Chapter 1
Produced by Thierry Alberto, Christine D. and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by the Canadian Institute for Historical Microreproductions (www.canadiana.org))
The Fleur de Lis Poets.
A WOMAN'S
LOVE LETTERS.
BY SOPHIE M. ALMON-HENSLEY
NEW YORK. J. SELWIN TAIT AND SONS, NUMBER SIXTY-FIVE FIFTH AVENUE.
COPYRIGHT, 1895
BY J. SELWIN TAIT & SONS NEW YORK
CONTENTS.
A Dream, 1 Dream-Song, 8 Doubt, 9 Song, 13 Anticipation, 14 Song, 18 Misunderstanding, 19 Shadow-Song, 23 Revulsion, 24 A Song of Dawn, 27 Weariness, 28 A Song of Rest, 31 Death, 33 Battle-Song, 38 Content, 39 Sea-Song, 42 Gratitude, 44 Song, 48 Prayer, 49 Song, 53 Loneliness, 54 Sea-Song, 57 Incompleteness, 59 Song, 65 Life's Joys, 65 Song, 70 Barter, 72 Song, 76 To-morrow, 78 Song, 82
A Dream.
I stood far off above the haunts of men Somewhere, I know not, when the sky was dim From some worn glory, and the morning hymn Of the gay oriole echoed from the glen. Wandering, I felt earth's peace, nor knew I sought A visioned face, a voice the wind had caught.
I passed the waking things that stirred and gazed, Thought-bound, and heeded not; the waking flowers Drank in the morning mist, dawn's tender showers, And looked forth for the Day-god who had blazed His heart away and died at sundown. Far In the gray west faded a loitering star.
It seemed that I had wandered through long years, A life of years, still seeking gropingly A thing I dared not name; now I could see In the still dawn a hope, in the soft tears Of the deep-hearted violets a breath Of kinship, like the herald voice of Death.
Slow moved the morning; where the hill was bare Woke a reluctant breeze. Dimly I knew My Day was come. The wind-blown blossoms threw Their breath about me, and the pine-swept air Grew to a shape, a mighty, formless thing, A phantom of the wood's imagining.
And as I gazed, spell-bound, it seemed to move Its tendril limbs, still swaying tremulously As if in spirit-doubt; then glad and free Crystalled the being won from waiting grove Into a human likeness. There he stood, The vine-browed shape of Nature's mortal mood.
"Now have I found thee, Vision I have sought These years, unknowing; surely thou art fair And inly wise, and on thy tasselled hair Glows Heaven's own light. Passion and fame are naught To thy clear eyes, O Prince of many lands,-- Grant me thy joy," I cried, and stretched my hands.
No answer but the flourish of the breeze Through the black pines. Then, slowly, as the wind Parts the dense cloud-forms, leaving naught behind But shapeless vapor, through the budding trees Drifted some force unseen, and from my sight Faded my god into the morning light.
Again alone. With wistful, straining eyes I waited, and the sunshine flecked the bank Happy with arbutus and violets where I sank Hearing, near by, a host of melodies, The rapture of the woodthrush; soft her mood The love-mate, with such golden numbers woo'd.
He ceased; the fresh moss-odors filled the grove With a strange sweetness, the dark hemlock boughs Moved soft, as though they heard the brooklet rouse To its spring soul, and whisper low of love. The white-robed birches stood unbendingly Like royal maids, in proud expectancy.
Athwart the ramage where the young leaves press It came to me, ah, call it what you will Vision or waking dream, I see it still! Again a form born of the woodland stress Grew to my gaze, and by some secret sign Though shadow-hid, I knew the form was thine.
The glancing sunlight made thy ruddy hair A crown of gold, but on thy spirit-face There was no smile, only a tender grace Of love half doubt. Upon thy hand a rare Wild bird of Paradise perched fearlessly With radiant plumage and still, lustrous eye.
And as I gazed I saw what I had deemed A shadow near thy hand, a dusky wing, A bird like last year's leaves, so dull a thing Beside its fellow; as the sunshine gleamed Each breast showed letters bright as crystalled rain, The fair bird bore "Delight," the other "Pain."
Then came thy voice: "O Love, wilt have my gift?" I stretched my glad hands eagerly to grasp The heaven-blown bird, gold-hued, and longed to clasp It close and know it mine. Ere I might lift The shining thing and hold it to my breast Again I heard thy voice with vague unrest.
"These are twin birds and may not parted be." Full in thine eyes I gazed, and read therein The paradox of life, of love, of sin, As on a night of cloud and mystery One darting flash makes bright the hidden ways, And feet tread knowingly though thick the haze.
Thy gift, if so I chose,--no other hand Save thine.--I reached and gathered to my heart The quivering, sentient things.--Sometimes I start To know them hidden there.--If I should stand Idly, some day, and _one_,--God help me!--breast A homing breeze,--my _brown_ bird knows _its_ nest.
Dream-Song.
Cam'st thou not nigh to me In that one glimpse of thee When thy lips, tremblingly, Said: "My Beloved." 'Twas but a moment's space, And in that crowded place I dared not scan thy face O! my Beloved.
Yet there may come a time (Though loving be a crime Only allowed in rhyme To us, Beloved), When safe 'neath sheltering arm I may, without alarm, Hear thy lips, close and warm, Murmur: "Beloved!"
Doubt.
I do not know if all the fault be mine, Or why I may not think of thee and be At peace with mine own heart. Unceasingly Grim doubts beset me, bygone words of thine Take subtle meaning, and I cannot rest Till all my fears and follies are confessed.
Perhaps the wild wind's questioning has brought My heart its melancholy, for, alone In the night stillness, I can hear him moan In sobbing gusts, as though he vainly sought Some bygone bliss. Against the dripping pane In storm-blown torrents beats the driving rain.
Nay I will tell thee all, I will not hide One thought from thee, and if I do thee wrong So much the more must I be brave and strong To show my fault. And if thou then shouldst chide I will accept reproof most willingly So it but bringeth peace to thee and me.
I dread thy past. Phantoms of other days Pursue my vision. There are other hands Which thou hast held, perchance some slender bands That draw thee still to other woodland ways Than those which _we_ have known, some blissful hours I do not share, of love, and June, and flowers.
I dread her most, that woman whom thou knewest Those years ago,--I cannot bear to think That she can say: "My lover praised the pink Of palm, or ear," "The violets were bluest In that dear copse," and dream of some fair day When thou didst while her summer hours away.
I dread them too, those light loves and desires That lie in the dim shadow of the years; I fain would cheat myself of all my fears And, as a child watching warm winter fires, Dream not of yesterday's black embers, nor To-morrow's ashes that may strew the floor.
I did not dream of this while thou wert near, But now the thought that haunts me day by day Is that the things I love, the tender way Of mastery, the kisses that are dear As Heaven's best gifts, to other lips and arms Owe half their blessedness and all their charms.
Tell me that I am wrong, O! Man of men, Surely it is not hard to comfort me, Laugh at my fears with dear persistency, Nay, if thou must, lie to me! There, again, I hear the rain, and the wind's wailing cry Stirs with wild life the night's monotony.
Song.
If I had known That when the morrow dawned the roses would be dead I would have filled my hands with blossoms white and red. If I had known!
If I had known That I should be to-day deaf to all happy birds I would have lain for hours to listen to your words. If I had known!
If I had known That with the morning light you would be gone for aye I would have been more kind;--sweet Love had won his way If I had known.
Anticipation.
Let us peer forward through the dusk of years And force the silent future to reveal Her store of garnered joys; we may not kneel For ever, and entreat our bliss with tears. Somewhere on this drear earth the sunshine lies, Somewhere the air breathes Heaven-blown harmonies.
Some day when you and I have fully learned Our waiting-lesson, wondering, hand in hand We shall gaze out upon an unknown land, Our thoughts and our desires forever turned From our old griefs, as swallows, home warding, Sweep ever southward with unwearied wing.
We shall fare forth, comrades for evermore. Though the ill-omened bird Time loves to bear Has brushed this cheek and left an impress there I shall be fierce and dauntless as of yore, Free as a bird o'er the wide world to rove, And strong and fearless, O my Love, to love.
What have we now? The haunting, vague unrest Of incompleted measures; and we dream Vainly, of the Musician and His theme, How the great Master in a day most blest Shall strike some mighty chords in harmony, And make an end, and set the music free!
We snatch from Fate our moments of delight, Few as, in April hours, the wooing calls Of orioles, or when the twilight falls First o'er the forest ere the approach of night The eyes of evening;--and Love's song is sung But once, Dear Heart, but once, and we are young.
Over the seas together, you and I, 'Neath blue Italian skies, or on the hills Of storied Greece,--where the warm sunlight fills Spain's mellow vineyards,--wandering reverently O'er the green plains of Palestine,--our days A golden holiday in Old World ways.
Yet would we linger not by southern shores; The bracing breath of Scandinavian snows Would draw us from our dreams. The North wind blows Upon thy cheek, my Norseman, and the roars Of the wild Baltic sound within my ears When to my dreams thy stalwart form appears.
This will the future bring. See! Thou hast given From out the fulness of thy strength and will This courage to me. Though the rugged hill Looms high, and fronts our vision, yet our heaven (I see it when I sleep) with portals wide And shining towers, gleams on the farther side.
Song.
"Tshirr!" scolds the oriole Where the elms stir, Flaunting her gourd-like nest On the tree's swaying crest: "May's here, I cannot rest, Go away; tshirr!"
"Tshirr!" scolds the oriole Where the leaves blur, Giving her threads a jerk, Spying where rivals lurk, "May's here, and I'm at work. Go away, tshirr!"
Misunderstanding.
Spring's face is wreathed in smiles. She had been driven Hither and thither at the surly will Of treacherous winds till her sweet heart was chill. Into her grasp the sceptre has been given And now she touches with a proud young hand The earth, and turns to blossoms all the land.
We catch the smile, the joyousness, the pride, And share them with her. Surely winter gloom Is for the old, and frost is for the tomb. Youth must have pleasure, and the tremulous tide Of sun-kissed waves, and all the golden fire Of Summer's noontide splendor of desire.
I have forgotten,--for the breath of buds Is on my temples, if in former days I have known sorrow; I remember praise, And calm content, and joy's great ocean-floods, And many dreams so sweet that, in their place, We would not welcome even Truth's fair face.
O Man to whom my heart hast leaned, dost know Aught of my life? Sometimes a strong despair Enters my soul and finds a lodging there; Thou dost not know me, and the years will go As these last months have gone, and I shall be Still far, still a strange woman unto thee.
I do not blame thee. If there is a fault Let it be mine, for surely had I tried The door of my heart's home to open wide No need had been for even Love's assault. And yet, methinks, somewhere there is a key Thou mightest have found, and entered happily.
I am no saint niched in a hallowed wall For men to worship, but I would compel A level gaze. You teachers who would tell A woman's place I do defy you all! While justice lives, and love with joy is crowned Woman and man must meet on equal ground.
The deepest wrong is falsehood. She who sells Her soul and body for a little gain In ease, or the world's notice, has a stain Upon her soul no lighter for the bells Of marriage rites, and purer far is she Who gives her all for love's sad ecstasy.
Canst thou not understand a nature strong And passionate, with impulses that sway, With yearning tenderness that must have way, Yet knows no ill desire, no touch of wrong? If thou canst not then in God's name I pray See me no more forever from this day.
Shadow Song.
The night is long And there are no stars,-- Let me but dream That the long fields gleam With sunlight and song, Then I shall not long For the light of stars.
Let me but dream,-- For there are no stars,-- Dream that the ache And the wild heart-break Are but things that seem. Ah! let me dream For there are no stars.
Revulsion.
I see the starting buds, I catch the gleam In the near distance of a sun-kissed pool, The blessed April air blows soft and cool, Small wonder if all sorrow grows a dream, And we forget that close around us lie A city's poor, a city's misery.
Of every outward vision there is some Internal counterpart. To-day I know The blessedness of living, and the glow Of life's dear spring-tide. I can bid thee come In thought and wander where the fields are fair With bursting life, and I, rejoicing, there.
Yet have I passed, Beloved, through the vale Of dark dismay, and felt the dews of death Upon my brow, have measured out my breath Counting my hours of joy, as misers quail At every footfall in the quiet night And clutch their gold and count it in affright.
I learned new lessons in that school of fear, Life took a fresh perspective; sad and brave The view is from the threshold of the grave. In that long, backward glance I saw her clear From fogs of gathering night, and all the show Of small things that seemed great a while ago.
Our dreams of fame, the stubborn power we call Our self-respect, our hopes of worldly good, Our jealousies and fears, how in the flood Of this new light they faded, poor and small; Showing our pettiness beside God's truth, Besides His age our poor, unlearned youth.
The earth yearns forth, impatient for the days Of its maturity, the ample sweets Of Summer's fulness; and its great heart beats With a fierce restlessness, for Spring delays Seeing her giddy reign end all too soon, Her bud-crown ravished by the hand of June.
And I,--I shall be happy,--promise me This one small thing, Beloved, for I long For happiness as the caged bird for song. Not where four walls close in the melody I want the fresh, sweet air, the water's gush, The strong, sane life with thee, the summer hush.
A Song of Dawn.
In the east a lightening; Where the woods are chill Moves an unseen finger, Wakes a sudden thrill;
In my soul a glimmer, Hush! no words are heard! In heart-ambush hidden Chirrup of a bird;
Tremble heart and forest Like a frightened fawn, Gleam the distant tree-tops, Hither comes the dawn!
Weariness.
This April sun has wakened into cheer The wintry paths of thought, and tinged with gold These threadbare leaves of fancy brown and old. This is for us the wakening of the year And May's sweet breath will draw the waiting soul To where in distance lies the longed-for goal.
The summer life will still all questioning, The leaves will whisper peace, and calm will be The wild, vast, blue, illimitable sea. And we shall hush our murmurings, and bring To Nature, green below and blue above, A whole life's worshipping, a whole life's love.
We will not speak of sometime fretting fears, We will not think of aught that may arise In future hours to cloud our golden skies. Some souls there are who love their woes and tears, Gaining their joy by contrast, but for thee And me, Beloved, peace is ecstasy.
It was not always so, there was a time When I would choose the rocky mountain way, And climb the hills of doubt to find the day. Fresh effort brought fresh zest, and winter's rime Chilled not but crowned endeavor, and the heat Of summer thrilled, and made the pulses beat.
But now I am so weary that I turn From labor with a shudder, and from pain As from an enemy; I see no gain In suffering, and cleansing fires must burn As keenly as desire, so let me know Quiet with thee, and twilight's afterglow.
I, who have boasted of my strength and will, And ventured daring flights, and stood alone In fearless, flushed defiance, I have grown Humble, and seek another hand to fill Life's cup, and other eyes to pierce the skies Of Wisdom's dear, sad, mighty mysteries.
Ah! I will lie so quiet in thine arms I will not stir thee; and thy whisperings Shall teach me patience, and so many things I have not learned as yet. And all alarms Will melt in peace when, safe from tempest's rage My wind-tossed ship has found its anchorage.
A Song of Rest.
The world may rage without, Quiet is here; Statesmen may toil and shout, Cynics may sneer; The great world--let it go-- June warmth be March's snow, I care not--be it so Since I am here.
Time was when war's alarm Called for a fear, When sorrow's seeming harm Hastened a tear; Naught care I now what foe Threatens, for scarce I know How the year's seasons go Since I am here.
This is my resting-place Holy and dear, Where Pain's dejected face May not appear. This is the world to me, Earth's woes I will not see But rest contentedly Since I am here.
Is't your voice chiding, Love, My mild career? My meek abiding, Love, Daily so near? "Danger and loss" to me? Ah, Sweet, I fear to see No loss but loss of _Thee_ And I am here.
Death.
If days should pass without a written word To tell me of thy welfare, and if days Should lengthen out to weeks, until the maze Of questioning fears confused me, and I heard. Life-sounds as echoes; and one came and said After these weeks of waiting: "He is dead!"
Though the quick sword had found the vital part, And the life-blood must mingle with the tears, I think that, as the dying soldier hears The cries of victory, and feels his heart Surge with his country's triumph-hour, I could Hope bravely on, and feel that God was good.
I could take up my thread of life again And weave my pattern though the colors were Faded forever. Though I might not dare Dream often of thee, I should know that when Death came to thee upon thy lips my name Lingered, and lingers ever without blame.
Aye, lingers ever. Though we may not know Much that our spirits crave, yet is it given To us to feel that in the waiting Heaven Great souls are greater, and if God bestow A mighty love He will not let it die Through the vast ages of eternity.
But if some day the bitter knowledge swept Down on my life,--bearing my treasured freight To founder on the shoals of scorn,--what Fate Smiling with awful irony had kept Till life grew sweeter,--that my god was clay, That 'neath thy strength a lurking weakness lay;
That thou, whom I had deemed a man of men Faulty, as great men are, but with no taint Of baseness,--with those faults that shew the saint Of after days, perhaps,--wert even then When first I loved thee but a spreading tree Whose leaves shewed not its roots' deformity;
I should not weep, for there are wounds that lie Too deep for tears,--and Death is but a friend Who loves too dearly, and the parting end Of Love's joy-day a paltry pain, a cry To God, then peace,--beside the torturing grief When honor dies, and trust, and soul's belief.
Travellers have told that in the Java isles The upas-tree breathes its dread vapor out Into the air; there needs no hand about Its branches for the poison's deadly wiles To work a strong man's hurt, for there is death Envenomed, noisome, in his every breath.
So would I breathe thy poison in my soul, Till all that had been wholesome, pure, and true Shewed its decay, and stained and wasted grew. Though sundered as the distant Northern Pole From his far sister, I should bear thy blight Upon me as I passed into the night.
Didst dream thy truth and honor meant so much To me, Dear Heart? Oh! I am full of tears To-night, of longing, love and foolish fears. Would I might see thee, know thy tender touch, For Time is long, and though I may not will To question Fate, I am a woman still.
Battle Song.
Clear sounds the call on high: "To arms and victory!" Brave hearts that win or die, Dying, may win; Proudly the banners wave, What though the goal's the grave? Death cannot harm the brave,-- Through death they win.
Softly the evening hush Stilling strife's maddened rush Cools the fierce battle flush,-- See the day die; A thousand faces white Mirror the cold moonlight And glassy eyes are bright With Victory.
Content.
I have been wandering where the daisies grow, Great fields of tall, white daisies, and I saw Them bend reluctantly, and seem to draw Away in pride when the fresh breeze would blow From timothy and yellow buttercup, So by their fearless beauty lifted up.