Chapter 7

"What a horrid nuisance you are, No. 8, brushing everything down as you go by! Why can't you keep out of the way?"

"Oh, you mustn't come here, No. 8. Aunt Judy, look! he's sitting on my doll's best cloak. Do tell him to go away."

"I can't have you bothering me, No. 8; don't you see how busy I am, packing? Get away somewhere else."

"You should squeeze yourself into less than nothing, and be nowhere, No. 8."

The suggestion, (uttered with a jocose grin,) came from a small boy who had ensconced himself in the corner of a window, where he was sitting on his heels, painting the Union Jack of a ship in the Illustrated London News. He had certainly acted on the advice he gave, as nearly as was possible. Surely no little boy of his age ever got into so small a compass before, or in a position more effectually out of everybody's possible way. The window corner led nowhere, and there was nothing in it for anybody to want.

"No. 8, I never saw anything so tiresome as you are. Why will you poke your nose in where you're not wanted? You're always in the way."

"'He poked his flat nose into every place;'"

sung, sotto voce, by the small boy in the window corner.

No. 8 did not stop to dispute about it, though, in point of fact, his nose was not flat, so at least in that respect he did not resemble the duck in the song.

He had not, however, been successful in gaining the attention of his friends down-stairs, so he dawdled off to make an experiment in another quarter.

"Why, you're not coming into the nursery now, Master No. 8, surely! I can't do with you fidgetting about among all the clothes and packing. There isn't a minute to spare. You might keep out of the way till I've finished."

"Now, Master No. 8, you must be off. There's no time or room for you in the kitchen this morning. There's ever so many things to get ready yet. Run away as fast as you can."

"What ARE you doing in the passages, No. 8? Don't you see that you are in everybody's way? You had really better go to bed again."

But the speaker hurried forward, and No. 8 betook himself to the staircase, and sat down exactly in the middle of the middle flight. And there be amused himself by peeping through the banisters into the hall, where people were passing backwards and forwards in a great fuss; or listening to the talking and noise that were going on in the rooms above.

But be was not "out of the way" there, as he soon learnt. Heavy steps were presently heard along the landing, and heavy steps began to descend the stairs. Two men were carrying down a heavy trunk.

"You'll have to move, young gentleman, if you please," observed one; "you're right in the way just there!"

No. 8 descended with all possible speed, and arrived on the mat at the bottom.

"There now, I told you, you were always in the way," was the greeting he received. "How stupid it is! Try under the table, for pity's sake."

Under the table! it was not a bad idea; moreover, it was a new one-- quite a fresh plan. No. 8 grinned and obeyed. The hall table was no bad asylum, after all, for a little boy who was always in the way everywhere else; besides, he could see everything that was going on. No. 8 crept under, and squatted himself on the cocoa-nut matting. He looked up, and looked round, and felt rather as if he was in a tent, only with a very substantial covering over his head.

Presently the dog passed by, and was soon coaxed to lie down in the table retreat by the little boy's side, and the two amused themselves very nicely together. The fact was, the family were going from home, and the least the little ones could do during the troublesome preparation, was not to be troublesome themselves; but this is sometimes rather a difficult thing for little ones to accomplish. Nevertheless, No. 8 had accomplished it at last.

"Capital, No. 8! you and the dog are quite a picture. If I had time, I would make a sketch of you."

That was the remark of the first person who went by afterwards, and No. 8 grinned as he heard it.

"Well done, No. 8! that's the best contrivance I ever saw!"

Remark the second, followed by a second grin.

"Why, you don't mean to say that you're under the table, Master No. 8? Well you ARE a good boy! I'm sure I'll tell your mamma."

Another grin.

"You dear old fellow, to put yourself so nicely out of the way! You're worth I don't know what."

Grin again.

"Master No. 8 under the table, to be sure! Well, and a very nice place it is, and quite suitable. Ever so much better than the hot kitchen, when there's baking and all sorts of things going on. Here, lovey! here's a little cake that was spared, that I was taking to the parlour; but, as you're there, you shall have it."

No. 8 grinned with all his heart this time.

"I wish I'd thought of that! Why, I could have painted my ship there without being squeezed!"

It needs scarcely to be told that this was the observation of the small boy who had watched an opportunity for emerging from the window corner without fuss, and was now carrying his little paint-box up- stairs to be packed away in the children's bag. As he spoke, he stooped down to look at No. 8 and the dog, and smiled his approbation, and No. 8 smiled in return.

"No. 8, how snug you do look!"

Once more an answering grin.

"No. 8, you're the best boy in the world; and if you stay there till Nurse is ready for you, you shall have a penny all to yourself."

No. 8's grin was accompanied by a significant nod this time, to show that he accepted the bargain.

"My darling No. 8, you may come out now. There! give me a kiss, and get dressed as fast as you can. The fly will be here directly. You're a very good boy indeed."

"No. 8, you're the pattern boy of the family, and I shall come with you in the fly, and tell you a story as we go along for a reward."

No. 8 liked both the praise, and the cake, and the penny, and the kiss, and the promise of the rewarding story for going under the table; but the why and wherefore of all these charming facts, was a complete mystery to him. What did that matter, however? He ran up- stairs, and got dressed, and was ready before anyone else; and, by a miracle of good fortune, was on the steps, and not in the middle of the carriage-drive, when the fly arrived, which was to take one batch of the large family party to the railway station.

No one was as fond of the fly conveyance as of the open carriage; for, in the first place, it was usually very full and stuffy; and, in the second, very little of the country could be seen from the windows.

But, on the present occasion, Aunt Judy having offered her services to accompany the fly detachment, there was a wonderful alteration of sentiment, as to who should be included. Aunt Judy, however, had her own ideas. The three little ones belonged to the fly, as it were by ancient usage and custom, and more than five it would not hold.

Five it would hold, however, and five accordingly got in, No. 4 having pleaded her own cause to be "thrown in:" and at last, with nurses and luggage and No. 5 outside, away they drove, leaving the open carriage and the rest to follow.

Nothing is perfect in this world. Those who had the airy drive missed the story, and regretted it; but it was fair that the pleasure should be divided.

And, after all, although the fly might be a little stuffy and closely packed, and although it cost some trouble to settle down without getting crushed, and make footstools of carpet bags, and let down all the windows,--the commotion was soon over; and it was a wonderful lull of peace and quietness, after the confusion and worry of packing and running about, to sit even in a rattling fly. And so for five minutes and more, all the travellers felt it to be, and a soothing silence ensued; some leaning back, others looking silently out at the retreating landscape, or studying with earnestness the wonderful red plush lining of the vehicle itself.

But presently, after the rest had lasted sufficiently long to recruit all the spirits, No. 7 remarked, not speaking to anybody in particular, "I thought Aunt Judy was going to tell us a story."

No. 7 was a great smiler in a quiet way, and he smiled now, as he addressed his remark to the general contents of the fly.

Aunt Judy laughed, and inquired for whom the observation was meant, adding her readiness to begin, if they would agree to sit quiet and comfortable, without shuffling up and down, or disputing about space and heat; and, these points being agreed to, she began her story as follows:-

"There were once upon a time a man and his wife who had an only son. They were Germans, I believe, for all the funny things that happen, happen in Germany, as you know by Grimm's fairy tales.

"Well! this man, Franz, had been a watchmaker and mender in an old- fashioned country town, and he had made such a comfortable fortune by the business, that he was able to retire before he grew very old; and so he bought a very pretty little villa in the outskirts of the town, had a garden full of flowers with a fountain in the middle, and enjoyed himself very much.

"His wife enjoyed herself too, but never so much as when the neighbours, as they passed by, peeped over the palings, and said, 'What a pretty place! What lucky people the watchmaker and his wife are! How they must enjoy themselves!'

"On such occasions, Madame Franz would run to her husband, crying out, 'Come here, my dear, as fast as you can! Come, and listen to the neighbours, saying, how we must enjoy ourselves!'

"Franz was very apt to grunt when his wife summoned him in this manner, and, at any rate, never would go as she requested; but little Franz, the son, who was very like his mother, and had got exactly her turn-up nose and sharp eyes, would scamper forward in a moment to hear what the neighbours had to say, and at the end would exclaim:-

"'Isn't it grand, mother, that everybody should think that?'

"To which his mother would reply:-

"'It is, Franz, dear! I'm so glad you feel for your mother!' and then the two would embrace each other very affectionately several times, and Madame Franz would go to her household business, rejoicing to think that, if her husband did not quite sympathize with her, her son did.

"Young Franz had been somewhat spoilt in his childhood, as only children generally are. As to his mother, from there being no brothers and sisters to compare him with, she thought such a boy had never been seen before; and she told old Franz so, so often, that at last he began to believe it too. And then they got all sorts of masters for him, to teach him everything they could think of, and qualify him, as his mother said, for some rich young lady to fall in love with. That was her idea of the way in which he was one day to make his fortune.

"At last, a time came when his mother thought the young gentleman quite finished and complete; fit for anything and anybody, and likely to create a sensation in the world. So she begged old Franz to dismiss all his masters, and give him a handsome allowance, that he might go off on his travels and make his fortune, in the manner before mentioned.

"Old Mr. Franz shook his head at first, and called it all a parcel of nonsense. Moreover, he declared that Master Franz was a mere child yet, and would get into a hundred foolish scrapes in less than a week; but mamma expressed her opinion so positively, and repeated it so often, that at last papa began to entertain it too, and gave his consent to the plan.

"The fact was, though I am sorry to say it, Mr. Franz was henpecked. That is, his wife was always trying to make him obey her, instead of obeying him, as she ought to have done; and she had managed him so long, that she knew she could persuade him, or talk him (which is much the same thing) into anything, provided she went on long enough.

"So she went on about Franz going off on his travels with a handsome allowance, till Papa Franz consented, and settled an income upon him, which, if they had been selfish parents, they would have said they could not afford; but, as it was, they talked the matter over together, and told each other that it was very little two old souls like themselves would want when their gay son was away; and so they would draw in, and live quite quietly, as they used to do in their early days before they grew rich, and would let the lad have the money to spend upon his amusements.

"Young Franz either didn't know, or didn't choose to think about this. Clever as he was about many things, he was not clever enough to take in the full value of the sacrifices his parents were making for him; so he thanked them lightly for the promised allowance, rattled the first payment cheerfully into his purse, and smiled on papa and mamma with almost condescending complacency. When he was equipped in his best suit, and just ready for starting, his mother took him aside.

"'Franz, my dear,' she said, 'you know how much money and pains have been spent on your education. You can play, and dance, and sing, and talk, and make yourself heard wherever you go. Now mind you do make yourself heard, or who is to find out your merits? Don't be shy and downcast when you come among strangers. All you have to think about, with your advantages, is to make yourself agreeable. That's the rule for you! Make yourself agreeable wherever you go, and the wife and the fortune will soon be at your feet. And, Franz,' continued she, laying hold of the button of his coat, 'there is something else. You know, I have often said that the one only thing I could wish different about you is, that your nose should not turn up quite so much. But you see, my darling boy, we can't alter our noses. Nevertheless, look here! you can incline your head in such a manner as almost to hide the little defect. See--this way--there--let me put it as I mean--a little down and on one side. It was the way I used to carry my head before I married, or I doubt very much whether your father would have looked my way. Think of this when you're in company. It's a graceful attitude too, and you will find it much admired.'

"Franz embraced his mother, and promised obedience to all her commands; but he was glad when her lecture ended, for he was not very fond of her remarks upon his nose. Just then the door of his father's room opened, and he called out:-

"'Franz, my dear, I want to speak to you.'

"Franz entered the room, and 'Now, my dear boy,' said papa, 'before you go, let me give you one word of parting advice; but stop, we will shut the door first, if you please. That's right. Well, now, look here. I know that no pains or expense have been spared over your education. You can play, and dance, and sing, and talk, and make yourself heard wherever you go.'

"'My dear sir,' interrupted Franz, 'I don't think you need trouble yourself to go on. My mother has just been giving me the advice beforehand.'

"'No, has she though?' cried old Franz, looking up in his son's face; but then he shook his head, and said:-

"'No, she hasn't, Franz; no, she hasn't; so listen to me. We've all made a fuss about you, and praised whatever you've done, and you've been a sort of idol and wonder among us. But, now you're going among strangers, you will find yourself Mr. Nobody, and the great thing is, you must be contented to be Mr. Nobody at first. Keep yourself in the background, till people have found out your merits for themselves; and never get into anybody's way. Keep OUT of the way, in fact, that's the safest rule. It's the secret of life for a young man--How impatient you look! but mark my words:- all you have to attend to, with your advantages, is, to keep out of the way.'

"After this bit of advice, the father bestowed his blessing on his dear Franz, and unlocked the door, close to which they found Mrs. Franz, waiting rather impatiently till the conference was over.

"'What a time you have been, Franz!' she began; but there was no time to talk about it, for they all knew that the coach, or post-wagon, as they call it in Germany, was waiting.

"Mrs. Franz wrung her son's hand.

"'Remember what I've said, my dearest Franz!' she cried.

"'Trust me!' was Mr. Franz's significant reply.

"'You'll not forget my rule?' whispered papa.

"'Forget, sir? no, that's not possible,' answered

Mr. Franz in a great hurry, as he ran off to catch the post-wagon; for they could see it in the distance beginning to move, though part of the young gentleman's luggage was on board.

"Well! he was just in time; but what do you think was the next thing he did, after keeping the people waiting? A sudden thought struck him, that it would be as well for the driver and passengers to know how well educated he had been, so he began to give the driver a few words of geographical information about the roads they were going.

"'Jump in directly, sir, if you please,' was the driver's gruff reply.

"'Certainly not, till I've made you understand what I mean,' says Master Franz, quite facetiously. But, then, smack went the whip, and the horses gave a jolt forwards, and over the tip of the learned young gentleman's foot went the front wheel.

"It was a nasty squeeze, though it might have been worse, but Franz called out very angrily, something or other about 'disgraceful carelessness,' on which the driver smacked his whip again, and shouted:-

"'Gentlemen that won't keep out of the way, must expect to have their toes trodden on.' Everybody laughed at this, but Franz was obliged to spring inside, without taking any notice of the joke, as the coach was now really going on; and if he had began to talk, he would have been left behind.

"And now," continued Aunt Judy, stopping herself, "while Franz is jolting along to the capital town of the country, you shall tell me whose advice you think he followed when he got to the end of the journey, and began life for himself--his father's or his mother's?"

There was a universal cry, mixed with laughter, of "His mother's!"

"Quite right," responded Aunt Judy. "His mother's, of course. It was far the most agreeable, no doubt. Keeping out of the way is a rather difficult thing for young folks to manage."

A glance at No. 8 caused that young gentleman's face to grin all over, and Aunt Judy proceeded:-

"After his arrival at the great hotel of the town, he found there was to be a public dinner there that evening, which anybody might go to, who chose to pay for it; and this he thought would be a capital opportunity for him to begin life: so, accordingly, he went up- stairs to dress himself out in his very best clothes for the occasion.

"And then it was that, as he sat in front of the glass, looking at his own face, while he was brushing his hair and whiskers, and brightening them up with bear's-grease, he began to think of his father and mother, and what they had said, and what he had best do.

"'An excellent, well-meaning couple, of course, but as old-fashioned as the clocks they used to mend,' was his first thought. 'As to papa, indeed, the poor old gentleman thinks the world has stood still since he was a young man, thirty years ago. His stiff notions were all very well then, perhaps, but in these advanced times they are perfectly quizzical. Keep out of the way, indeed! Why, any ignoramus can do that, I should think! Well, well, he means well, all the same, so one must not be severe. As to mamma now--poor thing--though she IS behindhand herself in many ways, yet she DOES know a good thing when she sees it, and that's a great point. She can appreciate the probable results of my very superior education and appearance. To be sure, she's a little silly over that nose affair;- -but women will always be silly about something.'

"Nevertheless, at this point in his meditations, Master Franz might have been seen inclining his head down on one side, just as his mother had recommended, and then giving a look at the mirror, to see whether the vile turn-up did really disappear in that attitude. I suspect, however, that he did not feel quite satisfied about it, for he got rather cross, and finished his dressing in a great hurry, but not before he had settled that there could be only one opinion as to whose advice he should be guided by--dear mamma's.

"'Should it fail,' concluded he to himself, as he gave the last smile at the looking-glass, 'there will be poor papa's old-world notion to fall back upon, after all.'

"Now, you must know that Master Franz had never been at one of these public dinners before, so there is no denying that when he entered the large dining-hall, where there was a long table, set out with plates, and which was filling fast with people, not one of whom he knew, he felt a little confused. But he repeated his mother's words softly to himself, and took courage: 'DON'T BE SHY AND DOWNCAST WHEN YOU COME AMONG STRANGERS. ALL YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT, WITH YOUR ADVANTAGES, IS TO MAKE YOURSELF AGREEABLE;' and, on the strength of this, he passed by the lower end of the table, where there were several unoccupied places, and walked boldly forward to the upper end, where groups of people were already seated, and were talking and laughing together.

"In the midst of one of these groups, there was one unoccupied seat, and in the one next to it sat a beautiful, well-dressed young lady. 'Why, this is the very thing,' thought Mr. Franz to himself. 'Who knows but what this is the young lady who is to make my fortune?'

"There was a card, it is true, in the plate in front of the vacant seat, but 'as to that,' thought Franz, 'first come, first served, I suppose; I shall sit down!'

"And sit down the young gentleman accordingly did in the chair by the beautiful young lady, and even bowed and smiled to her as he did so.

"But the next instant he was tapped on the shoulder by a waiter.

"'The place is engaged, sir!' and the man pointed to the card in the plate.

"'Oh, if that's all,' was Mr. Franz's witty rejoinder, 'here's another to match!' and thereupon he drew one of his own cards from his pocket, threw it into the plate, and handed the first one to the astonished waiter, with the remark:-

"'The place is engaged, my good friend, you see!'

"The young goose actually thought this impudence clever, and glanced across the table for applause as he spoke. But although Mamma Watchmaker, if she had heard it, might have thought it a piece of astonishing wit, the strangers at the public table were quite of a different opinion, and there was a general cry of 'Turn him out!'

"'Turn me out!' shouted Mr. Franz, jumping up from his chair, as if he intended to fight them all round; and there is no knowing what more nonsense he might not have talked, but that a very sonorous voice behind him called out,--a hand laying hold of him by the shoulders at the same time -

"'Young man, I'll trouble you to get out of my chair, and' (a little louder) 'out of my way, and' (a little louder still) 'to KEEP out of my way!'

"Franz felt himself like a child in the grasp of the man who spoke; and one glimpse he caught of a pair of coal-black eyes, two frowning eye-brows, and a moustachioed mouth, nearly frightened him out of his wits, and he was half way down the room before he knew what was happening; for, after the baron let him go, the waiter seized him and hustled him along, till he came to the bottom of the table; where, however, there was now no room for him, as all the vacant places had been filled up; so he was pushed finally to a side-table in a corner, at which sat two men in foreign dresses, not one word of whose language he could understand.

"These two fellows talked incessantly together too, which was all the more mortifying, because they gesticulated and laughed as if at some capital joke. Franz was very quiet at first, for the other adventure had sobered him, but presently, with his mother's advice running in his head, he resolved to make himself agreeable, if possible.