Part 2

MARY. She will _not go_. She is coming with me. (_Puts arm around ALICE_) There's a dear. Won't you come to the lecture given by Dr. Weeks this evening on "What Woman Will Do With the Vote"?

ALICE. I'll tell you what I will do. I shall go to neither place. Come now, you two shake hands and be good friends.

MRS. BAXTER. I will n----

ALICE. For the land's sake, why keep up this pretense any longer? You know right well, Mary, that you are dying to know where Mrs. Baxter bought her new hat. (_MRS. BAXTER and MARY look at one another; both laugh_)

MARY. You are right, Alice. Although we rave and clamor for our rights, we are still _only_ women down deep in our hearts.

MRS. BAXTER. And, although I try to make people think I would not be bothered about Woman's Rights, I am still enough of a woman not to want a man to get anything over on me. Well, come along, Mary; I have a new gown to show you.

MRS. BAXTER. } } Good-bye, Alice dear, wish you luck. MARY. }

[EXIT _MRS. BAXTER and MARY C.D., chatting gaily_

ALICE. Well, those two are beyond me. A few minutes ago they were fighting like two bitter enemies, and now they go off like two of the best friends. Well, strange things do happen. (_Turns to table_) Oh dear, what has happened to my stenographer and--_oh!_--_oh!_--where have my papers and letters disappeared to? (_Spies MISS PRUNE in corner_) So, there you are. Will you kindly tell me the meaning of this? What have you done with my papers?

MISS PRUNE. Burned them.

ALICE. You have what? Do you realize that they were important legal documents? (_Falls in chair; covers face with hand_) Oh dear, oh dear, what shall I do. I guess I might as well give it all up.

MISS PRUNE. Good!

ALICE. Why, what do you mean?

MISS PRUNE. _This._ (_Removes make-up_)

ALICE. _Diana?_

DIANA. At your service, mum.

ALICE. Explain!

DIANA. It is simply this. When I left your office yesterday I was bound to have you come with us by hook or by crook, so, very much depressed in spirits, I walked into the club and who should I meet there but two of my old school-mates. Instantly I thought of this plan, and to bring back school-day memories they promised to help me. My beloved school chums were to apply for the position you had open and I would also. So, my dear, Miss Johnickstoner, the first applicant, happens to be Miss Marie Hopkins, daughter of the mayor of Koscoe, the second applicant, Miss Chickenfencer, was the most dare-devil girl in our school, Miss Rose Fishby, and the third stands before you.

ALICE. Well, of all the nerve! I must say you had little to do to play such a joke on me.

DIANA (_arm around ALICE_). There now, cheer up. You know you are dying to laugh and vow it was a clever way to make you give up this silly fad. Of course, I am sure of your coming now.

ALICE. Indeed. (_Laughs_) Well, I must admit you certainly played the game high. I suppose I simply must give in. But, oh dear, how I shall be laughed at.

DIANA. All you have got to do is to laugh also. You know the old saying, "Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone."

ALICE. But, Mrs. Baxter, what will she say when she finds this out?

DIANA (_laughs_). Oh, some day I shall act for you the part Mrs. Baxter played in this tragedy. My, but her dignity was taken down a bit.

ALICE. I can imagine.

DIANA. The only thing I regret is the impression we gave you of stenographers. I must admit we did exaggerate a little. But, you see, if we acted as real stenographers, you would be so pleased and contented with your lot that you would never consent to give it up.

ALICE (_sighs_). But, oh, I can just picture father and Jack referring to this, in a burst of laughter, as "Alice's Blighted Profession."

(_Both look at one another; laugh_)

CURTAIN

* * * * *

MALE CHARACTERS

=FUN IN A SCHOOL ROOM=

_Farce in One Act. Four Males_

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One interior scene. A Dutch dialect teacher and three pupils consisting of a Bowery tough, a Hebrew boy, and a rather good little boy, create much merriment. Plays forty minutes.

PRICE 15 CENTS

* * * * *

=A MANAGER'S TRIALS=

_Farce in One Act. Nine Males_

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* * * * *

=MEDICA=

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PRICE 15 CENTS

* * * * *

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_Farce in One Act. Twelve Males_

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PRICE 15 CENTS

* * * * *

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_Farce in One Act. Three Males_

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One exterior scene. Costumes grotesque and fantastic. An amusing burlesque for boys, easily produced, full of bright situations, and sure to make a hit. The play may be staged very simply, or made as elaborate as the producer sees fit. Besides the eight speaking parts, the company of officers, suite of the King and Queen, etc., may utilize any number of persons. Plays one hour. By the introduction of specialties the time may be considerably lengthened.

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FEMALE CHARACTERS

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PRICE 15 CENTS

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End of Project Gutenberg's Alice's Blighted Profession, by Helen C. Clifford