SCENE IV.

_Enter_ PARSON, CAPTAIN, WILD, WANTON, CARELESS, _and_ JOLLY.

PAR. I am reconciled, and will no longer be an uncharitable churchman. I think this sack is a cooler.

CAPT. What! does it make you to see your error?

PAR. Yes, and consider my man-of-war: nor will I again dispute his letters of mart, nor call them passes for pirates. I am free.

CAPT. And welcome. Anything but anger is sufferable, and all is jest, when you laugh; and I will hug thee for abusing me with thy eyes in their scabbards; but when you rail with drawn eyes, red and naked, threatening a Levite's second revenge[266] to all that touches your concubine, then I betake me to a dark lantern and a constable's staff; and by help of these fathers whom I cite, I prove my text: _Women that are kind ought to be free._

PAR. But, captain, is it not lawful for us shepherds to reclaim them?

CAPT. A mere mistake; for sin, like the sea, may be turned out, but will ne'er grow less: and though you should drain this Mistress Doll, yet the whore will find a place, and perhaps overflow some maid, till then honest; and so you prove the author of a new sin, and the defiler of a pure temple: therefore I say, while you live, let the whore alone, till she wears out; nor is it safe to vamp them, as you shall find. Read Ball the first and the second.[267]

WILD. No more discourse. Strike up, fiddlers.

CAPT. See who's that knocks?

[_A country-dance. When they are merry, singing catches and drinking healths, the_ WIDOW, MISTRESS PLEASANT, _and the two Lovers, knock at the door._

SER. Sir, 'tis Mistress Pleasant and the two gentlemen that dined there to-day.

WILD. My aunt and Mistress Pleasant!

JOLLY. What a pox makes them abroad at this time of night?

CAPT. It may be, they have been a-wenching.

SER. Sir, they were upon alighting out of the coach when I came up.

WILD. Quickly, Mistress Wanton; you and your husband to bed; there's the key. Master Parson, you know the way to the old chamber, and to it quickly; all is friends now.

PAR. Sweetheart, we'll steal away.

WAN. The devil on them, they have spoiled our mirth.

[_Exit_ PARSON.

WILD. Jack, get you and your company down the back-way into the kitchen, and stay there till we see what this visit means.

[_Exeunt_ FIDDLERS.

CAPT. Means! What should it mean? It is nothing but the mischievous nature all honest women are endued with, and naturally given to spoil sport. I wonder what fart blew them hither to-night.

WILD. Nay, have a little patience, captain, you and Master Jolly must sit quietly awhile within, till we know the cause.

CAPT. It is but deferring our mirth for an hour or so.

SER. Sir, here's my lady.

WILD. Quickly remove those things there. Captain, step in there----

_Enter_ WIDOW, PLEASANT, SAD, _and_ CONSTANT.

WID. Nephew, do you not wonder to see me here at this time of night?

WILD. I know it is not ordinary, therefore I believe 'tis some design. What is it, Mistress Pleasant? Shall I make one?

PLEA. As I live, sir, pure necessity. Neither mirth nor kindness hath begot this visit.

CARE. What! is your coach broke?

WID. Faith, nephew, the truth is, the sickness is in my house, and my coachman died since dinner.

WILD. The sickness!

PLEA. Ay, as I live: we have been walking since the play; and when we came home, we found the watch at the door, and the house shut up.

SAD. And a constable gone in search of all those that dined there to-day, with order to furnish us lodgings in the pest-house.

WID. Are you not afraid to receive us?

WILD. As I live, the accident troubles me; and I am sorry such a misfortune should beget me this favour; and I could wish myself free from the honour, if the cause were removed too.

PLEA. As I live, Master Wild, I must have been forced to have lain with my servant to-night, if you had not received me.

WILD. If I thought so, I would carry you out in my arms, I am so much Master Constant's friend.

PLEA. But are you more his friend than mine, Master Wild?

WILD. No; but I presume by this he has gained so much interest, as he would not be very displeasing to you.

CON. O, your humble servant, sir.

PLEA. If I had had a mind to that lodging, I had ne'er come hither; for when I have a mind to it, I'll marry without dispute, for I fear nobody so much as a husband; and when I can conquer that doubt, I'll marry at a minute's warning.

WID. No dispute now. Can you furnish us with a couple of beds?

WILD. Yes, yes.

WID. And have you e'er a woman in the house?

WILD. My sister's maid is here.

CARE. Madam, if you resolve to do us this honour, you shall find clean linen, and your beds quickly ready.

WID. But where will my nephew and you, sir, lie to-night?

CARE. O, madam, we have acquaintance enough in the town.

WID. Well, sir, we'll accept this courtesy; and when you come into Suffolk, you shall command my house.

WILD. Prythee, call Bess, and bid her bring sheets to make the bed. I'll go and fetch in a pallet, 'tis as good a bed as the other; and if you will stay the removing, we'll set up a bedstead.

PLEA. No, a pallet, pray. But what shall we do for night-clothes, aunt?

WILD. Why, what are those you bought, my sister?

WID. Is not that linen gone yet?

CARE. No, faith, madam, his man forgot it, till the carriers were gone last week.

WILD. Will that serve?

PLEA. Yes, yes, pray do us the favour to let us have it, 'tis but washing of it again.

WILD. Nay, it will serve: discourse no more; I'll fetch the bundle; and, prythee, fetch the combs and looking-glasses I bought the other day: for other necessaries that want a name the wench shall furnish you with.

WID. Nay, but where is she, nephew?

WILD. I'll call her, if she be not gone to bed. It is an ignorant young thing; I am to send her to my sister's in the country; I have had such ado to put her in the fashion.

PLEA. What country is she? Prythee, Master Wild, let's see her.

WILD. I'll call her down.

[_Exit_ WILD.

SAD. Madam, now we see y' are safe, we'll kiss your hands, and wait upon you to-morrow.

WID. It must be early then, sir, for I shall borrow my nephew's coach, and be gone betimes into the country, to take a little fresh air, and prevent the search.

CON. Pray, madam, be pleased to command ours.

WILD. No, sir, I humbly thank you; my nephew's will hold our company.

CON. Your humble servant, Mistress Pleasant.

SAD. Your servant, madam.

PLEA. Good night, Master Constant.

WID. Sir, you'll excuse us, we have nobody here to light you down.

CARE. Madam, I am here your servant as much as those who wear your livery; and this house holds no other. We can be civil, madam, as well as extravagant.

WID. Your humble servant, Master Careless.

CARE. Gentlemen, if you'll wait on my lady to her chamber, then I'll wait upon you down.

SAD. You oblige us, sir.

[_Exeunt omnes._