SCENE IV.

SIR THOMAS BITEFIG, MEANWELL, CONSTABLE, WATCHMEN.

SIR T. What, gone! Upon my life, they did mistrust.

MEAN. They are so beaten, that they smell an officer, As crows do powder.

SIR T. Watchman, call you forth

The mistress of the house _imprimis_; for

[_Exit_ OFFICER.

They have their lurking-hole near hand most certain.

_Enter_ MOTH _and_ POTLUCK, _as man and wife_.

MOTH. _Denuncio vobis gaudium magnum,_ _Robertus de Tinea electus est in sedem hospitalem,_ _Et assumit sibi nomen Galfridi_. Joy comes to our house: I, Robert Moth, am Chesen into thylk hospital seat, Thylk bason of Joan Potluck, vintner's widow, And do transmue[229] my name to Geffery. New foysons[230] byn ygraced with new titles. Come, buss. [_Kisses her._

POT. Fie! Master Geffery, I swear You make m' asham'd 'fore all this company.

SIR T. Sir, if you be the master of this house, You've harbour'd here a company of cheating Villains we are come to apprehend.

POT. Pray y', look, Search every corner: here's no cheats. I'm sure The house was clear before your worship enter'd.

CON. Make fast the doors, for fear they do escape. Let's in, and ferret out these cheating rake-hells.

[_As the_ WATCHMEN _go in and out about the_ _rooms_, HEARSAY, SLICER, _and_ SHAPE, _mingle themselves with them, being accounted_ _watchmen, and so pass without discovery_.

_Enter_ 1ST WATCHMAN _and_ HEARSAY.

1ST WATCH. 'Tis very certain they are not in the house.

SIR T. They had no time to get away.

HEAR. Why, then, It may be, being they are such cunning fellows, They have the trick of going invisible.

_Enter_ 2D WATCHMAN _and_ SLICER.

2D WATCH. There's no place left unsearch'd but pots and mouseholes.

SLICER. They're either gone or in the house, that's certain.

2D WATCH. That cannot be: the doors were shut, I'm sure, And so they could not get out; the rooms then are All search'd, and so they cannot be within.

SLICER. I'll lay my neck to a farthing, then, they're vanish'd.

HEAR. Sunk like the Queen; they'll rise at Queenhive, sure![231]

_Enter_ CONSTABLE _and other_ WATCHMEN, _and_ SHAPE _among 'em, bringing in_ CREDULOUS _and_ CASTER.

SHAPE. Most certain, these are two of them: for this Old knave, I'll take my oath that he is one.

CON. Confess, confess: where are your other comrades?

CRE. I am as honest as the skin that is Between thy brows.

CON. What skin between my brows? What skin, thou knave? I am a Christian; And, what is more, a constable! What skin?[232]

SIR T. You are mistaken, friends.

CON. I cry you mercy.

SHAPE. The constable may call you anything In the king's name, upon suspicion.

SIR T. We're cheated, friends: these men o' th' ordinary Have gull'd us all this while, and now are gone.

CAS. I am undone! Ne'er let me live, if that I did not think they would gull me. I perceive Fancy doth much: see, how 'tis come to pass!

CRE. Where is my son? God bless, him! Where is Andrew? Pray God they have not taken him along: He hath a perilous wit to be a cheat; H'd quickly come to be his Majesty's taker.

CON. I took one Andrew Credulous this morning In dishonest adultery with a trull; And if he be your son, he is in prison.

CRE. Their villainy, o' my life! Now, as I am A freeman and a grocer, I had rather have Found forty pounds. I pray, go fetch him.

[_Exit_ OFFICER.

SIR T. I'm sorry that your son takes these lewd courses; He is not fit to make a husband of.

CRE. Do not condemn before you hear. I'll warrant, Though he be guilty, yet he's innocent.

MOTH. Hent[233] him, for dern love, hent him; I done drad His visage foul, yfrounc'd[234] with glowing eyne.

HAVE. I come t' excuse my ruder usage of you; I was in drink when that I did it: 'twas The plot of those base knaves, I hear, are gone, To teach me valour by the strength of wine; Naming that courage which was only fury: It was not wilfully.

MOTH. I do not rech One bean for all. This buss is a blive guerdon.[235] Hence carlishnesse yferre. 'Tis a sooth saw, Had I but venged all mine herme, Mine cloak had not been furred half so werme.

_Enter_ OFFICERS _with_ ANDREW, PRISCILLA, _and the_ _four that were taken at the window singing._

CRE. Now, sir, you shall hear all. Come, Andrew, tell me, How cam'st thou hither?

AND. Truly, Master Meanwell Told me that I should meet with Mistress Jane; And there I found her chambermaid!

CRE. D' y' see? Your chambermaid, Sir Thomas! Out, you whore.

AND. Take heed what you say, father; she's my wife.

CRE. I would thou'rt in thy grave, then; 'twere the better Fortune o' th' two.

PRIS. Indeed, this reverend man join'd us i' th' prison.

CHRIS. Marriage is a bond; So no place fitter to perform it in!

SIR T. Send for my daughter hither; we'll know all. What are you, sir?

CHRIS. A workman in the clergy.

CON. Yes, this is one I took at the window singing, With these three other vagrant fellows here.

CHRIS. I was in body there, but not in mind, So that my sin is but inchoately perfect; And I, though in a fault, did not offend; And that for three reasons. First, I did yield Only a kind of unwilling consent. Secondly, I was drawn, as 'twere, by their Impulsive gentleness (mark, sir, I'm strong). Thirdly, I deem'd it not a woman's shambles. Fourthly and lastly, that I sung was only An holy wish. Once more, beloved--

SIR T. Peace! Y' have said enough already. How came you To sing beneath the window?

RIME. Master Hearsay Told us that Master Meanwell was new-married, And thought it good that we should gratify him. And show ourselves to him in a Fescennine.[236]

CRE. That rascal Meanwell was the cause of all: I would I had him here.

SIR T. Why, this is he, Sir Robert Littleworth his son: he hath Disclos'd their villanies; he is no cheat.

MEAN. God save you, Master Credulous; you have Forgotten me, perhaps: I'm somewhat chang'd. You see, your lost man's found; your vagabond Appears at last.

CRE. Go, you are a gibing scab. Leave off your flouting: you're a beardless boy, I am a father of children.

MEAN. And your son Will be so shortly, if he han't ill-luck To vex you more: that hundred pounds you sent To Master Caster, Shape i' th' habit of A country-fellow gull'd you of.

CRE. That rascal! Thou show'st thy wit t' abuse an old man thus: As God shall mend me, I will hamper thee. Thou'st been disguis'd here all this while, thou hast! Would I were bray'd in mine own mortar,[237] if I do not call th' in question the next term, For counterfeiting of the king's subjects. Come away from him, sirrah, come along.

[_Exeunt_ CREDULOUS, ANDREW, _and_ PRISCILLA.

MEAN. There's a trunk they've left behind; I have Seiz'd it for you, so that you'll be no loser.

SIR T. If you can find a way whereby I may Reward this courtesy of yours, I shall Confess myself engaged doubly to you-- Both for the benefit and its requital.

_Enter_ JANE.

MEAN. The appearance of your daughter here suggests Something to ask, which yet my thoughts call boldness.

SIR T. Can she suggest yet any good, that is So expert grown in this flesh-brokery?

MEAN. O, do not blot that innocence with suspicion, Who never came so near a blemish yet, As to be accus'd. To quit you of such thoughts, I did receive a tempting letter from That strumpet that's gone out (as sin is bold To try, even where no hope is); I made promise, But to secure myself, and withal sound Th' affections of young Credulous unto Your virtuous daughter, told him he should meet her, Where I agreed to meet your chambermaid: The blame must all be mine.

SIR T. 'Tis her deliverance. She hath escap'd two plagues, a lustful fool.

MEAN. I dare not challenge her, I do confess, As a reward due to my service; and If you deny her me, assure yourself I'll never draw her from obedience. I will not love her to procure her ruin, And make m' affection prove her enemy.

SIR T. You speak most honestly: I never did Think ill of your intents, but always gave A testimony to your life as large As were your merits. But your fortunes are Unequal; there's the want.

MEAN. What's there defective Love shall supply. True, Master Credulous Is a rich man, but yet wants that which makes His riches useful, free discretion. He may be something in th' eye o' th' world; But let a knowing man, that can distinguish Between possessions and good parts, but view him, And prize impartially, he will be rated Only as chests and caskets, just according To what he holds. I value him as I Would an exchequer or a magazine. He is not virtuous, but well-stor'd: a thing Rather well-victuall'd than well-qualified; And if you please to cast your eye on me, Some moneys will call back my father's lands Out of his lime-twig fingers, and I shall Come forth as gay as he.

SIR T. I'll strive no longer, For fear I seem t' oppose felicity. If she'll give her consent, y' are one.

JANE. It is The voice of angels to me. I had thought Nothing in all the store of nature could Have added to that love wherewith I do Reverence that name, my father, till that you Spoke this.

SIR T. I know your former loves: grow up Into an aged pair, yet still seem young. May you stand fresh, as in your pictures, still, And only have the reverence of the aged. I thank you for your pains, Master Constable: You may dismiss your watch now.

SHAPE. [_Disguised as a Constable._] A pox on't! That, after all this, ne'er a man to carry To prison! Must poor tradesmen be brought out, And nobody clapp'd up?

MEAN. That you mayn't want Employment, friends, take this, I pray, and drink it.

SLICER. [_Disguised._] Sir, when y' are cheated next, we are your servants.

[_Exeunt all but_ SHAPE, HEARSAY, _and_ SLICER.