SCENE TWO

[_Is Scene One, reversed. The portieres are black and red squares like a chessboard. A soft radiance follows the characters mysteriously. As the curtain rises ALICE comes through the looking glass; steps down, looks about in wonderment and goes to see if there is a "fire." The RED QUEEN rises out of the grate and faces her haughtily._]

ALICE

Why, you're the Red Queen!

RED QUEEN

Of course I am! Where do you come from? And where are you going? Look up, speak nicely, and don't twiddle your fingers!

ALICE

I only wanted to see what the looking glass was like. Perhaps I've lost my way.

RED QUEEN

I don't know what you mean by your way; all the ways about here belong to _me_. Curtsey while you're thinking what to say. It saves time.

ALICE

I'll try it when I go home; the next time I'm a little late for dinner.

RED QUEEN

It's time for you to answer now; open your mouth a _little_ wider when you speak, and always say, "Your Majesty." I suppose you don't want to lose your name?

ALICE

No, indeed.

RED QUEEN

And yet I don't know, only think how convenient it would be if you could manage to go home without it! For instance, if the governess wanted to call you to your lessons, she would call out "come here," and there she would have to leave off, because there wouldn't be any name for her to call, and of course you wouldn't have to go, you know.

ALICE

That would never do, I'm sure; the governess would never think of excusing me from lessons for that. If she couldn't remember my name, she'd call me "Miss," as the servants do.

RED QUEEN

Well, if she said "Miss," and didn't say anything more, of course you'd miss your lessons. I dare say you can't even read this book.

ALICE

It's all in some language I don't know. Why, it's a looking-glass book, of course! And if I hold it up to a glass, the words will all go the right way again.

JABBERWOCKY

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe; All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.

It seems very pretty, but it's _rather_ hard to understand; somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas--only I don't exactly know what they are.

RED QUEEN

I daresay you don't know your geography either. Look at the map!

[_She takes a right angle course to the portieres and points to them with her sceptre._]

ALICE

It's marked out just like a big chessboard. I wouldn't mind being a pawn, though of course I should like to be a Red Queen best.

RED QUEEN

That's easily managed. When you get to the eighth square you'll be a Queen. It's a huge game of chess that's being played--all over the world. Come on, we've got to run. Faster, don't try to talk.

ALICE

I can't.

RED QUEEN

Faster, faster.

ALICE

Are we nearly there?

RED QUEEN

Nearly there! Why, we passed it ten minutes ago. Faster. You may rest a little now.

ALICE

Why, I do believe we're in the same place. Everything's just as it was.

RED QUEEN

Of course it is, what would you have it?

ALICE

Well, in our country you'd generally get to somewhere else--if you ran very fast for a long time as we've been doing.

RED QUEEN

A slow sort of country. Now _here_ you see, it takes all the running _you_ can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that.

ALICE

I'd rather not try, please! I'm quite content to stay here--only I _am_ so hot and thirsty.

RED QUEEN

I know what you'd like.

[_She takes a little box out of her pocket._]

Have a biscuit?

[_ALICE, not liking to refuse, curtseys as she takes the biscuit and chokes._]

RED QUEEN

While you're refreshing yourself, I'll just take the measurements.

[_She takes a ribbon out of her pocket and measures the map with it._]

At the end of two yards I shall give you your directions--have another biscuit?

ALICE

No thank you, one's _quite_ enough.

RED QUEEN

Thirst quenched, I hope? At the end of three yards I shall repeat them--for fear of your forgetting them. At the end of _four_, I shall say good-bye. And at the end of five, I shall go! That Square belongs to Humpty Dumpty and that Square to the Gryphon and Mock Turtle and that Square to the Queen of Hearts. But you make no remark?

ALICE

I--I didn't know I had to make one--just then.

RED QUEEN

You _should_ have said, "It's extremely kind of you to tell me all this," however, we'll suppose it said. Four! Good-bye! Five!

[_RED QUEEN vanishes in a gust of wind behind the portieres. Rabbit music. WHITE RABBIT comes out of the fireplace and walks about the room hurriedly. He wears a checked coat, carries white kid gloves in one hand, a fan in the other and takes out his watch to look at it anxiously._]

WHITE RABBIT

Oh the Duchess! the Duchess! Oh! won't she be savage if I've kept her waiting!

ALICE

I've never seen a rabbit with a waistcoat and a watch! And a waistcoat pocket! If you please, sir--

WHITE RABBIT

Oh!

[_He drops fan and gloves in fright and dashes out by way of the portieres in a gust of wind. ALICE picks up the fan and playfully puts on the gloves. The portieres flap in the breeze and a shawl flies in._]

ALICE

[_Catches the shawl and looks about for the owner; then meets the WHITE QUEEN._]

I'm very glad I happened to be in the way.

WHITE QUEEN

[_Runs in wildly, both arms stretched out wide as if she were flying, and cries in a helpless frightened way._]

Bread-and-butter, bread-and-butter.

ALICE

Am I addressing the White Queen?

WHITE QUEEN

Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing. It isn't my notion of the thing, at all.

ALICE

If your Majesty will only tell me the right way to begin, I'll do it as well as I can.

WHITE QUEEN

But I don't want it done at all. I've been a-dressing myself for the last two hours.

ALICE

Every single thing's crooked, and you're all over pins; may I put your shawl straight for you?

WHITE QUEEN

I don't know what's the matter with it! It's out of temper. I've pinned it here, and I've pinned it there, but there's no pleasing it.

ALICE

It _can't_ go straight, you know, if you pin it all on one side, and dear me, what a state your hair is in!

WHITE QUEEN

The brush has got entangled in it! And I lost the comb yesterday.

ALICE

[_Takes out the brush and arranges the QUEEN'S hair._]

You look better now! But really you should have a lady's maid!

WHITE QUEEN

I'm sure I'll take you with pleasure. Two pence a week and jam every other day.

ALICE

[_Who cannot help laughing._]

I don't want you to hire me--and I don't care for jam.

WHITE QUEEN

It's very good jam.

ALICE

Well, I don't want any today, at any rate.

WHITE QUEEN

You couldn't have it if you _did_ want it. The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday--but never jam today.

ALICE

It must come sometimes to "jam today."

WHITE QUEEN

No, it can't, it's jam every _other_ day; today isn't any _other_ day, you know.

ALICE

I don't understand you, it's dreadfully confusing!

WHITE QUEEN

That's the effect of living backwards, it always makes one a little giddy at first--

ALICE

Living backwards! I never heard of such a thing!

WHITE QUEEN

But there's one great advantage in it--that one's memory works both ways.

ALICE

I'm sure _mine_ only works one way. I can't remember things before they happen.

WHITE QUEEN

It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards.

ALICE

What sort of things do you remember best?

WHITE QUEEN

Oh, things that happened the week after next. For instance now:

[_She sticks a large piece of plaster on her finger._]

There's the King's messenger--he's in prison being punished; and the trial doesn't even begin till next Wednesday; and of course the crime comes last of all.

ALICE

Suppose he never commits the crime?

WHITE QUEEN

[_Binding the plaster with ribbon._]

That would be all the better, wouldn't it?

ALICE

Of course it would be all the better, but it wouldn't be all the better his being punished.

WHITE QUEEN

You're wrong _there_, at any rate; were _you_ ever punished?

ALICE

Only for faults.

WHITE QUEEN

And you were all the better for it, I know!

ALICE

Yes, but then I _had_ done the things I was punished for; that makes all the difference.

WHITE QUEEN

But if you hadn't done them that would have been better still; better and better and better!

ALICE

There's a mistake somewhere--

WHITE QUEEN

[_Screams like an engine whistle, and shakes her hand._]

Oh, Oh, Oh! My finger's bleeding. Oh, Oh, Oh!

ALICE

What _is_ the matter? Have you pricked your finger?

WHITE QUEEN

I haven't pricked it yet--but I soon shall--Oh, Oh, Oh!

ALICE

When do you expect to do it?

WHITE QUEEN

When I fasten my shawl again; the brooch will come undone directly. Oh, Oh!

[_Brooch flies open and she clutches it wildly._]

ALICE

Take care! you're holding it all crooked!

WHITE QUEEN

[_Pricks her finger and smiles._]

That accounts for the bleeding, you see; now you understand the way things happen here.

ALICE

But why don't you scream now?

WHITE QUEEN

Why, I've done all the screaming already. What would be the good of having it all over again? Oh! it's time to run if you want to stay in the same place! Come on!

ALICE

No, no! Not so fast! I'm getting dizzy!!

WHITE QUEEN

Faster, faster!

ALICE

Everything's black before my eyes!

[_There is music, and the sound of rushing wind, and in the darkness the WHITE QUEEN cries: "Faster, faster"; ALICE gasps: "I can't--please stop"; and the QUEEN replies: "Then you can't stay in the same place. I'll have to drop you behind. Faster--faster, good-bye."_]