Part 12

There is a natural Consciousness in the Mind of Man of his own Significance; and where he takes Prudence for his Guide, some real Advantage may always be made of it. No Man is so high as not to require the Aid of those beneath him; no one so low but he may be useful to his Betters. Parents therefore instead of inculcating on their Children a false Pride, or raising in them a vain-glorious Flame, should give them a due Sense of others Significance and their own; this, accompanied with Prudence, will shew them the true light they stand in; shew them their just Distance from those above them, their Nearness to those beneath them. From this View will arise not only that genuine Self-knowledge so essentially necessary for their Conduct in Life, but that becoming Pride, which at the same time that it proves to them the Obligation of acting in some certain Sphere, animates them with Resolution to behave in it as they ought.

Prudence is a Check to Extravagance, Vice, and Folly; nay, it is often the Guide of virtuous Actions; for even Benevolence, Generosity, and Charity, Actions greatly noble in themselves, unless well directed, timed, and placed, will often be the Cause of others Ruin and our own. Prudence therefore, of all Virtues, may justly be call’d the Balance that keeps us from Extremes.

I have elsewhere observed how dangerous it is for Parents to rate their Children too high; nor is it less so to sink them too low: there is a certain Spirit to be maintained, without which our Children will degenerate into Meanness; there is a Degree of Dignity they must support, without which they will become not merely useless, but burthensome: Parents therefore must carefully attend to this, lest in avoiding one Evil they fall into another: And no Means so likely to gain the Medium, as Self-knowledge under the Direction of Prudence. By this they are check’d in the Pride of towering too high; and by this they are lifted from that Meanness which Sloth, Ignorance, or false Humility is apt to plunge them into.

Here I might expatiate on the Cruelty of some Parents, who use every body well but their own Children; who act not only the Sovereign, but the Brute, the Tyrant, and the Monster over those whom Nature calls on them to cherish, comfort, and love: and often, under the Pretext of making their Children humble, harrass them into Misery, and fix a Hatred to themselves. However, I will not pursue a Reflection so shocking to Nature; but rather hope that once to know it will be a sufficient Motive for it’s Banishment.

But of all the Advantages attending Prudence, there is none equal to the Bar it puts against the Rashness of young People in plunging themselves into the Mistake of an inconsiderate Marriage: and indeed were it the sure Means of preventing this Evil alone, it would both demand and deserve all the Attention of Parents to lead their Children into the Knowledge and Practice of it. How few are those whose Passions never rise above the Mark of Reason; how few whose Duty never nods; what Grief does such a mistaken Step bring on the Parents; what Care, what Sorrow, what Misery on the Children! Here, in the strongest Light, we may view the necessity of Prudence. Suppose a Father (one of some Figure and Circumstances) educates his Son suitable to his Condition in Life; and then engages him in Business, either as a Clerk, an Apprentice, or whatever Station occurs: at this Age, and in this Situation, he is exposed to a thousand Dangers; but particularly to that of a rash and an unequal Marriage. The young Fellow, if unguarded by Prudence, is open to all the Arts, the Smiles, the Hypocrisy of some one at least of the opposite Sex, who thinks it her Business to make her Fortune; while he, a Stranger to his own Heart, and ignorant of the Consequences of such a Step, involves himself in Sorrow, if not in Destruction. The transient pleasing Dream once past, he looks around him with Amazement! but ’tis now too late! the Chain is link’d, the Fetters are tied, and nothing but Death can break them! After various Contrivances to conceal the rash Deed, at length it reaches the Parents Ears. What a Scene of Affliction is here! Not the lively Picture of a Poet’s Fancy; not the fabled Representation of romantic Distress; but real Life overwhelmed with boundless Grief. A generous Father who has spared no Cost to promote his Son’s Felicity; a tender Mother, who with endless Anxiety has sought the fairest Prospect for her favourite Boy; view them alternately struggling with Love, and Rage, and Fear, and Resentment! What must they feel to see their Expectations frustrated, their utmost Wishes vanished, their darling Child undone! We say, it is dangerous to rouze a sleeping Lion; nor is it less so, to kindle the Resentment of Parents: for to be greatly exasperated is to fall into a Frenzy, which we cannot stop at Will. Thus it often happens with those whose Children precipitate themselves into Misery; their Rage becomes a continual Resentment, or an unconquerable Hatred. And alas! how dreadful are the Effects! What more common than for a Child to be banished from his Parents for a Step like this. I know not what Effect a Description may have on those who hear or read it, but, for my own Part, I think a Child, who thro’ such gross Folly and Disobedience has shut himself out from the Doors, the Hearts, the Affection of his Parents, is in the most calamitous Situation upon Earth.

But let us change the Scene. Let us suppose the Parents Grief subsided, or that Love and Pity have got the better of Resentment. How fares it with the disproportioned Couple? Does a Reconciliation with the Parents secure Happiness to them? Alas, no; they know but little of Life who conclude so. There is always Danger in Disparity, especially where Vanity or Ambition predominates. The Woman who is suddenly lifted up from a very low Condition, commonly makes but an aukward Figure; and what is worse, she is apt, in affecting to be like her Betters, to misuse the Dominion she is invested with; and, instead of demeaning herself like a good Wife, she becomes a Vixen, a Shrew or a Tyrant. Yet granting that none of these Evils happen, granting that a Woman has really Merit, and that the labours to improve her natural Talents, in order to suit them to her new Condition, there are still other Evils to fear. Reflection on past Folly naturally draws Resentment on the Object of it: and tho’ when two Parties once become Man and Wife, they are obliged to maintain Fidelity, Tenderness and Love to one another; yet Experience unhappily shews us that this Obligation is often violated. He who is extravagantly fond without Regard to Merit, will often be unreasonable without Provocation. Thus, when a Man, in his cooler Thoughts, compares what he is, with what he might have been; reflects on what he has lost in grasping imaginary Happiness, or views himself, thro’ a Disparity of Years, chained to faded Beauty, to declining Life, while himself is in his Bloom; not all the natural or acquired Merit of his Wife, not all the Tenderness that can flow from the sincerest Love will be able to balance his Disappointment: he frets, and swears, and raves, he breaks out into Extravagancies, which frequently end in the Destruction of them both; Destruction to their Peace, and Destruction to their Fortune.

Nor is this Portrait of private Woe the only one that can be represented. A thousand others might be produced, all essentially the same, all fraught with Misery, and only different in circumstances or Degree. To see the Heir of a great Estate forsake his Father’s Mansion, and marry the Dairy-maid; to see a young Lady trained up in all the Pomp and Pride of Wealth, throw herself into the Arms of a Man whose only Merit perhaps is a deceitful Tongue, or a borrowed lac’d Coat; or to see another steal to the _Fleet_ and marry her Father’s Footman; are things so preposterous in their Nature, that one cannot reflect on them without shuddering.

Certain it is, that great Merit sometimes lies cover’d in Obscurity; and it is but justice to render it conspicuous, by raising the Possessors of it to an exalted Station. And farther, a young Man, who has with great Pains and Expence qualified himself to act in a genteel Profession, tho’ he should not have a Shilling in the World, has a Title to expect a Fortune with a Wife; nor does he know his own Significance if he neglects it: for allowing that the Woman he marries has Personal Merit, if they are balanced by the same good Qualities on his Side, the Prospect he has from his Trade or Profession is often more than an Equivalent for the Advantages he reaps by her Fortune. Nor is it these things I mean to inveigh against; what I condemn is in general far otherwise: we see a wild Flame seize our Youth, Inclination cherishes it, and they fall a Sacrifice to their Imprudence. How happy then are they whom Prudence guides; how consoling the Reflection, that by steering with this Pilot they escape the common Wreck.

Among the moral Virtues necessary to be inculcated, among the Obligations of Parents to their Children, nothing so much demands their Diligence, Attention and Regard, as the teaching them a Knowledge and a Love of Justice. How noble is this Virtue! how vast in it’s Extent! and, alas! how little is it practised! Some Virtues stand as it were alone, and may be separated from every other; but this, when understood and practised in it’s utmost Latitude, seems to unite almost every Virtue to itself. Justice teaches us all the Obligations we are bound to maintain in Society; now it is certain that these are many more than are generally understood. Men soon learn those things which the Laws take Cognizance of; and therefore, unless quite wretched or abandoned, avoid them; but what are these, if compared to many others which Nature, Reason and Reflection make us conscious of? What are these to the many Injustices which spring from Pride, Sloth, Lust, Avarice, Slander and Revenge? Surely nothing. But without enquiring what Actions evade the Law, or triumph over it, I will endeavour to give my Readers a true Idea of Justice; and point out to them the proper Steps for leading Children into the Exercise of it.

Here I cannot avoid returning back to the Infancy of Children, nor help reminding Parents of the Necessity of an early Care. Virtuous Principles are the best Foundation of virtuous Habits; and should the Seeds of Passion be too deeply rooted in our Nature to be extirpated, Reason, we know, has Power to keep them in Subjection. This premised, I recommend to Parents the utmost Assiduity in shutting out the very Source of Injustice; that is, they must counteract those Passions which tend to produce it; not only by inculcating the opposite Virtues, but by frequent Reflections on the Danger of cherishing irregular Desires.

Justice is to be considered as general and particular; and tho’ Mankind are apt to content themselves with a general Justice, yet it can never claim the Merit of an exalted Virtue, unless we both know and practise it in particular. To attain this Knowledge and Love of Justice, Children are to be taught, even before they can speak, to part with any thing they are in Possession of, and this readily, and without Clamour: the Effect of which will be, that when a little more advanced, and they can distinguish their own things from others, they will not eagerly desire the Property of a Brother, a Sister, or Play-fellow. The next Step is, that Parents avoid with the utmost Caution every the least Deceit, especially about Money, and every thing which discovers to their Children a Fondness for it. There is nothing more surprising to me, than the universal Disregard Parents have to the Presence of their Children; a thousand things in Life are necessary to be said and done which they, particularly while young, should not be Witnesses to; and yet are Parents every Day and Hour so impolitic and so imprudent, as not only to disclose their inmost Thoughts, but to transact the most improper, nay perhaps the most unjustifiable things before their Faces. As Children seldom have Judgment to distinguish, they can only catch Appearances. Now suppose a Man in a just Cause has played the Politician, and by the Force of Stratagem recovered his Right; can it be a proper Subject for Children to be in the hearing of? But should this Man have gone farther, and should he boast a Conquest unjustly gain’d, perhaps to the Ruin of another; what Effect must this have on the tender Minds of Children? Children in general act by Imitation; therefore, as far as can be, they should see nothing but what they may imitate. But farther, Children naturally think those things right which they see done by their Parents; therefore they should see no Action in them but what is really so. Farther still, Children, even under a virtuous Education, are surrounded with a thousand Incitements to Ill; their Eyes and Ears are continually open, and continually receive corrupt Impressions, which dart to the Mind and Heart of the most innocent: where then can they fly for an Antidote to this Poison? To whom shall they have recourse; or by whom shall they be furnished with Weapons for their Defence? By those to whom they are bound by every Tye; Parents alone must stop the Torrent of every Evil to their Children, not only by virtuous Precepts, but by virtuous Example. For as it is a certain Truth, that the Influence of Parents is more than a Balance for a thousand others, the Necessity of their opposing Vice with Virtue, is every way apparent: nor is it any where more so than in the noble Cause of Justice.

This Rule established, I must again repeat to Parents the avoiding before their Children every Appearance of Deceit, and every Fondness for Money. If Children are taught to deceive, they will be induced to practise it for the Sake of Gain; and if a Love of Gain be cherished in them, they will often use Deceit to acquire it. How apt are Parents to Wish for Money in their Children’s hearing; and this, not merely the Indigent, those who want many of the Comforts, the Necessaries of Life, but those who have already perhaps more than they make a good Use of. _Tom_, says a vain Father to his Son, had I ten thousand Pound, you should be the smartest Fellow in the Kingdom, ne’er a Lord in the Land should out-do you. Thus too, a doating Mother addresses her Daughter, What Pity it is my dear _Nancy_ should not keep her Coach; so sweet a Girl! Oh! that I was but rich, you should marry nothing less than a Lord. What must be the Effect of this Language? Must it not inflame the Heart, or fly to the Head and make it giddy? most certainly. Nor does it stop here; for when this irregular Love of Money is once deeply rooted, irregular Steps will often be taken to make it thrive.

But to pursue the Idea of Justice, let me not confine myself to the Passions, but speak likewise to the Understanding. I will hope that Parents have shewn Children in Infancy the general Justice I have spoken of; the obvious Rules of Right and Wrong; and check’d in them every Shadow of Injustice: that is, that they have taught them never to meddle with Money, be it more or less, or with whatever else belongs to another; nor even to desire it; nor to be fond of dwelling on it, counting it, or chinking it; (for Money has a strange Effect on both Eyes and Ears:) never to put their Hands into another’s Pockets; much less to unlock a Scrutore: never to evade the Payment or Acknowledgment of a single Farthing; nor obtain unjustly even a Top, a Marble, or whatever can be called the Property of another. Farther, that as they advance, Parents inform them that there is a constant Intercourse between Man and Man: that Providence has created some to labour one way, some another; that the various Wants of Life are to be supplied by the Care, the Industry, and the Sagacity of each in their several Stations; that the Poor are destined to labour for the Rich, and the Rich to employ and reward the Poor: that some in fine are born to govern, others to be governed. That this Intercourse is called Society; and that Justice alone is the Band that connects and ties it; consequently, that he is the most valuable Member of Society, who despising selfish or sinister Views, who shunning the Tricks, the Frauds, the Villainies of others, resolves to make Justice his Rule of Action. That to this End, besides a general Knowledge of Property, and an Acquaintance with those Laws which are made to defend it; besides the adjusting Profits in Trade, stating Accounts fairly, and paying Debts regularly; there are still many things to be considered, some of which I will here endeavour to reason upon, as they visibly produce some certain kind of Injustice in their Effects, tho’ their Cause is often hid from common Eyes, or they are disguised by false or palliative Names.

The first Spring of Injustice is Pride. Children, as I have just observed, have their Minds impressed with a Love of Riches; whence naturally follows an undue Degree of Self-esteem, accompany’d with a Love of Power, Show, and Dignity: now to effect these, a thousand Stratagems are used; every Obstacle which stands in the Way to Wealth or Preferment must be overturned; every Difficulty must be removed. Hence it is easy to see that unjust Means will often be used to gain the desired End; and hence it is plain that those who ascend by indirect and violent Measures, crush down many others as they pass. Parents therefore to obviate this, must teach their Children that nothing can be lawful which injures others; that they may indeed arrive at Honours and acquire Riches; but that unless they are obtained without Guilt, and possessed without Pride, they cannot be just: for even allowing that no undue Means are used to support our Pride, there is Injustice riveted to the Vice itself; for the Proud, to raise themselves, always attempt to depress or debase others.

Another Cause of Injustice is Sloth. Providence has created us to labour; the Head, the Hands, the Feet, all are given to answer in some Degree the same End; that is, the Preservation of ourselves, and the Benefit of others. None are born to be idle, none who are so can with any Truth be said to fill up Life as they ought. Those who have Talents are bound to cultivate them as far as they have Opportunity, that they may counsel, instruct, or assist others: those who have Fortune cannot without Injustice neglect the Care, the Improvement, and the Distribution of it: those who have no Fortune, but enjoy Health and Limbs, are Robbers of Society if they refuse to work: and indeed among the various Objects of Sloth, those who exercise neither Head, nor Hands, nor Feet, but lounge and fawn and beg for a Subsistence, no Matter whether in Rags or Finery, are of all others the most mean, at the same time that they are grossly unjust. The Virtues opposite to this are, Industry, Application, and Oeconomy; which Parents must raise in their Children betimes, and cherish with Zeal and Pains.

A third Source of Injustice is Lust. What I have before said of an universal Regard to Decency both in Words and Actions must not be confined to the State of Childhood, but be enforced by Parents on their Children as Rules that are never to be departed from; since what is in it’s Nature wrong, nothing can make right: for if Innocence be a Virtue, which even the abandoned will hardly dispute, every Deviation from it must be more or less a Vice. As this then is a settled point, enlarging on it here is needless; my only Aim on this Head being to make some Reflections on the Vice when manifestly attended with Injustice.

It has been the Custom of every wise Nation both in their Writings and Conversation, to inculcate and enforce the finest Morals, the most important Truths under an Allegory or Fable; and where the Simile is natural and the Expression emphatic, nothing is more powerful. Suppose then a Father should lead his Son, as he approaches to Manhood, into a Garden, and thus address him. “View here, my dear Child, the Beauties of the Creation; see how abundantly the Earth is furnished with all that can contribute both to our Use and Delight. But besides the unmeasurable Bounty of Providence, behold the Gardener’s incessant Toil; what pains he takes to improve the Soil; with what early Care does he water each tender Plant; how watchful to secure them against destroying Vermin, and how anxious to defend his Flowers from Blasts! Now tho’ Providence has given to MAN a Power over all the Works of the Creation, ’twas never meant he should abuse them. What then would you think of him who should pluck the choicest Flowers here, purely for the sake of destroying them? But should he go farther, and exercise a wanton Pleasure not only in stripping them of their Beauty, but in rendering them offensive and odious to all who see them? What, my Son, I say, would you think of such a Man? But Oh! my dear Boy, should this affect you, should this raise in you a Degree of Contempt; with how much Indignation must you behold the Wretch, who, with a Complication of Crimes has deflowered the fairest Part of the whole Creation: not an inanimate Rose, or Pink, or Lilly; but robb’d a spotless Virgin of her Innocence! Tremble, my dear, dear Child, tremble at the very Thought of so much Baseness! View with impartial Eyes the guilty Deed! On one side the Deceit, the Oaths, the Perjuries, and a thousand criminal Inventions to gain the desired End; on the other, the dreadful Change from Innocence to Guilt; from Honour to Infamy; from the Esteem of all, to the Contempt of all; and what is stranger still, forsaken and despised by the very Seducer himself! Yet Oh! my Son, let not these Reflections be made in vain; but draw Profit from others Crimes: examine them in their true Light; be not misled by those who palliate the blackest Actions with the specious Names of Wit, and Love, and Gallantry; but live in a Resolution never to share in their Guilt; never to injure another in the least Degree; but above all resolve to suffer a thousand Evils, to sacrifice every Passion, rather than even stain, much less destroy, the Flower of Innocence.”

These are Sentiments our Sons must be warmed with; these are Ideas of Justice they must not be Strangers to, if we wish to make them good Men, or desire to fulfil our Obligations as Parents. Innocence, wherever it resides, is an inestimable Treasure; two things therefore Parents have to do herein, viz. to teach their Children neither to destroy another’s Innocence; nor suffer others to sully theirs. The first has just been spoken of: I will only add, that the same Regard must be paid to all Degrees, whether high or low: it is the Vice we are to keep in view, not the Quality of the Person. ’Tis no Extenuation of the Crime, that a Gentleman’s Son seduced his Master’s Cook; or that a young Nobleman has ruined only a Tenant’s Daughter, or his Mother’s Chamber-maid; no, no, there are no Distinctions in Virtue’s Cause: that lost, there are always some to weep; the poorest have their Parents, their Relations, or their Friends, to lament their sad Mishap; and those who are robbed of what cannot be restored, have always their own Loss to deplore.