Chapter 13

(_Half an hour has elapsed._)

ENTER _Bromia_ FROM HOUSE, IN A PANIC.

_Brom._

Spes atque opes vitae meae iacent sepultae in pectore, neque ullast confidentia iam in corde, quin amiserim; ita mihi videntur omnia, mare terra caelum, consequi, iam ut opprimar, ut enicer. me miseram, quid agam nescio.

Oh, my hopes and chances of getting out of this alive are dead and buried inside of me! There’s not a thing left to keep my courage up now! The way everything--sea, land, sky-- does seem set on crushing me, killing me off this instant! Oh dear, oh dear! What to do I don’t know.

ita tanta mira in aedibus sunt facta. vae miserae mihi, animo malest, aquam velim. corrupta sum atque absumpta sum. caput dolet, neque audio, nec oculis prospicio satis, nec me miserior femina est neque ulla videatur magis. 1060

Such amazing things as did happen in there! Oh, poor me! I feel faint. Oh, for some water! I’m a wreck, I’m all done up. My head’s splitting, and I can’t hear or see right, either. There isn’t a wretcheder woman on earth, or one that could seem so, either.

ita erae meae hodie contigit. nam ubi parturit, deos sibi invocat, strepitus, crepitus, sonitus, tonitrus: ut subito, ut propere, ut valide tonuit! ubi quisque institerat, concidit crepitu. ibi nescio quis maxuma voce exclamat: “Alcumena, adest auxilium, ne time: et tibi et tuis propitius caeli cultor advenit. exsurgite” inquit “qui terrore meo occidistis prae metu.”

The experience mistress did have this day! As soon as her time comes she calls on the gods to help her, and there’s a grumbling and rumbling and smashing and crashing--what a crash, so sudden and quick and heavy it was! Every one fell flat where he stood at the peal. And then some one or other called out in a mighty voice: “Alcmena, help is at hand: be not afraid. To thee and thine the sovereign of the skies comes in kindliness. Rise,” he said, “ye who have fallen in terror, from dread of me.”

ut iacui, exsurgo. ardere censui aedis, ita tum confulgebant. ibi me inclamat Alcumena; iam ea res me horrore adficit, erilis praevertit metus: accurro, ut sciscam quid velit. atque illam geminos filios pueros peperisse conspicor; 1070 neque nostrum quisquam sensimus, quom peperit, neque providimus.

Having dropped, I got on my feet: I thought the house was afire, the way it was all lit up then. Just then Alcmena calls for me to come. I was trembling already at what happened, but fear of mistress prevailed, and up I run to find out what she wants. And there I see she has given birth to twins, boys, and not a soul of us noticed when it happened, or is ready for it!

sed quid hoc? quis hic est senex, qui ante aedis nostras sic iacet? numnam hunc percussit Iuppiter? credo edepol, nam, pro Iuppiter, sepultust quasi sit mortuos. ibo et cognoscam, quisquis est. Amphitruo hic quidem est erus meus. Amphitruo.

(_sees prostrate Amphitryon_) But what’s this? Who’s this old man lying like this in front of our house? Why, can it be he’s struck by lightning? Why, mercy me, I do believe so! For, good gracious, he’s as completely disposed of as if he was a corpse! I’ll go find out, whoever it is. (_approaches_) It’s Amphitryon! It’s my master! (_calling_) Amphitryon!

_Amph._

Perii.

(_feebly_) Heaven help me!

_Brom._

Surge.

Get up, sir.

_Amph._

Interii.

I’m dead!

_Brom._

Cedo manum.

Give me your hand, sir. (_takes it_)

_Amph._

Quis me tenet?

Who has hold of me?

_Brom._

Tua Bromia ancilla.

Your servant maid, sir, Bromia.

_Amph._

Totus timeo, ita me increpuit Iuppiter. nec secus est, quasi si ab Acherunte veniam. sed quid tu foras egressa es?

I’m paralysed with fear! Oh, Jove, what a bolt! I feel as if I were getting back--from the next world. (_he gets up_) But what made you come out?

_Brom._

Eadem nos formido timidas terrore impulit in aedibus, tu ubi habitas. nimia mira vidi. vae mihi, 1080 Amphitruo, ita mihi animus etiam nunc abest.

We poor women were struck with the same terror in this house of yours, sir. I’ve seen the most amazing things! Oh deary me, master, I’m just clean dazed even now!

_Amph._

Agedum expedi: scin me tuom esse erum Amphitruonem?

Come, come, quick, tell me--do you know me for your master, Amphitryon?

_Brom._

Scio.

Surely, sir.

_Amph._

Vide etiam nunc.

Here, look, look again!

_Brom._

Scio.

(_obeying_) Surely, sir.

_Amph._

Haec sola sanam mentem gestat meorum familiarium.

(_half aside_) She’s the only one of my household that has any sanity about her.

_Brom._

Immo omnes sani sunt profecto.

Oh no, sir, they’re all sane, of course they are.

_Amph._

At me uxor insanum facit suis foedis factis.

Well, my wife had driven me insane with her infamous actions!

_Brom._

At ego faciam, tu idem ut aliter praedices, Amphitruo, piam et pudicam esse tuam uxorem ut scias. de ea re signa atque argumenta paucis verbis eloquar. omnium primum: Alcumena geminos peperit filios.

(_warmly_) Well, I’ll make you change that tune, sir, your very own self, and make you realize that your wife is a pious, honest woman, sir. I’ll soon give you signs and proofs of that. First of all, she has given birth to twin sons.

_Amph._

Ain tu, geminos?

What’s that--twins?

_Brom._

Geminos.

Twins.

_Amph._

Di me servant.

The gods are with me!

_Brom._

Sine me dicere, ut scias tibi tuaeque uxori decs esse omnis propitios. 1090

Let me go on, so that you may know all the gods mean well by you and your wife, sir.

_Amph._

Loquere.

Yes, yes.

_Brom._

Postquam parturire hodie uxor occepit tua, ubi utero exorti dolores, ut solent puerperae invocat deos immortales, ut sibi auxilium ferant, manibus puris, capite operto. ibi continuo contonat sonitu maxumo; aedes primo ruere rebamur tuas. aedes totae confulgebant tuae, quasi essent aureae.

After she began to feel near her time to-day and her pains were setting in, she called on the immortal gods to help her--as women do, sir, in labour--with clean washed hands and covered head. She had no sooner begun than there was a frightful thunder clap. At first we thought your house was tumbling down: your whole house was shining, sir, just as if it was gold.

_Amph._

Quaeso absolvito hinc me extemplo, quando satis deluseris. quid fit deinde?

For heaven’s sake hurry up and don’t keep me on tenterhooks! I have had enough of your trifling! What happened next?

_Brom._

Dum haec aguntur, interea uxorem tuam neque gementem neque plorantem nostrum quisquam audivimus; ita profecto sine dolore peperit.

While this was going on, not one of us heard your wife groan or whimper a bit, sir, the whole time: that’s how she bore those boys, sir--never a pang, that’s plain.

_Amph._

Iam istuc gaudeo, 1100 utut erga me merita est.

(_heartily_) Well now, I’m glad of that, no matter what her behaviour to me has been.

_Brom._

Mitte ista atque haec quae dicam accipe. postquam peperit, pueros lavere iussit nos. occepimus. sed puer ille quem ego lavi, ut magnust et multum valet! neque eum quisquam colligare quivit incunabulis.

Do let that be, sir, and listen. After they were born she told us to bathe them. We began. But that boy I bathed! How big and strong he was! Not a soul of us could wrap him in his swaddling clothes.

_Amph._

Nimia mira memoras; si istaec vera sunt, divinitus non metuo quin meae uxori latae suppetiae sient.

A most astounding story! If it be true, there’s no doubt that my wife received divine aid.

_Brom._

Magis iam faxo mira dices. postquam in cunas conditust, devolant angues iubati deorsum in impluvium duo maximi: continuo extollunt ambo capita.

You’ll call this more astounding still, sir, I warrant you. After he was tucked in his cradle, two enormous crested serpents came slipping down into the fountain basin: the next second both of them were lifting up their heads.

_Amph._

Ei mihi.

Heavens and earth!

_Brom._

Ne pave. sed angues occulis omnis cirumvisere. 1110 postquam pueros conspicati, pergunt ad cunas citi. ego cunas recessim rursum vorsum trahere et ducere, metuens pueris, mihi formidans; tantoque angues acrius persequi. postquam conspexit angues ille alter puer, citus e cunis exilit, facit recta in anguis impetum: alterum altera prehendit eos manu perniciter.

Don’t be scared. Well, the serpents glared around at all of us. As soon as they spied the boys they made for the cradles like a flash. I backed away, fearful for the boys and frightened for myself, pulling and hauling the cradles along after me with the serpents a-chasing us all the angrier. The minute that boy I was telling of sets eyes on the serpents he’s up and out of that cradle in a trice, rushing straight for ’em and grabbing ’em one in each hand quick as a wink.

_Amph._

Mira memoras, nimis formidolosum facinus praedicas; nam mihi horror membra misero percipit dictis tuis. quid fit deinde? porro loquere.

Astounding! Astounding! A perfectly horrifying tale! Mercy on us! why, your very words palsy me! What then? Go on, go on!

_Brom._

Puer ambo angues enicat. dum haec aguntur, voce clara exclamat uxorem tuam-- 1120

The boy chokes both serpents to death. While this is going on, in a clear voice he calls out the name of your wife--

_Amph._

Quis homo?

Who does?

_Brom._

Summus imperator divom atque hominum Iuppiter. is se dixit cum Alcumena clam consuetum cubitibus, eumque filium suom esse qui illos angues vicerit; alterum tuom esse dixit puerum.

The almighty ruler of gods and men, Jupiter. He said that he himself had secretly shared Alcmena’s bed and that that was his son who had crushed the serpents: the other one, he said, was your own child.

_Amph._

Pol me haud paenitet, si licet boni dimidium mihi dividere cum Iove. abi domum, iube vasa pura actutum adornari mihi, ut Iovis supremi multis hostiis pacem expetam.

Well, well, well! I make no complaint at being permitted to have Jove as partner in my blessings. In with you, girl! Have sacrificial vessels made ready for me instantly so that I may seek the favour of omnipotent Jove with ample offerings. [EXIT _Bromia_.

ego Teresiam coniectorem advocabo et consulam quid faciundum censeat; simul hanc rem ut facta est eloquar. sed quid hoc? quam valide tonuit. di, obsecro vostram fidem. 1130

I’ll summon Tiresias the prophet and consult with him as to what he thinks should be done, and at the same time tell him all that’s happened, (_thunder_) But what’s this? That awful thunder peal! Heaven preserve us!

V. 2.