Chapter 5

"Stop! You win! It's Seltsam Way, the street behind the theater!"

"Where I just got hired? Was that all part of this too?!"

"Well, what do you think?" Rhonda said. "That it was all just coincidence?"

Julia stood listening to the silence for a moment, and then hung up the phone. Justin stepped out of the bathroom.

"I thought you were waiting outside!"

"It got cold. I didn't have my jacket!"

"I suppose you heard all of that," she said.

"Most of it. Where's Seltsam?"

"Seltsam Way, behind the theater."

"Oh yeah. I forgot about that road. Well, we better get going."

Julia picked up her keys. "Wait. You didn't see Cecil in there, did you?"

"Not unless he got inside the cabinets."

Julia went into the bedroom and looked around. She lifted the skirt of the bed and peered underneath. No cat. She looked in the closet. No cat (as far as she could tell, with all of her junk in the way).

"We have to get going," Justin commented.

"Cecil!" Julia called.

"He's just hiding! We have to go, now!"

Julia shrugged and sighed.

"So how's it done?"

"You won't need your keys, but take them if you want," he said. "Hold my hands."

For a moment, Julia began to feel the room spin. And then, she wondered how it was that she had reached the exact center of the universe.

25. When it hits the fan "Truth is the only safe ground to stand on." -- Elizabeth Cady Stanton

When Prof. Sigger found himself standing three miles outside of town on County Highway A, he was, to say the least, chagrined. He tried thumbing a ride from a couple in a pickup, but no luck. They were too busy necking. One of them, however, did throw an empty beer can to him.

After studying his situation carefully, he decided that he either must walk the three miles or try that new method of movement that was supposed to be listed in the gray section of the clipboard. And considering that he hadn't exercised regularly in years, the clipboard seemed to be the better option.

With only the starlight behind him, he began to read his way through the higher math. It wasn't easy, but at the end of four minutes, he decided that the section in question had to be interpreted subjectively. This had been a theme of his academic career, so the conclusion hadn't come as a surprise. It was amazing how elastic a text could be given the right kind of reader. In fact, he had often convinced himself (when lecturing to a room full of stupefied students) that only he and his method could arrive at any kind of coherent, but highly tentative, meaning. When he had debated the subject years before, the experience of reading had come down to an indeterminacy that left out the possibility of conclusive understanding. This disappointed many of his undergraduates, but then, reality was more often than not a disappointment. His writings on the matter had taken him a long way at the beginning of his career, but after years of more ardent methods of spiritual exploration, late at night, with several friends keeping a bloodshot eye out for the police, his writing had lost something of the cohesiveness it once had. He had always assumed that he would get it back one day, but lately, the face he encountered in the mirror looked more like his father's than his own, and although he had taken some positive strides to get back into the lit. theory game, he hadn't enjoyed much success. This new venture, however, seemed to be the turnaround. Having this kind of power would turn not a few heads -- networking being the prime ingredient in any good, tenured position.

Skimming through the pages one last time, he decided that he had arrived at a justifiable understanding of the matter. Perhaps he would make an entrance at the exact spot where he had left. Or just outside the theater. Or perhaps on the roof. Too dramatic? He settled for just outside the theater's back door, in Seltsam Way.

He closed his eyes in order to concentrate on the math, felt that peculiar sensation of vertigo, and felt a cool wind blow on his face. He opened his eyes to find himself hovering a thousand feet above Tranquil. His heart stopped beating as he began to fall, but began again, much to his relief as well as anguish.

He nearly let go of the clipboard, but managed to clutch it to his chest as the pages, his clothes, and the Earth, began to flutter violently around him. The fell past some kind of balloon, reached out to catch hold of it, but it was too late. Now, the only thing that could save him were those few pages whose contents he had just forgotten, thanks to a somewhat reduced short-term memory. The only numbers he could recall (as he struggled to find and not lose his place) was his rate of descent: thirty-two feet per second per second.

Something inside him wondered how long it would take to reach the end of his fall, and something else answered that this could not be known without ascertaining one's starting altitude. Strange, he thought, what you think of when you find yourself airborne without a parachute. But he forced himself to focus on what little he could read as he tumbled toward to the ground. And though he had spent the bulk of his academic career teaching his students that truth, with its duplicitous and mutable definitions, could never be found in a text, he began to search, quickly and sincerely, for meaning.

26. It Falls Together "Everybody has got to die, but I always believed an exception would be made in my case." -- William Saroyan

The station-wagon swerved around the corner (as it had all the previous), jolting and jarring its passengers from one side to another. Tom and Alona, in the back seat, were thrown next to each other at near regular intervals, wondering how long their luck would last. With a final, sharp turn of the wheel, Ritchie half-drove, half-skidded off Central and into the back alley known as Seltsam Way.

"There it is!" he shouted.

"This isn't a cavalry charge, dear," Betty muttered, having braced herself in the passenger seat as best she could throughout the horrible ride.

"Now we'll see what's going on around here!" he replied.

It was when a man dressed in a lab coat plunged from the sky and slammed into their hood, pitching the car forward and then back onto its wheels as the body rolled off the windshield and into the alleyway behind them that Ritchie finally applied the brakes. The wagon skidded to a stop, turning as it slid until the vehicle became lodged in the narrow alley. After the occupants caught their breath, Betty spoke.

"I think you hit him," she said.

"I didn't hit him, he hit me!" Ritchie replied.

"Look at the hood! The car's totaled!" Tom cried.

"He fell on us! How could I know he was going jump and land on my car?!"

"Who are they?" Alona asked, looking past Tom as they sat pressed against the door.

"Who?" Ritchie asked.

"That old guy and... isn't that what's-her-name from Osco?"

"Do the doors still work?" Betty asked in a shaky voice.

They did, and the four of them crawled out the driver's side and slowly made their way on unsteady feet toward the body.

"You got one!" shouted the old man.

"Justin..." the girl admonished.

"You know him?" Ritchie asked, pointing to the man the coat.

"Never seen him before, but I'm guessing he's one of them."

"How do you know?" Betty asked.

And, coincidentally, the contents of a clipboard came fluttering down upon them like leaves.

"Justin Nelson," Justin said, extending his hand to Ritchie. Introductions were made all around.

"Didn't you work at Osco?" Alona asked.

"Until they fired me!" Julia replied. "And then they hired me here."

"Here?" Tom asked. "Doing what?"

"Concessions."

"My job?!"

"Be glad you were out of it," Alona said.

"Yeah, but I wasn't even told I was fired!"

"So who is this guy?" Ritchie repeated.

"I don't know. No name tag," Justin replied.

"He's moving!" Betty shouted.

All turned toward the man who lay in the alley. Somehow, he was still alive, gasping for breath. When his gaze caught Alona's, she recognized him.

"Professor Sigger!" she shouted.

"Alona..." gasped the professor.

"You're involved in this?" Ritchie demanded.

"Tricked me... Fascist swine..."

Justin bent down to the dying man's ears. "Quick, man! Why are they doing this?!"

"Trying to take the town with them," he gasped. "Conspiracy... half the town... ran out of toner..."

"Shouldn't we call an ambulance?" Betty asked, wringing her hands.

Prof. Sigger looked back at Alona and with his dying breath said: "Damn...."

The group stood around the corpse, unsure of what to do.

"Half the town? Probably the police are in on this too, then. Can't call them," Justin said.

"Shouldn't we cover him up?" Betty asked.

"I think we need to get into that theater first," Ritchie said. "He said something about taking half the town."

"If they can, we're in real trouble," Justin said.

"But what does it mean?" Alona asked.

"The way they move. Instantly. That's how they kidnap people. They move them or themselves instantly from one point to another. That's probably what this guy meant. Their goal must be to take the town with them," Justin said.

"That's stupid," Tom muttered.

"No!" Alona said. "That's what happened to Prof. Sigger! He was there one second and gone the next! And that's how they got Kurt!"

"Just what is going on here?" Betty asked.

"We won't know that until we get inside," Justin replied.

"Right," Ritchie began. "Let's sneak in the back, and -- well, we'd have to crawl over the car to get in."

"Forget that. They'll be expecting us now. Might as well use the front door," Justin concluded.

They agreed and began the short walk around the building to the main entrance. Julia, unusually quiet, was the only one who didn't follow immediately. Her attention was fixed on a piece of paper that had fallen on Prof. Sigger's face, covering him just as Betty had wanted.

Julia bent down and saw that it was a form labeled 3G, "Complaints, Problems, Irregularities:" The rest was blank.

"Did you ever have one of those days," Julia found herself repeating, "when you think you've noticed something everyone else has missed?"

27. Their Last Stand? "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." -- Bertrand Russell

"You killed Prof. Sigger," said the Lab Coat Man, pacing back and forth in the basement hallway. "How could you?"

"I didn't kill him," Denny repeated, rubbing his face with his hands. He sat inside the small office, leaning back as far as he could in the one decent office chair the conspiracy had acquired. "I sent him outside of town, and the idiot tried to get back without using the proper steps."

"And shot himself a thousand feet in the air? On his first try?"

"You know what I know..." Denny leaned forward until he was sitting straight, took a cigarette from his pack, and lit up. The Lab Coat Man continued to pace.

"How could he interpret that from our notes?!"

"I don't know!"

"There's no smoking down here," the Lab Coat Man complained, as Denny blew a long, slow cloud into the room.

"There is now," he replied. "All I did was send Sigger out of town for a little while. The rest is on him."

"'Out of town'? You mean -- you were trying to make sure we didn't take him with us, weren't you?"

"Don't tell me you weren't tempted."

The Lab Coat Man considered this. "OK, I won't, because I was, if you understand me."

Denny waved his hand as if to say: "Whatever."

"You'll still have to tell the Director," the Lab Coat Man. "I'm not going to!"

"Tell me what?" asked a voice. The men turned as the Manager walked in.

"We have bad news," the Lab Coat Man said.

"Or good news, depending on your point of view," Denny muttered. He avoided the stern look that the Lab Coat Man gave him momentarily.

"We've lost Sigger," the Lab Coat Man said.

"So? Get him back," the Manager/Director replied. "It's not like you need a travel voucher."

"No, we lost him," Denny said. "He's lying in Seltsam Way after falling from... a great height."

The Director paused. "How did he get to a great height in the first place?"

"He must have ignored the information on the second page," Denny said. "I sent him out of town to... to cool off. He decided to come back the easy way, and then --" Denny slapped his hand on the table.

"Oh dear," the Director replied.

"Indeed," the Lab Coat Man added.

"Indeed what?" the Director asked.

"Nothing," the Lab Coat Man muttered, turning away.

"I see you don't know, then," the Director said.

"Know what?" Denny asked.

The Manager swung his hands apart and then together in loud clap. "They're right outside."

"Who?" asked the Lab Coat Man.

"All of them. Justin, Julia, Tom, Alona, Ritchie, Betty..."

"Outside?"

"Nearing the front doors as we speak."

Denny muttered a curse, stood up, tossed his cigarette to the floor, and crushed it under his foot.

"Get Kurt," he said to the Lab Coat Man, "Neoldner, anybody. Extra-Short Notice Emergency Meeting, or whatever the hell Forrester would call it. Whoever's available. No, I take that back. Whoever's available and sober."

"That leaves out Rhonda, then," the Lab Coat Man sighed.

"But what could they do?" asked the Director. "We've got almost the entire town on our side."

"Why do you think we take new recruits by surprise? It comes down to willpower. A willing or unsuspecting subject is a lot easier to move than someone who's fighting you. You'd have known that if you'd bother to read what we sent you!"

"I financed what I could, gave us a place to work, but I left it up to Forrester to --"

"Never mind," Denny said. "Let's get up there before anything else happens." He brushed past the Director and the Lab Coat Man, past open cardboard boxes that contained their extra supplies, including clipboards, paper, and lab coats still wrapped in plastic.

28. Breaking the Law "As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality." -- Albert Einstein

"Where's Julia?" Uncle Justin asked. Tom's hand had just reached the door of the theater, and everyone looked around.

"I thought she was behind me," Betty said.

"Did you see her?" Tom asked Alona, thankful for the excuse to gaze into her eyes.

"No," she replied, gazing back.

They heard footsteps, and Julia came jogging up to them from around the theater.

"Where have you been?" asked Uncle Justin, the concern evident in his voice.

"Thinking," she replied, brushing the hair out of her eyes.

"Couldn't you do that without waiting behind?"

"Like you should talk," Julia mumbled to herself.

The rest of the group began looking around at the other shops on the street. For some reason, they were all closed. Traffic had dwindled down to nothing. The street-lights had come on early, revealing a deserted town.

"We'd better hurry," Ritchie said. "Is the door open?"

"I think so," Tom replied, reaching for the door again.

"Wait," Julia said. "That's what I wanted to say. Something is wrong."

"What?" they asked.

"I don't know."

They stared at her for a moment, trying to figure out if she was being serious. "Did you see something?" Uncle Justin asked, wondering if there was some danger that he had missed.

"No, that's just it. There's something wrong here. And it's more than this conspiracy."

"That may be," Ritchie began, "but right now we have to see what they're up to and where Kurt is. Try the door, Tom."

"But --" Julia began.

Tom pulled at the door, which swung silently open. The lights were on, but the lobby was deserted. A large sign rested on an easel announced the films of the evening. Tom walked up to it and gave it a kick, toppling the stand and sending the sign into the corner.

"That's theater property," said the Director, somehow stepping out from behind the concession counter.

"It's the Manager!" Tom said.

"No, not the Manager. I'm the Director. I have been for some time."

"Why doesn't he have a name?" muttered Julia to no one but herself.

"You've been directing this outfit?" Ritchie asked.

"About as well as Ed Wood," Tom scoffed.

The Director reddened.

"Hold on, let's remember why we're here," Justin began.

"Where's Kurt?!" Ritchie shouted.

"I'm right here," Kurt said, stepping out of the doors that led to the bigger screen.

"Kurt!" Alona said.

"Alona!" Kurt said, almost simultaneously.

"Butthead!" Julia said.

"Don't call me that!" Kurt said, and gave Julia a stare that meant only one thing.

"Move!" Uncle Justin yelled, pushing Julia out of the way. She stumbled and fell against the ticket counter. The artificial plant that had been just behind her disappeared.

"Hold it!" the Director shouted. "Let's not get violent."

"Why not?" asked Denny, stepping out of the emergency exit. "Did you think we'd get what we want by being nice?"

"We want a better world, Denny! I'm sure these people can be made to understand what we're trying to do."

"And what exactly is that?" Ritchie asked.

"We're going to move the town to a better place," the Director replied.

"Northern Wisconsin?" Alona asked.

"Minnesota?" Betty asked.

"Somewhere where they run bad movies 24/7?" Tom asked with a smirk.

"Somewhere that's not here!" replied Shenika, as she stepped out magically from behind the ticket counter. "Do you want to be stuck in this backwater state forever?!"

Julia stood up and tried to work out the kink in her back. "You hate Wisconsin, is that it? What kind of an excuse is that to start a conspiracy?"

"Most people know that everyone in Wisconsin hates Wis-" Kurt began.

"I like this state!" Ritchie said, Betty nodding in the affirmative by his side.

"It's not about this state!" Denny yelled. "Why stay in a world where..." He couldn't finish, but the nightmare he'd had since he was six flashed before his eyes anyway. A bang. Everyone jumps and covers their ears. She's sprawled on the floor. Blood running from her body. A man with a gun by the door. Another shot outside, and he falls.

"Where what?" Julia asked when Denny didn't continue. "Where on Earth were you planning to go?" Julia asked.

"That's just it!" the Director exclaimed. "Not on Earth! Somewhere else!"

There was a pause, and then Tom said: "You've been watching too many of your own movies. You're full of crap."

"We can do it whenever we want to, numb-nuts!" Kurt shot back.

"Then why haven't you?" Betty asked.

"Because we can't do it whenever we want to," Denny admitted, giving Kurt a dark look. "It takes planning, preparation... recruitment, teamwork. And it's going to be a lot more difficult if you stand in our way. So..."

"You want us to agree with you?" Ritchie asked. "To send this whole town to Fairy-Land just because you don't like it here? Why not just move?!"

"It's not the state that's the problem," said the Lab Coat Man, stepping out from the doors leading to the smaller theater. "That point has been exaggerated by one or two of my colleagues. It's this world that's the problem. Who would ever choose to live in a world like this? No one, in truth, and we've found a way out and want to take the town with us. You ought to be thanking us for our generosity, really."

"No wonder you recruited Sigger," Alona said. "You are such an ass... although I respect your right to religious difference."

"I'll have you know -- !" began the Lab Coat Man, his hand moving to cover his forehead.

"Never mind all that," Justin interrupted, "it won't work."

All turned to him. The Director and Denny took a step forward.

"Like hell it won't," Denny said. "You should know that."

"Whoever wrote these formulas had a lot of insight... Had to. They solved the big mystery in physics: how gravity relates to the other fundamental cosmic forces."

The Director grinned. "Well, I'm not at liberty to say where they came from, but thank-you!"

"Like you had anything to do with it," Denny grumbled.

Kurt giggled until the Director gave him a scowl.

"Oh, I'm not saying it doesn't work. It does. But there's a flaw here."

"If this turns into a science class," said Zeke, who had appeared just inside the main doors, "I'm leaving."

"Don't be rude, Ezekiel," said the old lady, who appeared in a corner along with her rocking chair. "Go on, Mr. Nelson."

Justin scratched his head and went on. "You seem to be violating the Law of Conservation of Energy."

"I told you he was a nutcase!" said the police officer, who had appeared at the Director's side.

"Seem to be violating...?" Denny said. "Either we are or we aren't."

"Which law is that again?" Tom asked.

"The Law of Conservation of Energy," Alona repeated.

"You're so smart," Tom replied, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"How does it work?" the Lab Coat Man asked. "And don't pretend I'm the only one who doesn't know how it works!" he added, rubbing the spot on his forehead in agitation.

"It's a law in the strictest sense. There's no way around it," Justin said.

"This is a science class!" moaned Zeke.

"Oh, have a seat and be quiet!" the Director snapped. "If there is a flaw in the formula, we have to know about it!"

"Assuming he's not lying," the cop said.

"Physics can't lie!" Justin bellowed. "Now listen! Think of it in terms of simple math. You all can do simple math, right?"

There were a few faces that fell and began examining the carpet.

"Well, listen anyway!" Justin began, back in his classroom for the first time in years. "You got a set of Legos. Twenty, fifty, a hundred, it doesn't matter. You make a car out of them for your grandchild, then take it apart. You have the same number as you've started. Those Legos represent energy. They can't be created or destroyed."

"What if the Legos get lost?" Kurt asked.

"Then the energy went somewhere else, but the block is still around somewhere. They can be moved around all you want, but the Legos themselves are indestructible."

"OK, that's fairly simple," said the Director.

"Now here's the problem. We have a kind of energy called potential energy, and specifically I mean gravitational potential energy. All potential energy is based on position, right?"

"I know where you're going with this," Shenika said. "Gravity pulls on us all the time, so the higher we are, the more potential energy we have, right?"

"Basically. So, with this instant movement of yours, it all seems to work except for one thing..."

"Boy, you really get into your explanations, don't you?" Denny muttered.

"Just hurry up," Zeke moaned.

"It would take too long to explain in detail, but with these equations, you shouldn't be able to move up or down."

"What?" Shenika said.

"Huh?" Zeke said.

"Pardon?" the Director said.

"You're magically creating and destroying energy when you blip from one place to another and change energy states!" Justin said.

"I'm lost," Kurt said.

"No surprise," Tom muttered.

"It's in the math! You're using the same energy going laterally as you are going up or down! It's like an elevator that doesn't need power to move! It can't work!"

"But it does!" Denny said.

"That's why I said it appears you're violating Conservation of Energy. Maybe you are, but it's more likely that you're drawing energy from somewhere else."

"From where?" the Director asked, suddenly looking pale and slightly older.

"Oh Lord," Tom said, "it's Ed Wood time, again, isn't it? They're getting it from another dimension, and there's going to be this disastrous consequence, and the whole Earth will be get swallowed up, and yadda yadda yadda..."

Now it was Uncle Justin's turn to study the carpet.

"Well?" Ritchie asked.

"Well it's coming from somewhere...! I don't know where, but the more energy you use, the greater the problems you'll have when it's time to pay the bill!"

The conspirators turned to the Director.