ACT IV
ENTER _Diabolus_ AND _Parasite._
_Diab._
Agedum istum ostende quem conscripsti syngraphum inter me et amicam et lenam. leges pellege nam tu poeta es prorsus ad eam rem unicus.
Come on, show me that contract you drew up between me and my mistress and the Madame. Read over the terms. Ah, you’re the one and only artist at this business.
_Par._
Horrescet faxo lena, leges cum audiet.
(_producing a document_) I warrant you Madame will shudder when she hears the terms.
_Diab._
Age quaeso mi hercle translege.
Come come, man, for the Lord’s sake let’s have ’em!
_Par._
Audin?
Are you listening?
_Diab._
Audio. 750
Yes.
_Par._
“Diabolus Glauci filius Clearetae lenae dedit dono argenti viginti minas, Philaenium ut secum esset noctes et dies hunc annum totum.”
(_reading_) “Diabolus, son of Glaucus, has given to Cleareta, Madame, a present of eighty pounds to the end that Philaenium throughout the coming year may spend her nights and days with him.”
_Diab._
Neque cum quiquam alio quidem.
Yes, and not with anyone else, either.
_Par._
Addone?
Shall I add that?
_Diab._
Adde, et scribas vide plane et probe.
Add that, and see you put it down in a good firm hand.
_Par._
“Alienum hominem intro mittat neminem. quod illa aut amicum aut patronum nominet, aut quod illa amicae[26] amatorem praedicet, fores occlusae omnibus sint nisi tibi. in foribus scribat occupatam esse se. 760
(_after doing so_) “She is to admit no male outsider into her house. In case she call him a mere friend or guardian, or in case she allege him to be the lover of a friend of hers, her doors must be closed to all but you. She must post a notice on the doors stating that she is engaged.
aut quod illa dicat peregre allatam epistulam, ne epistula quidem ulla sit in aedibus nec cerata adeo tabula; et si qua inutilis pictura sit, eam vendat: ni in quadriduo abalienarit, quo abs te argentum acceperit, tuos arbitratus sit, comburas, si velis, ne illi sit cera, ubi facere possit litteras.
Or in case she say that a letter from foreign parts has been delivered to her, there must be no letter at all in the house, nor so much as a waxen tablet; and if there be any undesirable picture about, let her sell it: unless she shall have removed it within four days after receipt of your money, it shall be at your disposal: you may burn it up, if you deem fit, that she may have no wax whereon to write.
vocet convivam neminem illa, tu voces; ad eorum ne quem oculos adiciat suos. si quem alium aspexit, caeca continue siet. 770 tecum una potet, aeque pocla potitet: abs ted accipiat, tibi propinet, tu bibas, ne illa minus aut plus quam tu sapiat.”
She must invite no guest to the house: you shall invite them; and she must have eyes for none of them. If her glance has fallen on another man, she must become blind forthwith. She must drink with you only, and drink with you glass for glass: let her receive the glass from your hands, drink to your health, and then do you take it and drink, so that she may have no--(_unobtrusively dropping the aspirate_) whit more than you, nor less.”
_Diab._
Satis placet.
(_not noticing_) Quite satisfactory.
_Par._
“Suspiciones omnes ab se segreget. neque illaec ulli pede pedem homini premat, cum surgat, neque cum in lectum inscendat proximum, neque cum descendat inde, det cuiquam manum: spectandum ne cui anulum det neque roget. talos ne cuiquam homini admoveat nisi tibi. cum iaciat, ‘te’ ne dicat: nomen nominet. 780
“She must keep herself above every suspicion. She must not touch feet with any man when she arises from table: and when she steps upon the adjoining couch, or steps down therefrom, she must take no one’s hand. She must give no one her ring to look at, nor ask to look at his. To no man save yourself must she pass the dice. On making a throw she must not say, ‘Thee[E] I invoke!’ She is to name your name.
[Footnote E: Naming one’s sweetheart, on making a throw, was a common custom.]
deam invocet sibi quam libebit propitiam, deum nullum; si magis religiosa fuerit, tibi dicat: tu pro illa ores ut sit propitius. neque illa ulli homini nutet, nictet, annuat. post, si lucerna exstincta sit, ne quid sui membri commoveat quicquam in tenebris.”
Let her call upon any goddess she pleases for favour, but upon no god; if she have religious scruples in regard to this, let her tell you, and do you make the prayer for his favour in her stead. To no man shall she nod, wink, or signify compliance. Further, if the lamp go out, she is not to move a single limb in the darkness.”
_Diab._
Optumest. ita scilicet facturam. verum in cubiculo-- deme istuc--equidem illam moveri gestio. nolo illam habere causam et votitam dicere.
Excellent! To be sure she mustn’t, (_pause_) But in our own room--cut that clause out--why, I’m keen as can be for her to be lively there! I don’t want her to have an excuse and say the contract forbids.
_Par._
Scio, captiones metuis.
I see, you fear some catch.
_Diab._
Verum.
Exactly.
_Par._
Ergo ut iubes 790 tollam.
Well then, I shall strike that out, as you order.
_Diab._
Quid ni?
Of course you will.
_Par._
Audi relicua.
Listen to the rest.
_Diab._
Loquere, audio.
Go on: I am listening.
_Par._
“Neque ullum verbum faciat perplexabile, neque ulla lingua sciat loqui nisi Attica, forte si tussire occepsit, ne sic tussiat, ut cuiquam linguam in tussiendo proserat. quod illa autem simulet, quasi gravedo profluat, hoc ne sic faciat: tu labellum abstergeas potius quam cuiquam savium faciat palam.
“She must use no phrase of double meaning, and must know how to speak no language but the Attic. If she should happen to cough, she is not to cough so, (_illustrating_) in such a way as to extend her tongue toward anyone. Moreover, in case she pretends to have a running cold, she must not do this: (_purses his lips_) you are to wipe her little lip yourself rather than let her pucker up her mouth for anyone so obviously.
nec mater lena ad vinum accedat interim, nec ulli verbo male dicat. si dixerit, 800 haec multa ei esto, vino viginti dies ut careat.”
“Nor shall the Madame, her mother, drop in while you are having your wine, or say a single abusive word to anyone. If such a word be said by her, the penalty shall be this-- no wine for her for twenty days.”
_Diab._
Pulchre scripsti. scitum syngraphum.
Splendid document! Capital contract!
_Par._
“Tum si coronas, serta, unguenta iusserit ancillam ferre Veneri aut Cupidini, tuos servos servet, Venerine eas det an viro. si forte pure velle habere dixerit, 800 tot noctes reddat spurcas quot pure habuerit.” haec sunt non nugae, non enim mortualia.
“Then if she bid her maid carry chaplets, wreaths, perfumes to Venus or to Cupid, your servant shall observe whether she gives them to Venus, or to a man. Should she happen to express a wish for religious seclusion, she must give you as many hours of love as she has of loneliness.” These be no trifles; these be no dirges for dead folk, I tell you. The terms are highly satisfactory. Follow me in.
_Diab._
Placent profecto leges, sequere intro.
Very well.
_Par._
Sequor.
[EXEUNT INTO _Cleareta’s_ HOUSE: SOUND OF WRANGLING WITHIN: RE-ENTER _Diabolus_ AND _Parasite_ FROM HOUSE.
IV. 2.