Amphitryo Asinaria Aulularia Bacchides Captivi Amphitryon The C
Chapter 58
(_An hour has elapsed._)
ENTER _Pistoclerus_ PRECEDED BY SLAVES CARRYING PROVISIONS, FLOWERS, ETC. _Lydus_ FOLLOWS.
_Lydus_
Iam dudum, Pistoclere, tacitus te sequor, expectans quas tu res hoc ornatu geras. 110 namque ita me di ament, ut Lycurgus mihi quidem videtur posse hic ad nequitiam adducier. quo nunc capessis ted hinc adversa via cum tanta pompa?
(_magisterially_) I have been following you in silence for some time, Pistoclerus, waiting to see what you were about with this gear. (_pointing to slaves and their hampers_) Why, Lord love me, I do believe Lycurgus[A] himself could be led astray here. Where are you betaking yourself now, going away up the street with such a train?
[Footnote A: The Spartan reformer]
_Pistoc._
Huc.
(_pointing to Bacchis’s door_) Here.
_Lydus_
Quid huc? quis istic habet?
What do you mean by “here”? Who lives there?
_Pistoc._
Amor, Voluptas, Venus, Venustas, Gaudium, Iocus, Ludus, Sermo, Suavisaviatio.
(_rapturously_) Love, Delight, Venus, Grace, Joy, Jest, Jollity, Chitchat, Kissykissysweetkins!
_Lydus_
Quid tibi commercist cum dis damnosissimis?
(_shocked_) What commerce have you with such pernicious, pernicious deities?
_Pistoc._
Mali sunt homines, qui bonis dicunt male; tu dis nec recte dicis: non aequom facis.
It takes a bad man to say bad things of the good; you’re blaspheming the gods: it’s wrong.
_Lydus_
An deus est ullus Sauvisaviatio? 120
You mean to say there is a god Kissykissysweetkins?
_Pistoc._
An non putasti esse umquam? o Lyde, es barbarus; quem ego sapere nimio censui plus quam Thalem, is stultior es barbaro poticio, qui tantus natu deorum nescis nomina.
You mean to say you didn’t ever suppose there was? Oh, Lydus, you are a barbarian! I fancied you were ever so much wiser than Thales and here you are, sillier than a barbarian babe in arms--your age, and not knowing the names of the gods!
_Lydus_
Non hic placet mi ornatus.
I do not like this paraphernalia.
_Pistoc._
Nemo ergo tibi haec apparavit: mihi paratum est quoi placet.
Well, nobody got it together for you: it was got for me, and I do like it.
_Lydus_
Etiam me advorsus exordire argutias? qui si decem habeas linguas, mutum esse addecet.
Are you actually commencing to make smart replies to me? You whom it befits to be mute, even if you had ten tongues?
_Pistoc._
Non omnis aetas, Lyde, ludo convenit. magis unum in mentemst mihi nunc, satis ut commode 130 pro dignitate opsoni haec concuret cocus.
We aren’t schoolboys for ever, Lydus. The one thing uppermost in my mind just now is that the cook may do as creditable a job on these edibles as their excellence calls for.
_Lydus_
Iam perdidisti te atque me atque operam meam, qui tibi nequiquam saepe monstravi bene.
Ah, now you have thrown yourself away, and me, and my labour,--me, who many a time gave you good advice, all in vain!
_Pistoc._
Ibidem ego meam operam perdidi, ubi tu tuam: tua disciplina nec mihi prodest nec tibi.
I threw away my own labour at the same place you did yours: your system of instruction is no good to either of us.
_Lydus_
O praeligatum pectus.
Oh, what an obdurate breast!
_Pistoc._
Odiosus mihi es. tace atque sequere, Lyde, me.
You’re a bore! Keep still and come along, Lydus.
_Lydus_
Illuc sis vide, non paedagogum iam me, sed Lydum vocat.
Now kindly look at that! He no longer calls me “Tutor,” merely Lydus.
_Pistoc._
Non par videtur neque sit consentaneum, cum haec qui emit intus sit et cum amica accubet 140 cumque osculetur et convivae alii accubent, praesentibus illis paedagogus una ut siet.
It’s not the proper thing, it would be out of place, when the man who bought all this is inside there, and on a couch with his mistress, kissing her--and other guests about--to have his “Tutor” there in their presence.
_Lydus_
An hoc ad eas res opsonatumst, obsecro?
(_horrified_) In the name of heaven! These provisions bought for such an orgy?
_Pistoc._
Sperat quidem animus: quo evenat dis in manust.
(_flippantly_) Well, of course man proposes and God disposes.
_Lydus_
Tu amicam habebis?
You to have a mistress, you?
_Pistoc._
Cum videbis, tum scies.
(_enthusiastically_) Once you see her, then you’ll know!
_Lydus_
Immo neque habebis neque sinam; i prorsum domum.
Never! You shall not have one; I will not allow it. (_taking Pistoclerus by the arm and trying to lead him back_) Go home this instant.
_Pistoc._
Omitte, Lyde, ac cave malo.
(_pulling away_) Leave me alone, Lydus, and (_threateningly_) look out for trouble.
_Lydus_
Quid? cave malo?
What? “Look out for trouble?”
_Pistoc._
Iam excessit mi aetas ex magisterio tuo.
I’m too old for you to play the teacher these days.
_Lydus_
O barathrum, ubi nunc es? ut ego te usurpem lubens.[7] 149 vixisse nimio satiust iam quam vivere. (151) magistron quemquam discipulum minitarier?[8]
(_tragically_) Oh, pit, where art thou now? How gladly would I take thee for mine own! Far better that I had died than lived for this! A pupil to threaten his teacher?[8]
_Pistoc._
Fiam, ut ego opinor, Hercules, tu autem Linus. (155)
It’s a Hercules I’ll be, I’m thinking, and you a Linus.[B]
[Footnote B: Linus was killed by his pupil, Hercules.]
_Lydus_
Pol metuo magis, ne Phoenix tuis factis fuam teque ad patrem esse mortuom renuntiem.
Great heavens! I have more fear of your actions forcing me to be a Phoenix[C] and to convey to your father the news of your death.
[Footnote C: Phoenix, Achilles’ preceptor, informed Peleus, Achilles’ father, of his son’s death]
_Pistoc._
Satis historiarumst.
(_impatiently_) Enough of your tales!
_Lydus_
Hic vereri perdidit. compendium edepol haud aetati optabile fecisti, cum istanc nactu’s inpudentiam. 160 occisus hic homo est. ecquid in mentem est tibi patrem tibi esse?
He is lost to shame! Great heavens! You gained nothing that does credit to your years in acquiring this impudence. The creature is past redemption! Does it ever occur to you that you have a father?
_Pistoc._
Tibi ego an tu mihi servos es?
Am I your servant, or you mine?
_Lydus_
Peior magister te istaec docuit, non ego. nimio es tu ad istas res discipulus docilior, quam ad illa quae te docui, ubi operam perdidi.[9] (165)
It was a wicked, wicked teacher gave you these lessons, not I! You are a much apter pupil in matters of this sort than in the subjects I lost my labour teaching you.[9]
_Pistoc._
Istactenus tibi, Lyde, libertas datast (168) orationis. satis est. sequere hac me ac tace.
(_coolly_) I’ve let you rant to your heart’s content, so far, Lydus. Now drop it. Follow me this way and keep your mouth shut. [EXEUNT INTO THE HOUSE OF _Bacchis_, _Lydus_ RELUCTANTLY.
ACTVS II