CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.
"Cumly, _January 7, 19--_.
"Dear Captain Blair,
"This follows quickly to retract everything that I said last week! If I had not already spent so much on cables, and if it were not so difficult to explain, I should have sent a flying order to burn that effusion unread! It makes me hot to think of the things I wrote. I am not usually so heady and bold, but the excitement was too much for me, the brilliant shifting of the scene, the finding myself of a sudden a leading lady, instead of a forlorn super,--the new clothes!--
"Honestly, I believe the clothes had as much to do with it as anything else! Do you remember a character in a book a year or two ago saying that the consciousness of being perfectly dressed imparted a peace and joy which religion can never bestow! I have quoted that saying to many women in turns, and each and all on the spur of the moment exclaimed `_How true_!' though the serious-minded ones tried to back out afterwards. I have wondered sometimes if the difference in temperament between the two sexes isn't after all mainly a matter of clothes. A man goes to a decent tailor, puts on a well-cut tweed or dress suit, arranges his tie with a certain amount of skill, and--kings can do no more! Never in all his life does he experience the agonising sensation of entering a room and realising at a glance that he is all wrong, while the right thing is hanging idly at home in the wardrobe; never is his heart torn by the consciousness of inferiority, or the necessity of putting up with a second best, when the first is a dream of beauty and becomingness. He knows none of these trials, but then, on the other hand, he has none of the thrills! Who could be thrilled by an old black coat, but when it is the exact shade of blue that matches your eyes, when the lines of the skirt make you blush at your own grace, when the trimmings are dreams, and the very linings a picture, then, oh, man! the elation of it mounts to the feminine head like wine, and no mere male can understand...
"I imagined until now that I was superior to such folly. I never cared much about clothes, but then, as Grizel brutally explains, that was because I never had none! Now I am as susceptible as the rest...
"All this chatter about clothes is simply to cover my embarrassment, because I don't know what else to say!
"You must all have made very sure of me, to write to Captain Bedford as you did! ... I had the kindest letter from him yesterday, promising every help _en voyage_. I am to tip the steward to arrange that he has a seat next to me at table from Aden onward. I shall have found my sea legs by then, I suppose, and be able to turn up for meals. He--Captain Bedford--isn't too well, I'm afraid, for he talks of feverish turns which can't be good in his condition, but there seems no doubt of his return. I shall cross-question him (artfully!) about you, and expect to pick up some useful information. Don't expect me to write again before sailing. I am too busy and--_shy_! and when I _do_ arrive, please arrange to meet me first among a crowd of people, and look the other way hard whenever I'm looking. I'm capable of coming home by the first boat if I'm druv!
"Katrine."
"P.S.--I have no money; not a cent. `My face is my fortune,' plus a pearl necklet, and a loving heart! The situation is so unusual that I think I am justified in being personal and inquisitive. Here's an examination paper for you on certain burning points. You will have time to post answers to Port Said, and if unsatisfactory I can always drown myself, or--turn back!
"Question I.
"Do your ears stick out?"
"_NB_.--This is important. Prevarication forbidden.
"Question II.
"When annoyed do you rage or sulk?
"Question III.
"Have you tiresome little ways? If so, how many? Clearly define their nature, and specify in particular whether you fidget, scatter tobacco, sneeze loudly, scrape your plate, argue, frown over bills, repeat yourself in conversation...
"Question IV.
"What sort of tobacco do you smoke, and how much? I don't smoke at all. Too Cranford! Are you pleased or sorry?
"Question V.
"What would be your manner of proceeding under the following circumstances:--
"Wife irritable. Wife hysteric. Wife homesick. Wife unreasonable and provoking? Wife all at once."
"My Dearest Katrine,
"If I write at once I shall just catch you before you sail. When you are here, when I see you face to face, and after the period of truce is over, I shall tell you how I felt when that cable arrived yesterday, and I realised that in less than three months we should meet in the flesh. I have felt a new man since that hour, and Dorothea says I look it. She had already written to Bedford (at my instigation) saying that you would probably be coming by the _Bremen_, and giving him elaborate instructions on your behalf. No fear that he won't carry them out! Heavens! the luck some fellows have. What would I give for the opportunity of `looking after you' through those long, lazy days, but I'm not jealous, Katrine--don't imagine that! Whatever you may decide in the future, you'll play fair to me in the present. I asked for my chance, and you've given it by agreeing to come out, so for the time being I hold the field. I trust you utterly, with a glad heart.
"This will be the last letter you get from me, unless perhaps a line at Aden, and I can write no more to-day, dear. My heart is too full...