Chapter 5
Ada is only 13 not 14 like Dora, and the parish priest makes a tremendous fuss because she’s not confirmed yet. Her mother is going to bring her to be confirmed soon. We are not going to be confirmed because Father and Mother don’t want to be bothered with it. Still I should like to be confirmed, for then one _has_ to have a watch, and one can ask for something else at Christmas.
April 21st. Our lessons are something frightful just now. The school inspector is coming soon. It’s always very disagreeable. Mme A. says: The inspection is for the staff not for the pupils. Still, it’s horrid for the pupils too first of all because we get blamed at the time and secondly because the staff makes such a frightful row about it afterwards. Dora says that a bad inspection can make one’s report 2 degrees worse. By the way, that reminds me that I have not yet written why Oswald did not come home at Easter. _Although his reports were not at all good_, he was allowed to go to Aunt Alma’s at Pola, because this year Richard comes home for the holidays for the last time. After that he’s going away for three years in the steamship “Ozean” to the East or Turkey or Persia, I don’t quite know where. If Oswald likes he can go into the Navy too in two years.
May 9th. The school inspector came to-day, first of all in natural history, thank goodness I wasn’t in for it that time, and then in German; I was in that, reading and in the table of contents of the Wandering Bells. Thank goodness I got through all right.
May 14th. It’s Mother’s birthday to-day. We’ve had simply no time to work anything for her, so we got a wonderful electric lamp for her bed table, the switch is a bunch of grapes and the stand is made of brass. She was so pleased with it. Yesterday Frau v. R. was here. She’s a friend of Mother’s and of Hella’s mother. I should like to have music lessons from Frau v. R., she gives lessons since her husband who was a major died though she is quite well off.
May 15th. That must have been true about the inspection; in the interval to-day Professor Igel-Nikel said to the Herr Religionsprofessor: Well, he will go on coming all through the week and then we shall be all right for this year. _We_, of course that means the staff. But really the staff can’t help it if the pupils are no good. Though Oswald says it’s all the fault of the staff. I shall be glad too when the inspection is over. The staff is always quite different when the inspector is there, some are better, some are stricter, and Mme. A. says: I always feel quite ill with anxiety.
May 29th. At Whitsuntide Frau Doctor Haslinger came from Hainfeld with Ada and the two boys for the confirmation. On Whitsunday the doctor came too and in the evening they all went home again. Ada is very pretty, but she looks countrified. I’m not going to be confirmed anyhow. We had to wait 3 hours, though the Friday before Whitsunday was a very fine day. Dora did not come; only Mother and I and Ada and her mother. The women who were selling white favours all thought that I was one of the candidates because I wore a white dress too. Ada was rather put out about it. On Saturday we were in town in the morning and afternoon because Ada liked that better than the Kahlenberg; on Sunday morning we went to Schonbrunn and in the afternoon they went home. The watch they gave to Ada was a lovely one and Dora and I gave her a gold chain for a locket. She enjoyed herself immensely, except that on Sunday she had a frightful headache. Because she is not used to town noises.
May 31st. Ada knows a good deal already, but not everything. I told her a few things. In H. last winter a girl drowned herself because she was going to have a baby. It made a great sensation and her mother told her a little, but not everything. Ada once saw a bitch having her pups, but she didn’t tell her mother about it; she thought that her mother might be very angry. Still, she could not help it, the dog belonged to their next door neighbour and she happened to see it in the out-house. Ada is expecting _it_ to begin every day for she is nearly 14. In H. every grown-up girl has an admirer. Ada says she will have one as soon as she is 14; she knows who it will be.
June 3rd. Ada wrote to-day to thank Mother about the confirmation and she wrote to me as well. It is strange that she did not make friends with Dora but with me. I think that Dora won’t talk about _those_ things, at least only with her friends in the high school, especially with Frieda Ertl. That is why Ada made friends with me, though I am 2 years younger. She is really an awfully nice girl.
June 19th. One thing after another goes missing in our class, first it was Fleischer’s galoshes, then my new gloves, three times money was missing, and today Fraulein Steiner’s new vanity bag. There was a great enquiry. But nothing was found out. We all think it is Schmolka. But no one will tell. To-day we could none of us attend to our lessons especially when Sch. left the room at half past 11.
June 20th. In our closet the school servant found some beads on the floor but since she did not know anything she threw them into the dustbin. Was it really Sch.? It would be a dirty trick. Frl. St. is frightfully upset because her betrothed gave her the vanity bag for a birthday present and his photo was in it. But I’m really sorry for Sch. Nobody will speak to her although nothing is proved yet. She is frightfully pale and her eyes are always full of tears. Hella thinks too that perhaps she didn’t do it, for she is one of Frl. St.’s favourites and she is very fond of her herself. She always carries the copybooks home for her.
June 22nd. Our closet was stopped up and when the porter came to see what was the matter he found the vanity bag. But what use is it to Frl. now; she can’t possibly use it any more. We giggled all through lessons whenever we caught one another’s eye and the staff was in a frightful rage. Only Frau Doktor M. said: “Now please get through with your laughing over this extremely unsavoury affair, and then have done with it.”
June 23rd. There was a frightful row to-day. Verbenowitsch was collecting the German copybooks and when Sch. wanted to hand up her copybook she said: Please give up your copybook yourself; I won’t have anything to do with (then there was a long pause) you. We were all apalled and Sch. went as white as a sheet. At 10 o’clock she begged permission to leave the room because she felt bad. I’m sure her mother will come to speak about it to-morrow.
June 24th. Sch.’s mother did not come after all. Verbenowitsch said: Of course not! Sch. did not come either. Hella says she couldn’t stand anything like that, she would rather drown herself. I don’t know, one wants _other_ reasons for drowning oneself. Still, I should tell Father so that he could speak about it at school. Franke said: Yes, that’s all very well, because _you_ didn’t do it; but _if_ one had done it one would not dare to say anything at home. Besides, Sch.’s father is an invalid, he’s quite paralysed, has been bedridden for two years and can’t speak.
June 27th. To-day Hella and I walked home with Frau Doktor M. Really she always goes home alone but Hella suddenly left me and went up to Frau Doktor in the street and said: Please excuse me Frau Doktor for bothering you in the street, we _must_ speak to you. She got quite red. Then Frau Doktor said: “What’s the matter?” And Hella said: “Isn’t it possible to find out who took the vanity bag? If it wasn’t Sch. the way the other girls treat her will make her quite ill, and if it was we can’t stand having her among us any longer.” Hella was really splendid and Frau Doktor M. made us tell her everything that had happened, including about Verbenowitsch and the copybooks; and we saw quite clearly she had tears in her eyes and she said: “The poor child! Children I promise I will do what I can for her.” We both kissed her hand and my heart beat furiously. And Hella said: “You are an angel.” I could never have managed to say a thing like that.
June 28th. To-day Sch. was there again, but Frau Doktor M. did not say anything. Hella and I kept on looking at her and Hella cleared her throat three times and Frau Doktor said: Bruckner, do stop clearing your throat; it will only make your sore throat worse: But it seemed to me her eyes twinkled as she said it. So she hasn’t forgotten. I wanted to speak to Sch., but Hella said: Wait a bit, we must give the Frau Doktor a chance. She’s taken the matter in hand. To-morrow before 9 we’ll walk up and down in front of her house till she comes out.
June 30th. Unluckily yesterday was a holiday and to-day Frau Doktor’s first lesson began at 11. But she has already had a talk with Sch. only we don’t know when and where; certainly it was not in the interval and she did not send for Sch. during lessons.
July 1st. To-day we walked to school with her She _is_ such a dear. Children, she said, this is such a painful matter, and it is difficult to find a way out. Sch. insists that she did not do it, and whether she did it or not these days are burning themselves into her soul and Hella asked: “Please, Frau Doktor advise us what to do, speak to her or not?” Then she said: Children I think that after this affair she won’t come back to us next year; you will be doing a good work if you make these last days bearable to her. You were never intimate with her, but to give her a friendly word or two will do you no harm and may help her. You 2 have a high standing in the class; your example will do good. We walked with her till we reached the school, and because we were there we could not kiss her hand but Hella said out loud: How sweet you are! She must have heard it. But Sch. was not at school. Father says he’s glad that the term is nearly over, for I have been quite crazy about this affair. Still, he thinks that Hella and I should talk to Sch. So does Mother. But Dora said: Yes that’s all right but you must not go too far.
July 5th. Sch. was not at school to-day. To-morrow we are to get our reports.
July 6th. We cried like anything I and Hella and Verbenowitsch because we shan’t see Frau Doktor M. any more for nearly 3 months. I only had 2 in History and Natural History, but 1 in everything else. Franke says: Anyone who is not in Professor Igel-Nigl’s good books can find out that he’s cranky and stupid and _he_ could never get a one. Father is quite pleased. Of course Dora has got only ones and Hella has three twos. Lizzi, I think, has 3 or 4. Father has given each of us a 2 crown piece, we can blow it, he says and Mother has given us a lace collar.
July 9th. We are going to Hainfeld this summer, its jolly, I’m awfully pleased; but not until the 20th because Father can’t get away till then and Mother won’t leave Father so long alone. It is only a few days anyhow. It’s a pity Hella’s gone already, she left early this morning for Parsch near Salzburg, what a horrid name and Hella too doesn’t like saying it; I can’t think how anyone can give a place such a nasty name. They have rented a house.
July 12th. It’s shockingly dull. Nearly every day I have a quarrel with Dora because she’s so conceited Oswald came home yesterday. He’s fearfully smart nearly as tall as Father only about a quarter head shorter, but then Father’s tremendously tall. And his voice is quite deep, it was not before. And he has parted his hair on one side, it suits him very well. He says his moustache is growing already but it isn’t; one could see it if it were; five hairs don’t make a moustache.
July 19th. Thank goodness we’re going at last the day after to-morrow. Father wanted Mother to go away with us earlier, but she would not. It would have been nicer if she had.
July 24th. Our house is only 3 doors away from the Hs. Ada and I spend the whole day together. There happens to be a schoolfellow of Dora’s here, one she gets on with quite well, Rosa Tilofsky Oswald says that Hainfeld bores him to death and that he shall get a friend to invite him somewhere. Nothing will induce him to spend the whole holidays here. His name for Ada is: “Country Simplicity.” If he only knew how much she knows. Rosa T. he calls a “Pimple Complex” because she has two or three pimples. Oswald has some fault to find with every girl he comes across. He says of Dora: She is a green frog, for she always looks so pale and has cold hands, and he says of me: You can’t say anything about her yet: “_She_ is still nothing but an unripe embryo.” Thank goodness I know from the natural history lessons what an embryo is, a little frog; “I got in a frightful wax and Father said: Don’t you worry, he’s still a long way from being a man or he would be more polite to his sisters and their lady friends.” This annoyed him frightfully, and since then he never says a word when Ada and Rosa are with us. My birthday is coming soon, thank goodness I shall be 12 then, only 2 years more and I shall be 14; I am so glad. Hella wrote to me to-day for the second time. In August she is going to Hungary to stay with her uncle, he has a great estate and she will learn to ride there.
SECOND YEAR, AGE TWELVE TO THIRTEEN
SECOND YEAR
August 1st. It was awfully jolly on my birthday. We drove to Glashutte where it is lovely; there we cooked our own dinner in the inn for the landlady was ill and so was the cook. On one’s birthday everyone is always so nice to one. What I like most of all is the Ebeseder paint-box, and the book too. But I never have any time to read. Hella sent me a lovely picture: Maternal Happiness, a dachshund with two puppies, simply sweet. When I go home I shall hang it up near the door over the bookcase. Ada gave me a silk purse which she had worked for me herself. Aunt Dora gave me a diary, but I can’t use it because I prefer to write upon loose sheets. Grandfather and Grandmother at B. sent me a great piece of marzipan, splendid. Ada thinks it lovely; she didn’t know marzipan before.
August 9th. When it’s not holidays Ada goes to school in St. Polten staying there with her aunt and uncle, because the school in H. is not so good as the school in St. P. Perhaps next term she is coming to Vienna, for she has finished with the middle school and has to go on learning. But she has no near relations in Vienna where she could stay. She might come to live with us, Dora could have a room to herself as she always wants, and Ada and I could share a room. I would much rather share a room with her than with Dora who is always making such a fuss.
August 10th. I do really think! A boy can always get what he wants. Oswald is really going for a fortnight to Znaim to stay with his chum; only Oswald of course. I should like to see what would happen if Dora or I wanted to go anywhere. A boy has a fine time. It’s the injustice of the thing which makes me furious. For we know for certain that he’s had a _bad_ report, even though he does not tell us anything about it. But of course that doesn’t matter. They throw every 2 in our teeth and when he gets several Satisfactories he can go wherever he likes. His chum too; he only got to know Max Rozny this year and he’s a chum already. Hella and I have been chums since we were in the second in the elementary school and Dora and Frieda Ertl since they went to the High School. We both gave him a piece of our mind about friendship. He laughed scornfully and said: That’s all right, the friendships of _men_ become closer as the years pass, but the friendships of you girls go up in smoke as soon as the first admirer turns up. What cheek. Whatever happens Hella and I shall stick to one another till we’re married, for we want to be married on the same day. Naturally she will probably get engaged before me but she _must_ wait for me before she’s married. That’s simply her duty as a friend.
August 12th. Oswald went away yesterday and we had another scene just before he left because he wanted one of us to go with him to the station and help carry his luggage. As if we were his servants. Ada wanted to volunteer to carry it, but Dora gave her a nudge and luckily she understood directly. Sometimes, but only sometimes, when Dora gets in a wax she is rather like Hella. She thinks it’s better that Oswald has gone away because otherwise there are always rows. That’s because she always comes off second-best. For really he is cleverer than she is. And when he wants to make her really angry he says something to her in Latin which she can’t understand. I think that’s the real reason why she’s learning Latin. I must say I would not bother myself so about a thing like that. I really wouldn’t bother.
August 15th. To-day I posted the parcel to Hella, a silver-wire watchchain; I made it in four days. I hope she’ll get it safely, one can never be sure in Hungary.
August 17th. We are so frightfully busy with Japanese lanterns and fir garlands. The people who have received birthday honours are illuminating and decorating their houses. While we were at work Ada told me a _few things_. She knows more than Hella and me, because her father is a doctor. He tells her mother a good deal and Ada overhears a lot of things though they generally stop talking when she comes in. Ada would like awfully to be an actress. I never thought of such a thing though I’ve been to the theatre often.
August 22nd. Hella is awfully pleased with the chain; she is wearing it. She is really learning to ride at her cousin’s. It’s a pity he’s called Lajos. But Ludwig is not any better. He seems to be awfully nice and smart, but it’s a pity he’s 22 already.
August 25th. Ada is frightfully keen on the theatre. She has often been to the theatre in St. Polten and she is in love with an actor with whom all the ladies in St. Polten are in love. That is why she wants to be an actress and so that she can live _free and unfettered_. That is why she would like so much to come to Vienna. I wish she could come and live with us. She says she is pining away in H. for it’s a dull hole. She says she can’t stand these _cramping conditions_. In St. Polten she spent all her pocket money upon flowers for _him_. She always said that she had to buy such a lot of copybooks and things for school. That’s where she’s lucky not to be at home, for I could not easily take in Mother like that. It would not work. One always has too little pocket money anyhow, and when one lives at home one’s parents know just what copybooks one has. I should like to go away from home for a few months. Ada says it is very good for one, for then one learns to know the world; at home, she says, one only grows _musty_ and _fusty_. When she talks like that she really looks like an actress and she certainly has talent; her German master at school says so too. She can recite long poems and the girls are always asking the master to let her recite.
August 30th. To-day Ada recited Geibel’s poem, The Death of Tiberius, it was splendid; she is a born actress and it’s a horrid shame she can’t go on the stage; she is to teach French or sewing. But she says she’s going on the stage; I expect she will get her way somehow.
August 31st. Oswald’s having a fine long fortnight; he’s still there and can stay till September 4th!! If it had been Dora or me. There would have been a frightful hulabaloo. But Oswald may do _anything_. Ada says: We girls must take for ourselves what the world won’t give us of its own free will.
September 5th. In the forest the other day I promised Ada to ask Mother to let her come and stay with us so that she could be trained for the stage. I asked Mother to-day, but she said it was quite out of the question. Ada’s parents simply could not afford it. If she has talent, the thing comes of itself and she need only go to a school of Dramatic Art so that she could more easily get a good Theatre says Ada. So I don’t see why it should be so frightfully expensive. I’m awfully sorry for Ada.
September 10th. Oh we have all been so excited. I’ve got to pack up my diary because we’re going home to-morrow. I must write as quickly as I can. There have been some gypsies here for three days, and yesterday one of the women came into the garden through the back gate and looked at our hands and told our fortunes, mine and Ada’s and Dora’s. Of course we don’t believe it, but she told Ada that she would have a great but short career after many difficult struggles. That fits in perfectly. But she made a frightful mess of it with me: Great happiness awaits me when I am _as old again as I am now_; a great passion and great wealth. Of course that must mean that I am to marry at 24. At 24! How absurd! Dora says that I look much younger than 12 so that she meant 20 or even 18. But that’s just as silly, for Dr. H., who is a doctor and knows so many girls, says I look _older_ than my age. So that it’s impossible that the old gypsy woman could have thought I was only 10 or even 9. Dora’s fortune was that in a _few_ years she was to have much trouble and then happiness. And she told Ada that her line of life was broken!!
September 14th. Oswald left early this morning, Father kissed him on both cheeks and said: For God’s sake be a good chap this last year at school. He has to matriculate this year, it’s frightfully difficult. But he says that anyone who has cheek enough can get through all right. He says that cheek is often more help than a lot of swoting and grinding. I know he’s right; but unfortunately at the moment it never occurs to me what I ought to do. I often think afterwards, you ought to have said this or that. Hella is really wonderful; and Franke too, though she’s not particularly clever, can always make a smart answer. If only half of what Oswald says he says to the professors is true, then I can’t understand why he is not expelled from every Gym. says Mother. Oswald says: If one only puts it in the right way no one can say anything. But that doesn’t hold always.
September 16th. Hella is coming back to-day. That’s why I’m writing in the morning, because she’s coming here in the afternoon. I’m awfully glad. I have begged Mother to buy a lovely cake, one of the kind Hella and I are both so fond of.
September 20th. Only a word or two. School began again to-day. Thank goodness Frau Doktor M. still takes our class. Frl. Steiner took her doctor’s degree at the end of the school year. In history we have a new Frau Doktor, but we don’t know her name yet. The Vischer woman has been _married_ in the holidays!!! It’s enough to make one split with laughing that anyone should marry _her!!!_ Dora says she wouldn’t like to be her husband; but most likely he will soon get a divorce. Besides, spectacles in a woman are awful. I can put up with a pincenez for one does not wear them all the time. But spectacles! Dora says too that she can’t understand how a man can marry a woman with spectacles. Hella often says it makes her feel quite sick when Vischer glares at her through her spectacles. We have a new natural history professor. I’m awfully glad that three of our mistresses have doctors degrees and that we have one or really 2 professors, for we have the Religionsprofessor too. In the Third they are frightfully annoyed because only one of their mistresses has a doctor’s degree. Dora has 2 doctors and three professors.
September 25th. All the girls are madly in love with Professor Wilke the natural history professor. Hella and I walked behind him to-day all the way home. He is a splendid looking man, so tall that his head nearly touches the lamp when he stands up quickly, and a splendid fair beard like fire when the sun shines on it; a Sun God! we call him S. G., but no one knows what it means and who we are talking about.
September 29th. Schmolka has left, I suppose because of Frl. St.’s vanity bag. Two other girls have left and three new one’s have come, but neither I nor Hella like them.