray ye peruse it well; I shall be wi' ye; And suddenly, I fear not, finely, daintily, I shall so feed your fierce vexation, And raise your Worships storms; I shall so niggle ye, And juggle ye, and fiddle ye, and firk ye: I'll make ye curse the hour ye vext a Woman; I'll make ye shake when our Sex are but sounded; For the Lords sake we shall have him at; I long to see it As much as for my wedding night; I gape after it.

_Mast._ This Letter says the Gentleman is lunatick, I half suspected it.

_Jul._ 'Tis very true, Sir, And such pranks he has plaid.

_Mast._ He's some great man, The Duke commands me with such care to look to him, And if he grow too violent, to correct him, To use the speediest means for his recovery, And those he must find sharp.

_Jul._ The better for him.

_Mast._ How got ye him hither?

_Jul._ With a train, I told him; He's in love with a Boy, there lyes his melancholy.

_Mast._ Hither he came to seek one.

_Jul._ Yes, I sent him, Now had we dealt by force, we had never brought him.

_Mast._ Here was a Boy.

_Jul._ He saw him not?

_Mast._ He was gone first.

_Jul._ It is the better; look you to your charge well; I'll see him lodged, for so the Duke commanded me, He will be very rough.

_Mast._ We are us'd to that, Sir, And we as rough as he, if he give occasion.

_Jul._ You will find him gainful, but be sure ye curb him, And get him, if ye can fairly, to his lodging,

_Enter_ Alphonso.

I am afraid ye will not.

_Mast._ We must sweat then.

_Alph._ What dost thou talk to me of noises? I'l have more noise, I'll have all loose, and all shall play their prizes; Thy Master has let loose the Boy I lookt for, Basely convey'd him hence.

_Keep._ Will ye go out, Sir?

_Alph._ I will not out; I will have all out with me, [_Shake Irons._ I'll have thy Master in; he's only mad here: And Rogues, I'll have ye all whipt; heigh, mad Boys, mad Boys.

_Jul._ Do you perceive him now?

_Mast._ 'Tis too apparent.

_Jul._ I am glad she is gone; he raves thus.

_Mast._ Do you hear, Sir? 'Pray will ye make less stir, and see your Chamber, Call in more help, and make the Closet ready.

_Keep._ I thought he was mad; I'll have one long lash at ye.

_Alph._ My Chamber? where my Chamber? why my Chamber? Where's the young Boy?

_Mast._ Nay, Pray ye, Sir, be more modest For your own Credit sake; the people see ye, And I would use ye with the best.

_Alph._ Best, hang ye, What dost thou think me mad?

_Mast._ Pray, and be civil, Heaven may deliver ye.

_Alph._ Into a rogues hands.

_Mast._ You do but draw more misery upon ye, And add to your disease.

_Alph._ Get from me.

_Mast._ No Sir, You must not be left so: bear your self civilly, And 'twill be better for ye: swell not, nor chafe not.

_Alp._ I am a Gentleman, and a neighbour, rascal.

_Mast._ A great deal the more pity: I have heard of ye.

_Jul._ Excellent Master.

_Mast._ The Duke is very tender too.

_Alph._ Am I lunatique? am I run mad? What dost thou talk to me of Dukes, and Devils, Why do the people gape so?

_Mast._ Do not anger 'em, But go in quietly, and slip in softly They will so tew ye, else, I am commanded Sir.

_Alph._ Why, prethee why?

_Mast._ Ye are dog-mad: you perceive it not, Very far mad: and whips will scant recover ye.

_Alph._ Ha! whips?

_Mast._ I whips, and sore whips, and ye were a Lord Sir, If ye be stubborn here.

_Alph._ Whips? what am I grown?

_Jul._ O I could burst: hold, hold, hold, hold o' both ends, How he looks, pray heaven, he be not mad indeed.

_Alph._ I do not perceive I am so; but if you think it, Nor I'le be hangd if 't be so.

_Mast._ Do you see this Sir? [_Irons brought in._ Down with that Devil in ye.

_Alph._ Indeed I am angry, But I'le contain my self: O I could burst now, And tear my self, but these rogues will torment me, Mad in mine old days? make mine own afflictions?

_Mast._ What do you mutter Sir?

_Alph._ Nothing, Sir, nothing; I will go in, and quietly, most civilly: And good Sir, let none of your tormentors come about me, You have a gentle face; they look like Dragons.

_Mast._ Be civil and be safe: come, for these two daies Ye must eat nothing neither: 'twill ease your fits Sir.

_Alph._ 'Twill starve me Sir; but I must bear it joyfully. I may sleep?

_Mast._ Yes, a little: go in with these men.

_Alph._ O miserable me! [_Exit._

_Mast._ I'le follow presently, You see 'tis done Sir,

_Jul._ Ye have done it handsomely, And I'le inform the Duke so: pray ye attend him, Let him want nothing, but his will.

_Mast._ He shall not, And if he be rebellious--

_Jul._ Never spare him: H'as flesh, and hide enough, he loves a whipping.

_Mast._ My service to his Grace. [_Exit._

_Jul._ I shall commend it. So, thou art fast: I must go get some fresh room To laugh, and caper in: O how it tickles me! O how it tumbles me with joy! thy mouth's stopt: Now if I can do my Mistris good, I am Sainted. [_Exit._

_Actus Quintus. Scena Prima._

_Enter_ Seberto, Curio.

_Seb._ Now, o' my conscience, we have lost him utterly, He's not gone home: we heard from thence this morning, And since our parting last at _Roderigo's_ You know what ground we have travel'd.

_Cur._ He's asleep sure: For if he had been awake, we should have met with him: 'Faith let's turn back, we have but a fruitless journey; And to hope further of _Alindas_ recovery, (For sure she'l rather perish than return) Is but to seek a Moth i'th' Sun.

_Seb._ We'l on sure; Something we'l know, some cause of all this fooling, Make some discovery.

_Cur._ Which way shall we cast then, For all the Champion Country, and the villages, And all those sides?

_Seb._ We'l cross these woods awhile then: Here if we fail, we'l gallop to _Segovia_. And if we light of no news there, hear nothing; We'l even turn fairly home, and coast the other side.

_Cur._ He may be sick, or faln into some danger; He has no guide, nor no man to attend him.

_Seb._ He's well enough, he has a travel'd body, And though he be old, he's tough, and will endure well; But he is so violent to finde her out, That his anger leads him a thousand wild-goose chases: I'le warrant he is well.

_Cur._ Shall we part company?

_Seb._ By no means, no: that were a sullen business: No pleasure in our journey: come, let's cross here first, And where we find the paths, let them direct us. [_Exeunt._