Part 3, II, 1235.

[3] James T. Kirkman, _Memoirs of the Life of Charles Macklin, Esq._ (London, 1799), II, 443, lists this subtitle in an appendix of Macklin's unprinted plays.

[4] George Winchester Stone, _The London Stage_ (Carbondale, Ill., 1962), Part 4, 1, 38, 40, 41, 43, 47, 48.

[5] Cf. Alexandre Calame, _Regnard sa vie et son oeuvre_ (Paris, 1960), pp. 323-333.

[6] See _The London Stage_, Part 3, II, 1287-90, 1297, 1298, 1308, 1309 for the dates when Hoadly's _The Suspicious Husband_ and Macklin's THE NEW PLAY CRITICIZ'D were performed close together.

A WILL AND NO WILL:

OR

A BONE FOR THE LAWYERS[1]

PROLOGUE

DRAMATIS PERSONAE for the Prologue

RATTLE SMART DULLMAN IRISHMAN SNARLEWIT

(_The Curtain rises and discovers the Stage disposed in the Form of a Pit and crowded with Actors who make a great Noise by Whistling and Knocking for the Farce to begin_)

_Rattle._ Consume them, why don't they begin?

_Smart._ I suppose some of them that were in the Play are dressing for the Farce.

_Rattle._ Psha! damn the Farce! They have had time enough to dress since the Play has been over.

_Smart._ Dick Rattle, were you at the Boxing Match yesterday?

_Rattle._ No, my Dear, I was at the breakfasting at Ranelagh.--Curse catch me, Jack[2], if that is not a fine Woman in the upper Box there, ha!

_Smart._ So she is, by all that's charming,--but the poor Creature's married; it's all over with her.

_Rattle._ Smart, do you go to Newmarket this meeting,--upon my Soul that's a lovely Woman on the right hand. But what the Devil can this Prologue be about, I can't imagine. It has puzzled the whole Town.

_Smart._ Depend upon it, Dick, it is as I said.

_Rattle._ What's that?

_Smart._ Why one of the Fransique's, the French Harlequin's Jokes; you will find that one of the Players come upon the Stage presently, and make a[n] Apologie that they are disappointed of the Prologue, upon which Macklin, or some other Actor is to start up in the Pit, as one of the Audience, and bawl out that rather than so much good Company should be disappointed, he will speak a Prologue himself.

_Rattle._ No, no, no, Smart. That's not it. I thought of that and have been looking carefully all over the Pit, and there is not an Actor in it. Now I fancy it is to be done like the Wall or the Man in the Moon in Pyramus and Thisbe; Macklin will come in dressed like the Pit and say:

_Ladies and Gentlemen, I am the Pit And a Prologue I'll speak if you think fit._

_Omnes._ Ha! ha! ha!

_Smart._ By Gad, Rattle, I fancy you have hit it. What do you think, Mr. Dullman?

_Omnes._ Ay, let us have Mr. Dullman's Opinion of it.

_Dull._ Why really, Gentlemen, I have been thinking of it ever since I first read it in the Papers--and I fancy--though to be sure, it was very difficult to find out--but at last, I think I have hit upon it.

_Smart._ Well, well, my dear Dullman, communicate.

_Dull._ I suppose there is some Person here among us whose name is Pit, and that he will get up presently and speak a Prologue.

_Omnes._ O, O, O, O, O, Shocking! Shocking! Well conjectured, Dullman.

_Rattle._ Harkee, Jack, [let's] bam the Irishman. Ask him if he knows anything of it.

_Smart._ Don't you laugh then; he'll smoak us if you do; keep your Countenance, and I'll engage I'll pitch-kettle him. Pray Sir, do you know anything of this Prologue?

_Irish._ Who, me? Not upon my Honour. I know no more of it than he that made it.

_Smart._ A Gentleman was saying just before the Play was over that you were to be the Pit and to speak the Prologue; is there any truth in it, Sir?

_Irish._ No indeed, Sir, _it is as false as the Gospel_. I do assure you, Sir, I never spoke a Pit or Prologue in my Life--but once when I was at School, you must know, Sir,--we acted one of Terence's Tragedies there, so when the Play was over I spoke the Prologue to it.

_Omnes._ Ha! ha! ha! ha!

_Smart._ I remember your Face very well. Pray Sir, don't you belong to the Law?

_Irish._ Yes, at your Service, Sir--and so did my Father and Grandfather before me, and all my Posterity. I myself solicit Cause at the old Bailey and Hick's Hall, so I am come to see this BONE FOR THE LAWYERS, because they say it is a Pun upon us Gentlemen of the long Robe.

_Omnes._ Ha! ha! ha!

_Rattle._ He is a poor ridiculous Fellow, Jack (_aside_); he is as great a Teague as Barrington himself.

_Smart._ Hush! Hush! Pray Sir, may I crave your name?

_Irish._ Yes you may indeed and welcome, Sir. My name is Laughlinbullruderrymackshoughlinbulldowny, at your Service. And if you have any Friend who is indicted for Robbery or Murder at any time or has any other Law Suits upon his Hands at the old Bailey or Hick's Hall, I should be proud to serve you and to be concerned in the Cause likewise.

_Smart._ Whenever I have a Friend in such Circumstances, you may depend upon being retained.

_Irish._ Sir, I'll assure you no megrim. England understands the Practice of those Courts better than myself. I know my Croaker upon all the _In res_ and for an Evidence, the Devil a Man in Westminster Hall can tell an Evidence what to say better than I that shits here; or hark you, if you should happen to want a Witness upon Occasion, I believe, Sir, I could serve you.

_Smart._ I am infinitely obliged to you. (_Bowing_)

_Irish._ Sir, I am your most obsequious. (_Bowing_)

_Rattle._ But pray Sir, what kind of Prologue do you think we shall have tonight?

_Irish._ Why I believe it will be a kind of Prologue that will be spoken by the Pit.

_Rattle._ Ay, that we suppose but in what Manner?

_Irish._ Why I am come here on purpose to know that, but I suppose it will be in the manner of--a--a--by my Shoul I don't know how it will be.

_Smart._ Upon my word, Sir, I think you give a very clear Account of it.

_Rattle._ Jack, yonder's Snarlewit, the Poet and intimate Friend of Macklin's; you are acquainted with him. Prithee call him; ten to one but he can give us the History both of the Prologue and the Farce.

_Smart._ Hiss, Mr. Snarlewit, we have Room for you here, if you will come and set by us; do you know Snarlewit, Dick?

_Rattle._ He is a devilish odd Fellow; he is one that never speaks well of any Man behind his back nor ill of him to his Face and is a most terrible Critick.

(SNARLEWIT _steps over the Benches and sits down between_ RATTLE _and_ SMART)

_Snarle._ Mr. Smart, your Servant. How do you do, Mr. Rattle? What, you are come to hear the Pit speak the Prologue, I suppose. Ha! Macklin's fine Conceit.

_Smart._ Ay, we are so; do you know anything of it?

_Snarle._ Psha! psha! a parcel of Stuff! a ridiculous Conceit of the Blockhead's in imitation of a French writer who stole it from one of the Greek Comic Poets.

_Smart._ But in what manner is it to be done? Is it in Prose or in Verse, or upon the Stage, or really in the Pit?

_Snarle._ Lord, Sir, the Blockhead brings the Pit upon the Stage; and the supposed Conversation there between the Play and the Farce is to be the Prologue,--a French Conceit calculated merely to raise Curiosity and fill the House, that's all.

_Smart._ Ay, and enough too, if it answers his purpose.

_Irish._ But pray, Sir, with humble Submission, if he brings the Pit up on the Stage, how shall we be able to see the Farce unless we go up into the Gallery?

_Omnes._ Ha! ha! ha!

_Rattle._ Very well observed, Sir.

_Snarle._ Why this Fellow's an Idiot.

_Smart._ No, no, he is only a Teague. But Mr. Snarlewit, do you think this Prologue will be liked?

_Snarle._ Psha! psha! liked, impossible! So it is for his Wife's Benefit and meant as a Puff to fill her House, why perhaps the Town may be so indulgent as to let it pass--but it is damned Trash! I advised the Fool against it. But he persisted. He said he was sure it would be better liked than the modern dull way of Prologue Writing which for many years has been only to give the Audience an Historical Account of the Comic Stoick or the Tragic Buskin, or a dull detail of the piece they were to see with the Age and Circumstances of the Author, and how long he was writing his Play. Now, says Macklin, my Prologue, Sir, if it has nothing else, it has Novelty on its side; and as Bays says it will elevate and surprize and all that. And if they don't laugh at it as a good Prologue, I am sure, says he, they will laugh at me for its being a bad one--so that either way they will have their Joke.

_Omnes._ Ha! ha! ha!

_Smart._ Ay, ay, there I think he was right; for the Audience will laugh, I make no doubt of it, but it will be at him.

_Omnes._ Right! Right!

_Snarle._ So I told him but he would persist.

_Smart._ But Mr. Snarlewit, how will he answer to the Critics his making the Stage represent the Pit?

_Snarle._ Psha! psha! he is below Criticism; they will never trouble themselves about that. Besides I think he may be defended very justly in that, for if the Stage has a Right to represent Palaces and Countries, nay, and Heaven and Hell, surely it may be allowed to exhibit the Pit.

_Smart._ Do you know anything of the Farce?

_Snarle._ Yes, I have read it.

_Smart._ It is a very odd Title, a Bone for the Lawyers; who is the Author, pray? Is it known?

_Snarle._ Why Macklin gives out that some Gentleman, a Friend of his, has made him a Present of it, but I shrewdly suspect it to be his own.

_Rattle._ Whose! Macklin's?

_Snarle._ Ay!

_Rattle._ Why, can he write?

_Snarle._ Write? Ay, and damnably too, I assure you, ha! ha! He writ a Tragedy this Winter, but so merry a Tragedy was never seen since the first night of Tom Thumb the Great.

_Smart._ I was at it and a merry Tragedy it was and a merry Audience!

_Snarle._ I never laughed so heartily at a Play in my Life; if his Farce has half so much Fun in it as his Tragedy had, I'll engage it succeeds.

_Smart._ Come, come. There was some tolerable Things in his Tragedy.

_Snarle._ Psha! psha! Stuff! Stuff! damned Stuff! Pray Sir, what do you think of Lady Catherine Gordon's Letter to her Father, Lord Huntley, that begun honoured Papa, hoping you are in good Health as I am at this present Writing. There was a Stile for Tragedy!

_Omnes._ Ha! ha! ha!

_Smart._ Well, I wish his Farce may succeed, however.

_Snarle._ O so do I upon my word, Sir.--I have a great Regard for Macklin--but to be sure he is a very egregious Blockhead ever to think of writing; that I believe everybody will allow.

_Omnes._ Ay, ay, there's nobody will dispute that with you, Mr. Snarlewit.

_Snarle._ Notwithstanding he is such a Blockhead, I assure you, Mr. Smart, I have an Esteem for him.

_Smart._ Do you know what Characters or Business he has in his Farce?

_Snarle._ I think his chief Character is an old Fellow, one Sir Isaac Skinflint, who is eaten up with Diseases, and who promises everybody Legacies, but dreads making a Will, for the Instant he does that he thinks he shall die.

_Rattle._ That's a very common Character; my Uncle was just such a superstitious Wretch.

_Snarle._ And the Business of the Farce is to induce this old Fellow to disinherit all his Relations, except a Nephew who wants to be his sole Heir, which according to the Rules of Farce, you may suppose it to be brought about by a Footman who upon these Occasions always has more Wit than his Master.

_Smart._ But when is the Prologue to begin?

_Snarle._ Why as soon as the Curtain is drawn up you will see the Stage disposed in the Form of a Pit, and that you are to imagine the Prologue, and when they let the Curtain down, why then you must suppose it to be ended.

_Smart._ I wonder what the Audience will say when it is over.

_Snarle._ What? Why some will stare and wonder what the Actors have been about, and will still be expecting the Prologue; others will chuckle at their Disappointment, and cry--they knew how it would be; and some will judiciously observe--what better could be expected from a Prologue to be written and spoken by the Pit. But upon the whole, I dare say, ninety nine in a hundred will conclude it to be a parcell of low Stuff--and that its only Merit was the quaintness of the Conceit [which] raised the People's Curiosity and helped to fill the House; and so ends the Prologue--and now let us make a Noise for the Farce.

(_The Curtain is let down_)

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

for

A WILL AND NO WILL:

OR A BONE FOR THE LAWYERS

SIR ISAAC SKINFLINT LADY LOVEWEALTH BELLAIR HARRIET DOCTOR LEATHERHEAD LUCY COUNCELLOUR CORMORANT MR. LITTLEWIT MONSIEUR DU MAIGRE MR. DEATH SHARK SERVANT