Category: Humour

Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good Man

No apology for writing this book. An 1 imperative duty under present conditions. Description of my parents and their personal appearances. Description of Mon Repos, Angela Gardens. Long anxiety prior to my birth. Intense joy when at last this takes place. My father’s decision...

Chapters

35. CHAPTER XVI

Disappointing attitude of Ezekiel. Suggested nuptials of Miss Moonbeam. An occasion for tact and postponement. I am obliged to write a letter. Ezekiel accompanies me to the Empr...

34. CHAPTER XV

Happy years. A typical day. Simeon Whey is at last ordained. His first sermon at St. Sepulchre’s, Balham. Intensive campaign of the _A.D.S.U._ I meet Miss Moonbeam and call her...

30. CHAPTER XI

Design for my grandfather’s tomb. Death and interment of Mrs. Emily Smith and the aunt that had stood with my mother’s mother at the bottom of the stairs. Effect upon my father’...

36. CHAPTER XVII

Profound depression subsequent to port-poisoning. An iniquitous plot and its consequences. Insubordination of Miss Botterill. I retire from the firm of Mr. Chrysostom Lorton. A...

23. CHAPTER IV

Further years of boyhood and additional crosses. Progress in study and music. I excel at the game of Nuts in May. I am to go to Hopkinson House School. But Providence again inte...

26. CHAPTER VII

A further vision is vouchsafed to us by Providence. Mr. Chrysostom Lorton and the sources of his wealth. The debt owed to me by Mr. Septimus Lorton. Interview with Mr. and Mrs....

28. CHAPTER IX

Effect upon my father of his disclosure. My Xtian confidence in journeying to Enfield. Paternoster Towers and its mistress. Unfortunate detachment of my posterior trouser-button...

31. CHAPTER XII

Breakfast finds us calm but grave. My mother is allowed to accompany us to church. My father’s clothing and general demeanour. Remark of Simeon Whey on my father’s hat. First im...

29. CHAPTER X

Precautionary measures on entering commercial life. I join the _N.S.L._ and the _S.P.S.D.T._ A crying need in the conduct of prayer-meetings. I join the _A.D.S.U._ Personal appe...

33. CHAPTER XIV

Person and character of Mr. Archibald Maidstone. Irreverent attitude towards the firm’s publications. Would-be laxity of two constables. Their tardy performance of an obvious du...

24. CHAPTER V

First experience at Hopkinson House School. It is amongst the masters that I hope to find spiritual companionship. I do not do so. Apology of Mr. Muglington. I am struck by a fo...

25. CHAPTER VI

Reasons for remaining at Hopkinson House School. I pass from boyhood to early young manhood. Expeditions both urban and rural in the company of my dear father. An excellent and...

22. CHAPTER III

My parents’ studies in the upbringing of children. A successful instance of non-vaccination. Further example of my father’s consideration for others. My mother’s ill-health. My...

32. CHAPTER XIII

Description of the injuries sustained by my father. A supremely difficult medical problem. Legal assistance of Mr. Balfour Whey. Infamous decisions and public comments. A quiet...

37. CHAPTER XVIII

Physical reaction following my interview with Mrs. Chrysostom. Reception of a wreath from the Maidstones. Moving excerpt from Simeon’s diary. I decide to marry one of Ezekiel’s...

38. CHAPTER XIX

Commencement of my life’s afternoon. My father’s eight sisters-in-law return to Wales. Astounding attitude of my mother. Physical effect thereof on myself. I move to Stoke Newin...

21. CHAPTER II

Trials of my infancy. Varieties of indigestion. I suffer from a local erythema. Instance of my father’s unselfishness. Difficulty in providing a second godfather. Unexpected sol...

20. CHAPTER I

No apology for writing this book. An imperative duty under present conditions. Description of my parents and their personal appearances. Description of Mon Repos, Angela Gardens...

27. CHAPTER VIII

Second interview with Mr. Septimus Lorton. But now the tables are turned. A pitiful exhibition. My father demands guarantees. He will write a letter to Mrs. Chrysostom Lorton. M...

19. CHAPTER XIX

Commencement of my life’s afternoon. My 264 father’s eight sisters-in-law return to Wales. Astounding attitude of my mother. Physical effect thereof on myself. I move to Stoke N...

3. CHAPTER III

My parents’ studies in the upbringing of 18 children. A successful instance of non-vaccination. Further example of my father’s consideration for others. My mother’s ill-health....

11. CHAPTER XI

Design for my grandfather’s tomb. Death 125 and interment of Mrs. Emily Smith and the aunt that had stood with my mother’s mother at the bottom of the stairs. Effect upon my fat...

10. CHAPTER X

Precautionary measures on entering 111 commercial life. I join the _N.S.L._ and the _S.P.S.D.T._ A crying need in the conduct of prayer-meetings. I join the _A.D.S.U._ Personal...

16. CHAPTER XVI

Disappointing attitude of Ezekiel. 204 Suggested nuptials of Miss Moonbeam. An occasion for tact and postponement. I am obliged to write a letter. Ezekiel accompanies me to the...

5. CHAPTER V

First experiences at Hopkinson House 46 School. It is amongst the masters that I hope to find spiritual companionship. I do not do so. Apology of Mr. Muglington. I am struck by...

6. CHAPTER VI

Reasons for remaining at Hopkinson House 60 School. I pass from boyhood to early young manhood. Expeditions both urban and rural in the company of my dear father. An excellent a...

14. CHAPTER XIV

Person and character of Mr. Archibald 170 Maidstone. Irreverent attitude towards the firm’s publications. Would-be laxity of two constables. Their tardy performance of an obviou...

15. CHAPTER XV

Happy years. A typical day. Simeon Whey 185 is at last ordained. His first sermon at St. Sepulchre’s, Balham. Intensive campaign of the _A.D.S.U._ I meet Miss Moonbeam and call...

12. CHAPTER XII

Breakfast finds us calm but grave. My 144 mother is allowed to accompany us to church. My father’s clothing and general demeanour. Remarks of Simeon Whey on my father’s hat. Fir...

4. CHAPTER IV

Further years of boyhood and additional 30 crosses. Progress in study and music. I excel at the game of Nuts in May. I am to go to Hopkinson House School. But Providence again i...

1. CHAPTER I

No apology for writing this book. An 1 imperative duty under present conditions. Description of my parents and their personal appearances. Description of Mon Repos, Angela Garde...

7. CHAPTER VII

A further vision is vouchsafed to us by 73 Providence. Mr. Chrysostom Lorton and the sources of his wealth. The debt owed to me by Mr. Septimus Lorton. Interview with Mr. and Mr...

17. CHAPTER XVII

Profound depression subsequent to 234 port-poisoning. An iniquitous plot and its consequences. Insubordination of Miss Botterill. I retire from the firm of Mr. Chrysostom Lorton...

18. CHAPTER XVIII

Physical reaction following my interview 252 with Mrs. Chrysostom. Reception of a wreath from the Maidstones. Moving excerpt from Simeon’s diary. I decide to marry one of Ezekie...

2. CHAPTER II

Trials of my infancy. Varieties of 9 indigestion. I suffer from a local erythema. Instance of my father’s unselfishness. Difficulty in providing a second godfather. Unexpected s...

9. CHAPTER IX

Effect upon my father of his disclosure. 95 My Xtian confidence in journeying to Enfield. Paternoster Towers and its mistress. Unfortunate detachment of my posterior trouser-but...

13. CHAPTER XIII

Description of the injuries sustained by 158 my father. A supremely difficult medical problem. Legal assistance of Mr. Balfour Whey. Infamous decisions and public comments. A qu...

8. CHAPTER VIII

Second interview with Mr. Septimus 89 Lorton. But now the tables are turned. A pitiful exhibition. My father demands guarantees. He will write a letter to Mrs. Chrysostom Lorton...