Chapter 21

Lord DARCEY to the Hon. GEORGE MOLESWORTH.

_Barford Alley_.

Five days more, and I am with you.--Saturday morning!--Oh that I may support the hour of trial with fortitude!--I tremble at the thought;--my blood freezes in my veins, when I behold the object I am to part from.--

I try in vain to keep out of her sight:--if I attempt to leave the room where she is, my resolutions are baffled before I reach the door.--Why do I endeavour to inflict so hard a penance!--Because I foolishly suppose it would wean me.--Wean me _from what?_--From virtue.--No, Molesworth, it is not _absence_;--it is not _time_ itself can deaden the exalted image;--it neither sickens or dies, it blooms to immortality,

Was I only to be parted from beauty, _that_ I might meet again in every town and village.--I want you to force me from the house.--Suppose I get up early, and slip away without taking leave.--But that will not do;--Sir James is ceremonious;--Lady Powis may deem it disrespect;--above all, Miss Warley, _that dear, dear Miss Warley_,--if _she_ should think me wanting in regard, all then must be at an end.

Ha! Sir James yonder on the terrace, and alone! Let me examine his countenance:--I see no clouds;--this is the time, if ever!--Miss Warley not yet come up from Jenkings's!--If successful, with what transports shall I run to fetch her!--_Yes, I will_ venture;--_I will_ have one trial, as I hope for mercy.--

* * * * *

_As I hope for mercy_, I see, were my last words.--I do indeed hope for it, but never from Sir James.

Still perplexed;--still miserable!--

I told you Miss Warley was not come from Jenkings's; but how I started, when I saw her going to Lady Powis's dressing-room!

I was hurried about her in a dream, last night.--I thought I had lost her:--I hinted it when we met;--that moment I fancied she eyed me with regard;--she spoke _too_ in a manner very different from what she has done some days past.--Then I'll swear it,--for it was not illusion, George,--her whole face had something of a sweet melancholy spread over it;--a kind of resignation in her look;--a melting softness that droop'd on her cheek:--I felt what it expressed;--it fir'd my whole frame;--it sent me to Sir James with redoubled eagerness.

I found him thoughtful and complaisant: we took several turns, before I could introduce my intended subject; when, talking of my setting out, I said, Now I have an opportunity, Sir James, perhaps I may not have another before I go, I should be glad of your sentiments in regard to my settling in life.--

How do you mean, my Lord; as to the choice of a wife?--

Why, I think, Sir, there's no other way of settling to one's satisfaction.

To be sure, it is very necessary your Lordship should consider on those matters,--especially as you are the last of a noble family:--when, you do fix, I hope it will be _prudently_.

_Prudently_, Sir James! you may depend on it I will never settle my affections _imprudently_.

Wall, but, my Lord, what are your notions of _prudence?_

Why, Sir, to make choice of a person who is virtuous, sensible, well descended.--_Well descended Jenkings has assured me she is_.

You say nothing, my Lord, of what is _most_ essential to happiness;--nothing of the _main point_.

Good-nature, I suppose you mean:--I would not marry an ill-natur'd woman, Sir James, for the world. And is good-nature, with those you have mention'd, the only requisites?

I think they are the chief, Sir.

You and I differ much, my Lord.--Your father left his estate encumbered; it is not yet clear; you are of age, my Lord: pray, spare yourself the trouble of consulting me, if you do not think of _fortune_.

Duty to the memory of my rever'd father, the affection and gratitude I owe you, Sir James, calls for my obedience:--without _your_ sanction, Sir, never shall my hand be given.

He seem'd pleas'd: I saw tears starting to his eyes; but still he was resolv'd to distress me.

Look about you, my child; look about you, Darcey;--there's Lady Jane Marshly, Miss Beaden, or--and was going on.

Pardon me, Sir James, for interrupting you; but really, I cannot take any Lady on recommendation: I am very difficult, perhaps _perverse_ in this point; my first attachment must be merely accidental.

Ah! these are the notions that ruin half the young fellows of this age.--_Accidental likings_--_First love_,--and the devil knows what, runs away with half the old family estates.--Why, the least thing men ought to expect, even if they marry for _love_, is six-pence for a shilling.--Once for all, my Lord, I must tell you, your _interest_ is to be consulted before your _inclinations_.

_Don't_ be ruffled, Sir James; _don't_ let us talk warmly of a matter which perhaps is at a great distance.

I wish it may be at a _great distance_, my Lord.--_If what I conjecture is true_--Here he paus'd, and look'd so sternly, that I expected all would out.

What do you _conjecture_, Sir?--Yes, I ask'd him what.--

Your Lordship must excuse my answering that question. _I hope_ I am wrong;--_I hope_ such a thing never enter'd your thoughts:--if it has--and he mutter'd something I could not understand; only I heard distinctly the words _unlucky_,--_imprudent_,--_unforeseen_.--I knew enough of their meaning to silence me.--Shaking him by the hand, I said, Well, Sir James, if you please, we will drop this subject for the present.--On which the conversation ended.

What a deal of patience and philosophy am I master of, to be here at my pen, whilst two old men are sucking in the honey which I should lay up for a winter's store?--Like Time, nothing can stand before her:--she mows down all ages.--Even Morgan, that man who us'd to look on a fine woman with more indifference than a horse or dog,--is now new-moulded;--not one oath in the space where I have known twenty escape him:--instead of following his dogs the whole morning, he is eternally with the ladies.

If he rides out with my angel, for he's determin'd, he says, to make her a complete horsewoman, I must not presume to give the least direction, or _even_ touch the bridle.

I honour him for the tender regard he shews her:--yes, I go further; _he_ and _Mr. Watson_ may _love_ her;--they do _love_ her, and glory in declaring it.--I _love_ them in return;--but they are the only two, of all the race of batchelors within my knowledge, that should make _such_ a declaration with impunity.

Let me see: I shall be in London Saturday evening;--Sunday, no post;--Monday, _then_ I determine to write to Sir James;--Wednesday, I may have an answer;--_Thursday_,--who knows but _Thursday!_--nothing is impossible; who knows but _Thursday_ I may return to all my hopes?--How much I resemble a shuttlecock! how am I thrown from side to side by hope and fear; now up, now down; no sooner mounted by one hand than lower'd by another!

This moment a gleam of comfort steals sweetly through my heart;--but it is gone even before I could bid it welcome.--Why so fast!--to what spot is it fled?--Can there be a wretch more in need, who calls louder for its charitable ray than

DARCEY.