Part 1

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AN

ESSAY

ON THE

Government of Children,

Under Three General Heads,

VIZ.

Health, Manners, and Education.

By JAMES NELSON, Apothecary.

THE THIRD EDITION.

_Just as the Twig is bent, the Tree’s inclin’d._ POPE.

LONDON: Printed for R. and J. DODSLEY, in Pall-mall; And Sold by J. HINXMAN in Pater-noster-row. 1763.

TO THE

RIGHT HONOURABLE

THE

Countess of ——

MADAM,

Happiness being the grand Object of human Pursuit, it may, I imagine, be modestly presumed, that every Attempt, however ineffectual, to render That universal, must be universally well received. And yet, conscious as I am that the following Essay aims solely at this Point, the Fear of it’s being too feeble to stand alone, makes me desirous of procuring it the additional Strength of your Ladyship’s Countenance and Protection.

The Subject is undoubtedly of great Moment, namely, the proper Government of Children; which being ranged under the Heads of HEALTH, MANNERS, and EDUCATION, affords not only the Opportunity of exposing many Errors, too generally adopted, but also of pointing out a more natural and rational Method of attaining the End proposed, than is usually pursued. And I cannot but think, that, if this Method were seriously attended to, the Happiness of all Mankind would be built on a more solid Basis, than it has in common hitherto been.

Works of this Kind naturally calling on the Great and Good for Patronage; it cannot be thought strange that I aspire to the Honour of your Ladyship’s Protection is the Privilege of the Powerful: And therefore, where Power is happily joined with Goodness, the Recourse of the Weak to it’s beneficent Influence, is but a just Tribute of that Homage which is due to superior Merit: And such is the unfeigned Respect I mean to pay your Ladyship by this Address.

I have yet another Motive for presuming to offer this Performance to your Ladyship; namely, the Hopes that it’s Use may, by this Means, be farther extended. The World, Madam, has it’s Eyes upon You: The many Excellencies of Mind and Heart so conspicuous in Yourself; and the uncommon Lustre of every eminent Virtue in the noble Lord, with whom you have wisely chosen to share the Dignity and Duties of the Matrimonial and Parental State, have justly gained you, not only general Admiration, but general Esteem.

When the World shall behold you declining many of it’s Allurements, to yield to the stronger Attraction of Parental Affection; when it shall see you often decline the Assemblies of the Great, and retreat from the Splendor of a Court, to take upon you the Office of a tender Mother, by cherishing, watching over, and instructing your Offspring; when the World, I say, shall behold you employed in Actions like these, it will not only be charmed with the pleasing Task you have undertaken, but be powerfully animated to pursue the same Measures; which alone can procure that solid Happiness all seek, or seem to seek, yet so few find.

That nothing may ever interrupt your present Felicity; but that it may be augmented to the most exalted Degree, by the additional Blessing of wise and virtuous Children, is the sincere and fervent Wish of,

_Madam, Your Ladyship’s most obliged, and most obedient humble Servant_,

James Nelson.

_Red-lion-street_, HOLBORN, _Dec. 1, 1755_.

ADVERTISEMENT.

_The important Business of the Management of Children, thro’ every Stage of our Dominion over them, has led many Writers to handle the Subject: but on this, as on other Occasions, each has had some particular Point in View; and each has directed his Steps to that End. One has considered only the State of Infancy, and, with an Eye to their Health chiefly, laboured to point out the Means of preserving it: another has passed over that State, as if of no Consequence; and, while nobly aiming at regulating the Passions, has inadvertently suffered them to be too deeply rooted from an Inattention to their first Appearance: a third has made it his principal Business to conduct their Education; and has either omitted altogether the forming their Manners, or has supposed, what is very far from being generally true, that the one is a necessary Consequence of the other; or in other Words, that good Education will always produce good Manners. Others have confined themselves to one Species of Education; or, if they aimed at a perfect Piece, it was for an Individual only, or at most, for one Class of a whole Kingdom._

_Yet, of the many excellent Performances on these Heads, no one, that can here be recollected, has either been extended to general Life, or has comprehended the Whole of a Parent’s Care for their Offspring. In one we see delineated the Education of a Prince; in another, of an able Statesman; in a third, of a great Commander; and so on: but these are too narrow to instruct the Whole, and too confined to become general Rules. They resemble, if the Comparison may be allowed, some great Masters in Painting; one is happy in hitting the Likeness; another gives an exquisite Softness and Ease to the Fall of the Arms; a third has a peculiar Grace in his Attitudes; yet all, perhaps, are obliged to a fourth for the Delicacy of the Drapery: while he too, who excels in this, is unable to reach any Degree of Perfection in the rest._

_But here the Reader is presented with a more extensive Plan on the Government of Children; a Plan adapted to general Use; calculated for familiar Life: and which, without a Thought of Arrogance, or once supposing it perfect, aims at the Good of all. The_ first _Part treats of the general Means of preserving Health; in which every one is equally concerned. The_ next _relates to forming the Mind; that is, shews the Use of Manners, and points out the most rational Method of acquiring them: to the End, not only that good Habits may be obtained, but that Reason may always have the Ascendant of the Passions. The_ last _Part treats of Education; which, tho’ here it makes a distinct Head from Manners, yet are they to be considered as very strictly connected; because the more exalted the one is, the mere conspicuous should the other be. As in every State or Kingdom there are many Degrees of Rank and Fortune; so great Pains have been taken to consider the Propriety of Education; and to point out a judicious Degree of it for each Individual._

_Thus it is to be observed, that the Piece here presented is not designed to direct the Fathers, and exclude the Mothers; to govern the Boys, and neglect the Girls; nor to address the Great, and disregard the Little; by no Means: it aspires at offering Advice to all; and, with equal Zeal, aims at giving Aid to Parents of every Rank, Sex and Degree. It regards the Care of Children as long as the Dominion of Parents may be said to last; and neither neglects the Infant of a Day, nor gives up unconcernedly, a Youth of either Sex, at twenty Years old._

_The Point most laboured at is indeed that of Manners; not only because they are of the utmost Consequence in themselves, and furnish the surest Means of being happy, and excelling in Life, but because the present too general Depravity of them stands publicly confessed._

_Should it be urged, that as a great deal has already been wrote on the same Topics, and in a masterly Manner too, all farther Attempts of the like Nature seem needless; it may be answered, (besides what has already been observed) that so fertile a Subject cannot easily be exhausted; and being Points of the most weighty Concern, they will undoubtedly always furnish thinking Men with Matter to expatiate on._

_The Thoughts here given are the Result of Reason, Observation and Experience; and should it be said that they are not new, still it is hoped they have a Claim to some Degree of Regard, as there is always both Use and Entertainment in displaying even the same Sentiments in a different Manner._

INTRODUCTION.

Nothing is more evident, than that a Love of our Children is a great ruling Principle in human Nature; and that it makes a large Part of that Self-love which sticks so closely to us. For them we aim at Wealth, Power, and Dignity; for them our Views are endless, our Desires boundless. Nor do we stop here; for, eager as we are in pursuing the real or seeming Good of our Children, we extend our Views still farther, even to their Children. And it is certain, that Mankind in general do not think the great Business of Life compleat, unless they live (as it is usually termed) to see their Children settled, and in a Way of contributing to the great Family of the World. But were none to engage in a State of Wedlock in order to become Parents, till their Abilities to train up their little Offspring were try’d and approv’d, I am of Opinion the Number of Marriage Licences would be greatly abridg’d.

Many run precipitately into this important State, without any Fore-thought at all; but even among the wary, the discreet, and the wise, how very few are there who reflect on the Duty of first acquiring such a Degree of Knowledge as may serve to make their Children happy in them, and themselves happy in their Children? It is this general Defect in human Life, which has induced me to offer my own Thoughts on the Government of Children; and my Aim herein is, to point out the Errors committed in this important Work, and propose some Means of preventing them for the future. A learned Writer on the Art of Medicine[1] says, that he who advances the Knowledge of it, tho’ but a Step, deserves the Thanks of the whole Species; if then I am but happy enough to give one useful Hint, one helping Hand for the Public Good, I shall esteem my Labours abundantly rewarded. But before I go any farther, let me be understood: I am not giving Laws, but Counsel. The Experience I have gained in the tutoring seven Children of my own, joined to the Observations I have made on the Management of others of every Age and Degree, seem to give me some Title to hope my Thoughts may prove useful; if so, my End is answered.

Mr. _Pope_, in his moral Essays, tells us, that all Happiness lies in three Words; Health, Peace, and Competence. May we not then hope, that an Endeavour to point out the Way to Health, Manners, and Education, will help us in the Pursuit of this great Object? For these rightly understood and well conducted, Peace and Competence will seldom fail to follow.

Manners however is the grand Point I aim at; every thing else is secondary to that. Health, it may not be in our Power to secure; and School Education, all cannot reach to in any considerable Degree. The Government of our Children is indeed an universal Obligation; but all Men are not therefore obliged to be Physicians or Pedagogues. Still, as neither Health nor liberal Instruction, where proper, are to be neglected, I shall in their due Place speak of both, so far as seems necessary for every Parent to know.

By Manners I do not mean that external Shew of good Breeding, which consists only in a Bow, or Curtsy, or other personal Carriage, tho’ this too is of Importance; but I mean, such a uniform Deportment, such a ready engaging Behaviour, and such a Propensity to do what is right, as testify a happy Disposition of the Mind and Heart; and appear, what they really are, the Fruits of good Habits, either natural, or acquired, or both.

The grand Source of the too general Defect, we cannot but observe and lament in the Manners of Children, is partly in themselves, but chiefly in their Parents. In themselves it arises from a natural Love of Ease and Liberty; in Parents, from a supine Neglect of that necessary Knowledge already hinted at: in short, from want of reflecting why they are Parents, and what is incumbent on them to do, in order to make their Children happy in themselves, and useful to Society. But how shall I be sheltered from the Imputation of Vanity? I am well aware how liable a Man is to be censured, for attempting to point out to others, what every one supposes himself to be already acquainted with: and where are the Parents who once suspect, that they are so little acquainted with the Duties of their State, as to be themselves the Causes of their Children’s Misconduct?

That there are many whose Ability in this important Work is far superior to any thing I can pretend to, I am convinc’d; many who are happily endowed with a competent Penetration and Skill to manage the Temper, Genius, and Passions of Children, and who are equally assiduous in the Exercise of those Gifts for the Benefit of the rising Generation: neither is it for these I write; rather do I wish to receive their Instructions myself. But, that the Bulk of Mankind are wholly thoughtless of, or unacquainted with, the proper Methods of managing Children, is, I think, very evident. In proof of which I appeal to every one’s own Observation. Let the Generality of People look round them, and reflect how they find the Majority of Children of every Rank among their Acquaintance. Are they innocent, tractable, orderly, and courteous? Are they tolerably instructed in the Knowledge necessary for their Age and Station? Or are they not rather corrupt and untoward? Are they not rather unruly to a Degree of Pity? Incorrigibly rude, or tolerably civil only by Starts; grossly ignorant in many Things they ought to have been taught, and but too knowing in others it were perhaps better they never knew at all? If they really find this to be true in the Children of others, let them turn their Eyes homewards, and impartially canvas their own Children’s Deportment; and if upon discovering any of the like Deformities, they can resolve to be just to themselves, I am confident they will to their great Surprize awaken to the Consciousness of one Truth, which perhaps they hitherto never so much as suspected; namely, that what they have the most Reason to be displeased with in the Conduct their Offspring, is chiefly owing to their own want of Skill, or want of Thought, in the Management of those tender Plants.

As Men are sometimes seen to forget the Husband and act the Sovereign only, so are they apt to think themselves supreme and independent in the Power they have over their Children. But can we, upon Reflection, take it to be the Intention of Nature, that Children be govern’d by Fathers alone, while they are in Possession of the Blessing of having Mothers to share a Part in that Government? Or can we consider paternal Sway as an arbitrary Power, absolutely presiding over, and giving Laws to Children without any Controul? No. Lest Fathers thus impower’d should invert the Intention of the Creation by becoming Tyrants, the providential Laws of Nature have wisely assigned a joint Portion of Power to the Mothers; that the Father’s Authority and the Mother’s Sweetness being seasonably and discreetly blended, both might equally contribute to one and the same great End, the future Welfare of their Offspring: where the Roughness of the one serving as a Spur to egg them on to the Pursuit of Happiness from a Principle of Awe, the Smoothness of the other may sooth them forward, from Motives of Affection; or, in a Word, that the Sternness of the Father may serve as a Quickener to maternal Endearments, and the Mildness of the Mother sweeten and render palatable the more bitter Draughts of paternal Harshness.

It is no small Difficulty to fix the Time in which Parents should take the Reins of Government into their Hands; but if it be considered that we are by the Perverseness of our Nature prone to err, I think they cannot begin too soon; in short, they should begin as soon as they become Parents, that is, as soon as their Children have a Being. This will appear to be strange Doctrine to those who have not reflected how very early Children shew themselves. The Source of many of our Errors with Regard to the Government of Children, seems owing to a mistaken Notion of their Incapacity; whereas in Reality they have some Reason much earlier than is commonly imagined; but till that dawns out, the Passions alone are their Guides. Now if the Passions are suffered to gather Strength, by cherishing and indulging them, (which is too commonly the Case) and Reason remains feeble for want of being exercis’d, the natural Consequence must be, that Children will grow obstinate, perverse, and ungovernable in their Passions, before Reason is called forth to their Assistance; and it will often prove a very unsuccessful Talk to hinder them when grown up, from being Slaves to themselves, and Plagues to all about them.

Parents then, to obviate these Evils, have two principal Points to aim at, for their own and Children’s Happiness; and indeed for the Happiness of all Posterity; _viz._ weakening their Passions, and strengthening their Reason. And that this is greatly in their Power to effect, is an undoubted Truth, tho’ it may often prove an arduous Task to reduce to practice. Still it may, and ought to be aim’d at; and, if I may be allowed to speak my Sentiments, I think I may confidently assert, that all social Virtues, and the genuine Happiness which they are productive of, will insensibly flow from a constant due Exercise of that Dominion over our Children, which all Laws divine and human have entrusted to us.

’Tis wonderful to observe how very early a Wilfulness is discernable in Children; and with what swift Progress it gathers Strength, if not immediately and carefully check’d. I have seen a Child not above six Months old, obstinately contending for a certain Position to be suckled in, and the tender (simply tender) Mother painfully distorting her Limbs, and straining her whole Frame, in Compliance to it, or it would not suck at all: and I have seen too a Child, before one Year of Life was compleated, so fantastically, and yet so obstinately humoursome, that all that could be devis’d to give it, was not sufficient to gratify it: it would roar for the first Thing it saw, then throw it away and fight for another, and so on without Measure; and this at the Expence not merely of Baubles, but of Glasses, China, and other valuable Things; and often at the still greater Expence of the Mother’s Peace and Rest.

The next Advance is to the Use of Speech; and this Faculty is no sooner acquired, but immediately follows the Abuse of it. Many Children, indeed, are slow and backward in the Acquisition of it, but few are those who are not too forward in misapplying this noble Gift. Let a Child of three Years old, who has been much indulged, be bid to do any thing, and how ready is it to answer, _I won’t!_ And if forbid a thing, how pert to say, _I will!_ Yet let the fondling Parent ask it ever so plain and easy a Question, it is a thousand to one, if a Word of Answer be obtained: the cunning, obstinate Urchin is instantly dumb, and nothing shall restore it to the Use of its Tongue, but the Gratification of its Humour with a Cake or a Play-thing.

Thus are they generally suffered to run on to near the Age of Seven, with little or no Variation, except that of their Appetites gaining head of their Reason, and multiplying in proportion to the Objects which excite them. And as during that Term of Life which we distinguish by the Name of Childhood, Parents look upon the infant Reason of their Children, as incapable of producing Fruits, they are but too apt to leave that uncultivated, and to overlook, with an injudicious Contempt, their early Deviations from it. But surely it were injuring human Understanding, to agree with such Parents, in an Opinion which condemns itself; and which they themselves are universally the first to contradict. For let the Topic of Children be but broach’d to any of them, and what Encomiums are we not sure to be tir’d with upon their own! What Enlargements on their Comprehension, their Judgment, their Wit, and the surprizing Products of all these, in the many excellent things they say and do! In the mean time not a single Step is taken to improve all these boasted Talents, nor to check the growing Humours which threaten them with Destruction; and may, if neglected, grow into Habits more difficult to eradicate than an hereditary Disease.

Left this should affect but little those Parents, who are more solicitous that their Children should be fair in Face, and strong in Body, than beauteous in Mind, and pure of Heart, let me convince even these, that it is dangerous too to the bodily Welfare of Children, to neglect cultivating their Reason from their earliest Infancy; or to be careless of eradicating their little Humours, as soon as discover’d. And to this end they need only view the Majority of them on a sick Bed; where they will see this melancholy Truth (for such indeed we may call it) in its full Light.

Diseases are one Part of the Portion of human Nature, in a State of Mortality: no Stage of our Existence is exempt from them, and Childhood as little as any. Let then an unmanag’d, humour’d, pamper’d Child be sick; and besides the Abundance of otherwise unnecessary Trouble and Affliction it brings on the Parents and the whole Family, what Danger is not the Child itself exposed to, beyond what the Disease brings with it!