Chapter 1
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AN =A=LPHA=B=ET OF =C=ELEBRITIES
Oliver Herford
BOSTON SMALL, MAYNARD & COMPANY =1899=
COPYRIGHT 1899 BY =SMALL, MAYNARD & COMPANY= =(INCORPORATED)= ENTERED AT STATIONERS' HALL
=THE HEINTZEMANN PRESS= BOSTON U.S.A.
+--------------------------------------------------------------+ |Transcriber's note: | | | |In this text = has been used to indicate text coloured orange.| +--------------------------------------------------------------+
An Alphabet of Celebrities
=A='s =A=lbert Edward, well meaning but flighty, Who invited King =A=rthur, the blameless and mighty, To meet =A=lcibiades and =A=phrodite.
=B= is for =B=ernhardt, who fails to awaken Much feeling in =B=ismarck, =B=arabbas, and =B=acon.
=C= is =C=olumbus, who tries to explain How to balance an egg--to the utter disdain Of =C=onfucius, =C=arlyle, =C=leopatra, and =C=ain.
=D='s for =D=iogenes, =D=arwin, and =D=ante, Who delight in the dance Of a =D=arling Bacchante.
=E= is for =E=dison, making believe He's invented a clever contrivance for =E=ve, Who complained that she never could laugh in her sleeve. [Illustration]
=F= is for =F=ranklin, who fearfully shocks The feelings of =F=enelon, =F=aber, and =F=ox.
=G= is =G=odiva, whose great bareback feat She kindly but firmly declines to repeat, Though =G=ounod and =G=oldsmith implore and entreat.
=H= is for =H=andel, who pours out his soul Through the bagpipes to =H=owells and =H=omer, who roll On the floor in an ecstasy past all control.
=I= is for =I=bsen, reciting a play While =I=rving and =I=ngersoll hasten away.
=J= is for =J=ohnson, who only says "Pish!" To =J=onah, who tells him his tale of a fish.
=K= is the =K=aiser, who kindly repeats Some original verses to =K=ipling and =K=eats.
=L= is =L=afontaine, who finds he's unable To interest =L=uther and =L=iszt in his fable, While =L=oie continues to dance on the table.
=M= is =M=acduff, who's prevailed upon =M=ilton And =M=ontaigne and =M=anon to each try a kilt on.
=N= is =N=apoleon, shrouded in gloom, With =N=ero, =N=arcissus, and =N=ordau, to whom He's explaining the manual of arms with a broom.
=O= is for =O=liver, casting aspersion On =O=mar, that awfully dissolute Persian, Though secretly longing to join the diversion.
=P= is for =P=eter, who hollers "No! No!" Through the keyhole to =P=aine, =P=aderewski, and =P=oe.
=Q= is the =Q=ueen, so noble and free-- _For further particulars look under V._
=R='s =R=ubenstein, playing that old thing in F To =R=ollo and =R=embrandt, who wish they were deaf.
=S= is for =S=winburne, who, seeking the true, the good, and the beautiful, visits the Zoo, Where he chances on =S=appho and Mr. =S=ardou, And =S=ocrates, all with the same end in view.
=T= is for =T=alleyrand toasting Miss =T=ruth, By the side of her well, in a glass of vermouth, And presenting Mark =T=wain as the friend of his youth.
=U= is for =U=ndine, pursuing =U=lysses And =U=mberto, who flee her damp, death-dealing kisses.
=V= is =V=ictoria, noble and true-- _For further particulars look under Q._
=W='s =W=agner, who sang and played lots for =W=ashington, =W=esley, and good Doctor =W=atts. His prurient plots pained =W=esley and =W=atts, But =W=ashington said he "enjoyed them in spots."
=X= is =X=antippe, who's having her say, And frightening the army of =X=erxes away.
=Y= is for =Y=oung, the great Mormon saint, Who thinks little =Y=um =Y=um and =Y=vette so quaint, He has to be instantly held in restraint.
=Z= is for =Z=ola, presenting _La Terre_ To =Z=enobia the brave and =Z=uleika the fair, Whose blushes they artfully conceal with their hair.
This =Alphabet of Celebrities= written & pictured by Oliver Herford with a border & initial letters by Bertram Grosvenor Goodhue and end papers & cover design by E. B. Bird is printed for Small Maynard & Company at the Heintzemann Press in Boston U. S. A. in the month of November =MDCCCXCIX=
End of Project Gutenberg's An Alphabet of Celebrities, by Oliver Herford