SCENE III.

_Enter_ WANTON _and_ BAWD.

WAN. Is he gone?

BAWD. Yes, he's gone to the old lady's, high with mischief.

WAN. Fare him well, easy fool: how the trout strove to be tickled! And how does this ring become me, ha! They are fine kind of things, these wedding-rings.

[_She plays with the wedding-ring upon her finger._

BAWD. Besides the good custom of putting so much gold in 'em,[215] they bring such conveniences along.

WAN. Why, ay; now I have but one to please, and if I please him, who dares offend me? and that wife's a fool that cannot make her husband one.

BAWD. Nay, I am absolutely of opinion it was fit for you to marry. But whether he be a good husband or no----

WAN. A pox of a good husband! give me a wise one; they only make the secure cuckolds, the cuckold in grain: for dye a husband that has wit but with an opinion thou art honest, and see who dares wash the colour out. Now your fool changes with every drop, doats with confidence in the morning, and at night jealous even to murder, and his love (Lord help us!) fades like my gredaline petticoat.[216]

BAWD. This is a new doctrine.

WAN. 'Tis a truth, wench, I have gained from my own observations, and the paradox will be maintained. Take wise men for cuckolds, and fools to make them: for your wise man draws eyes and suspicion with his visit, and begets jealous thoughts in the husband, that his wife may be overcome with his parts; when the fool is welcome to both, pleaseth both; laughs with the one, and lies with the other, and all without suspicion. I tell thee, a fool that has money is the man. The wits and the we's, which is a distinct parreal of wit bound by itself, and to be sold at Wit-hall, or at the sign of the King's-head in the butchery: these wise things will make twenty jealous, ere one man a cuckold, when the family of fools will head a parish, ere they are suspected.

BAWD. Well, I see one may live and learn: and if he be but as good at it now you are his own, as he was when he was your friend's friend (as they call it), you have got one of the best hiders of such a business in the town. Lord, how he would sister you at a play!

WAN. Faith, 'tis as he is used at first; if he gets the bridle in's teeth, he'll ride to the devil; but if thou be'st true, we'll make him amble ere we have done. The plot is here, and if it thrive I'll alter the proverb, _The parson gets the children_, to, _The parson fathers them_.

BAWD. Anything that may get rule: I love to wear the breeches.

WAN. So do we all, wench. Empire 'tis all our aim; and I'll put my ranting Roger in a cage but I'll tame him. He loves already, which is an excellent ring in a fool's nose, and thou shalt hear him sing--

_Happy only is that family that shows A cock that's silent, and a hen that crows._

BAWD. Do this, I'll serve you for nothing: the impetuous slave had wont to taunt me for beating of my husband, and would sing that song in mockery of me.

WAN. In revenge of which, thou (if thou wilt be faithful) shalt make him sing,

_Happy is that family that shows A cock that's silent, and a hen that crows._

[_Exeunt._