Part 5

From iest to ernest, I appeale to you Gentlemen, how ridiculous in pollicy this disputation would proue if it were granted. First for there Bibles, the touchstone of all controuersies, they must bee of their fouorites translation, or els they will deny there authority as friuolous. Admit they go to the original (which but few of them vnderstand) they wil haue euery man his sundry interpretation. Let our deuines alledge any text, they will expound it as they list, say the fathers or other auncient writers what they will. For such is the growth of their arrogancy, that they are not ashamed to compare themselus with _Ierome_ or _Austen_, and in their tedious sermons preach against them as prophane. If this thē bee any betraying of the wretchednesse of our cause (as they call it) not to dispute with them that deny all principles, not to contend with thē that wilbe tride by none but themselus, I refer it to all considerate iudgementes, that haue no more experiēce in the actions of peace then a reasonable soule may afford. The more pacified sort of our Puritans, would needs perswade the world, that it is nought but a learned ministry which their chāpion _Martin_ endeuors: were it no otherwise his pardon were easely sealed, but those that know the treasō of his books, can report of his mallice against Bishops. One thing I am perswaded, that he neither respects the propagation of the Gospel, nor the prosperity of the Church, but only the benefite that may fall to him and his boulsterers, by the distribution of Bishoprickes. Beshrewe mee but those Church-liuings would come well to decayed courtiers. O howe meerilye the Dice would runne, if our lustye laddes might goe to hazard for halfe a dozen of these Dioses[es]. Not a page but woulde haue a flinge at some or other impropriation or personage: and in conclusion, those liuings which now maintaine so many schollers and students, would in two or three yeares be all spent in a Tauerne amongst a consort of queanes and fidlers, that might carouse on their wine-bench to the confusion of religion. Well, to proceede in this text of reformation: is not this thy meaning _Martin_, that thou wouldest haue two and fiftie thousand Pastors, for two and fiftie thousand Parish churches in England and Wales. If thou saiest the word, we will haue a place in both Vniuersities, begin in Oxford first with the fresh-men, and so go vp to the heades of the Vniuersitie, and then count how many thou canst make. Our Beadles that know the number best, would needes perswade vs, that of all sortes, there is not full three thousand: in Cambridge they say there is not so many by a thousand, then call thy wits together, and imagin with thy selfe, out of these three thousand, and two thousand of all gatherings, how many good preachers may be mustered, some foure hundreth as I gesse, peraduenture thou maist rebate them to some fiftie or threescore, because there is no more open-mouthes of thy profession in both Vniuersities: How farre this fiftie is from fiftie thousand, a farthing worth of Arithmetike will teach you: where wilt thou haue then a competent number to fill vp those defects of dum ministers: inspiration I perceiue must helpe to patch vp your knauerie, and then welfare the cobler of Norwitch, that being one morning somthing earelie at Saint Androwes, and the Preacher not come before the Psalme was ended, stept vp into the pulpet verie deuoutly, and made me a good thriftie exhortation in the praise of plaine dealing. If this bee not true, aske the Maior that committed him to prison for his labour. Such another Doctour would he proue, that standing in election for a liuing that was then in her Maiesties bestowing, came to be examined by men of grauitie in the circumstance of his sufficiencie, who discending eft soones into his vnschooled simplicitie, gaue him this litle English to be made in Latin. There be three Creedes, the Nycen Creede, Athanatius Creede, and the Apostles Creede, all which ought to be belieued vpon paine of damnation. The good simple superintendant, that saw himselfe so hardly beset, craued respite to compasse this vulgar, which graunted, after some deliberation he began thus to go forward, “Tria sunt Creda, vnum Niceni, alterum Athanasii, tertium Apostolorum, quæ omnes debent esse creditum, sub pœna condemnationis.” I marrie Sir, here is apeece of scholershippe of the new cut, which for the goodnesse of the Latin might haue borne a part in the Pewteres paggeant. I keepe a register of ten thousand such knacks. Why, there is not a Presician in England that hath abused arte, or mistoken a metaphor but I haue his name in blacke and white, what say you to that zealous sheepebyter of your owne edition in Cambridge, that saide the wicked had a scabbe, a braune, and a crust on their conscience, being so full of their wilie gilies, that we that are the true children of God can not tell how to concerne them: or was not hee a sound carde, that talking of the maiestie and authoritie of the scriptures, said they were the sweete meates of Saintes, the houshold stuffe of heauen, and the home spunne cloth of the Lords own loombes, being deliuered from the stonebow of his mouth, when he appeared in glory on mount Sinay: But this is nothing to the good sport of that is behinde. What, I must tell you of a fellow that trolles in his rethorike like _Martin_ in his riddles. This hors-holy father preaching on a time in Saint Maries at Oxford, came off with this mannerly comparison: There is an vglie and monstrous beast in our tongue called a hogge, and this vgly and monstrous beast in boistrous and tempesteous weather lifts vp his snoute into the ayre, and cryes wrough, wrough: euen so (deare people) the children of God in the troublesome time of temptations, cry, Our helpe is in the name of the Lord. Such another woodcocke was he of Yarmouth, that said openly in the pulpet, whosoeuer weares a vayle, is an whore without exception, and on an other time, two women comming to be churched, whereof the one wore a vaile, the other went without. He began his thankesgiuing in this forme: Let vs giue God thankes for the safe deliuery of one of our sisters, for the other let vs not giue God thankes, for she is a straunger, and we haue nothing to doe with her, I take her to be _Dinah_ the harlot, that sat by the high way side, for she hath a vayle ouer her face. In the next place to him, shall he be put that railing on the Papists in his Sermon, alledged this argument to confute their religion, Nay (saith he) you may gather what a wicked and spotted religion this papistrie is, for Campion himselfe that was accounted their chiefest piller, was reported to haue had the poxe. I haue another in my tables, that handling that place of _Iosua_ where _Rahab_ entertained his spies, would needes conclude all Inkeepers to be harlots, because _Rahab_ the harlot was an Inkeeper. I shall run my penne out of breath, if I articulate all the examples of their absurdeties that I could. Haue not Trinitie Hall men in Cambridge a preaching brother in Bury yet in sute, for saying all ciuillians were papists. To let him passe for a patch, that being maister of none of the meanest Colledges in Cambridge, and by the oth of his admission, bound to take no money for preferments, made answere to one that offered him fortie markes to make his sonne fellow: God forbid I should take any money for it is against my oth, but if you will giue me it in plate, Ile pleasure him in what I may. This is the dreamer if you be aduised, that is indebted aboue two thousand houres to the Vn[iu]ersitie, which he hath borrowed by three and foure at a time vpon seuerall sundayes preaching as it came to his course: it is a shame for him, that he doth not pay them, professing such puritie as he doth. _Martin_, thou seest I come not abruptly to thee like a rednosde ieaster, that in the pride of his pottle-pots curries ouer a reuelling riffe raffe of Tapsterly tauntes, and course hempen quippes, such as our brokerly wits doe filsh out of Bull the Hangmans budget, but I speake plaine English, and call thee a knaue in thine owne language. All the generation of you are Hipocrites and belli-gods, that deuoure as much good meat in one of your brotherly loue meetings, as would wel-nye victuall the Queenes ships a whole moneth. It is a shame for you to exclame so against Cardes, and play thus vnreasonably at Maw as you do. Gaffe _Martin_, doe you remember whom you vpbraided by Primero? well let not me take you at Noddy anie more, least I present you to the parish for a gamster, this the ninth set that you haue lost, and yet you will not leaue off. Beware _Anthony Munday_ be not euen with you for calling him Iudas, and lay open your false carding to the stage of all mens scorne. I maruell _Pasquill_ comes not away with his legends, considering that the date of his promise is more then expired. It seemes he stayes for some Saintes that are yet to suffer, and wants none but _Martin_ to make vp his legend of Martyres, if it be so I woulde thou wouldest come aloft quickly, that we might haue this good sport altogether, and not liue euer in expectation of that which is not. O I could furnish him to the proofe with such a packet of male and female professors, as the world might not patterne. A good old dunstable doctor here in London, should be the formost of them, that saide his wife was as good as our Ladie: and another time quarrelling with one of his neighbours that was a sadler, about setting vp of the Organs, in a good zeale he lift vp his fist, and stroke out two of his fore teeth, like a right man of peace: where haue you lived my brethren, that you haue not heard of that learned Presbiter, that talking how _Adam_ fell by eating of the Apple, discourst thus: _Adam_ eate the Apple and gaue it to his wife, whereby is to be noted that the man eate and the woman eate, the man eate, but how, a snap and away: the woman eat, but how, she laide her thumbe on the stalke, and her finger on the coare and bitte it ouerthwart, in which byting it ouerthwart, she broke all the commaundements, insomuch as vnder ten greene spots the ten cōmmandments in euery Apple are comprised: and besides that corrupted her fiue senses. From whence wee may gather this obseruation, that a woman alwaies eates an Apple ouerthwart. Why, this is sound diuinitie, and apt for to edify, _Sed abeundum est mihi_, and from the Cleargie must I leape to the Laytie. Wherefore God euen good man _Dauy_ of Canterbury, and better lucke betide thee and thy limbes, then when thou dauncedst a whole sunday at a wedding, and afterwardes repenting they selfe of thy prophane agilitie, thou entredst into a more serious meditation against what table thou hadst sinned, or what part was the principall in this antike iniquitie. The eyes they were the formost in this enditement, but the legs, (O those leude legs,) they brought him thither, they kept him there, they leapt, they daunced, and I leualted to the Vials of vanitie: wherefore, what didst thou but like a true christian chastised them accordingly. The scripture saith, if thine eye offend thee, plucke it out, _Dauy_ saith, my hose and shoes haue offended mee, therefore will I plucke them off. This text thus applyed, off went the wollen stockings with a trice, and they with the good neates leather shoes were cast both into the bottom of a well. The sinners thus punished, and all parties pleased, home went the pilgrim _Dauy_ barefoote and barelegge. And now since wind and tide serues, now I care not if I cut ouer to Ipswitch: there is a Cowdresser there that I am sure will entertaine me if she be not dead, great _Iane_ of Ipswitch they call her, one that hath beene a tender mother to many a Martinist in her time, and hath a very good insight in a canne of strong wine. A good vertuous Matrone is she and a wise, hauing no fault but this, that she will be drunke once a day, and then she lyes her downe on her bedde, and cryes, O my God, my God, thou knowest I am drunke, and why I should offend thee my God by spuing thus, as I do. I haue not beene in Essex yet, but Ile set in my staffe there as I go home, for I haue a petition for my brother that made the Sermon of Repentance to deliuer vp for me to the Councell: but it must not be such a one as he deliuered for him selfe to my Lord Treasurer, beginning with O sweet Margery, could thy eyes see so fare, thy hands feele so farre, or thy eares heare so farre &c. for then euerie seruing man will mocke vs, but it must be of another tune, with most pitifully complaining, that a man can not call an Asse, asse, but he shall be had _coram nobis_. In this vaine enough, because actions of the case are chargeable, and Guilde men vncharitable. If the dogge _Martin_ barke againe, Ile hold him tugge for two or three courses, and then beware my blacke booke you were best, for I haue not halfe emboweld my register. Amend, amend, and glorie no more in your hipocrisie, least your pride and vaine glory betray our prosperitie to our enimies, and procure the Lords vengeance to dwell in the gates of our citie. The simple are abused, the ignorant deluded, and Gods truth most pitifully peruerted, and thou art that most wretched seducer, that vnder wolues raiment deuourest widowes houses. Visions are ceast, and all extraordinarie reuelation ended, although a good fellow in Cambridge, hearing all thinges might be obtained by prayer, prayed two dayes and two nightes for visions: wherefore broach no more heresies vnder colour of inspiration: if thou doest, thou art like to heare of me by the next Carrier. And so bon nute to your Noddishippe.

Yours to command as your owne for two or three cudgellings at all times.

_Cutbert Curriknaue the yonger._

FOOTNOTES

[1] Hug. lib. de duob. abusio.

[2] Greg. lib. 8.

[3] Greg. lib. mor.

[4] Ber. 2. ser. resur.

[5] Ierome super Oseam.

[6] Greg. 15.

NOTES.

PAGE 9, line 28. _induments_] from _induo_, Latin, to put on; cover over. The word, as a noun, does not occur in Todd’s Johnson nor in Nares.

“Diana’s shape and habit them _indued_.”—_Sandys’ Ovid_, b. ii.

“One first matter all _Indu’d_ with various forms.”—_Milton, Par. Lost._

P. 11, l. 6. _unuenidall sinnes_] Unvenial? it seems used in contradistinction to venial.

P. 11, l. 8. _despairing protestations_] This is an allusion to “The Protestatyon of Martin Mar-Prelat, wherein notwithstanding the surprizing of the printer, he maketh it known vnto the world that he feareth, neither proud priest, Antichristian pope, tiranous prellate, nor godlesse catercap.”

P. 12, l. 28. _burlibond_] Todd, in his edition of Johnson, has adduced one illustration of the word _burly_, which approximates to the meaning here, that of loud, boisterous; derived, as he supposes from _borlen_, Teut., to make a noise. Though neither in Nares nor Todd, it will be found in Nash’s Pierce Penniless [Reprint, Shaksp. Soc., p. 25]: “The most grosse and senseless proud dolts are the Danes, who stand so much vpon their vnweldie _burlibound_ souldiery, that they account of no man that hath not a battle-axe at his girdle to hough dogs with, or weares not a cock’s fether in a thrumb hat like a caualier: briefly, he is the _best foole bragart_ under heaven.”

P. 13, l. 25. _hodie-peeles_] Nash, in his _Anatomie of Absurdities_, uses the word _hoddy-peke_, there implying cuckold, which is the meaning it bears in this place.

“Who under her husband’s that _hoddy-peke’s_ nose must have all the distilling dew of his delicate rose.”

P. 14, l. 2. _true-pennie_] See the Notes to the Reprint of “Hay any Worke for Cooper,” p. 79.

P. 14, l. 7. _Buls slicing._] Bull was the name of the common hangman; he is quoted some two or three times in “Pap with a Hatchet,” and in many of the Dramas of the time.

P. 15, l. 21. _Old Martin of England._] An allusion to the “Iust censure and reproofe of Martin Iunior, by his reuerend and elder brother Martin Senior.”

P. 16, l. 14. _dudgen distinction._] I am unable to explain this.

P. 16, last line. _bibble-babble._] Idle talk.

“Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heaven restore! endeavour thyself to sleep, leave thy vain _bibble babble_.”—_Shakspeare, Twelfth Night._

P. 17, l. 1. _gibbrige_] Gibberish.

P. 17, l. 19. _Cli. the Cobler, &c._] Cliffe, Newman, Lawson.

P. 22, l. 25. _Will Tong._] I cannot give any account of this worthy, unless Will. Kempe, who succeeded the celebrated Tarlton, is meant. Elderton’s name is well known, his rimes and ballets are the subject of frequent allusion in the dramas and pamphlets of the time. See “Pap with a Hatchet,” [Reprint, p. 14]. Harvey’s “Pierce’s Supererogation.” [Reprint, p. 181.]

P. 23, l. 25. _his Welchnes._] An allusion to Penry.

P. 24, l. 4. _Hodgkins, Tomlins and Sims._] Hodgkins, and his two men, Tomlyn and Symms, who were employed to print the Mar-Prelate Tracts after Waldegrave’s press had been broken up, were seized at Manchester in printing “More work for the Cooper.” Their examination will be found in Strype’s Annals, vii. 602-5.—See also much information in Sutcliffe’s Answer to Job Throckmorton, p. 72, 4to, 1595.

P. 25, l. 8. _Bumfeging._] _i. e._ belabouring. The word does not occur in Nares. In “Hay any Worke for Cooper,” Martin says, “For ise so bumfeg the Cooper,” &c. [Reprint, p. 24.]

P. 26, l. 5. _the aged champion of Warwicke._] _i. e._ Thomas Cartwright.

P. 26, l. 8. _Phi. Stu._] Philip Stubbes, the brother-in-law of Cartwright. His “Anatomy of Abuses,” was printed in 1589.

P. 31, l. 24. _ribrost._] To belabour, to beat soundly.

“I have been pinched in flesh, and well _ribroasted_ under my former masters; but I’m in now for skin and all.”—_L’Estrange._

P. 35, l. 26. _anie more bones._] _i. e._ without scruple.

“Perjury will easily donne with him that hath made _no bones_ of murther.”—_Bp. Hall, Cases of Conscience._

P. 39, l. 6. _Pen. &c._] Nash is evidently mistaken in attributing all the Mar-Prelate Tracts to him. The description which follows powerfully reminds us of Nash’s characteristic portrait of Gabriel Harvey.

P. 44, l. 2. _Capcase._] A small travelling case, according to Nares, 72.

P. 50, l. 8. _sheepe byter._] A petty thief.

“There are political _sheepbiters_ as well as pastoral, betrayers of publick trusts as of private.”—_L’Estrange._

“May it please Gentle Pierce in the divine fury of his ravished spirit, to be graciously good unto his poor friends, who would be somewhat loth to be silly sheep for the wolf, or other _sheepbiter_.”—_G. Harvey’s Pierce’s Supererogation._

P. 51, l. 26. _patch._] _i. e._ a fool.

P. 51, l. 21. _Maw._] An old game at cards; the pun is not a bad one.

P. 52, l. 26. _Beware Anthony Munday._] A well known writer and translator of various works. I have not met with the passage alluded to.

THE END.

LONDON: HUGH WILLIAMS, PRINTER, ASHBY-STREET.