ACT II.

_Enter +Zoranzo+, as in prison._

+Zor.+ Sure, 'tis not kind of those great pow'rs above, To add these chains to me that am in love. As to my bed of straw, I am content, Since any bed from her is punishment. To lie on down of swans would be hard rest, Could I not make my pillow on her breast. O Amarissa, wert thou here with me, I would not sell these bonds for liberty. Ransoms that prisoners give to be set free, I'd give as much to lie in chains by thee. Here is her picture. O, thou too like shade, [_Pulls out her picture._ To look on it my eyes are half afraid, It so presents my joy and misery; Since 'tis the nothing of that all to me. The greatest pain to any lover's heart, Is to remember when they are apart; For thoughts of joys, when there's a bar betwixt, Are worse than poison with a cordial mix'd.

_Enter +Amphelia+ and +Jailor+._

+Amph.+ Well said, jailor, here's for thy pains. Brave pris'ner, Perhaps this visit may appear but strange To you, till you have heard me speak--Know then, When you receiv'd the sentence of your death, you seem'd To meet it with so brave a soul, as if The sound had not displeas'd your ears. Thus did Your courage fill my eyes with wonder, and My heart with pity. Straight I resolv'd to give you all my helps To set you free, which now I offer to You.

+Zor.+ Madam, could I tell you what to say I Wou'd begin; I have nothing but poor thanks To offer to you, and those, though millions, were Not half enough. Compassion shown unto The miserable heaven can only recompence; Therefore, in my dying prayers, I will beg from thence A blessing to reward your pity.

+Amph.+ Sir, The joy of your escape will pay my pains; All my endeavours I will set at work: The time is short, therefore I must make haste. Expect to hear of me again with speed.

_Enter +Ortellus+, as she is going out._

+Zor.+ What can this mean? heaven grant she does not Love me; I wou'd not wish so brave a heart So great a punishment, since my love's fix'd already.

+Ort.+ Madam, I have been seeking you; pray, whence Came you? This is no usual place to find you In.

+Amph.+ I was only walking this way, sir.

+Ort.+ I'll wait on you presently.--I suspect She has been at the prison; I will inform Myself by the jailor; and yet perhaps She has bid him to deny it. [_Steps back to the Jailor._ The lady Amphelia says she has left one of Her gloves behind her in the prison, and Has sent me for it.

+Jail.+ I'll go see straight, sir.

+Ort.+ She has been there, it seems, then. Madam, I Fancy you have been to see the prison.

+Amph.+ Who, I? What makes you think so?

+Ort.+ Why, am I mistaken?

+Amph.+ Yes; what should I do there?

+Ort.+ Nay, that's the question, But there you have been just now, and with the Pris'ner too.

+Amph.+ Sure, you dream.

+Ort.+ She's false, I find: I'll try her love to me. [_Aside._ Madam, since you Have been pleased to show your kindness publicly To me, I take this time to beg my happiness, Which is, that a priest may join our hands.

+Amph.+ I will not marry yet.

+Ort.+ Why, pray, madam?

+Amph.+ For a very good reason, because I ha'n't A mind to't.

+Ort.+ Will you give me another reason?

+Amph.+ I need not: that's sufficient.

+Ort.+ You love me, do you not?

+Amph.+ You know I have declar'd it.

+Ort.+ But (sure) you'll not deny me twice?

+Amph.+ Not, if you ask but once.

+Ort.+ Fie, fie, this modesty's a thief to lovers, And robs them of their time. Come, come, Say aye, and blush.

+Amph.+ I'll not say aye, nor blush.

+Ort.+ If you had any modesty, you wou'd.

+Amph.+ You said Just now I had too much.

+Ort.+ Too much Of impudence, you mean.

+Amph.+ What's that to say?

+Ort.+ Why, truth.

+Amph.+ Get you out, and wash your tongue: 'Tis foul.

+Ort.+ 'Tis like you heart then, But that it cannot lie as much.

+Amph.+ Most valiant lord, To give the lie to petticoats!

+Ort.+ Why did you Deny your being in prison?

+Amph.+ Not for fear of you; I was with the brave prisoner, What then?

+Ort.+ You went to make love to him. You had best use your time well; 'twill Be short and sweet: your dear will not be so Proper a man by the head within this Two days. False woman! you've a heart that flies From one man's breast to another: all the Inconstancy of your sex is constancy To this of yours: you have deceived the duke Already; that might have been my warning.

+Amph.+ Faith, and so It might; th' duke in all things so far excels You, that you were a fool to think, when once My heart bid him farewell, that it design'd No better a change than you. Troth, your mistaken; It had a farther journey to make, and so Took your breast for an inn only, to lie By the way.

+Ort.+ Base woman! is't not enough that you Have fool'd me, but you must mock me too? Heaven Hold my hand from murdering thee!

+Amph.+ Fright those that fear you. [_Exit._

+Ort.+ Curses of all fool'd men (like me) light heavy On thee! Revenge begins to fill my heart, And I will pour it out on this base woman. I know the way: I'll to the duke.

_Enter +Duke+._

I am Glad I have met your highness, for I have Business to impart to you that concerns your life.

+Duke.+ What is't, Ortellus?

+Ort.+ Know, sir, Amphelia, that----

+Duke.+ Loves you?

+Ort.+ No, sir, she loves The pris'ner.

+Duke.+ 'Tis impossible.

+Ort.+ 'Tis very true, sir, I caught her coming from him! she's designing His escape, and for aught I know, her love To him may put other thoughts into her head.

+Duke.+ What d'ye mean?

+Ort.+ She may design your life; A woman that is ill, exceeds a man In mischief.

+Duke.+ My lord, I thank your care. If you Can track her farther, pray let me know; in the Meantime I shall prevent her ill intentions.

+Ort.+ My diligence shall not be wanting. So, Since I can have no love, revenge shall be My mistress. [_Aside. Exit._

+Duke.+ O Amphelia! why dost Thou take such pains to break my heart, when 'tis So easily done? She needs not secretly Contrive my death, since half a word from her Commands my life: her face and heart (sure) can Not be akin; nature mistook, or else She was to blame to give one woman two So great extremes.

_Enter +Arbatus+._

See, here comes the brother To wronged Artabella: th' horror of That sin grows bigger in me, That I with a deluding love should fool An innocent, to show an outward scorn To false Amphelia; for when I heard She lov'd Ortellus, I straight made love to this young Woman, and brought her from her own country, Only to make Amphelia think I lov'd Another.

+Arb.+ I hope I don't disturb your highness.

+Duke.+ No, Arbatus, you are always welcome To me.

+Arb.+ Sir, I should ask you a question.

+Duke.+ You freely may.

+Arb.+ Not but I think my sister far unworthy, either In birth or fortune, to be call'd your wife; Yet since you have been pleas'd to grace her with Your love so far, as saying she shall be your Duchess, be pleas'd to tell me why it is Not so? she has been here so long, that people Now begin to say you mean her for your mistress; Should my ears meet that sound from any tongue, I'd----

+Duke.+ Hold, Arbatus, I'm sure I have given No cause as yet to doubt my kindness to Your sister.

+Arb.+ Pardon me, sir, in your delay you have. My sister has no dowry but her virtue, Youth, and some small stock of beauty. These if You lov'd her for, you would not waste, By letting time rob her and you at once.

+Duke.+ Sir, business of great importance has Hitherto deferr'd my marriage; believe Me, you shall find me just.

+Arb.+ A prince's word Must not be question'd; I have done.

+Duke.+ O Amphelia! what dost thou make me do? [_Exit._

+Arb.+ Let him take heed; if he does fool my sister, Were he ten thousand dukes, I'd cut his throat. [_Exit._

_Enter +Philidor+ alone._

+Phil.+ I have been quite at t'other end o'th' town, To put my children out to new nurses, For I am known to every nurse hereabout; That they will as soon nurse a cat's kitten As any child of mine. This is a very Pleasant life I lead, neither is this the Worst part of it; for there are a certain Flock of women that I have promis'd marriage, I expect a volley of shot from them too, Soon as they find me out. Would wives and children Were as hard to come by as money, then would I turn usurer, and let 'em out to use; For, to say truth, I have enough to spare.

_Enter six +Ladies+, one after another._

So, here comes one of my promis'd Virgins! Nay, a second too--a third--a fourth--a fifth-- A sixth--Welcome, blessed half-dozen; now will I go Muster my nurses and children too, and go Against the Great Turk. I am glad to see They have brought ne'er a coffin, for I expect Nothing but death from them. I wonder they don't Begin to ring my funeral peal. See every One of them beckons to me, as much as to say, I'd speak with you in private; but the devil Take me if e'er a one of them do; I find By this they would not have their business known To one another; this may be a means for me To get off for this time--Ladies, you all Look as if you had something to say to Me; pray make me so happy as to let Me know what 'tis. They dare not speak aloud. [_Aside._] Will you, Madam? or you? or you, madam? or you, Madam? [What] not one of you tell me what The honour of these visits mean? I see I am troublesome to you all? therefore I'll not be longer rude; and so I take My leave--This was good luck, that they should come All together; for I had rather be [_Beckon him._ Alone six hours with the devil, than with E'er a one of them an half hour--I'll stand close In this corner till they are all gone.

+1st Lady.+ Now the pox take him for a cunning rogue!

+2d Lady.+ A plague take him!

+3d Lady.+ The devil take him!

+4th Lady.+ If there be e'er a devil worse than another, Take him thou!

+5th Lady.+ O, that I had him alone!

+6th Lady.+ Was there ever such a rascal? [_Exeunt at several doors._

+Phil.+ So the coast is clear again-- [_Peeps out._

_Enter +Mirida+._

S'death, here comes another--O, 'tis none Of that gang, though.

+Mir.+ I'll lay my head, ne'er a girl in Christendom Of my age, can say what I can; I'm now But five years i'th' teens, and I have fool'd Five several men.

+Phil.+ A brave wench, by this light! Sure, it is I in petticoats.

+Mir.+ My humour Is to love no man, but to have as many Love me as they please, come cut or long tail.

+Phil.+ A most divine wench!

+Mir.+ 'Tis a rare diversion, to see what several Ways my flock of lovers have in being Ridiculous; some of them sigh so damnably, That 'tis as troublesome as a windy day. There's two of them that make their love together, By languishing eye-casts; one of them has One eye bigger than another, and looks Like a tumbler; and that eye's like a musket Bullet, and I expect every minute when he Will hit me with it, he aims so right at me. My other lover looks a-squint, and to See him cast languishing eyes, would make a Woman with child miscarry. There is also A very fat man, master Pinguister, and A very lean man that loves me; I tell the Fat man I cannot marry him till he's Leaner, and the lean man I cannot marry Him till he's fat: so one of them purges And runs heats every morning, to pull down His sides, and th' other makes his tailor stuff His clothes to make him show fatter. O, what Pleasure do I take in fooling of mankind!

+Phil.+ Was there ever so witty a wench? 'tis the Woman of women for my turn. I'll to her-- Thou most renowned female! I cannot hold--

+Mir.+ From what?

+Phil.+ From kissing thee, [from] loving thee, or what Thou wilt.

+Mir.+ Troth, y'are very well acquainted, consid'ring You never saw me before!

+Phil.+ Saw thee! I have Heard thee talk this hour, like an angel of light.

+Mir.+ Well, d'ye love me for what you heard me say?

+Phil.+ Yes, faith, do I; why, you are just of my Humour; when I heard thee say how many Men you had fool'd, I was very glad to hear You come one short of me, for I have fool'd Six women, and you but five men.

+Mir.+ Why, If you love me, you will be the sixth fool, To make up my half dozen too.

+Phil.+ No, I Won't, and yet I love thee too.

+Mir.+ Why, how will You help it?

+Phil.+ Thus: you and I Will love one another.

+Mir.+ What, whether I will or no?

+Phil.+ Nay, hear me, we two will love how we please, When we please, and as long as We please: do not These propositions tickle your heart a little?

+Mir.+ I don't mislike them--Now could I take him About the neck and kiss him for this humour Of his. And do you say you will love me! [_Aside._

+Phil.+ Yes, marry, will I.

+Mir.+ Nay, hold, I won't marry You.

+Phil.+ Nor I thee, for all the world.

+Mir.+ And yet You say you will love me?

+Phil.+ I tell you I will: make no more words on it.

+Mir.+ Why then, Hark you, to be as absolute as you, I will love you too, that is to say, Upon the aforesaid conditions.

+Phil.+ With all my heart; prythee, don't think That I Will love thee upon any other terms. But come, We must seal this Bargain with hands, hearts, lips.

+Mir.+ No, no; no lips; we will only shake hands Upon't, that's enough for so weighty a contract As this of ours.

+Phil.+ But, prythee, let us seal The bargain.

+Mir.+ No, no, sir, I use no wax To my lips.

+Phil.+ Nay, by my troth, I care not A pin to kiss thee.

+Mir.+ No? look upon me well, And see if you can say so again.

+Phil.+ Hum--yes, Faith, I will give two-pence to kiss thee Now.

+Mir.+ Well, sir, when I do kiss you, I'll 'bate you A penny of that.

+Phil.+ Now you and I will sing this song. [_He sings._

_My love and I a bargain made, It is well worth a telling: When one was weary, we agreed To part, should both be willing._

+Mir.+ Nay, here I'm for you too. [_She sings._

_And thus our loves will longer last, Than fools that still are pining: We'll spend our time in joy and mirth, Whilst doaters do in whining._

+Phil.+ Faith, you and I sing very well; we are Alike in that too: I see either nature Or the devil, somebody or something, made Thee and me for one another. Well, But let us Remember our conditions: imprimis, I Will love you.

+Mir.+ Item, so will I you.

+Phil.+ I Will not say how long.

+Mir.+ Item, nor I neither.

+Phil.+ Item, it may be I can love you but A week.

+Mir.+ I don't care if't be but a day.

+Phil.+ I'll ne'er be tied to any thing.

+Mir.+ Item, thou shalt be tied to what thou wilt But me.

+Phil.+ Item, I will come when I please, And go when I please.

+Mir.+ Item, thou shalt drown Thyself when thou wilt, or hang thyself when Thou wilt, or go to the devil when thou wilt.

+Phil.+ Item, if I should like another woman, I Will have the liberty of leaving you, without Any ceremony, but just saying Good-bye.

+Mir.+ Item, if I should like any Man better than you, I'll leave you without saying So much as good-bye.

+Phil.+ Item, the first that Sighs of us two, shall fast a week.

+Mir.+ Item, the first That looks but melancholy of us two, Shall be starv'd to death.

+Phil.+ To conclude, we will Both be as mad as we please.

+Mir.+ Agreed, And the devil take the tamest!

+Phil.+ A bless'd bargain! But hark you, there's one thing I have forgot.

+Mir.+ What's that?

+Phil.+ Have you had as many children as I?

+Mir.+ No, indeed, ha'nt I.

+Phil.+ Why, then you must let me help you to 'em, That you may be even with me there too.

+Mir.+ Hold, sir, that bargain's yet to make.

+Phil.+ Pox on't! That should have been one of our articles.

+Mir.+ Well, I can stay no longer with you now.

+Phil.+ Nay, prythee, hold, thou shalt not go yet; I Can't part with you so soon.

+Mir.+ Ay, but I have A mind to go, and that is one of our Articles.

+Phil.+ Well, but shan't we put that other Article in, before we part?

+Mir.+ No, no, good-bye to you.

+Phil.+ Farewell, mettle-- [_Exit._

_Enter +Pinguister+, +Doctor+, and +Servants+._

+Mir.+ Look you, master Pinguister, this is the Measure must meet about your waist, before I marry you.

+Pin.+ This? why it will not come About the small of my leg. [_Tries the measure himself._

+Mir.+ Sir, I am sorrier For it: but it must compass your middle before You can be my dear chuck: your servant, sir, I am in haste.

+Pin.+ Prythee, thou damnable Pretty rogue, let me have some comfort from thee, Before thou goest, either from thy eyes, Thy cheeks, mouth, or nose, or some part about thee Consider what a dissolution I Must undergo for love of thee.

+Mir.+ I do indeed, sir; but your servant for this time. [_Exit._

+Pin.+ Worthy doctor, my hopes are all in you now, I have tried many physicians already To make me lean enough for that Tormenting, pretty fairy devil.

+Doctor.+ Truly, sir, your case is very desperate; But if any man in the world can drain Your fat from you, 'tis I: sir, we'll begin Your course out of hand.

+Pin.+ Do you hear, be sure I have at least two dozen of napkins ready Upon the spot, to rub me at every turn; Therefore come you all along with me-- Have mercy on me, I have love and fat Enough to furnish a whole nation. [_Exeunt._