SCENE II.

PANDOLFO, TRINCALO.

PAN. Cricca denies me: no persuasions, Proffers, rewards, can work him to transform. Yonder's my country farmer Trincalo. Never in fitter time, good Trincalo.

TRIN. Like a lean horse t' a fresh and lusty pasture.

PAN. What rent dost pay me for thy farm at Totnam?

TRIN. Ten pound, and find it too dear a penny-worth.

PAN. My hand here. Take it rent-free for three lives, To serve me in a business I'll employ thee.

TRIN. Serve you! I'll serve, reserve, conserve, preserve, Deserve, you for th' one half. O Armellina; A jointure, ha, a jointure! [_Aside._] What's your employment?

PAN. Here's an astrologer has a wondrous secret, To transform men to other shapes and persons.

TRIN. How! transform things to men? I'll bring nine tailors, Refus'd last muster, shall give five marks apiece To shape three men of service out of all, And grant him th' remnant shreds above the bargain.

PAN. Now, if thou'lt let him change thee, take this lease, Drawn ready; put what lives thou pleasest.

TRIN. Stay, sir. Say I am transform'd--who shall enjoy the lease, I or the person I must turn to?

PAN. Thou, Thou. The resemblance lasts but one whole day: Then home true farmer, as thou wert before.

TRIN. Where shall poor Trincalo be? How's this! transform'd! Transmuted, how? not I. I love myself Better than so: there's your lease. I'd not venture For th' whole fee-simple.

PAN. Tell me the difference Betwixt a fool and a wise man.

TRIN. Faith, as much As 'twixt your worship and myself.

PAN. A wise man Accepts all fair occasions of advancement; Flies no commodity for fear of danger, Ventures and gains, lives easily, drinks good wine, Fares neatly, is richly cloth'd, in worthiest company; While your poor fool and clown, for fear of peril, Sweats hourly for a dry brown crust to bedward,[277] And wakes all night for want of moisture.

TRIN. Well, sir, I'd rather starve in this my loved image, Than hazard thus my life for others' looks. Change is a kind of death; I dare not try it.

PAN. Tis not so dangerous as thou tak'st it; we'll only Alter thy count'nance for a day. Imagine Thy face mask'd only; or that thou dream'st all night Thou wert apparell'd in Antonio's form; And (waking) find'st thyself true Trincalo.

TRIN. T' Antonio's form! Was not Antonio a gentleman?

PAN. Yes, and my neighbour; that's his house.

TRIN. O, O! Now do I smell th' astrologer's trick: he'll steep me In soldier's blood, or boil me in a caldron Of barbarous law French; or anoint me over With supple oil of great men's services; For these three means raise yeomen to the gentry. Pardon me, sir: I hate those medicines. Fie! All my posterity will smell and taste on't, Long as the house of Trincalo endures.

PAN. There's no such business; thou shalt only seem so, And thus deceive Antonio's family.

TRIN. Are you assur'd? 'Twould grieve me to be bray'd[278] In a huge mortar, wrought to paste, and moulded To this Antonio's mould. Grant, I be turn'd; what then?

PAN. Enter his house, be reverenc'd by his servants, And give his daughter Flavia to me in marriage. The circumstances I'll instruct thee after.

TRIN. Pray, give me leave: this side says do't; this, do not. Before I leave you, Tom Trincalo, take my counsel: Thy mistress Armellina is Antonio's maid, And thou, in his shape, may'st possess her: turn. But if I be Antonio, then Antonio Enjoys that happiness, not Trincalo. A pretty trick, to make myself a cuckold! No, no; there, take your lease. I'll hang first. Soft, Be not so choleric, Thomas. If I become Antonio, Then all his riches follow. This fair occasion Once vanish'd, hope not the like; of a stark clown, I shall appear a speck-and-span new gentleman.[279] A pox of ploughs and carts, and whips and horses. Then Armellina shall be given to Trincalo, Three hundred crowns her portion. We'll get a boy, And call him Transformation Trincalo. I'll do't, sir.

PAN. Art resolv'd?

TRIN. Resolv'd! 'Tis done-- With this condition: after I have given your worship My daughter Flavia, you shall then move my worship, And much entreat me, to bestow my maid Upon myself--I should say Trincalo.

PAN. Content; and for thy sake will make her portion Two hundred crowns.

TRIN. Now are you much deceiv'd: I never meant it.

PAN. How!

TRIN. I did but jest; And yet, my hand, I'll do't: for I am mutable, And therefore apt to change. Come, come, sir, quickly, Let's to the astrologer, and there transform, Reform, conform, deform me at your pleasure. I loathe this country countenance. Despatch: my skin Itches like a snake's in April to be stripp'd off. Quickly, O, quickly! as you love Flavia, quickly.