Scene 3.
ENTER _Argyrippus_ AND _Philaenium_ FROM THE DOORWAY OF _Cleareta’s_ HOUSE WHERE THEY HAVE BEEN STANDING
_Argyr._
Cur me retentas?
(_sadly_) Why hold me back?
_Phil._
Quia tui amans abeuntis egeo.
(_tearfully_) Because it’s dreadful having you leave me when I love you so.
_Argyr._
Vale.
(_trying half heartedly to release himself_) Farewell!
_Phil._
Aliquanto amplius valerem, si his maneres.
(_still clinging to him_) I should fare much better if you’d stay with me.
_Argyr._
Salve.
And God bless you!
_Phil._
Salvere me iubes, quoi tu abiens offers morbum?
You ask God to bless me when you curse me yourself by going?
_Argyr._
Mater supremam mihi tua dixit, domum ire iussit.
Your mother said this was to be my last hour; she has ordered me home.
_Phil._
Acerbum funus filiae faciet, si te carendum est.
She’ll make her daughter die in misery, if I must be deprived of you.
_Lib._
Homo hercle hinc exclusust foras.
(_aside to Leonida_) By gad! He’s been shut out of the house here.
_Leon._
Ita res est.
So he has.
_Argyr._
Mitte quaeso.
(_dismally_) Come, come, let go! (_pulls away from her and turns to go_)
_Phil._
Quo nunc abis? quin tu hic manes?
Where are you off to now? Why don’t you stay here?
_Argyr._
Nox, si voles, manebo.
I will at night, if you want.
_Lib._
Audin hunc opera ut largus est nocturna? nunc enim esse negotiosum interdius videlicet Solonem, leges ut conscribat, quibus se populus teneat. gerrae! 600 qui sese parere apparent huius legibus, profecto numquam bonae frugi sient, dies noctesque potent.
Hear the chap--how free he is with his attentions by night? For now in the daytime he’s a hard-working Solon, drawing up laws to bind the people--oh, yes he is! Rot! Folks that set themselves to obey his laws won’t ever be good for anything, that’s sure,--except drinking day and night.
_Leon._
Ne iste hercle ab ista non pedem discedat, si licessit, qui nunc festinat atque ab hac minatur sese abire.
Good Lord! The fellow wouldn’t move a step from her, if he had his way, not he, for all this rush of his and threats to leave her
_Lib._
Sermoni iam finem face tuo. huius sermonem accipiam.
Come, make an end of your talk. I want to take in some of his.
_Argyr._
Vale.
(_tragically_) Farewell! (_starts away_)
_Phil._
Quo properas?
Where are you hurrying to?
_Argyr._
Bene vale, apud Orcum te videbo nam equidem me iam quantum potest a vita abiudicabo.
Farewell! Be happy. I shall see you in the world to come! For upon my soul, this world and I shall now be divorced as soon as possible!
_Phil._
Cui tu, obsecro, immerito meo me morti dedere optas?
(_running up and clinging to him_) Oh, for heaven’s sake, why, why do you wish to condemn me to death yourself, innocent as I am?
_Argyr._
Ego te? quam si intellegam deficere vita, iam ipse vitam meam tibi largiar et de mea ad tuam addam. 610
I you? If I saw your life was ebbing, I’d freely give you my own at once and add my years to yours.
_Phil._
Cui ergo minitans mihi, te vitam esse amissurum? nam quid me facturam putas, si istuc quod dicis faxis? mihi certum est facere in me omnia eadem quae tu in te faxis.
Then why do you threaten me with throwing away your life? For what do you think I will do, if you do what you say? My mind’s made up: I’ll do to myself just precisely what you do to yourself.
_Argyr._
Oh melle dulci dulcior tu es.
Oh, you’re sweeter than sweet honey!
_Phil._
Certe enim tu vita es mi. complectere.
And you’re my very life, I know that. Do put your arms around me!
_Argyr._
Facio lubens.
(_doing so_) Yes, yes, gladly!
_Phil._
Utinam sic efferamur.
Oh, if we could only be carried to the grave like this!
_Leon._
O Libane, uti miser est homo qui amat.
I say, Libanus, what a poor devil a chap in love is!
_Lib._
Immo hercle vero, qui pendet multo est miserior.
By Jove, no! A chap hung up by his heels is a much poorer devil, believe me.
_Leon._
Scio qui periclum feci. circum sistamus, alter hinc, hinc alter appellemus. ere, salve. sed num fumus est haec mulier quam amplexare?
I know that: I’ve tried it. (_a pause_) Let’s surround him, and give him a salute, one from here (_pointing_) and the other from here. (_they station themselves: then, giving the signal to Libanus to chime in, loudly to Argyrippus_) Good day, sir! (_the lovers give a start_) But--this lady you’re hugging isn’t smoke, is she?
_Argyr._
Quidum?
Smoke? Why so?
_Leon._
Quia oculi sunt tibi lacrumantes, eo rogavi. 620
Well, your eyes are watering; that’s why I asked.
_Argyr._
Patronus qui vobis fuit futurus, perdidistis.
(_tragically_) You have lost a man who would have freed you and been your patron, my lads.
_Leon._
Equidem hercle nullum perdidi, ideo quia numquam ullum habui.
Lord! I haven’t lost any such, no, indeed, seeing I never had any such.
_Lib._
Philaenium, salve.
Good day to you, Philaenium.
_Phil._
Dabunt di quae velitis vobis.
God grant all your wishes, to both of you.
_Lib._
Noctem tuam et vini cadum velim, si optata fiant.
I’d wish an evening with you and a cask of wine, if wishing was having.
_Argyr._
Verbum cave faxis, verbero.
Hold your tongue, you rascal!
_Lib._
Tibi equidem, non mihi opto.
Oh, wish ’em for you, I mean, sir, not for myself.
_Argyr._
Tum tu igitur loquere quod lubet.
Then in that case, say what you like.
_Lib._
Hunc hercle verberare.
Like? I’d like to give this chap (_pointing to Leonida_) a thrashing, by gad!
_Leon._
Quisnam istuc adcredat tibi, cinaede calamistrate? tun verberes, qui pro cibo habeas te verberari?
(_ironically_) Well, well, who’d believe it of you, you frizzle-headed girl-hunter? You thrash me, you, you that live on thrashings?
_Argyr._
Ut vostrae fortunae meis praecedunt, Libane, longe, qui hodie numquam ad vesperum vivam.
(_tragical again_) Ah, Libanus, how far preferable your lot is to mine--I who will never never live till evening!
_Lib._
Quapropter, quaeso? 630
How’s that, for mercy’s sake?
_Argyr._
Quia ego hanc amo et haec me amat, huic quod dem nusquam quicquam est, hinc med amantem ex aedibus eiecit huius mater. argenti viginti minae me ad mortem appulerunt, quas hodie adulescens Diabolus ipsi daturus dixit, ut hanc ne quoquam mitteret nisi ad se hunc annum totum. videtin viginti minae quid pollent quidve possunt? ille qui illas perdit salvos est, ego qui non perdo pereo.
Because I love her (_indicating Philaenium_) and she loves me, and (_bitterly_) never a penny can I find anywhere to give her; and her mother has thrown me out of the house here, me, her daughter’s lover. I’m driven to my death by eighty pounds, eighty pounds young Diabolus promised to pay her to-day for letting no one else but him have my girl the whole of this next year. Do you see the power, the possibilities in eighty pounds? The man that loses them is saved. I don’t lose them and I’m lost myself.
_Lib._
Iam dedit argentum?
Has he paid ’em over already?
_Argyr._
Non dedit.
No.
_Lib._
Bono animo es, ne formida.
Cheer up; never you fear.
_Leon._
Secede huc, Libane, te volo.
Libanus! Come over here: I want you.
_Lib._
Si quid vis.
(_obeying_) Anything to please. (_they withdraw and talk, heads close together_)
_Argyr._
Obsecro vos eadem istac opera suaviust complexos fabulari. 640
(_calling_) For heaven’s sake, you two! You’d find it pleasanter to hug each other, while you do your chatting!
_Lib._
Non omnia eadem aeque omnibus, ere, suavia esse scito: vobis est suave amantibus complexos fabulari, ego complexum huius nil moror, meum autem hic aspernatur. proinde istud facias ipse quod faciamus nobis suades.
Tastes differ about what’s pleasant, sir, let me tell you that. A fond pair like you find it pleasant to hug each other while you do your chatting; but, personally, I don’t care for this fellow’s hugs, and as for mine, he scorns ’em. So you go on and practise yourself what you preach to us.
_Argyr._
Ego vero, et quidem edepol lubens. interea, si videtur, concedite istuc.
Indeed I will, by Jove, yes, and gladly. Meanwhile you two go on and step aside there, if you see fit. (_embraces Philaenium_)
_Leon._
Vin erum deludi?
D’ye want to have some fun with master?
_Lib._
Dignust sane.
That I do, serves him right.
_Leon._
Vin faciam ut te Philaenium praesente hoc amplexetur?
D’ye want me to make Philaenium give you a squeeze right before his face?
_Lib._
Cupio hercle.
(_enthusiastically_) Gad, I long for one!
_Leon._
Sequere hac.
Come along. (_leads the way back to Argyrippus and _Philaenium_)
_Argyr._
Ecquid est salutis? satis locuti.
Any good news? You have talked enough.
_Leon._
Auscultate atque operam date et mea dicta devorate. primum omnium servos tuos nos esse non negamus, 650 sed tibi si viginti minae argenti proferentur, quo nos vocabis nomine?
(_importantly_) Listen here, you two; pay attention and devour my remarks, (_to Argyrippus_) First of all, we are your slaves, we don’t deny that; but if eighty pounds is produced for you, what will you call us?
_Argyr._
Libertos.
(_eagerly_) Freedmen!
_Leon._
Non patronos?
Not patrons, eh?
_Argyr._
Id potius.
Yes, yes, patrons!
_Leon._
Viginti minae hic insunt in crumina, has ego, si vis, tibi dabo.
There’s eighty pounds in this wallet here: I’ll give it to you if you like.
_Argyr._
Di te servassint semper, custos erilis, decus popli, thensaurus copiarum, salus interioris[24] corporis amorisque imperator. hic pone, hic istam colloca cruminam in collo plane.
Heaven prosper you for evermore, you guardian of your master, you glory of the populace, you storehouse of supplies, saviour of the inner man, and generalissimo of love! Put it here, hang that wallet here around my neck in plain sight.
_Leon._
Nolo ego te, qui erus sis, mihi onus istuc sustinere.
Let my master bear such a load? No sir, not I.
_Argyr._
Quin tu labore liberas te atque istam imponis in me?
Why not take things easy yourself and let me stand the strain?
_Leon._
Ego baiulabo, tu, ut dacet dominum, ante me ito inanis. 660
I’ll act as porter myself; as for you, you walk on ahead as a master should, empty handed.
_Argyr._
Quid nunc?
(_eagerly_) Well now?
_Lean._
Quid est?
(_drawling_) Well what?
_Argyr._
Quin tradis huc cruminam pressatum umerum?
Why don’t you hand the wallet over and let it crush my shoulder?
_Leon._
Hanc, cui daturu’s hanc, iube petere atque orare mecum. nam istuc proclive est, quo iubes me plane collocare.
She’s the one, (_pointing to Philaenium_) the one you’ll give it to, tell her to ask me for it, tease me for it. You see that plain site you told me to put it on is a (_with a sly glance at Philaenium_) slope.
_Phil._
Da, meus ocellus, mea rosa, mi anime, mea voluptas, Leonida, argentum mihi, ne nos diiunge amantis.
Oh, Leonida, you apple of my eye, my rosebud, my heart’s delight, my darling, do give me the money! Don’t separate us lovers.
_Leon._
Dic me igitur tuom passerculum, gallinam, coturnicem, agnellum haedillum me tuom die esse vel vitellum. prehende auriculis, compara labella cum labellis.
(_with burlesque fondness_) Well then, call me your little sparrow, hen, quail, call me your little lambkin, kidlet, or calfyboy, if you prefer: take hold of me by the earlaps and match my little lips to your little lips.
_Argyr._
Ten osculetur, verbero?
She kiss you, you scoundrel?
_Leon._
Quam vero indignum visum est? at qui pol hodie non feres, ni genua confricantur. 670
Yes, it does seem a shame, doesn’t it? However, you don’t get the cash this day, by gad, unless you rub my knees.
_Argyr._
Quidvis egestas imperat: fricentur. dan quod oro?
“Need knows no shame.” Rubbed they shall be. (_gets down on ground, with poor grace, and clasps Leonida’s knees_) Won’t you grant my prayer? (_gets up_)
_Phil._
Age, mi Leonida, obsecro, fer amanti ero salutem, redime istoc beneficio te ab hoc, et tibi eme hunc isto argento.
Come, dear Leonida, please, please save your master that loves me so! Buy your freedom from him by this kindness, buy his favour for yourself with this money! (_embraces him_)
_Leon._
Nimis bella es atque amabilis, et si hoc meum esset, hodie namquam me orares quin darem. illum te orare meliust, illic hanc mihi servandam dedit ei sane bella belle, cape hoc sis, Libane.
(_leering at her_) Ah, you’re pretty, perfectly adorable: and if this belonged to me, I’d never let you tease me twice for it, never. But he’s the one for you to tease: (_pointing to Libanus_) he gave it to me to keep for him. At him now, my pretty, prettily. Libanus, catch hold of this, will you! (_tosses him the wallet_)
_Argyr._
Furcifer, etiam me delusisti?
What, you villain! Have you been making a fool of me?
_Leon._
Numquam hercle facerem, genua ni tam nequiter fricares. age sis tu in partem nunciam hunc delude atque amplexare hanc.
Bless you, sir, I wouldn’t, only you made such a bad job of rubbing my knees. (_aside to Libanus_) Come on now, will you; you take your turn at fooling him and cuddling her.
_Lib._
Taceas, me spectes.
(_aside to Leonida_) Shut up: you watch me!
_Argyr._
Quin ad hunc, Philaenium, adgredimur, 680 virum quidem pol optimum et non simulem furis huius?
(_aside to Philaenium_) Why not make up to him, Philaenium? He’s a very decent sort, Libanus is, gad yes, nothing like this thief. (_indicating Leonida_)
_Lib._
Inambulandum est: nunc mihi vicissam supplicabunt.
(_aside as they approach_) Now for some strutting around: here’s where I come in for being supplicated. (_parades magnificently back and forth_)
_Argyr._
Quaeso hercle, Libane, sis erum tuis factis sospitari, da mihi istas viginti minas. vides me amantem egere.
Hang it all, Libanus, for mercy’s sake be a good fellow and save your master’s life! Give me that eighty pounds. You see I’m in love and need the money.
_Lib._
Videbitur. factum volo. redito huc contemno nunc istanc tantisper iube petere atque orare mecum.
We’ll see about it. Happy if I can oblige. Come back early in the evening. Meanwhile now just tell the lady there to ask me for it and tease me for it.
_Phil._
Amandone exorarier vis ted an osculando?
Tease it from you by loving you, or by kissing you, which?
_Lib._
Enim vero utrumque.
Oh well, try both of ’em.
_Phil._
Ergo, obsecro, et tu utrumque nostrum serva.
(_fondling him_) And both of us, then,--do rescue us, please, please!
_Argyr._
O Libane, mi patrone, mi trade istuc. magis decorumst libertum potius quam patronum onus in via portare. 690
O Libanus, my dear patron, do hand it over to me! A freedman is the proper person to carry a load on the street, not his patron.
_Phil._
Mi Libane, ocellus aureus, donum decusque amoris, amabo, faciam quod voles, da istuc argentum nobis.
My own Libanus, my little golden treasure boy, love’s gift and glory, oh, I’ll adore you, do anything for you, only give us that money!
_Lib._
Dic igitur med aniticulam, columbam vel catellum, hirundinem, monerulam, passerculum putillum, fac proserpentem bestiam me, duplicem ut habeam linguam, circumda torquem bracchiis, meum collum circumplecte.
Then call me your little ducky, dovey, doggieboy, your swallow, your little jackdaw, your little tootsie wootsie sparrowkin: (_opening his mouth_) make a reptile of me and let me have a double tongue in my mouth; throw a chain of arms around me; clasp me close around my neck.
_Argyr._
Ten complectatur, carnufex?
Put her arms around you, you gallows-bird!
_Lib._
Quam vero indignus videor? ne istuc nequiquam dixeris tam indignum dictum in me, vehes pol hodie me, si quidem hoc argentum ferre speres.
An awful shame, isn’t it, really now? Not to have you saying such shameful things of me free of charge, you’ll carry me on your back to-day, by gad, that is, if you count on getting this cash.
_Argyr._
Ten ego veham?
I carry you on my back--I?
_Lib._
Tun hoc feras argentum aliter a me? 700
See any other way of getting this cash, do you--you?
_Argyr._
Perii hercle. si verum quidem et decorum erum vehere servom, inscende.
O damnation! Well, if it is right and proper for a master to carry a servant on his back--get up.
_Lib._
Sic isti solent superbi subdomari. asta igitur, ut consuetus es puer olim scin ut dicam? em sic. abi, laudo, nec te equo magis est equos ullus sapiens.
Here’s how those toplofty ones are tamified. Now then, stand by--the way you used to do years ago as a boy. Know how I mean? (_Argyrippus sidles up and bends over_) There! That’s it! Good for you! Capital! There isn’t a more knowing bit of horse-flesh than you anywhere.
_Argyr._
Inscende actutum.
Get up, and be quick about it!
_Lib._
Ego fecero hem quid istuc est? ut tu incedis? demam hercle iam de hordeo, tolutim ni badizas.
(_springing on his shoulders_) So I will. (_Argyrippus moves off slowly_) Hullo! What’s the matter? How you do jog along! By gad, I’ll dock your barley directly, if you don’t stir yourself and gallop. (_Argyrippus gallops_)
_Argyr._
Amabo, Libane, iam sat est.
There’s a good fellow, Libanus,--that’s enough now!
_Lib._
Numquam hercle hodie exorabis nam iam calcari quadrupedo agitabo advorsum clivom, postidea ad pistores dabo, ut ibi cruciere currens. asta ut descendam nunciam in proclivi, quamquam nequam es. 710
Not on your life--you don’t beg off this day. Why, now I’m going to dig the spurs in and trot you up a hill: afterwards I’ll hand you over to the millers to do some running for ’em at the end of a rawhide. Stand still! so that I can dismount on the slope now, even though you are a good-for-nothing beast. (_gets off_)
_Argyr._
Quid nunc, amabo? quoniam, ut est libitum, nos delusistis, datisne argentum?
How about it now? There’s a good fellow! Seeing you two have had your fill of sport with me, going to give us the money, are you?
_Lib._
Si quidem mihi statuam et aram statuis atque ut deo mi hic immolas bovem: nam ego tibi Salus sum.
Oh well, if you put me up an altar and statue, yes, and offer me up an ox here the same as a god: for I’m your goddess Salvation, I am.
_Leon._
Etiam tu, ere, istunc amoves abs te atque[25] ipse me adgredere atque illa, sibi quae hic iusserat, mihi statuis supplicasque?
Come, sir, get rid of that chap, won’t you, and apply to me in person, yes, and let me have those statues and supplications he ordered for himself.
_Argyr._
Quem te autem divom nominem?
Ah, and by what name does your godship pass?
_Leon._
Fortunam, atque Obsequentem.
Fortune, yes sir, Indulgent Fortune.
_Argyr._
Iam istoc es melior.
Now there’s where you are better.
_Lib._
An quid est homini Salute melius?
Eh? what’s better for a man than Salvation?
_Argyr._
Licet laudem Fortunam, tamen ut ne Salutem culpem.
I can praise Fortune and still not disparage Salvation.
_Phil._
Ecastor ambae sunt bonae.
Mercy me, they’re both good.
_Argyr._
Sciam ubi boni quid dederint.
I’ll know so when I get something good out of them.
_Leon._
Opta id quod ut contingat tibi vis.
Wish for something you want to happen to you.
_Argyr._
Quid si optaro?
What if I do?
_Leon._
Eveniet. 720
It’ll come true.
_Argyr._
Opto annum hunc perpetuom mihi huius operas.
My wish is to have this lady’s attentions this whole next year through.
_Leon._
Impetrasti.
You’ve got it.
_Argyr._
Ain vero?
Really? really?
_Leon._
Certe inquam.
Sure thing I tell you.
_Lib._
Ad me adi vicissim atque experire. exopta id quod vis maxime tibi evenire: fiet.
It’s my turn--come over here and give me a trial. Long for something you most want to come true: it will.
_Argyr._
Quid ego aliud exoptem amplius nisi illud cuius inopiast, viginti argenti commodas minas, huius quas dem matri.
What could I long for more than something I haven’t got a trace of--a round eighty pounds to give this girl’s mother?
_Lib._
Dabuntur, animo sis bono face, exoptata optingent.
Forthcoming. Keep your courage up: your longing will be gratified.
_Argyr._
Ut consuevere, homines Salus frustratur et Fortuna.
(_incredulous_) Salvation is at her old tricks, fooling people, and Fortune too.
_Leon._
Ego caput huic argento fui hodie reperiundo.
In lighting on this cash to-day--I’m the one that’s been the head of it!
_Lib._
Ego pes fui.
I’m the one that’s been the foot of it!
_Argyr._
Quin nec caput nec pes sermoni apparet. nec quid dicatis scire nec me cur ludatis possum. 730
And upon my soul, your discourse is a puzzle from head to foot. I can’t understand your talk, or why you’re making game of me.
_Lib._
Satis iam delusum censeo. nunc rem ut est eloquamur. animum. Argyrippe, advorte sis. pater nos ferre hoc iussit argentum ad ted.
(_aside to Leonida_) I move he’s been fooled with long enough. Come on, let’s out with it. (_to Argyrippus_) Your kind attention, Argyrippus! Your father told us to bring this money to you. (_holding up wallet_)
_Argyr._
Ut temperi opportuneque attulistis.
Oh, you’ve brought it just in time, just at the right moment!
_Lib._
Hic inerunt viginti minae bonae, mala opera partae; has tibi nos pactis legibus dare iussit.
You’ll find in here eighty good sovereigns ill-gotten: he said to give ’em to you according to terms agreed upon.
_Argyr._
Quid id est, quaeso?
Terms? What terms, for mercy’s sake?
_Lib._
Noctem huius et cenam sibi ut dares.
That you’re to give him an evening with this lady, and a dinner.
_Argyr._
Iube advenire quaeso: meritissimo eius quae volet faciemus, qui hosce amores nostros dispulsos compulit.
Tell him to come along, yes, yes! We’ll do what he wants, and quite right we should, after the way he’s gathered our scattered love to the fold. (_takes wallet from Libanus_)
_Leon._
Patierin, Argyrippe, patrem hanc amplexari tuom?
Going to put up with your father’s hugging her, are you, Argyrippus?
_Argyr._
Haec faciet facile ut patiar Leonida, curre obsecro, patrem huc orato ut veniat. 740
(_waving wallet_) This will easily enable me to put up with it. Leonida, for heaven’s sake run and beg my father to come here.
_Leon._
Iam dudum est intus.
(_pointing to Cleareta’s house_) He was in there long ago.
_Argyr._
Hac quidem non venit.
He certainly didn’t come this way.
_Leon._
Angiporto illac per hortum circum ut clam, ne quis se videret. huc ire familiarium: ne uxor resciscat metuit de argento si mater tua sciat ut sit factum--
Sneaked in by the alley there through the garden, so that none of the servants would see him enter: he’s afraid of his wife finding out. If your mother was to learn about the money, how it was--
_Argyr._
Heia, bene dicite.
Hold on there! No ominous remarks!
_Lib._
Ite intro cito.
In with you, quick!
_Argyr._
Valete.
Good-bye, you two.
_Leon._
Et vos amate.
And spoon away, you two.
[EXEUNT _Argyrippus_ AND _Philaenium_ INTO _Cleareta’s_ HOUSE, _Libanus_ AND _Leonida_ INTO HOUSE OF _Demaenetus._
ACTVS IV