Chapter 16

At _Challons sur la Soane_, (for there is another town of the same name in _Champaigne_) I had the _honor_ of a visit from _Mons. le Baron Shortall_, a gentleman of an ancient family, _rather in distress at this time_, by being _kept out_ of six and thirty thousand a year, his legal property in Ireland; but as the Baron made his visit _ala-mode de capuchin Friar_, without knocking, and when only the female part of my family were in the apartment, he was dismissed _rather abruptly_ for a man of _his high rank_ and _great fortune in expectation_. This dismission, however, did not dismay him; he rallied again, with the reinforcement of _Madame la Baroness_, daughter, as he positively affirmed, of _Mons. le Prince de Monaco_; but as I had forbad his being _shewn up_, he desired me to _come down_, a summons curiosity induced me to obey. Never, surely, were two people _of fashion_ in a more pitiable plight! he was in a _russet brown black_ suit of cloaths; Madame _la Baroness_ in much the same colour, wrapt up in a tattered black silk capuchin; and I knew not which to admire most, their folly or their impudence; for surely never did an _adventurer_ set out with less _capabilities_ about him; his whole story was so flagrant a fib, that in spite of the _very respectable certificates of My Lord Mayor, John Wilkes, and Mr. Alderman Bull_, I was obliged to tell him plainly, that I did not believe him to be a gentleman, nor his wife to be a relation of the Prince of _Monaco_. All this he took in good part, and then assured me they were both very hungry, and without meat or money; I therefore ordered a dinner at twenty _sols_ a head; and, as I sat by while they eat it, I had reason to believe that he told me _one plain truth_, for in truth they eat as if they had never eaten before. After dinner the Baron did me the honour to consult with me _how_ he should get down to _Lyons_? I recommended to him to proceed by _water_; but, said he, my dear Sir, I have no money;--an evil I did not chuse to redress; and, after several unsuccessful attempts at my purse, and some at my person,--he whispered me that even six livres would be acceptable; but I held out, and got off, by proposing that the Baroness should write a letter to the Prince her father, to whom I had the honour to be known, and that I would carry him the letter, and enforce their prayer, by making it my own. This measure she instantly complied with, and addressed her father _adorable Prince_; but concluded it with a name which could not belong to her either as maid, wife, or widow. I remarked this to the _Baron_, who acknowledged at once _the mistake_, said she had signed a false name, and she should write it over again; but when I observed to him that, as the Prince knew the handwriting of his _own_ dear child, and as the name of women is _often varying by marriage_, or _miscarriage_, it was all one: to this he agreed; and I brought off the letter, and my purse too, for forty _sols_; yet there was so much falshood, folly, and simplicity in this _simple pair of adventurers_, that I sorely repented I did not give them their passage in the _coche d'eau_ to _Lyons_; for he could not speak a word of French, nor _Madame la Baroness_ a word of English; and the only _insignia_ of distinction between them, was, a vast clumsy brass-hilted sword which the Baron, instead of wearing at his side, held up at his nose, like a Physician's gold-headed cane.--When I took my leave of this _Sir James Shortall_, (for he owned _at last_ he was _only a Baronet_) he promised to meet me _next time_ dressed in his blue and silver.

I verily believe my Irish _adventurer_ at _Perpignan_, is a gentleman, and therefore I relieved him; I am thoroughly persuaded my _Challons_ adventurer is not, yet perhaps he was a real object of charity, and his true tale would have produced him better success than his _borrowed story_. _Sir James_ was about sixty, _Lady Shortall_ about fifty.--_Sir James_ too had a pretty large property in America, and would have visited his estates on that continent, had I not informed him of the present unhappy differences now subsisting between that and the mother country, of which he had not heard a single syllable.

After having said thus much, I think I must treat you with a copy of _Lady Shortall's_ letter, a name very applicable to their unhappy situation, for they did indeed seem short of every thing;--so here it is, _verbatim et literatim_:

"_Monsieur Thickness gentilhomme anglaise_

"Adorable preince de monaco que tout mordonne deme, lise au de fus de cette lette le non deun digne homme qui me randu ser visse, je suis malade, le convan; serois preferable a mon bouneur je veux sepandant sauve non marij mais je me meure tre seve mon derinier soupire, je ne le doit qua vous.

"JULIE BARONNE DE CHATTERRE. _le 18 May 1776._"

"_A sont altess ele preince de Monaco, dans sont hautelle rue de Vareinne a Paris_."