SCENE FOUR

_Is symbolic of a wet and rocky shore in a weird green light. The MOCK TURTLE is weeping dismally._

GRYPHON

Hjckrrh. Hjckrrh. Hjckrrh.

MOCK TURTLE

[_Answers with his weeping._]

GRYPHON

[_Drags ALICE in._]

Drop your tears into the sea with his.

ALICE

He sobs as if he had a bone in his throat. He sighs as if his heart would break. What is his sorrow?

MOCK TURTLE

Oh, Gryphon, it's terrible!

GRYPHON

It's all his fancy that. Mock Turtle hasn't got no sorrow. This here young lady, she wants for to know your history, she do.

MOCK TURTLE

I'll tell it her. Sit down both of you, and don't speak a word till I've finished.

ALICE

I don't see how you can _ever_ finish, if you don't begin.

MOCK TURTLE

Once, I was a real Turtle.

[_A long silence is broken only by the exclamations, "Hjckrrh," of the GRYPHON and the heavy sobbing of the MOCK TURTLE._]

MOCK TURTLE

When we were little, we went to school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call him tortoise--

ALICE

Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?

MOCK TURTLE

We called him Tortoise because he taught us; really you are very dull.

GRYPHON

You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question. Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about it!

MOCK TURTLE

Yes, we went to school in the sea, tho' you mayn't believe it--

ALICE

I never said I didn't.

MOCK TURTLE

You did.

GRYPHON

Hold your tongue!

MOCK TURTLE

We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school every day.

ALICE

I've been to a day school too; you needn't be so proud as all that.

MOCK TURTLE

With extras?

ALICE

Yes, we learned French and music.

MOCK TURTLE

And washing?

ALICE

Certainly not!

MOCK TURTLE

Ah! Then yours wasn't a really good school. Now at _ours_ they had at the end of the bill, French, music, _and washing_--extra.

ALICE

You couldn't have wanted it much; living at the bottom of the sea.

MOCK TURTLE

I couldn't afford to learn it, I only took the regular course.

ALICE

What was that?

MOCK TURTLE

Reeling and writhing, of course, to begin with, and then the different branches of Arithmetic--Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.

ALICE

I never heard of Uglification. What is it?

GRYPHON

Never heard of uglifying! You know what to beautify is, I suppose?

ALICE

Yes, it means--to--make--anything--prettier.

GRYPHON

Well then, if you don't know what to uglify is, you _are_ a simpleton.

ALICE

What else had you to learn?

MOCK TURTLE

Well, there was Mystery; Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography, then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old conger eel, that used to come once a week; what _he_ taught us was Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.

ALICE

What was _that_ like?

MOCK TURTLE

Well, I can't show it you, myself. I'm too stiff. And the Gryphon never learned it.

GRYPHON

Hadn't time; I went to the Classical master, though. He was an old crab, _he_ was.

MOCK TURTLE

I never went to him; he taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.

GRYPHON

So he did, so he did.

ALICE

And how many hours a day did you do lessons?

MOCK TURTLE

Ten hours the first day, nine the next, and so on.

ALICE

What a curious plan!

GRYPHON

That's the reason they're called lessons, because they lessen from day to day.

ALICE

Then the eleventh day must have been a holiday?

MOCK TURTLE

Of course it was.

ALICE

And how did you manage on the twelfth?

GRYPHON

That's enough about lessons, tell her something about the games now.

[_MOCK TURTLE sighs deeply, draws back of one flapper across his eyes. He looks at ALICE and tries to speak but sobs choke his voice._]

GRYPHON

[_Punching him in the back._]

Same as if he had a bone in his throat.

MOCK TURTLE

[_With tears running down his cheeks._]

You may not have lived much under the sea--

ALICE

I haven't.

MOCK TURTLE

And perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster.

ALICE

I once tasted--no, never!

MOCK TURTLE

So you can have no idea what a delightful thing a Lobster Quadrille is.

ALICE

No, indeed. What sort of a dance is it?

GRYPHON

Why, you first form into a line along the seashore.

MOCK TURTLE

Two lines; seals, turtles, salmon, and so on; then, when you've cleared all the jellyfish out of the way--

GRYPHON

_That_ generally takes some time.

MOCK TURTLE

You advance twice--

GRYPHON

Each with a lobster as a partner.

MOCK TURTLE

Of course, advance twice, set to partners.

GRYPHON

Change lobsters, and retire in same order.

MOCK TURTLE

Then you know, you throw the--

GRYPHON

The lobsters!

MOCK TURTLE

As far out to sea as you can--

GRYPHON

Swim after them!

MOCK TURTLE

Turn a somersault in the sea.

GRYPHON

Change lobsters again!

MOCK TURTLE

Back to land again, and--that's all the first figure.

ALICE

It must be a very pretty dance.

MOCK TURTLE

Would you like to see a little of it?

ALICE

Very much indeed.

MOCK TURTLE

Come, let's try the first figure. We can do it without lobsters, you know; which shall sing?

GRYPHON

Oh, _you_ sing, I've forgotten the words.

[_Creatures solemnly dance round and round ALICE, treading on her toes, waving fore-paws to mark time while MOCK TURTLE sings._]

First Verse

"Will you walk a little faster!" said a whiting to a snail, "There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail. See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance! They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?

Second Verse

"You can really have no notion how delightful it will be When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!" But the snail replied, "Too far, too far!" and gave a look askance-- Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance.

[_The creatures dance against ALICE, pushing her back and forth between them. She protests and finally escapes; they bump against each other._]

ALICE

Thank you; it's a very interesting dance to watch, and I do so like that curious song about the whiting.

MOCK TURTLE

Oh, as to the whiting, they--you've seen them, of course?

ALICE

Yes, I've often seen them at din--

[_Checks herself hastily._]

MOCK TURTLE

I don't know where Din may be, but if you've seen them so often, of course you know what they're like.

ALICE

I believe so, they have their tails in their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.

MOCK TURTLE

You're wrong about the crumbs, crumbs would all wash off in the sea. But they _have_ their tails in their mouths; and the reason is--

[_MOCK TURTLE yawns and shuts his eyes._]

Tell her about the reason and all that.

GRYPHON

The reason is, that they _would_ go with the lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall a long way. So they got their tails fast in their mouths. So they couldn't get them out again. That's all.

ALICE

Thank you, it's very interesting. I never knew so much about a whiting before.

GRYPHON

I can tell you more than that, if you like. Do you know why it's called a whiting?

ALICE

I never thought about it. Why?

GRYPHON

_It does the boots and shoes._

ALICE

Does the boots and shoes!

GRYPHON

Why, what are _your_ shoes done with? I mean, what makes them so shiny?

ALICE

They're done with blacking, I believe.

GRYPHON

Boots and shoes under the sea, are done with whiting. Now you know.

ALICE

And what are they made of?

GRYPHON

Soles and eels, of course; any shrimp could have told you that.

ALICE

If I'd been the whiting, I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep back, please; we don't want _you_ with us."

MOCK TURTLE

They were obliged to have him with them, no wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.

ALICE

Wouldn't it really?

MOCK TURTLE

Of course not; why if a fish came to me and told me he was going a journey, I should say, "With what porpoise?"

ALICE

Don't you mean purpose?

MOCK TURTLE

I mean what I say.

GRYPHON

Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille? Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?

ALICE

Oh, a song please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind.

GRYPHON

Um! No accounting for tastes! Sing her "Turtle Soup," will you, old fellow?

MOCK TURTLE

[_Sighs deeply and sometimes choked with sobs, sings._]

"Beautiful Soup, so rich and green, Waiting in a hot tureen! Who for such dainties would not stoop? Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! Beau--ootiful Soo--op, Beau--ootiful Soo--oop, Soo--oop of the e-e-evening, Beautiful, beautiful Soup."

WHITE RABBIT

[_Enters, stretching out a red and white checked sash with which he separates ALICE from the creatures._]

Check!

MOCK TURTLE

They won't let her stay in our square.

WHITE RABBIT

The Queen is coming this way.

GRYPHON

She'll chop our heads off. Come on, come on, let's fly!

[_The MOCK TURTLE and GRYPHON grab ALICE and fly into the air._]

CURTAIN

[_The Curtain rises to reveal small silhouettes of the GRYPHON, MOCK TURTLE, and ALICE in an orange-colored moon far away in the sky. Down below the WHITE RABBIT is shouting to them, "You'll be safe in the March Hare's garden."_]

CURTAIN