ACT IV., SCENE I.

_Enter_ VOTARIUS, _with_ ANSELMUS'S _Lady_.

VOT. Pray, forgive me, madam; come, thou shalt!

WIFE. I' faith, 'twas strangely done, sir.

VOT. I confess it.

WIFE. Is that enough to help it, sir? 'tis easy To draw a lady's honour in suspicion, But not so soon recover'd, and confirm'd To the first faith again, from whence you brought it: Your wit was fetch'd out about other business, Or such forgetfulness had never seiz'd you.

VOT. 'Twas but an overflowing, a spring tide In my affection, rais'd by too much love; And that's the worst words you can give it, madam.

WIFE. Jealous of me?

VOT. You'd 've sworn yourself, madam, Had you been in my body, and chang'd cases, To see a fellow with a guilty pace Glide through the room, his face three-quarters nighted, As if a deed of darkness had hung on him.

WIFE. I tell you twice, 'twas my bold woman's friend: Hell take her impudence!

VOT. Why, I have done, madam.

WIFE. You've done too late, sir. Who shall do the rest now? Confess'd me yielding! was thy way too free? Why, didst thou long to be restrain'd? Pray, speak, sir!

VOT. A man cannot cosen you of the sin of weakness, Or borrow it of a woman for one hour, But how he's wonder'd at! when search your lives, We shall ne'er find it from you; we can suffer you To play away your days in idleness, And hide your imperfections with our loves, Or the most part of you would appear strange creatures; And now 'tis but our chance to make an offer, And snatch at folly running: yet to see, How earnest you're against us, as if we'd robb'd you Of the best gift your natural mother left you.

WIFE. Tis worth a kiss, i' faith, and thou shalt hav't, Were there not one more left for my lord's supper: And now, sir, I've bethought myself.

VOT. That's happy!

WIFE. You say we're weak; but the best wits of you all Are glad of our advice, for ought I see And hardly thrive without us.

VOT. I'll say so too, To give you encouragement, and advance your virtues. 'Tis not good always to keep down a woman.

WIFE. Well, sir, since you've begun to make my lord A doubtful man of me, keep on that course, And ply his faith still with that poor belief, That I'm inclining unto wantonness, Take heed you pass no further now.

VOT. Why, dost think I'll be twice mad together in one moon? That were too much for any freeman's son After his father's funeral.

WIFE. Well then thus, sir: Upholding still the same, as being embolden'd By some loose glance of mine, you shall attempt, After you've plac'd my lord in some near closet, To thrust yourself into my chamber rudely, As if the game went forward to your thinking, Then leave the rest to me. I'll so reward thee With bitterness of words, but (prythee, pardon me) My lord shall swear me into honesty Enough to serve his mind all his life after; Nay, for a need, I'll draw some rapier forth, That shall come near my hand as 'twere by chance, And set a lively face upon my rage; But fear thou nothing: I too dearly love thee To let harm touch thee.

VOT. O, it likes me rarely, I'll choose a precious time for it. [_Exit_ VOTARIUS.

WIFE. Go thy ways; I'm glad I had it for thee.

_Enter_ LEONELLA.

LEO. Madam, my lord entreats your company.

WIFE. Pshaw, ye!

LEO. Pshaw, ye! My lord entreats your company.

WIFE. What now? Are ye so short-heel'd?

LEO. I am as my betters are, then.

WIFE. How came you by such impudence a-late, minion? You're not content to entertain your playfellow In your own chamber closely, which I think Is large allowance for a lady's woman; There's many a good man's daughter is in service, And cannot get such favour of her mistress, But what she has by stealth; she and the chambermaid Are glad of one between them, and must you Give such bold freedom to your long-nos'd fellow, That every room must take a taste of him?

LEO. Does that offend your ladyship?

WIFE. How think you, forsooth?

LEO. Then he shall do't again.

WIFE. What?

LEO. And again, madam: So often, till it please your ladyship; And when you like it, he shall do't no more.

WIFE. What's this?

LEO. I know no difference, virtuous madam, But in love all have privilege alike.

WIFE. You're a bold quean.

LEO. And are not you my mistress?

WIFE. This is well, i' faith.

LEO. You spare not your own flesh, no more than I; Hell take me, an' I spare you.

WIFE. O, the wrongs That ladies do their honours, when they make Their slaves familiar with their weaknesses; They're ever thus rewarded for that deed; They stand in fear e'en of the grooms they feed. I must he forc'd to speak my woman fair now, And be first[468] friends with her--nay, all too little. She may undo me at her pleasure else; She knows the way so well, myself not better, My wanton folly made a key for her To all the private treasure of my heart; She may do what she list [_Aside_]. Come, Leonella. I am not angry with thee.

LEO. Pish!

WIFE. Faith, I am not.

LEO. Why, what care I, an' you be!

WIFE. Prythee, forgive me?

LEO. I have nothing to say to you.

WIFE. Come, thou shalt wear this jewel for my sake, A kiss and friends: we'll never quarrel more.

LEO. Nay, choose you, faith; the best is, an' you do, You know who'll have the worst on't.

WIFE. True, myself. [_Aside._

LEO. Little thinks she, I have set her forth already; I please my lord, yet keep her in awe too. [_Aside._

WIFE. One thing I had forgot; I prythee, wench, Steal to Votarius closely, and remember him To wear some privy armour then about him, That I may feign a fury without fear.

LEO. Armour! when, madam?

WIFE. See now, I chid thee When I least thought upon thee; thou'rt my best hand; I cannot be without thee. Thus then, sirrah: To beat away suspicion from the thoughts Of under-listening servants 'bout the house, I have advis'd Votarius at fit time Boldly to force his way into my chamber, The admittance being denied him, and the passage Kept strict by thee, my necessary woman. (La! there I should have miss'd thy help again!) At which attempt I'll take occasion To dissemble such an anger, that the world Shall ever after swear us to their thoughts As clear and free from any fleshly knowledge, As nearest kindred are, or ought to be, Or what can more express it, if that fail'd.

LEO. You know I'm always at your service, madam, But why some privy armour?

WIFE. Marry, sweetheart, The best is yet forgotten; thou shalt have A weapon in some corner of the chamber, Yonder, or there--

LEO. Or anywhere: why, i' faith, madam, Do you think I'm to learn how[469] to hang a weapon? As much as I'm incapable of what follows! I've all your mind without book: think it done, madam.

WIFE. Thanks, my good wench, I'll never call thee worse.

[_Exit_ WIFE.

LEO. Faith, you're like to have't again, an' you do, madam.

_Enter_ BELLARIUS.

BEL. What, art alone?

LEO. Curse me, what makes you here, sir? You're a bold long-nos'd fellow.

BEL. How!

LEO. So my lady says. Faith, she and I have had a bout for you, sir, But she got nothing by't.

BEL. Did not I say still, thou wouldst be too adventurous!

LEO. Ne'er a whit, sir. I made her glad to seek my friendship first.

BEL. By my faith, that show'd well; if you come off So brave a conqueress, to't again, and spare not, I know not which way you should get more honour.

LEO. She trusts me now to cast a mist, forsooth, Before the servants' eyes. I must remember Votarius to come once with privy armour Into her chamber, when with a feign'd fury And rapier drawn, which I must lay a-purpose Ready for her dissemblance, she will seem T' act wonders for her juggling honesty.

BEL. I wish no riper vengeance! can'st conceive me? Votarius is my enemy.

LEO. That's stale news, sir.

BEL. Mark what I say to thee! forget of purpose That privy armour; do not bless his soul With so much warning, nor his hated body With such sure safety. Here express thy love; Lay some empoisoned weapon next her hand, That in that play he may be lost for ever; I'd have him kept no longer, away with him. One touch will set him flying: let him go.

LEO. Bribe me but with a kiss; it shall be so. [_Exeunt._