Part 2

We will now suppose that you are well informed of the news and topics of the day, etc., and that you have no cause to feel diffident and reserved from a general lack of information. "But my self-esteem is small, I have a poor opinion of myself." Well, change that opinion! Be proud; resolve to walk like a MAN and a gentleman--not like an uncouth boy. Hold up your head, and throw back your shoulders. If you want a magnificent chest, and a deep, sonorous voice; practice ten minutes, night and morning, filling the lungs as full as possible through a small tube, three inches long, and with a hole the size of a quill; allow the breath to pass out slowly through the tube. To insure an easy and graceful carriage, practice walking in your room with a small bag filled with grain poised on your head. Consider yourself as good as other people, _and a little better_. Train yourself to act always in a quiet and dignified manner--not with vulgar "stiffness," but with that ease and moderation of action, easily acquired, and which always shows the well-bred person. _Act_ the gentleman or lady, and you will be one. Nothing so indicates ill-breeding as a nervous, fidgetty, restless manner. The real lady or gentleman will be composed and undisturbed under every trying circumstance. They have taught themselves _self-control_, and this is readily learned by those with inclination and determination to learn.

2. _Go into Society._--To learn to swim you must go into the water. To overcome the feeling of bashfulness, and to be at ease in company, you must go into company. On no account should you neglect this duty which you owe to yourself. Take every opportunity to attend balls, picnics, parties, sociables, etc., and always rank yourself as one of the most desirable and popular young men of the occasion, and you will undoubtedly be so. Remember the fact that others will estimate you as you estimate yourself. And here we again repeat, _Do not be, or act, afraid of the girls_. They won't hurt you. Walk boldly up and make yourself agreeable. They will meet you half way. If at any time you feel a little fluttering of the heart, don't subside into a corner with the say-nothings and do-nothings, but "circulate around," and you will be surprised how easily you will find yourself at home and at ease, chatting with some nice people.

For removing Bashfulness, awkwardness, and all manner of similar disagreeable things, there could not possibly be a better place than the dancing-school. Young men who live away from villages, and who have but few, or no desirable associates outside the family circle, and who are distressingly awkward in speech and manner, if they can have a few terms at a dancing-school, will be so improved in address, manners, and general appearance as to surprise all who know them. We are acquainted with a person, now an old man, large, heavy, clumsy, who weighed one hundred and eighty pounds the day he was sixteen, and was six feet and an inch high. He was so awkward, to use his own statement, that he could hardly get into a room where there was company without hitting both sides of the door, and could scarcely sit down without knocking over his chair, knowing not what to do with his feet, his hands, nor himself. He chanced to have an opportunity to attend a dancing-school for three months--they were very uncommon in the locality where he resided--and he was there trained in the common civilities and courtesies of society; how to enter and leave a room, how to receive introductions, how to receive and dismiss company, etc. Though he is a farmer, not much used to society, there is to-day an easy, quiet grace, and a polish of manners that would pass anywhere acceptably; and he attributes it to the brief tuition in a dancing-school. While he may not remember much that he learned as a dancer, he remembers all that he learned that is necessary for performing the common courtesies of the parlor. So attend all the dances possible, and under all circumstances remember that you are a MAN and a GENTLEMAN.

Many often hesitate and become diffident from a lack of readiness in expressing their ideas, and from a fear that they do not speak correctly and elegantly. Now speaking grammatically is a mere matter of education. If lacking in this respect, the use of any good grammar, and particularly "COMPOSITION AND RHETORIC," already mentioned, with "LIVE AND LEARN;" or "1000 MISTAKES CORRECTED," will be all you require in this direction. "ONE THOUSAND MISTAKES CORRECTED," is better than half-a-dozen living teachers.

To express one's self with fluency in conversation is an art that can be acquired by a little practice, in adopting the method of the great orator Clay, in gaining quick readiness in speech. "I owe my success in life," said he, "chiefly to one circumstance--that at the age of twenty-seven I commenced, and continued for years the practice of daily reading and speaking upon the contents of some historical or scientific book. These off-hand efforts were made sometimes in a cornfield, at others in the forest, and not unfrequently in some distant barn, with the horse and the ox for my auditors. It is to this early practice of the art of all arts, that I am indebted for my subsequent destiny."

Reading aloud from some book, enunciating every word clearly and distinctly, with a dictionary at hand to settle instantly in your own mind any question as to the proper pronunciation of particular words, is a practice so abundantly fruitful of good results, that those who will practise it even for a short time, will scarcely be induced to relinquish it. In reading, cultivate the purely conversational tone. It is as easy to read as it is to talk, yet there are few good readers. The tone of voice, modulation, accent, etc., should be precisely as if you were in conversation, not as if you were preaching in a drawling, monotonous way. Read well and you will converse well, and both are superior accomplishments, acquired with facility; though the orator who pours forth his thoughts with such apparent ease, achieves his wonderful power only by means of patient labor, after much repetition, and, like Disraeli, often after bitter disappointments.

So take courage, young men, and if you have a difficulty to overcome, grapple with it at once; facility will come with practice, and strength and success with repeated effort. And always recollect, that the mind and character may be trained to almost perfect discipline, enabling it to move with a grace, spirit and freedom almost incomprehensible to those who have not subjected themselves to a similar training.

Take a raw recruit; he stoops, he walks in a shuffling, slouchy manner; he is painfully awkward. A few weeks under the Drill-Sergeant, and he walks forth erect, dignified, with the true soldierly bearing. Life seems but for the purpose of mere drilling. In one form or another we cannot escape it; neither should we desire to do so.

BASHFULNESS FROM IGNORANCE OF THE WAYS OF SOCIETY.

It is certainly very embarrassing and conducive of bashfulness to be thrust into a glittering room filled with people superior to one's self in position, and equally cultured in the knowledge of what is due to the place and occasion. A sensitive, uncultured man or maiden, with rustic garb and rustic speech, and little knowledge respecting correct manners, introduced at once to the presence of cultured ladies and gentlemen, does not know what to do with hands nor feet; whether to sit or to stand, or to hide. Is it to be wondered at that such a person acts and feels cheap and diminutive?

But, diffident reader, do not be discouraged, for general good breeding is very easy of attainment. You must possess simply _common sense_, _self-possession_, and a _habit of observation_.

The exercise of a good common sense will show you plainly enough what is right and wrong--what is proper and improper. Self-possession will prevent from doing awkward and bungling things; and by observation you will soon learn the manners of the well-bred.

"But I won't know how to act, mother," said a lad as he was about starting to his first party. "Keep your eyes open, and just do as the others do," was the answer, and better advice could not have been given.

Quiet self-possession will enable a person quite unacquainted with the usages of society to conduct himself very acceptably even in the most superior company. It is the foolish feeling of timidity that causes the trepidation and bashfulness, and consequent uneasy manners when in company, with the class of persons for whose benefit this book was written. _Why_ should you be timid and backward, and show by your hesitating ways that you do not feel at ease? You surely can notice how those about you conduct themselves, and conduct yourself accordingly. Why should you not enter a room filled with company like any other well-bred person, in an easy, unconcerned manner, and addressing those about you, even those with whom you are not acquainted, without restraint, and without embarrassment? If you cannot muster sufficient spirit to do this, you had better turn travelling agent and call from house to house till you are not afraid of associating and conversing with strangers.

Yet to be well-bred without ceremony; easy without carelessness; self-possessed and dignified with modesty; polite without affectation; pleasing without servility; cheerful without being noisy; frank without indiscretion; and secret without mysteriousness; to know the proper time and place for whatever you say or do, and do it with the air of the well-bred--all this requires time and close observation. "MANNERS MAKE THE MAN." Old, but good. The power or influence of an easy, pleasing, deferential manner; of a polite, gracious and genteel address, is shown in a multitude of ways, and is acknowledged by high and low, and could not be better illustrated than by the success of great Counterfeiters, Forgers, and "Confidence men" generally. They are invariably men of the most polished and insinuating address. They listen to you with a consummate, well-bred air of interest and attention. They flatter you unconsciously, but none the less powerfully by the deep respect they apparently show to every word of your conversation; and when they address you it is as if to a person deserving of the highest consideration. And all this with such a combination of suavity, self-respect and dignity that it is most powerful to please. And these accomplished rascals have trained themselves to polished address and perfection of manners solely for the purpose of winning in their schemes with men.

Judicious flattery is incomparable as a means of pleasing. No person is proof against it, and one of its most delicate and effective forms is in showing a seeming deference to us--our conversation--opinions and advice. The ladies are particularly susceptible to polite and urbane manners. The act of a gentleman raising his hat and bowing gracefully to a lady, is really, or seemingly, a mark of esteem and respect, and the lady is pleased, as she should be. Little attentions thoughtfully shown are certain to please, and to secure that regard the person showing them is entitled to receive.

"He is a perfect gentleman," from a lady simply means that he has been generous in his gallant little attentions to her.

"A good listener,"--and how rare they are!--can not be otherwise than a thoughtful, sensible, and pleasing person. By his apparent deep interest in our conversation, he flatters our self-love; and whoever does that, without seeming intention, has advanced in our good opinion.

There is nothing so grossly rude, nor so little forgiven, as inattention from a person whom you are addressing. Many persons are so thoughtlessly or ignorantly rude, that while you are speaking to them, instead of looking at you with attention, they will look out of the window, into the fire, or up at the ceiling, and, it may be, speak to, or answer some other person, thus seeming to imply implicitly that the most trifling object deserves their attention more than anything you may be saying. The emphatic desire in every well-ordered mind to punish such an offensively ill-bred person we consider highly commendable.

In regard to the ways and usages of society we do not propose to say anything here, as they can be readily learned by observation, or from any of the several good books on the subject, mentioned in another place.

BASHFULNESS FROM ILL-DRESS.

A person may have the education of a College President, and possess the wealth of an Astor, yet let him with soiled or slouchy clothes be suddenly brought into the society of ladies and gentlemen, and he will feel and act constrained and bashful in spite of his best endeavors.

Let a well-bred, well-dressed person make a call and discover, when it is too late, that his boots are muddy, or his finger-nails not cleaned, and he will inevitably act ill at ease, and be glad when he is safe in the street again.

A mechanic going home at night in his work-day clothes, with traces of toil on hands and face, walks along with the well-dressed crowd in a subdued and humble manner. The same mechanic, two hours later, thoroughly washed and shaved, and arrayed in his best holiday clothes, taking his wife to a place of amusement, perhaps, has the appearance of another man. He walks with an erect and manly air, and feels that he is a man among men.

The question of dress is one of the utmost importance. It often determines our characters and our success in life. A person meanly dressed will feel meanly and act meanly. Everybody has experienced the sudden and agreeable change in one's feelings from merely changing from an old, poor suit of clothes to a new one. The dogs, with amazing instinct, look upon the ragged beggar with suspicion, and meet him with growls and snaps, while the well-dressed gentleman coming up the walk, is welcomed with friendly wags of the tail.

"Costly thy habit, as thy purse can buy, But not expressed in fancy; rich, not gaudy, For the apparel oft proclaims the man."

This, from Shakespeare, is sound advice. City people, including those who are in far more moderate circumstances than even the small farmers, are far better dressed than the average of country people. The farmer's wife going out for an evening's visit, or to church, "fixes up," and makes a presentable appearance. The farmer going to town, ten miles away, shaves, puts on his best suit, and feels respectable. They are going into company--going to meet with people. On other days there seems to be little regard for personal appearance as far as dress is concerned. Now a resident of a city is always in company. He is on perpetual exhibition. He is classed as he is dressed; if like a beggar, then a beggar; if like a gentleman--a gentleman.

Now, young and diffident reader, we insist that you can never rid yourself of the bashful feeling while in company so long as you are poorly dressed. By "poorly" we do not refer to the material, only to the style and shape. A person may wear pantaloons and coat of the finest broadcloth, but if they are baggy and slouchy, will he be considered well dressed? Coarse material for coat and trousers have been popular for several years past, and a good suit of clothes can be bought at moderate cost. If you live within a reasonable distance of a city, always buy your clothes there, as you will be sure to have them in the latest style--that is, if you notice what the style is. Never select pantaloons with large checks or stripes. Light brown, or dark material is the most becoming. If you are obliged to have your clothes made in the country, have them cut, if possible, by a tailor. It don't so much matter who makes them up.

The fit of a collar adds to or mars a person's appearance greatly. It should turn down and both ends nearly meet at the buttonhole. A small brown or black tie, with the ends tucked under the collar, or a plain, narrow silk tie, or one of small white and black checks, will be neat and becoming. A large neck-tie of a flaming color, so often worn by country youths, is a prominent sign of an uncultivated taste.

THE HAIR, ETC.--City men, young and old, are very particular about having their hair kept neatly and closely cut. Why those in the country seem to delight in shocks of long hair we never could see; and we lived in the country twenty years. Don't do it. Cultivate personal neatness insiduously, and give an indication of it by keeping your hair neatly trimmed. Don't let neighbor Smith do it with his sheep shears, thereby saving a shilling or two; but go to a professional barber, even if he is in the next town.

THE TEETH require particular attention. Use a tooth-pick always after eating, rinsing the mouth at the same time. Scrub the teeth thoroughly morning and night with a tooth-brush rubbed on a bit of soap. There is no excuse for not doing this; a good brush will cost twenty cents, and the time occupied about six minutes a day! The feeling of purity and comfort experienced will amply recompense you for the trifling trouble. Take a hot bath as often as you can, using soap and brush freely; and be certain that no disagreeable foetid odor comes from your feet from want of cleanliness.

That you would go into the presence of ladies with soiled hands is not probable, but be careful to notice that the nails are scrupulously clean.

These various little attentions towards personal neatness and comeliness will soon become a second nature. And after you have instituted these reforms in regard to your toilet, etc., you will not fail to observe that you are treated with a much greater respect and consideration, especially by the ladies, than before. Your own estimation of yourself has greatly increased, and you find that the miserable bashful feeling formerly experienced when in the society of those you considered your superiors, no longer troubles you.

It is important for those young men who are apt to disparage themselves in comparison with their wealthy acquaintances, to bear in mind that riches and rank have no necessary connection with genuine gentlemanly qualities. The poor man may be a true gentleman in spirit and in daily life. He may be honest, truthful, polite, temperate, courageous, self-respecting, and self-helping--that is, _a true gentleman_. The poor man with a rich spirit, is always superior to the rich man with a mean spirit.

BASHFULNESS CAUSED BY ILL HEALTH.

A person who has any noticeable physical deformity, or who has been reduced by certain nervous diseases, cannot be expected to possess that buoyancy and manliness of spirit that he would were circumstances different. Persons with nerves that are naturally excitable, will greatly increase their excitability by the habitual use of strong tea, etc. As a result, they are nervous, fidgetty, and never quite at ease. When in company they easily lose their self-possession and do blundering things generally. There are certain habits known to young men that cause a person to become bashful and sheep-faced to a surprising degree.

We have no particular suggestions to offer where diffidence and bashfulness are the result of prolonged illness or disease. Every means should be taken to restore the health; and with the restoration will come the old manly and courageous spirit.

When the nerves are weak and unsteady from physical debility, great benefit will be immediately derived, in the majority of cases, from the use, for two or three weeks at a time, of _Iodoform_, two or three grains a day--taken at meal time on a bit of moist bread.

In case the voice and lungs are weak, read aloud daily, enunciating every word clearly and distinctly. Commence by reading ten minutes at a time, and finally half an hour. You will soon acquire a richness and depth of tone to be proud of, besides greatly improving your health by increasing the capacity of the lungs.

TO PASTE INSIDE YOUR HAT.

--And these few precepts in thy memory Hold fast: "Give thy thoughts no tongue, Nor any unproportion'd thought his act.

Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar To the friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, Grapple them to thy soul with hooks of steel: Beware of entrance to a quarrel; but, being in, bear It, that the opposer may beware of thee.

Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice; Neither a borrower, nor a lender be, For loan oft loses both itself and friend.

This above all:--To thine own self be true; And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou can'st not be false to any man."

TRUTHS REPEATED.

SECRESY is a characteristic of good breeding. A gentleman or lady will never tell in one company what they see or hear in another; much less divert the present company at the expense of the last. In conversation there is generally a tacit reliance that what is said will not be repeated. Tattlers are contemptable.

WHISPERING in company is an act of unmistakable ill-breeding. It seems to imply that neither the persons whom we do not wish should hear are unworthy our confidence, or that we are speaking improperly of them.

INCESSANT talkers are very disagreeable companions. Nothing can be more rude than to engross the conversation to yourself, or to take the words, as it were, out of another person's mouth. All generally like to bear their part in a conversation, and for one to monopolize it, is a tacit acknowledgment that he considers his conversation of more importance, or more interesting than that of others. Long talkers are unmitigated bores.

GIVING advice unasked is an impertinence. It is, in effect, declaring ourselves wiser than those to whom we give it; reproaching them with ignorance and inexperience. It is a freedom that ought not to be taken with any common acquaintance.

IT is true politeness not to interrupt a person in a story, whether you have heard it before or not.

MEN repent speaking ten times, for once they repent keeping silence.

YOU will be reckoned by the world nearly of the same character with those whose company you keep.

IF you give yourself a loose tongue in company, you may almost depend on being pulled to pieces as soon as your back is turned, however they may seem entertained with your conversation.

IT is ill manners to trouble people with talking too much either of yourself or your affairs. If you are full of yourself, consider that you, and your affairs, are not so interesting to other people as to you.

Books Sent Postage Paid on Receipt of Price.

=Kame's Elements of Criticism, 504 pages= =$1 75=

=Quackenbos' Composition and Rhetoric, 454 pages= =1 50=

=Harper's History of the United States= =1 50=

=Outlines of General History= =1 50=

=Youman's Chemistry= =2 00=

=Comstock's Natural Philosophy= =1 75=

=Live and Learn; or, a Guide for all who wish to Speak and Write Correctly, 216 pages= =75=

=Martine's Hand-Book of Etiquette, and Guide to True Politeness.=--A complete Manual for all those who desire to understand good breeding, the customs of good society, and to avoid incorrect and vulgar habits. Containing clear and comprehensive directions for correct manners, conversation, dress, introductions, rules for good behavior at Dinner Parties and the table, with hints on wine, and carving at the table; together with Etiquette of the Ball and Assembly Room, Evening Parties, and the usages to be observed when visiting or receiving calls; deportment in the street and when travelling. To which is added the Etiquette of Courtship and Marriage. Price =50 cts.=