Part 2

Welcome Mayster _Martin_ from the dead, and much good ioy may you haue of your stage-like resurrection. It was told me by the vndanted purseuants of your sonnes, and credibly beleeued in regard of your sinnes, that your grout-headed holinesse had turnd vppe your heeles like a tired iade in a medow, and snorted out your scornefull soule, like a mesled hogge on a mucke-hill, which had it not beene false as the deuill woulde haue it, that long tongd doctresse Dame _Law._ muste haue beene faint (in spite of insperation) to haue giuen ouer speaking in the congregation, and employ her Parrats tong in stead of a winde-clapper to scarre the crowes from thy carrion. But profound _Cliffe_ the ecclesiasticall cobler, interrupted from his morning exercise with this false alarum, broke vp his brotherly loue-meeting abruptly, when the spirite had but newly moued him, and betooke him to his solitary shoppe, abutting on the backe side of a bulke. Nor was his souterly sorrow so hippocritically ingratefull, but he determined in the aboundance of his teares, that made a ful tide in his blacking tubbe, to haue stitcht vp your traytourshippe a tumbe of vntand leather, wherein _tanquam culeolo insutus_, hee mought haue sought his fortune in the seas. But I know not how this parracides exequies were prorogd, in so much as a brother in Christ of his at Northampton, fetcht a more thriftier president of funeralls piping hot from the primitiue church, which including but a few words and those passing well expounded, kept his wainscot from waste, and his linnen from wearing, sufficeth he tombled his wife naked into the earth at high noone, without sheete or shroude to couer her shame, breathing ouer her in an audible voice: Naked came I out of my mothers wombe, and naked shall I returne againe. Tut, tut, a thousand of these pranks make no discord in my young maisters discipline, whose reformed fraternity, quoat Scripture so confidently, as if they had lately purchast a commission of _cum priuilegio ad interpretandum solum_, from Christ and his twelue Apostls. And in deede who knowes whether Maister _Martin_ being inspired, as earst one of his faction, who hearing the waites play vnder his window very early, insulted most impudently, that in the midst of his morning praiers, he was presented with the melody of Angels, so hee in like manner shoulde vaunt of some reuelation, wherein the full sinode of _Lucifers_ ministers angells assembled, did parlament all their enuy to the subuersion of our established ministry, and then comes forth some more subtile spirite of hipocrisie, which offers himself to be a false prophet in the mouths of our _Martinists_, to whom the whole sedition house of hel condiscending, break vp their sessions, and send this seducer into the world, where finding no such mutinous seate, as the heart of our seconde _Pilate Marprelate_, he chose it in steade of a worser, to bee vnto England as _Zidkiah_ son of _Chenaanah_ was vnto _Ahab_. Beare with me good Maister Pistle-monger, if in comparing thy knauery, my full points seeme as tedious to thy puritane perusers, as the Northren mans mile, and a waybitte to the weary passenger, for I tell thee troth, till I see what market commission thou hast to assiste any mans sentences, I will neuer subscribe to thy periode prescisme. And hearest thou old _Martin_, did all thy libells iointly shroude so much substance of diuinity in their outlandish letters, as that one periode of vniformity in T. C. directing to obedience, I would thinke God had bin mercifull to thee in inspiring thy soule with some one separate motion, from reprobation, but when whole reames of paper are blotted with thy huperbolical blasphemies and religious matters of controversy more then massacred by thy prophane scurrility, I cā but suppose thy hart yᵗ house swept and garnished, into the which the foule spirit returned with other 7. spirits worse then himself. Malicious hipocryt, didst thou so much malign the successeful thriuings of the Gospell, that thou shouldst filch thy selfe, as a new disease into our gouernement? wert thou the last instrument of Sathans enuy, that as the abhortiue childe of a _Chaos_ of heresies, thou sholdst adorne thy false dealing with the induments of discipline? Me thinks I see thee smile from vnder thy double-fact hood, to thinke howe craftily thou hast crept into mens cōsciences: but wouldst thou obserue, how if thy alarums haue prosperd in our peaceable ears, that make no more breach into our state, then the iron hornes of those hony tōgd prophets into the arraies of the _Aramites_, Chro. 2. and tenth Chap. thou wouldest with _Achitophell_ return to thy house (at least if thou hast any) and hang thy selfe in a melancholie, for that thy counsaile was turned to follye. When I first saw thy books, I ascribed thy impudence to the _Calabrian_ wonders of 88. but when 89. beheld thee in a new sute, I imagined the excesse of our sins, sent thee forth to geue railing sentence against vs, as _Simei_ against _Dauid_ in the 2. of Kings. Yet seely sophister wouldest thou return the sobrietie of thy morning wittes to this ouerworne Simile, that the rodde which was made to correct _post destinatum finem_, is cast into the fire, thy despaire would deeme euery darke hole, the entraunce into hell, thy soule being the cittie, whereof the deuill is made free by endenture. And be it true which pittying report hath auouched, _Herostratus_ desire to be famous, made thee to seale him a conueiance of it many yeares since, so that now thy notorious pamphlets hauing passed the Presse, it is to be feared he will come ouer thee for couenantes ere many yeares to an end. It may bee thou hast redde _Foxes_ Monuments more idlely, where lighting on the example of Luther, that by his praiers importunitie, made the deuil to deliuer vp the obligation of his dānation, that sold the ioies of Heauē, for the inheritance of earth, thou hopest in like manner in the age of thine iniquities to bee restored to eternity, by the vncessant inuocation of the Church which thou termest Antichristian. Deceiue not thy selfe thou man of security, for the enemy of _Adam_ is no poeticall _Argus_, that his eies should be put out by thy arguments. I tell thee troth, he wil be-pistle thee so peuishly, with allegations of vnuenidall sinnes, as though hee were borne within two houses of Battle bridge. It is not thy despairing protestations, can make thy peace with God, whose church thou hast sought to deuide, as did _Herods_ souldiers his garmentes: wele geue thee leaue to tell vs a smooth tale of the intercepting of thy treasons, and curry fauour like a crafty foxe, with the ciuill magistrate in politique termes of feare and reuerence, but thy heart is no more disguised in this hypocriticall apparel, then a trenchour _Aristippus_ in the coate of a Parasite. Why discourse I so soberly, with the mortal enemy of modesty, when as the filth of the stewes, distild into ribauldry termes, cannot confectionate a more intemperate stile then his Pamphlets. Thou calst our Bishops wicked by comparison, whereas (wert thou strooken as thou protests with the vntoward euents of thy villanies) thou shouldst find the defilings of the 7. deadly sins, to haue broght thee by a pleasant pollution, within the possitiue degree of damnation. What talk I to him, of hel or damnation, whom _Lucifer_ hath furnisht to infection, with the painted poison of snout-holy deuotion, and all the powers of darknesse, haue adorned as an intelligencer to their kingdome, of the infirmities in our flourishing Church of England. To this purpose haue they inspired him with a most scurrile spirite of lying, that when his eagle-sighted enuy can truely atract no argument of infamy, his _poetica licentia_, may haue a fresh supply of possibilities, that encrease by cōtinuance to a compleat libell of leasings. All you that be schollers, read but his last challenge, wherein he laies about him so lamely, as though of his limping brother _Pag._ hee had lately learned to play at cudgels. But how euer his crazed cause goes on crutches, that was earst so brauely encountered by _Pasquin_ and _Marphoreus_, and not many moneths since most wittily scofte at by the extemporall endeuour of the pleasant author of Pap with a hatchet: yet is not the good olde creeple vtterly discouraged, or driuen cleane from his dounghill, but he meanes to make the persecuted Coblers once more merrie. Yet by your leaue his other dayes daunger is not so fully disgested, that he shuld forget the sanctified martyrs his brethren, those runagate Printers, to whose reuenge he bequeatheth a large Pistle of rayling Epithites, and mistearmeth our Bishoppes authoritie, with a whole _Textor_ of tyrannie. A few of whose milder tearms are of this making, wicked Priests, presumptuous Priests, proude Prelates, arrogant Bishops, horseleeches, butchers, persecutors of the truth, Lamhethical whelps, Spanish Inquisitours. Thinke you this myrie mouthed mate, a partaker of heauenly inspiration, that thus aboundes in his vncharitable railings: yet are these nothing in comparison of his auncient burlibond adiunctes, that so pester his former edition with their vnweldie phrase, as no true syllogisme can haue elbowe roome where they are. In which Alphabet these that followe may bee placed: bounsing Priests, terrible Priests, venerable Maisters, proud and pontificall Patripolitians. Gentle reader, I giue you but a tast of them by the waie, that you may knowe them the next time you meete them in your dish, and learne to discerne a poysonous scorpion from wholesome fish. _Martin_ you must thinke, was moude, when his gun-pouder papers were fired aboute his eares, and the spendthriftes his Printers, haled to the prison their patrimonies. Wherefore I cannot blame him though he sends abroade his Letters of supplication, in behalfe of his seruants that did but his bidding. The Church, the Church is persecuted amongst you my maisters, and _Martin_ gettes nere a superintendentship by the shift, but let not _Meg Law._ crie once more to the Churchwardens for her foode, least shee bring with her a campe royall of scoldes, to scratch out your eyes. Oh she will declaime brauely ouer a Cuckstoole, and plaie the gyant in a narrowe lane with her distaffe. Maister _Cooper_ shall haue his stipend still at Paules chaine, or else shee will sweat for it. I lyke such a wench that will stande to her tackling, why Bishoppes are but men, and she will carrie a _Martin_ in her plackarde in despite of the proudest of them all. Learne of her you London Matrones, to make hodie-peeles of your husbandes, and leade them like good soules up and downe the streetes by the hornes, let it be seene by your courages in scolding, that women haue soules, which a balde eloquent brother of yours, denide not long since in his Sermon at Lichfielde. I, I, my maisters, you may mocke, on as you see cause, but I warrant you the good olde true-pennie _Marprelate_ is not so merrie, hee sits ruminating under an oake, or in the bottome of a haystacke, whose bloud shall be first spilte in the reformation of the Church. And not without cause, for hee that hath so lately felte the paine of worming and launcing, cannot but stande in awe of _Buls_ slicing tooles one two moneths after. O it is a hairebrande whooresonne, and well seene in Phlebotomie, if a but once take knife in hande, cha will as soone let out the seditious humours forth a Martinistes bodie, as the best he in England, that hath bin twentie yeeres practioners in Surgerie. Good munckie face Machiuell, shew but thy head once, and trie him at my request, and if he doe it not more handsomely, then those whom thou callest Butchers and Horseleeches, then neuer trust an olde ladde whilest thou liuest. How euer it happens, thou bearest thy resolution in thy mouth at highe midnight, and hast Scripture enough to carrie thee to heauen, though thou wert hangde to morrowe. We feare not men that can kill the bodie, quoth _Martin_, because we feare God, who can cast both bodie and soule into vnquenchable fire. Doest thou feare God in deede, I praie thee good hedge-creeper how shall we knowe that? What, by the smoothing of thy face, the simpering of thy mouth, or staring of thy eies? Why if that be to feare God, Ile haue a spare fellowe shall make mee a whole quest of faces for three farthinges. But thou wilt peraduenture saie, by thy obedience vnto him. Then will I catechise thee more kindly with a fewe more Christian questions: the first whereof shall be this, wherein thou placest obedience, which if thou aunswerest, by doing that which God hath commaunded in his worde: then would I knowe of thee, whether that of Paul be Canonicall or Apocripha, He that resisteth the magistrate, resisteth the ordinaunce of God. And here I am sure to be had by the eares with a Geneua note of the distinction of magistrates, but all that shall not serue your turnes, for Ile driue you from your _Dic Ecclesiæ_ ere I have done, ware the vnmasking of _Martin_, when it comes tis lyke to bee a shrewde Pistle, I can tell you. Prepare your argumentes as you will, for _Mar-Martin Iunior_, meanes to make such hauocke of you in that his next peece of seruice, as all your borrowed weapons of simple T. C. shall not bee able to withstande. For your olde soaking Demonstrationer, that hath scrapte vp such a deale of Scripture to so lyttle purpose, Ile leaue his confusion to the vacaunt leasure of our grauer Diuines, who I knowe, did they but once sette penne to paper, woulde grinde his discipline to powder. Thou art the man, olde _Martin_ of Englande, that I am to deale withall, that striues to outstrip all our writers in witte, and iustle our gouernement forth of doores with a iest. What, wee must not let you passe with such fauourable tearmes, as our graue Fathers haue done, your Bookes must bee lookt ouer, and you beaten lyke a dogge for your lying. I thinke, I thinke I shall haue occasion to close with you sweetlie in your Hay anie worke for a Cooper, and cutte off the traynes of your tedious syllogismes, that nowe haue no lesse then seauen or eight Termini waiting on them. Fortifie your ruinous buildinges betimes, and saie hee was your friende that badde you: for I can tell you thus much, a whole hoast of _Pasquils_ are comming vppon you, who will so beleaguer your paper walles, as that not one idle worde shall escape the edge of their wit. I giue thee but a brauado now, to let thee knowe I am thine enemie, but the next time you see _Mar-Martine_ in armes, bidde your sonnes and your familie prouide them to God-warde, for I am eagerly bent to revenge, and not one of them shall escape, no not T. C. himselfe as full as he is of his myracles. But to pursue maister Protestationer in his common place of persecution. I remember we talkt euen now of a dudgen destinction from which my Bedlam brother _Wig._ and poltfoote _Pag._ with the rest of those patches, striue to deriue theyr discipline disobedience. Our Ecclesiasticall gouernment and gouernours say they, are wicked and vnlawfull. Why? because Sir _Peter_ nor Sir _Paul_ were neuer Archbishoppes of Canterbury, London, or Yorke. They were Fisher-men, and were not able. When _Cæsars_ Officers demaunded their tribute to make fiue groates amongst them, then what reason is it our Bishoppes should inioy their five hundreds, nay, that which is more, their thousand and two thousands? They were none of these Cartercaps, Graduates nor Doctors, therfore why should we tie our Ministrie to the prophane studies of the Vniuersitie. What is Logicke but the highe waie to wrangling, contayning in it a world of bibble babble. Neede we anie of your Greeke, Latine, Hebrue, or anie such gibbrige, when wee haue the word of God in English? Go to, go to, you are a great company of vaine men, that stand vpon your degrees and tongues, with tittle tattle, I cannot tell what, when as (if you looke into the matter as you ought) the Apostles knew neare a Letter of the booke. I wis it were not two pins hurt, if your Colledges wer fired ouer your heades, and you turnde a begging forth your fellowshippes, like Fryers and Monkes vp and downe the Countrie. I marie sir, this is somewhat like, now _Martin_ speakes like himselfe, I dare saie for him good man, he could be contented there were nere a maister of Art, Bachelour of Diuinitie, Doctor or Bishop in England, on that condition he prest Fishermen, scullers, Coopers, Stitchers, Weauers and Coblers into theyr places. You talke of a Harmonie of the Churches, but heere would be a consort of knauerie worth the publishing to all posteritie. Would you not laugh to see _Cli._ the Cobler, and _New._ the souter, ierking out theyr elbowes in euerie Pulpit. Why, I am sure Ladie _Law._ would fast mans flesh a whole moneth together, but shee woulde giue either of them a gowne cloth on that condition. My self doe knowe a zealous Preacher in Ipswich, that beeing but a while a goe a stage player, will now take vpon him to brandish a Text agaynst Bishoppes, as well as the best Martinist in all Suffolke. Why, I praie you goe no farther then Batter, haue wee not there a reuerent Pastour of _Martines_ owne making, that vnderstands not a bit of Latine, nor neuer dyd so much as looke towards the Vniuersitie in his life, yet you see for a neede he can helpe discipline out of the durt, and come ouer our Cleargie verie handsomely with an heere is to bee noted. Oh he is olde dogge at expounding, and deade sure at a Catechisme, alwayes prouided, that it bee but halfe a sheete long, and he be two yeeres about it. And well too my maisters, for such a one that vauntes himselfe to bee as hee is, as good a Gentleman euerie inch of him, as anie is in all Stafford sheere. Bee what he will, one thing I wote, hee is seldome without a good Cheese in his studie, besides apples and nuttes, although his wife can neuer come at them. I hearde not long since of a stoute conference hee had with a yong scholer, who taking my Deske-man somewhat tardie in his disputations, told him hee was inspired with too much Logique. Where vnto hee replyed with this solempne protestatiō, I thank God, al the world cannot accuse me of that arte. I hope anon maister _Martin_, I shall bee meetelie euen with you for your knauerie, if I goe but two mile further in your Ministrie. It is not the Primitiue Church shall beare out the Vicar of little _Down._ in Norfolke, in groaping his owne hennes, like a Cotqueane, I am to come ouer him when I have more leasure, for his tenne shillings Sermons at Thetforde: wherein if he raue as hee was wont to doe, Ile make him wishe that hee had been still Vsher of Westminister. Well, to the purpose. You saie Bishoppes are no Magistrates, because they are no lawfull Magistrates. Is it euen so brother _Timothie_, will it neuer be better, must I euer leade you vp and downe antiquitie by the nose lyke an Asse. May neither Scriptures nor Fathers goe for paiment with you, but still you will bee reducing vs to the president of the persecuted Church, and so confounde the discipline of warre and peace? If you will needes make vs the apes of all their extremities, why doe not you vrge the vse of that communitie wherein _Ananias_ and _Saphira_ were vnfaythfull. Perswade Noble men and Gentlemen to sell theyr landes, and laie the money at your feete, take awaie the title of mine and thine from amongst vs, and let the worlde knowe you heereafter by the name of Anabaptistes. Admit that the authoritie of Bishoppes were as vnlawfull as you woulde make it, yet since it is imposed vnto them by the Princes owne mouth, and ratified by the approbation of so many Kings and Emperours, as well in their particular Parliamentes as generall counsayles, you are bounde in conscience to reuerence it, and in all humilitie to regarde it, insomuch as Christ denide not tribute to _Cæsar_ an vsurper, nor appealde from _Pilate_ a Pagan, who occupied that place by the intrusion of tyrannie. Were the Israelites in captiuitie, anie whit exempted from the obedience of subiectes, in that they liued vnder the scepter of _Nabuchodonesor_ an Idolater, who had blasphemed their God, defaced their Temple, and defiled their holie vesselles. Nay, are they not expresslie commaunded by the Lordes owne mouth, to honour him as their King: Howe can they then escape the dampnation of contempte, that beeing priuate subiectes to such a vertuous Soueraigne, as is zealous of Gods glorie will controll her, disposing of honours, and oppose vnto publique derision, those the especiall pillers and ornamentes of her state, whome shee hath graced from their infancie, with so many sundrie ascentes of dignities. But were this all, then shoulde not treason bee such a braunche of your religion as it is. Haue not you and your followers vndermined her Graces Throane, as much as traytours might: call to minde the badde practise of your brother the Booke-binder and his accomplishes at Burie, who beeing as hotte spirited as your worshippes, in the schismaticall subiect of reformation, and seeing it woulde not come of halfe kindlie to theyr contentment, made no more a doe, but added this newe Posie to her Maiesties armes. Those that bee neither hotte nor colde, Ile spue them out of my mouth, sayth the Lorde. Denie this, and Ile bring a whole Assizes, as _Obsignatos testes_ of your trecherie. To come neerer to thee Brother _Martin_. Hast not thou in thy firste booke agaynst Doctour _Bridges_, as also in Hay anie worke for Cooper, excluded her Highnesse from all Ecclesiasticall gouernement, saying she hath neyther skill nor commission, as shee is a Magistrate, to substitute anie member or minister in the Church. And in an other place, that there is neither vse nor place in the Church for members, ministers or officers of the magistrates making. If this wyll not come in compasse of treason, then farewell the title of Supremacie, and welcome agayne vnto Poperie. By this time I thinke, good-man Puritan, that thou art perswaded, that I knowe as well as thy owne conscience thee, namely _Martin Makebate_ of Englande, to bee a moste scuruie and beggerlie benefactor to obedience, and _per consequens_, to feare neyther men, nor that God who can cast both bodie and soule into vnquenchable fire. In which respect I neyther account you of the Churche, nor esteeme of your bloude, otherwise then the bloude of Infidelles. Talke as long as you will of the ioyes of heauen, or paines of hell, and turne from your selues the terrour of that iudgement howe you will, which shall bereaue blushing iniquitie of the figge leaues of hypocrisie, yet will the eie of immortalitie discerne of your painted pollutions, as the euer-liuing foode of perdition. The humours of my eies are the habitations of fountaines, and the circumference of my heart the enclosure of fearefull contrition, when I thinke howe many soules at that moment, shall carrie the name of _Martine_ on their foreheads to the vale of confusion, in whose innocent bloude thou swimming to hell, shalt haue the tormentes of tenne thousande thousande sinners at once, inflicted vppon thee. There will enuie, mallice and dissimulation bee euer calling for vengeance agaynst thee, and incite whole legions of deuilles to thy deathlesse lamentation. Mercie will saie vnto thee, I knowe thee not, and Repentaunce, what have I to doe with thee. All hopes shall shake the head at thee, and saie, there goes the poyson of puritie, the perfection of impietie, the serpentine seducer of simplicitie. Zeale her selfe will crie out vppon thee, and curse the time that euer shee was maskte by thy mallice, who lyke a blinde leader of the blinde, sufferedst her to stumble at euerie steppe in Religion, and madest her seeke in the dimnesse of her sight, to murther her mother the Churche, from whose pappes thou lyke an enuious dogge but yesterdaie pluckest her. Howe euer proude scorner, thy whoorishe impudencie, may happen heereafter to insiste in the derision of these fearfull denuntiations, and sporte thy iesters penne at the speach of my soule, yet take heede least despayre bee predominant in the daie of thy death, and thou in steade of calling for mercie to thy Iesus, repeate more oftner to thy selfe, _Sic morior damnatus vt Iudas_! And thus much _Martin_, in the way of compassion, haue I spoke for thy edification, moued therto by a brotherly commiseration, which if thou bee not too desperate in thy deuilish attempts, may reform thy heart to remorse, and thy pamphletes to some more profitable theame of repentance. But now haue at thee for the goodnesse of the cause, of which thou saist: We must not reason from the successe.