Chapter 8

"So, at the next burst of merriment, he affected to have entered into the joke, threw himself back in his chair and laughed as loudly as they did. The men stared for a second, then frowned, and then one of them shouted something to him very loudly, which he did not understand; so he placed his hand on his heart, put on an expressive smile, and offered to shake hands. Thought he, that will be irresistible! But he was mistaken. The other man now called loudly to the waiter, and a moment after, Franz found himself being conveyed by the said waiter through the doorway into the hall, with the remark resounding in his ears:-

"'What a foolish young gentleman you must be! Why can't you keep out of people's way?'

"'My good friend,' cried Mr. Franz, 'that's not my plan at present. I'm trying to make myself agreeable.'

"'Oh--pooh!--bother agreeable,' cried the waiter. 'What's the use of making yourself agreeable, if you're always in the way? Here!--step back, sir! don't you see the tray coming?'

"Franz had not noticed it, and would probably have got a thump on the head from it, if his friend the waiter had not pulled him back. The man was a real good-natured, smiling German, and said:-

"'Come, young gentleman, here's a candle;--you've a bed-room here, of course. Now, you take my advice, and go to bed. You WILL be out of the way there, and perhaps you'll get up wiser to-morrow.'

"Franz took the candlestick mechanically, but, said he:-

"'I understood there was to be dancing here tonight, and I can dance, and--'

"'Oh, pooh! bother dancing,' interrupted the waiter. 'What's the use of dancing, if you're to be in everybody's way, and I know you will; you can't help it. Here, be advised for once, and go to bed. I'll bring you up some coffee before long. Go quietly up now--mind. Good night.'

"Two minutes afterwards, Mr. Franz found himself walking up-stairs, as the waiter had ordered him to do, though he muttered something about 'officious fellow' as he went along.

"And positively he went to bed, as the officious fellow recommended; and while he lay there waiting for the coffee, he began wondering what COULD be the cause of the failure of his attempts to make himself agreeable. Surely his mother was right--surely there could be no doubt that, with his advantages--but he did not go on with the sentence.

"Well, after puzzling for some time, a bright thought struck him. It was entirely owing to that stupid nose affair, which his mother was so silly about. Of course that was it! He had done everything else she recommended, but he could not keep his head down at the same time, so people saw the snub! Well, he would practise the attitude now, at any rate, till the coffee came!

"No sooner said than done. Out of bed jumped Mr. Franz, and went groping about for the table to find matches to light the candle. But, unluckily, he had forgotten how the furniture stood, so he got to the door by a mistake, and went stumbling up against it, just as the waiter with the coffee opened it on the other side.

"There was a plunge, a shout, a shuffling of feet, and then both were on the floor, as was also the hot coffee, which scalded Franz's bare legs terribly.

"The waiter got up first, and luckily it was the 'officious fellow' with the smiling face. And said he:-

"'What a miserable young man you must be, to be sure! Why, you're NEVER out of the way, not even when you're gone to bed!'

This last anecdote caused an uproar of delight in the fly, and so much noise, that Aunt Judy had to call the party to order, and talk about the horses being frightened, after which she proceeded:-

"I am sorry to say Mr. Franz did not get up next morning as much wiser as the waiter had expected, for he laid all the blame of his misfortunes on his nose instead of his impertinence, and never thought of correcting himself, and being less intrusive.

"On the contrary, after practising holding his head down for ten minutes before the glass, he went out to the day's amusements, as saucy and confident as ever.

"Now there is no time," continued Aunt Judy, "for my telling you all Mr. Franz's funny scrapes and adventures. When we get to the end of the journey, you must invent some for yourselves, and sit together, and tell them in turns, while we are busy unpacking. I will only just say, that wherever he went, the same sort of things happened to him, because he was always thrusting himself forward, and always getting pushed back in consequence.

"Out of the public gardens he got fairly turned at last, because he would talk politics to some strange gentlemen on a bench. They got up and walked away, but, five minutes afterwards, a very odd-looking man looked over Franz's shoulder, and said significantly, 'I recommend you to leave these gardens, sir, and walk elsewhere.' And poor Franz, who had heard of such things as prisons and dungeons for political offenders, felt a cold shudder run through him, and took himself off with all possible speed, not daring to look behind him, for fear he should see that dreadful man at his heels. Indeed, he never felt safe till he was in his bed-room again, and had got the waiter to come and talk to him.

"'Dear me,' said the waiter, 'what a very silly young gentleman you must be, to go talking away without being asked!'

"'But,' said Franz, 'you don't consider what a superior education I have had. I can talk and make myself heard--'

"'Oh, pooh! bother talking,' interrupted the waiter; 'what's the use of talking when nobody wants to listen? Much better go to bed.'

"Franz would not give in yet, but was comforted to find the waiter did not think he would be thrown into prisons and dungeons; so he dined, and dressed, and went to the theatre to console himself, where however he MADE HIMSELF HEARD so effectually--first applauding, then hissing, and even speaking his opinions to the people round him--that a set of young college students combined together to get rid of him, and, I am sorry to add, they made use of a little kicking as the surest plan; and so, before half the play was over, Mr. Franz found himself in the street!

"Now, then, I have told you enough of Mr. Franz's follies, except the one last adventure, which made him alter his whole plan of proceeding.

"He had had two letters of introduction to take with him: one to an old partner of his father's, who had settled in the capital some years before; another to some people of more consequence, very distant family connections. And, of course, Mr. Franz went there first, as there seemed a nice chance of making his fortune among such great folks.

"And really the great folks would have been civil enough, but that he soon spoilt everything by what HE called 'making himself agreeable.' He was too polite, too affectionate, too talkative, too instructive, by half! He assured the young ladies that he approved very highly of their singing; trilled out a little song of his own, unasked, at his first visit; fondled the pet lap-dog on his knee; congratulated papa on looking wonderfully well for his age; asked mamma if she had tried the last new spectacles; and, in short, gave his opinions, and advice, and information, so freely, that as soon as he was gone the whole party exclaimed:-

"'What an impertinent jackanapes!' a jackanapes being nothing more nor less than a human monkey.

"This went on for some time, for he called very often, being too stupid, in spite of his supposed cleverness, to take the hints that were thrown out, that such repeated visits were not wanted.

"At last, however, the family got desperate and one morning when he arrived, (having teazed them the day before for a couple of hours,) he saw nobody in the drawing-room when he was ushered in.

"Never mind, thought he, they'll be here directly when they know I'M come! And having brought a new song in his pocket, which he had been practising to sing to them, he sat down to the piano, and began performing alone, thinking how charmed they would be to hear such beautiful sounds in the distance!

"But, in the middle of his song, he heard a discordant shout, and jumping up, discovered the youngest little Missy hid behind the curtain, and crying tremendously.

"Mr. Franz became quite theatrical. 'Lovely little pet, where are your sisters? Have they left my darling to weep alone?'

"'They shut the door before I could get through,' sobbed the lovely little pet; 'and I won't be your darling a bit!'

"Mr. Franz laughed heartily, and said how clever she was, took her on his knee, told her her sisters would be back again directly, and finished his remark by a kiss.

"Unfortunate Mr. Franz! The young lady immediately gave him an unmistakable box on the ear with her small fist, and vociferated

"No, they won't, they won't, they won't! They'll never come back till you're gone! They've gone away to get out of YOUR way, because you won't keep out of THEIRS. And you're a forward puppy, papa says, and can't take a hint; and you're always in everybody's way, and I'LL get out of your way, too!'

"Here the little girl began to kick violently; but there was no occasion. Mr. Franz set her down, and while she ran off to her sisters, he rushed back to the hotel, and double-locked himself into his room.

"After a time, however, he sent for his friend the waiter, for he felt that a talk would do him good.

"But the 'officious fellow' shook his head terribly.

"'How many more times am I to tell you what a foolish young gentleman you are?' cried he. 'Will you never get up wiser any morning of the year?'

"'I thought,' murmured Franz, in broken, almost sobbing accents--'I thought--the young ladies--would have been delighted--with--my song;- -you see--I've been--so well taught--and I can sing--'

"'Oh! pooh, pooh, pooh!' interrupted the waiter once more. 'Bother singing and everything else, if you've not been asked! Much better go to bed!'

"Poor Franz! It was hard work to give in, and he made a last effort.

"'Don't you think--after all--that the prejudice--is owing to--what I told you about:- people do so dislike a snub-nose?'

"'Oh, pooh! bother a snub-nose,' exclaimed the waiter; 'what will your nose signify, if you don't poke it in everybody's way?'

"And with this conclusion Mr. Franz was obliged to be content; and he ordered his dinner up-stairs, and prepared himself for an evening of tears and repentance.

"But, before the waiter had been gone five minutes, he returned with a letter in his hand.

"'Now, here's somebody asking something at last,' said he, for a servant had brought it.

"Franz trembled as he took it. It was sure to be either a scolding or a summons to prison, he thought. But no such thing: it was an invitation to dinner. Franz threw it on the floor, and kicked it from him--he would go nowhere--see nobody any more!

"The 'officious fellow' picked it up, and read it. 'Mr. Franz,' said he, 'you mustn't go to bed this time: you must go to this dinner instead. It's from your father's old partner--he wishes you had called, but as you haven't called, he asks you to dine. Now you're wanted, Mr. Franz, and must go.'

"'I shall get into another mess,' cried Franz, despondingly.

"'Oh, pooh! you've only to keep out of everybody's way, and all will be right,' insisted the waiter, as he left the room.

"'Only to keep out of everybody's way, and all will be right,' ejaculated Mr. Franz, as he looked at his crest-fallen face in the glass. 'It's a strange rule for getting on in life! However,' continued he, cheering up, 'one plan has failed, and it's only fair to give the other a chance!'

"And all the rest of dressing-time, and afterwards as he walked along the streets, he kept repeating his father's words softly to himself, which was at first a very difficult thing to do, because he could not help mixing them up with his mother's. It was the funniest thing in the world to hear him: 'ALL YOU HAVE TO ATTEND TO, WITH YOUR ADVANTAGES IS TO--MAKE YOURSELF--no, no! not to make myself agreeable--IS TO--KEEP OUT OF THE WAY!--that's it!' (with a sigh.)

"When Franz arrived at the house, he rang the bell so gently, that he had to ring twice before he was heard; and then they concluded it was some beggar, who was afraid of giving a good pull.

"So, when he was ushered into the drawing-room, the old partner came forward to meet him, took him by both hands, and, after one look into his downcast face, said:-

"'My dear Mr. Franz, you must put on a bolder face, and ring a louder peal, next time you come to the house of your father's old friend!'

"Mr. Franz answered this warm greeting by a sickly smile, and while he was being introduced to the family, kept bowing on, thinking of nothing but how he was to keep out of everybody's way!'

"He was tempted every five minutes, of course, to break out in his usual style, and could have found it in his heart to chuck the whole party under the chin, and take all the talk to himself. But he could be determined enough when he chose; and having determined to give his father's rule a fair chance, he restrained himself to the utmost.

"So, not even the hearty reception of the old partner and his wife, nor the smiling faces of either daughters or sons, could lure him into opening out. 'Yes' and 'No;' 'Do you think so?' 'I dare say;' 'Perhaps;' 'No doubt you're right;' and other such unmeaning little phrases were all he would utter when they talked to him.

"'How shy he is, poor fellow!' thought the ladies, and then they talked to him all the more. One tried to amuse him with one subject, another with another. How did he like the public gardens? Were they not very pretty?--He scarcely knew. No doubt they were, if THEY thought so. What did he think of the theatre?--It was very hot when he was there. Had he any friends in the town?--He couldn't say friends--he knew one or two people a little. And the poor youth could hardly restrain a groan, as he answered each of the questions.

"Then they chatted of books, and music, and dancing, and pressed him hard to discover what he knew, and could do, and liked best; and when it oozed out even from his short answers, that he had read certain books in more than one language, and could sing--just a little; and dance--just a little; and do several other things--just a little, too, all sorts of nods and winks passed through the family, and they said:-

"'Ah, when you know us better, and are not so shy of us as strangers, we shall find out you are as clever again as you pretend to be, dear Mr. Franz!'

"'I'll tell you what,' added the old partner, coming up at this moment, 'it's a perfect treat to me, Mr. Franz, to have a young man like you in my house! You're your father over again, and I can't praise you more. He was the most modest, unobtrusive man in all our town, and yet knew more of his business than all of us put together.'

"'No, no, I can't allow that,' cried the motherly wife.

"'Nonsense!' replied the old partner. 'However, my dear boy--for I really must call you so--it was that very thing that made your father's fortune; I mean that he was just as unpretending as he was clever. Everybody trusts an unpretending man. And YOU'LL make your fortune too in the same manner, trust me, before long. Now, boys!' added he, turning to his sons, 'you hear what I say, and mind you take the hint! As for the young puppies of the present day, who fancy themselves fit to sit in the chair of their elders as soon as ever they have learnt their alphabet, and are for thrusting themselves forward in every company--Mr. Franz, I'll own it to you, because you will understand me--I have no patience with such rude, impertinent Jackanapeses, and always long to kick them down-stairs.'

"The old partner stood in front of Mr. Franz as he spoke, and clenched his fist in animation. Mr. Franz sat on thorns. He first went hot, and then he went cold--he felt himself kicked down-stairs as he listened--he was ready to cry--he was ready to fight--he was ready to run away--he was ready to drop on his knees, and confess himself the very most impertinent of all the impertinent Jackanapes' race.

But he gulped, and swallowed, and shut his teeth close, and nobody found him out; only he looked very pale, which the good mother soon noticed, and said she to her husband:-

"'My dear love, don't you see how fagged and weary it makes Mr. Franz look, to hear you raving on about a parcel of silly lads with whom HE has nothing in common? You will frighten him out of his wits.'

"'Mr. Franz will forgive me, I know,' cried the old partner, gently. 'Jacintha, my dear, fetch the wine and cake!'

"The kind, careful souls feared he was delicate, and insisted on his having some refreshment; and then papa ordered the young people to give their guest some music; and Franz sat by while the sons and daughters went through a beautiful opera chorus, which was so really charming, that Mr. Franz did forget himself for a minute, clapped violently, and got half-way through the word 'encore' in a very loud tone. But he checked himself instantly, coloured, apologized for his rudeness, and retreated further back from the piano.

"Of course, this new symptom of modesty was met by more kindness, and followed by a sly hint from the merry Jacintha, that Mr. Franz's turn for singing had come now!

"Poor Mr. Franz! with the recollection of the morning's adventure on his mind, and his father's rule ringing in his ears, he felt singing to be out of the question, so he declined. On which they entreated, insisted, and would listen to no refusal. And Jacintha went to him, and looked at him with her sweetest smile, and said, 'But you know, Mr. Franz, you said you could sing a little; and if it's ever so little, you should sing WHEN YOU'RE ASKED!' and with that Miss Jacintha offered him her hand, and led him to the piano.

"Franz was annoyed, though he ought to been pleased.

"'But how AM I to keep out of people's way,' thought he to himself, 'if they will pull me forward? It's the oddest thing I ever knew. I can't do right either way.'

"Then a thought struck him:-

"'I have no music, Miss Jacintha,' said he, 'and I can't sing without music;' and he was going back again to his chair in the corner.

"'But we have all the new music,' was her answer, and she opened a portfolio at once. 'See, here's the last new song!' and she held one up before the unfortunate youth, who at the sight of it coloured all over, even to the tips of his ears. Whereupon Miss Jacintha, who was watching him, laughed, and said she had felt sure he knew it; and down she sat, and began to play the accompaniment, and in two minutes afterwards Mr. Franz found himself--in spite of himself, as it were-- exhibiting in THE song, the fatal song of the morning's adventure.

"It was a song of tender sentiment, and the singer's almost tremulous voice added to the effect, and a warm clapping of hands greeted its conclusion.

"But by that time Mr. Franz was so completely exhausted with the struggles of this first effort on the new plan, that he began to wish them good-night, saying he would not intrude upon them any longer.

"They would shake hands with him, though he tried to bow himself off without; and the old partner followed him down-stairs into the hall.

"'Mr. Franz,' said he, 'we have been delighted to make your acquaintance, but this has been only a quiet family party. Now we know your SORT, you must come again, and meet our friends. Wife will fix the day, and send you word; and don't you be afraid, young man! Mind you come, and put your best foot forward among us all!'

"Franz was almost desperate. His conscience began to reproach him. What! was he going to accept all this kindness, like a rogue receiving money under false pretences? He was shocked, and began to protest:-

"'I assure you, dear sir, I don't deserve--You are quite under a mistake--I really am not--the fact is, you think a great deal better of me than--"

"'Nonsense!' shouted the old partner, clapping him vigorously on the back. 'Why, you're not going to teach me at my time of life, surely? Not going to turn as conceited as that, after all, eh? Come, come, Mr. Franz, no nonsense! And to-morrow,' he added, 'I'll send you letters of introduction to some of my friends, who will show you the lions, and make much of you. You will be well received wherever you take them, first for my sake, and afterwards for your own. There, there! I won't hear a word! No thanks--I hate them! Good night.'

"And the old partner fairly pushed Mr. Franz through the door.

"'Oh dear, oh dear!' was the waiter's exclamation when Franz reached the hotel, and the light of the lamp shone on his white, worn-out face. 'Oh dear, oh dear! I fear you've been a silly young gentleman over again! What HAVE you been doing this time?'

"'I've been trying to keep out of everybody's way all the evening,' growled Mr. Franz, 'and they would pull me forward, in spite of myself.'

"'No--really though?' cried the waiter, as if it were scarcely possible.

"'Really,' sighed poor Mr. Franz.

"'Then do me the honour, sir,' exclaimed the waiter, with a sudden deference of manner; and taking the tips of Franz's fingers in his own, he bent over them with a salute. 'You're a wise young gentleman now, sir, and your fortune's made. I'm glad you've hit it at last!

"And Mr. Franz had hit it at last, indeed," continued Aunt Judy, "as appeared more plainly still by the letters of introduction which reached him next morning. They were left open, and were to this effect:-

"' . . . The bearer of this is the son of an old friend. One of the most agreeable young men I ever saw. As modest as he is well educated, and I can't say more. Procure him some amusement, that a little of his shyness may be rubbed off; and forward his fortunes, my dear friend, as far as you can . . . '

"Franz handed one of these letters to his friend the waiter, and the 'officious fellow' grinned from ear to ear.

"'There is only one more thing to fear,' observed he.

"'And what?' asked Franz.

"'Why, that now you're comfortable, my dear young gentleman, your head should be turned, and you should begin to make yourself agreeable again, and spoil all.'

"'Oh, pooh! bother agreeable; _I_ say now, as you did,' cried Franz, laughing. 'No, no, my good friend, I'm not going to make myself agreeable any more. I know better than that at last!'

"'Then your fortune's safe as well as made!' was the waiter's last remark, as he was about to withdraw: but Franz followed him to the door.

"'I found out a rather curious thing this evening, do you know!'

"'And that was?--' inquired his humble friend.

"'Why, that I was sitting all the time in that very attitude my mother recommended--with my head a little down, you know--so that I really don't think they noticed my snub.'

"The waiter got as far as, 'Oh, pooh!' but Franz was nervous, and interrupted him.

"'Yes--yes! I don't believe there's anything in it myself; but it will be a comfort to my mother to think it was her advice that made my fortune, which she will do when I tell her that!'

"'Ah!--the ladies will be romantic now and then!' exclaimed the waiter, with a flourish of his hand, 'and you must trim the comfort to a person's taste.'

"And in due time," pursued Aunt Judy, "that was exactly what Mr. Franz did. Strictly adhering to his father's rule, and encouraged by its capital success that first night, he got so out of the habit of being pert, and foolish, and inconsiderate, that he ended by never having any wish to be so; so that he really became what the old partner had imagined him to be at first. It was a great restraint for some time, but his modest manners fitted him at last as easy as an old shoe, and he was welcome at every house, because he was NEVER IN THE WAY, and always knew when to retire!