Part 2

GEORGIE.

Well, she was a pig! Her bowl was chuck full.

MISS M. Well, ’twas small!

GEORGIE.

No, ’twas big, And she wouldn’t give me the least taste! ’Twasn’t fair! So I crept up behind her, and gave her a scare. (’Twas only a cloth spider, too, honor bright!) But she scampered off in a terrible fright, And let the bowl drop. It fell with a crash, And her feast all ran out, while the bowl went to smash.

(_All sing, while_ MISS M. _sulks. Tune: No. 4._)

ALL.

Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Selfish as she could be. Never she’s sharing, No tiny bit sparing. A cute little piggie is she.

MISS M. Ma, make ’em stop! They’re plaguing me!

MOTHER GOOSE. Well, you should have shared with him, you see.

(_All sing, as before._)

ALL.

Look at the spider, Who sat beside her! Isn’t he queer and fat? He’s only a cloth one, Oh, she is a soft one To be so much frightened at that!

MISS M. Ma! Ma! Do make ’em stop!

MOTHER GOOSE. Don’t whine.

MISS M. Well, some of ’em’s teasing me all the time.

(_All sing, as before._)

ALL.

Little Miss Muffet Never can rough it; Always she’ll howl and yell. Be careful to please her, For if you should tease her, She’ll run to Ma, bawling, and tell.

MISS M.

I don’t like any of you girls and boys, And that isn’t singing. It’s just a big noise.

(GEORGIE _swings spider at_ WIFE. _She screams, and clasps her hands around_ BACHELOR’S _arm_.)

WIFE. Oh, save me, dear, save me! The horrible beast!

BACHELOR.

It’s just a cloth spider, can’t hurt in the least. Stop scaring my wife, sir! Take that thing away.

(_He swings it toward shoe._)

OLD WOMAN. And don’t scare my babies. Go ’way, now I say!

GEORGIE. I’ll kiss ’em all round, then.

OLD WOMAN.

You just let ’em be. They’re frighted o’ you, ’cause you plague ’em, you see.

GEORGIE. Then I’ll kiss Tomboy Jill.

JILL.

Ho! You don’t dare! You know That I slap your face well when you bother me so.

GEORGIE. Well, to kiss a new bride’s quite the thing, don’t you see.

BACHELOR. No, it isn’t! Her kisses belong, sir, to me.

GEORGIE.

Ho! ’Tis every one’s privilege to kiss a bride.

(_Kisses her cheek with a loud smack._)

Gee! Wasn’t that sweet? I must kiss t’other side.

(_Does so._)

BACHELOR. You’ve insulted my wife! An apology’s due.

GEORGIE. No apologies here, Bach.

BACHELOR.

Then I challenge you To a duel, to-morrow, at quarter past nine. Just pick out your second, and I will name mine. Is it pistols or swords, sir?

(_He has started toward_ GEORGIE, _but his_ WIFE _takes him by the collar and marches him back_.)

WIFE.

Here! You come right back! I’m sure I should not look at all well in black. ’Twas only a kiss, and besides, don’t you see, If you’re killed, who’ll buy dresses and bonnets for me?

(_All sing. Tune: No. 5._)

ALL.

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie, Kissed the girls, and made them cry. When he kissed the bride—too bad! Hubby did get awful mad.

(CONTRARY MARY _runs in, backward, turns around, runs up to_ BACHELOR, _and kisses him_.)

WIFE.

Here! Stop that, you impertinent Miss! It isn’t the groom, it’s the bride they kiss. What a forward young snip!

BACHELOR.

Well, Wife, I vow I liked it.

OLD WOMAN. The shoe’s on t’other foot, now.

MARY.

I never do things the way other folks do. That’s the reason I kissed him instead of you.

WIFE. Well, I——

MOTHER GOOSE.

There, there, now! Don’t fuss. It’s just Contrary Mary. If you mind her, she’ll do something still more contrary.

(_All sing. Tune: No. 6._)

ALL.

Mistress Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow?

MARY (_singing_).

With silver bells and cockle shells And fair maids all in a row.

ALL (_singing_).

Mistress Mary, quite contrary, Do you your garden tend?

MARY (_singing_).

Whene’er it rains I take the pains To water it, my friend.

ALL (_singing_).

Mistress Mary, quite contrary, What of a sunny day?

MARY (_singing_).

I open nine umbrellas fine To keep the heat away.

ALL (_singing_).

Mistress Mary, quite contrary, How do your blossoms grow?

MARY (_singing_).

They bloom at night, and that’s all right, For no one sees, you know.

ALL (_singing_).

Mistress Mary, quite contrary, May we your garden see?

MARY (_singing_).

No, not to-day. It’s far away. Where no one knows but me.

_Enter_ HUMPTY DUMPTY, _rubbing knees and elbows, and whimpering_.

HUMPTY.

Mother, I got an awful fall Down from the top of a high stone wall. My elbows and knees are all bruised. Look at that!

(_Shows elbow._)

MOTHER GOOSE. Well, no bones can be broken because you’re too fat.

HUMPTY. Wal, it hurt me just dretful!

MOTHER GOOSE.

I told you to stay On the ground when you fell from the shed, yesterday. Now what were you up to, up there on the wall?

HUMPTY. I warn’t up to nothin’—no mischief at all.

ROCK-A-BYE BABY (_running in_).

He was up to my twee, hanging on to my bough, But he couldn’t get up, he’s so fat. He b’longs on the gwound, like a big hoppytoad.

JACK. Ho, ho! What a good one was that!

ROCK-A-BYE BABY.

He did look as funny as funny tould be, Hanging on by his hands to the bough of my twee, And kicking his fat legs!

JACK. I bet that he did.

HUMPTY. Keep still, can’t you, Baby? You’re such a fresh kid!

ROCK-A-BYE BABY.

He _did_ look funny, Jacky. I laughed right out loud, And Humpty got dweffully mad. He said a big swear word! He did, truly, Ma, And called me a name that was bad.

HUMPTY. I never, Ma, honest!

ROCK-A-BYE BABY.

You did, too. You called Me a gweat gwinning monkey, so there! And you said “By Jiminy!” when you fell down, And that was a dwefful big swear. He was twying to get in my cwadle to swing, But the bough wouldn’t hold him at all. It bwoke, with the cwadle and Humpty and me, And he got a dwefful bad fall.

(_All sing. Tune: No. 7._)

ALL.

Humpty Dumpty hung from a tree, Waving slim legs gracefully. Down came the bough and the cradle and all— Dear little Humpty Dumpty set up a loud squall.

HUMPTY. I didn’t squall, did I, Baby B.?

ROCK-A-BYE BABY. No. He sweared, but he didn’t bawl.

HUMPTY. “By Jiminy” ain’t a swear word.

OLD WOMAN. Well, it be n’t a nice word, boy, at all.

MOTHER GOOSE. Were you hurt, Rock-a-bye Baby?

ROCK-A-BYE BABY. No, I felled on a big feather-bed.

HUMPTY. You fell on me. You know you did.

ROCK-A-BYE BABY.

Why yes—dat’s what I said. My Teddy was up in my cwadle with me, But he didn’t bwoke—he’s all right, you see.

(_Sways Teddy Bear to and fro in a cradle made of her hands and sings. Tune: No. 8._)

ROCK-A-BYE-BABY.

Wock-a-bye, Teddy, on a twee top. When the wind blows, our cwadle will wock. When Humpty Dumpty comes, we will fall. He is so heavy he’ll take twee and all. (MILK MAID _comes in_.)

MAID.

Mother, that pesky old crumpled cow Kicked over the pail again! She won’t be milked. She’s out there now A-frolicking in the lane.

JILL. A crumpled cow! What’s a crumpled cow?

MAID.

Well, a cow with a crumpled horn. She’s worse than Boy Blue’s cows, I avow! I wish she had never been born! I’ve petted and coaxed, but she won’t be good And be properly milked, as a good cow should.

MISS M. Here comes Tommy Tucker.

(TOMMY TUCKER _is heard whistling_. MAID _begins to “fix” her hair_.)

GEORGIE.

Ho! See our Milk Maid Primping up for Tom Tucker! We’re all in the shade.

(_Enter_ TOMMY, _who sings. Tune: No. 9._)

TOMMY.

Where are you going, my little honey, oh, Where are you going, my pretty maid?

MAID (_singing_).

I’m going milking, kind sir, she answered him, I’m going milking, kind sir, she said.

TOMMY (_singing_).

May I go with you, my little honey, oh, May I go with you, my pretty maid?

MAID (_singing_).

Yes, if you’ll milk my cow, kind sir, she answered him, Yes, if you’ll milk my cow, kind sir, she said.

TOMMY (_singing_).

I’ll do so, gladly, my little honey, oh, I’ll do so, gladly, my pretty maid.

MAID.

She’ll kick you over, kind sir, she answered him, She’ll kick you over, kind sir, she said.

TOMMY (_singing_).

Then let us wait a while, my little honey, oh, Then let us wait a while, my pretty maid.

MAID (_singing_).

There is no hurry, sir, quickly she answered him, I’ve milked her once to-night, kind sir, she said.

(_They sit down together on stool. Soon he finds it too close quarters, and sits on the floor by her side._)

(_All sing. Tune: No. 10._)

ALL.

Little Tommy Tucker, sing for your supper. Sing for some milk with your bread and butter. But will you get it? We don’t think you will. Her cow’s a kicker that never stands still.

TOMMY.

I know how to fix that old crumpled-horn cow, It’s a dandy plan, you will agree. I’ll tie her hind legs to two well-planted posts, And the milk will be safe, as you see.

(WILLIE WINKIE _runs in, laughing_.)

WILLIE.

My, but I’ve had heaps of fun! I hid Jack Horner’s pie, Where he’ll never think of looking. I tormented Simple Si, I made sweet Cross Patch awful mad, and teased old Mother Hubbard. When next she finds old Rover, she’ll have an empty cupboard! I howled just like a hungry wolf, and scared Miss Bo Peep’s sheep, And let the bars down for Boy Blue, while he was fast asleep. I’ve just been busy all the day a-putting mischief through. I hadn’t time to dress myself, I had so much to do.

OLD WOMAN.

Yes, naughty boy, and you stole my wood! I’d like to get a holt of you!

WILLIE. Don’t you wish you could?

(_She tries to catch him. He dodges in and out, and_ GEORGIE _begins to tease her babies, which brings her back to them_.)

OLD WOMAN.

Your boys, Mother Goose, air as bad as kin be. I’d wallop ’em well, if they b’longed to me.

(_All sing. Tune: No. 11._)

ALL.

Wee Willie Winkie ran through the town, Up hill and down hill in his nightgown; Getting into mischief, fast as he could go. Naughty Willie Winkie needs whipping, we all know.

OLD WOMAN.

Yes, yes, that he do! He needs it bad. I wish I’d the training of that little lad.

WILLIE. Well, you haven’t.

OLD WOMAN. No, boy; and it’s lucky for you.

WILLIE. And lucky for you, Old Woman, too!

_Enter_ MOTHER HUBBARD. _All sing. Tune: No. 12._

ALL.

Old Mother Hubbard, she went to the cupboard To get her poor doggie some bread. When she got there, the cupboard was bare, So she ate the poor doggie instead.

MOTHER HUBBARD.

I’d have to be a-starving before I’d eat old Rover, The dearest doggie in the land. He’s worth you all, twice over.

OLD WOMAN.

Wal, who’d ’a’ thunk it? That old thief! You mark my words—he’ll come to grief.

MOTHER HUBBARD.

Now just hear that old critter jaw, Back-bitin’ a poor old hound When he ain’t here to defend himself! It’s slander, I’ll be bound. Ef I ketch her agin a-floggin’ my dog, I’ll——

OLD WOMAN.

Wal, what will you do? Ef he robs my babies agin, look out! I may flog both of you.

MOTHER HUBBARD. You sassy old thing!

OLD WOMAN.

Old thing yourself! You’re in your dotage now, Or you never would plague your neighbors With a thieving cur, I vow! He et my babies’ broth all up And licked the kittle clean!

MOTHER HUBBARD.

Wal, you might ‘a’ gin him a plateful. I wouldn’t be so mean!

JILL. Go it, Old Woman, I bet on you!

MARY. I bet on Old Mother Hubbard.

GEORGIE. She doesn’t know where her dog is now.

WILLIE. I shut him in her cupboard.

MOTHER HUBBARD.

You pesky young one! He’ll eat up Every bit of food that’s there!

WILLIE.

Oh, no, he won’t, because, you see, The cupboard was quite bare.

MOTHER GOOSE.

Why don’t you feed him up, yourself, So he wouldn’t want to steal?

MOTHER HUBBARD.

Why, you can’t fill a hound dog up, Mother Goose, ’Twould cost fifty dollars a meal.

MOTHER GOOSE.

Then buy a strong chain and hitch him up If you can’t teach him to mind.

MOTHER HUBBARD.

There! Nobody loves my poor old dog! I think you are very unkind.

_Enter_ BABY BUNTING.

BABY BUNTING.

I loves old Wover. Him and me Togedder went a-hunting.

MOTHER HUBBARD.

He’s a nice old doggie, isn’t he? And you’re a nice Baby Bunting.

GEORGIE. What did you hunt for, Baby B.?

WILLIE. And did you have a gun?

BABY BUNTING.

We hunted for some wabbits. It was a lot of fun. We catched a big wabbit for Wover, And a little bwown bunny for me. I’m a-going to keep mine always, He’s cute as he can be.

ROCK-A-BYE BABY. Did Wover keep his bunny, too?

BABY BUNTING.

No, he put his paw wight on it, And ate it up! He didn’t leave Enough to make a bonnet. He ate it, bones and fur and all! He weally did, you know, And when I came away, I left him Twying to catch a cwow.

(_All sing. Tune: No. 13._)

ALL.

Little Baby Bunting, She went out a-hunting, And got a wild brown rabbit skin That had a little bunny in.

BABY BUNTING.

’Course it had a bunny in. It’s going to stay there, too. My bunny’s got a nice fur coat, And a nice fur bonnet, too.

ROCK-A-BYE BABY.

I wish I had a bunny! I’ve got a Teddy Bear, And you shall take him, Baby, If you’ll your bunny share.

(_They go, hand in hand, to one side, where they sit down on the floor together, and exchange pets. They continue to play with them, and exchange them occasionally._)

(CROSS PATCH _runs in, evidently in a temper_.)

CROSS PATCH.

Now where’s that Willie Winkie? I’ll teach him a thing or two! (_She spies him._) You horrid boy!

(_She seizes him, and begins to shake him._ MOTHER GOOSE _takes her away_.)

MOTHER GOOSE.

Here, let him be! What has he done to you?

(CROSS PATCH, _when she can no longer reach_ WILLIE, _turns furiously on_ MOTHER GOOSE, _who holds her out from her and shakes her_.)

Now don’t you come clawing and scratching at me, Or I’ll teach you better, this way, you see.

(_Takes her across knee and spanks her._ CROSS PATCH _screams loudly, then stands with clenched fists, and stamps her feet_.)

Now stop that, you Cross Patch. Keep still, I say, Or you’ll get another one, right away.

(_All sing. Tune: No. 5._)

ALL.

Cross Patch, Cross Patch, mad as could be, Clawed and stamped and yelled, you see, ’Cause of Willie Winkie’s prank, Naughty Cross Patch got a spank.

CROSS PATCH.

Yes, I always get spanked! It’s not fair, I think, To spank me instead of that mean Willie Wink!

MOTHER GOOSE.

Then don’t be a spitfire. Don’t claw and fight, Instead of answering me aright.

MOTHER HUBBARD.

Willie is a mischievous young ’un, that’s true. What was he a-doing, Cross Patch, to you?

CROSS PATCH.

I was having a game with your dog, Mother Hubbard, And Willie just shut us both into your cupboard.

WILLIE.

Why, really now, Cross Patch, was that you there? I thought it was two ugly dogs, I declare!

CROSS PATCH.

You know I was there! You pushed me in! And I struck against something, and barked my shin!

(_Stoops and rubs shin, glaring at_ WILLIE.)

JILL. Say, tell us, Cross Patch, did you find a thing to eat in there?

JACK. Yes, tell us. Wasn’t that old cupboard absolutely bare?

CROSS PATCH.

I found a jar of jam, and Rover found a butter ball. He didn’t care for jam, it seemed, and so I ate it all.

MOTHER HUBBARD.

Ate all my jam? My raspberry jam? Now, gal, that wasn’t nice.

CROSS PATCH.

Yes, ’twas real nice, Mother Hubbard, And that cake with plums and spice. Old Rover ate his half of that, and all the butter, too.

MOTHER HUBBARD. I’m glad your mother spanked you!

CROSS PATCH.

Well, spank your old dog, too! Cross Patch, yourself! That lemon pie Went well with jam and cake.

MOTHER HUBBARD.

I jest hope all that stuff you et Will make your stomick ache!

CROSS PATCH.

Then Rover’ll have a pain, too. Perhaps he’ll have the colic.

BABY BUNTING.

If doggie has a pain, Ma Goose Will give him paregoric.

WILLIE. But how did you get out again?

CROSS PATCH.

Oh, don’t you wish you knew? But don’t you fret. I’ll pay you back. There’s a rod in pickle for you.

(SIMPLE SIMON _comes slowly in, eating a large pie_.)

MOTHER GOOSE. Why, here comes Simple Simon with Jacky Horner’s pie!

WILLIE. I don’t see how he found it.

SIMON.

I found it way up high. It grew in a gombobble tree, It did, upon my word! And perched right in the middle Was a little chippy bird; An’ three old crows sat on a limb A-pickin’ at the pie. I flung a rock among ’em, And off they all did fly. Then up I flings another. “I’ll pick that fruit,” says I, And kep’ on till I hit it, And down fell that ere pie. It bruk the plate, o’ course, but then I didn’t keer fer that, Fer I never did eat plates, you know, ’N the pie was big and fat. Gombobble pie is awful good! I’m goin’ to find another As soon as I’ve et this all up. It’s better’n mince pie, Mother.

MOTHER GOOSE.

It looks like mince pie, Si, to me. I fear it’s Jacky Horner’s.

SIMON.

No, ’tisn’t, Ma. He always keeps His pie around in corners.

(_All sing. Tune: No. 14._)

ALL.

Simple Si, he found a pie A-growing in a tree, And robbed the bird. Upon my word A robber fierce is he.

SIMON.

You bet I be when pie’s around. A better pie I never found. Of all the dandy pies, says I, The best of all’s gombobble pie.

MOTHER GOOSE. ’Twas funny how that pie got there!

SIMON. It grew there, Ma.

MOTHER HUBBARD.

Wal, I declare, I wish I could find sech a tree! Old Rover’d wag his tail with glee.

MOTHER GOOSE.

There’s a mystery somewhere. Willie Wink, You’re at the bottom of this, I think.

WILLIE.

No, Ma. I never saw a pie A-growing in a tree-top high.

MOTHER GOOSE. Who put it there, I know quite well.

SIMON.

P’raps the little bird could tell, Or one of them old big black crows.

WILLIE. Perhaps it’s crow pie, Si, who knows?

SIMON.

I knows it’s good as good can be, And that is quite enough fer me.

JILL. Give us a bite, Si?

SIMON.

No, sirree! This pie ain’t quite enough fer me. Go hunt fer one, like I did, Jill, On a gombobble tree.

JILL (_contemptuously_).

I guess I will! Here comes Jacky Horner, now, And he looks real mad.

WILLIE. There’ll be a row.

JACK HORNER.

Well, of all the cheek! Say, Simple Si, Where in the world did you find my pie?

SIMON.

This be n’t your pie. It b’longs to me. It growed on a gombobble tree.

JACK HORNER.

A gombobble tree! There’s no such thing! And pies don’t grow on trees.

SIMON.

This here pie did. So, Master Jack, It’s not yours, if you please.

JACK HORNER.

I’ve hunted for mine through field and wood, My rich mince pie, so plummy and good! And that, Simple Simon, looks like my pie.

SIMON. But this is a gombobble pie, says I.

JACK HORNER.

A “gone gobble” pie, you mean, I guess! I’m going to taste and see. Here, give me a bite and I can tell If it belongs to me.

(SIMON _backs away_. JACK HORNER _grabs at the pie, and gets a piece, which he tastes_.)

It is! I knew it all the time. You give it here, now, Si!

(_He makes a sudden dive at_ SIMON, _and captures the pie_.)

SIMON.

Ma, make him gin it back to I, He’s eating my gombobble pie!

MOTHER GOOSE (_capturing the pie, although_ JACK _manages to get a good bite first_).

I’ll keep the pie till we find out Just which does own the pie. Now, Jack, I’ll hear your story. (SIMON _tries to speak_.) No, not now, Simple Si. I know just how you found it, But what I want to know Is just how Jacky lost his.

JACK HORNER.

It is my pie, I know. I was sitting in a corner, A-sticking in my thumb, When along came Willie Winkie, Just as I found a plum. He said there was a bushful Beneath a big pine tree; So I hid it in some waving ferns Just while I went to see. The bush was full of leaves, Ma! He laughed and ran away. I chased him out into the woods And there I lost my way. And when I did get back again, My pie had vanished, quite. Do give it to me, Mother, I’ve only had one bite!

MOTHER GOOSE.

’Tis plain that Willie Winkie Hid it up in the tree. And so it’s really Jacky’s.

SIMON (_crying_).

That pie belongs to me. Oh, dear, I wants my pie, I does! I likes gombobble pie.

JACK HORNER.

You’ve had a lot already, You greedy Simple Si.

(_While_ MOTHER GOOSE _has been holding the pie, her hands behind her, the other children have stolen up, and taken bits, till, when she holds it out to_ JACK HORNER, _but very little remains_.)

MOTHER GOOSE.

Here, Jacky Horner, take your pie. Why, what’s become of it? (_Other children laugh._)

JACK HORNER.

There now! Of all my lovely pie, There’s only left a bit!

SIMON.

Well, ’twasn’t your gombobble pie, anyway, And I’m glad you lost it, that’s what I say.

JACK HORNER. ’Twas mince!

SIMON. ’Twas gombobble!

(JILL _sneaks up, and gets a bit_.)

JACK HORNER.

Stop, Jill, I say! I’ll eat the rest of it, anyway.

(_Goes over into corner, sits down and finishes pie._)

(_All sing. Tune: No. 15._)

ALL.

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner, Eating gombobble pie. Wee Willie Wink’s a cute one, we think, And so is our dear Simple Si.

(BO PEEP _comes in, shading her eyes, and calling “Co’nanny, co’nanny!”_)

BO PEEP.

Mother, there’s wolves around here! I heard one howl, I did, And so did my sheep. They were scared to death, And all ran away and hid. I’ve hunted and hunted, and called and called, And all I’ve found, alas! Is just their tails, spread out as if To bleach upon the grass. I fear the wolf has got them all!

WILLIE.

Ho! Wouldn’t you like to know That I was the wolf that scared your sheep, And you, Bo Peep, also?

BO PEEP. And did you cut their tails off?

WILLIE.

Those weren’t real tails you found. Did you pick them up?

BO PEEP.

No, I left them there All spread out on the ground.

WILLIE.

They were only cotton batting. I put ’em there for fun. Your sheep all had their tails on fast, When they went off on the run.

BO PEEP. And where are they now?

WILLIE. Oh, I don’t know. They must be far away.

BO PEEP.

Well, you just march off and find them. Mustn’t he, Mother, say?

MOTHER GOOSE. Why didn’t you follow them, Bo Peep?

BO PEEP. ’Cause—I didn’t know the way.

WILLIE.

She heard a wolf, and, in a fright, She hid herself in the hay.

BO PEEP. Well, it’s mean to play tricks, Willie Winkie!

WILLIE.

And it’s lazy to go to sleep In broad daylight, and then, besides, You should have watched your sheep.

(_All sing. Tune: No. 16._)

ALL.

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep, And don’t know where to find them. Wee Willie Wink knows where, we think. He ran along behind them.

BO PEEP.