Chapter 35

_Enter_ PRODIGALITY, VANITY, TENACITY, HOST, FORTUNE, _and_ MONEY.

HOST. Sir, now your reckoning is made even: I'll trust no more.

PROD. No?

HOST. No, sure.

PROD. Set cock-on-hoop then; by some means, good or bad, There is no remedy, but money must be had. By the body of an ox, behold here this ass, Will be my familiar, wheresoever I pass. Why, goodman Crust, tell me, is there no nay, But where I go, you must forestal my way?

TEN. By Gog's flesh and his flounders, sir, che hope the Queen's highway is free for euery man! for thee as me, for me as thee, for poor Tenacity as for proud Prodigality! chill go, in the Queen's peace, about my business.

PROD. This way?

TEN. Yea.

PROD. To whom?

TEN. To Vortune my mistress.

PROD. Wherefore?

TEN. That's no matter to you.

PROD. No matter, sir? but, by your crustship, ere you go, 'Tis a plain case, Prodigality will know: And therefore be round; come off, and tell me quickly.

TEN. And thou'dst so vain know, che go for money.

PROD. Out upon thee, villain, traitor, thief, pickpurse! Thou penurious knave, caterpillar, and what's worse? Hast thou heard me say, that for money I went, And couldst thou creep so closely my purpose to prevent? By the life I live, thou shalt die the death. Where shall I first begin? above or beneath? Say thy prayers, slave--

VAN. How now, my friends, what needs this variance? Money comes not by force, money comes by chance; And sith at one instant you both seek for money, Appeal both to Fortune, and then shall you try, Whether either or neither may hit to have money.

PROD. Gentleman, you say well: I know not your name; But indeed for that purpose to Fortune I came: For furtherance whereof if I might obtain Your friendly help, I would quit your pain.

TEN. I am your old acquaintance, sir, remember me.

VAN. Thee, quoth a? for thy large offers I may not forget thee. You be both my friends, and therefore indifferently I will commend you both to Fortune's courtesy. [_To_ FOR.] Lady most bright, renowmed goddess fair, Unto thy stately throne here do repair Two suitors of two several qualities, And qualities, indeed, that be mere contraries. That one is called wasteful Prodigality: This[389] one cleped covetous Tenacity. Both at once unto your royal majesty Most humbly make their suits for money.

FOR. Let's hear what they can say.

PROD. Divine goddess, behold, with all humility For money I appeal unto thy deity; Which, in high honour of thy majesty, I mean to spend abroad most plentifully.

TEN. Sweet mistress, grant to poor Tenacity The keeping of this golden darling money: Chill vow to thee, so long as life shall dure, Under strong lock and key chill keep him vast and sure.

VAN. Nay, pleaseth then your pleasant fantasy To hear them plead in musical harmony?

FOR. It liketh me.

PROD. None better.

TEN. Well, though my singing be but homely, Chill sing and spring[390] too, ere chud loose money.

VAN. Well, to it, a God's name; let saying go than;[391] And each sing for himself the best he can.

_The Song_.

PROD. _The princely heart, that freely spends, Relieves full many a thousand more, He getteth praise, he gaineth friends, And people's love procures therefore. But pinching fist, that spareth all, Of due relief the needy robs: Nought can be caught, where nought doth fall, There comes no good of greedy cobs. This issue therefore do I make: The best deserver draw the stake_.

TEN. Whilst thou dost spend with friend and foe, At home che hold the plough by th' tail: Che dig, che delve, che zet, che zow, Che mow, che reap, che ply my flail. A pair of dice is thy delight, Thou liv'st for most part by the spoil: I truly labour day and night To get my living by my toil. Chill therefore sure this issue make: The best deserver draw the stake_.

VAN. Hallo! _satis disputatum_.

TEN. Nay, by my father's soul, friend, now chave once begun, Let him to't, che pass not when che done.

PROD. Lo, Lady, you have heard our reasons both express'd, And thereby are resolv'd, I hope, who merits best.

FOR. Dame Fortune dealeth not by merit, but by chance: He hath it but by hap, whom Fortune doth advance; And of his hap as he hath small assurance: So in his hap likewise is small continuance. Therefore at a venture, my dear son Money, I do commit you unto Prodigality.

TEN. To Prodigality? Ah, poor Money, I pity thee; Continual unrest must be thy destiny: Each day, each hour, yea, every minute tost, Like to a tennis-ball, from pillar to post.

MONEY. I am, where I like.

TEN. [To VAN.] And is there, then, no other remedy? Must poor Tenacity put up the injury?

VAN. Your time is not yet come.

TEN. When will it come, trow ye?

VAN. At the next turning water, happily.

TEN. And che wist that, chud the more quietly depart, And keep therewhile a hungry hoping heart. How sayest thou, vriend Fanity?

VAN. No doubt, but 'tis best.

TEN. Then varewell to all at once. [_Exit_.

PROD. Good night and good rest. And now will I likewise with my sweet Money Go hunt abroad for some good company. Vanity, for thy pains I will not grease thy fist Peltingly[392] with two or three crowns; but, when thou list, Come boldly unto Prodigality's chest, And take what thou wilt; it's ever open.

VAN. I thank you, sir; 'tis honourably spoken.

PROD. Yet, ere I go, with song of joyfulness Let me to Fortune show my thankfulness.

_The Song.

Verse to_ FORTUNE.

_Thou that dost guide the world by thy direction, Thou that dost conquer states to thy subjection, Thou that dost keep each king in thy correction, Thou that preservest all in thy protection, For all thy gifts unto thy majesty I yield both thanks and praise immortally: To mighty Fortune, &c.

Verse to_ MONEY.

_Sweet Money, the minion that sails with all winds, Sweet Money, the minstrel that makes merry all minds, Sweet Money, that gables of bondage unbinds, Sweet Money, that maintains all sports of all kinds, This is that sweet Money, that rules like a king, And makes me all praises of Money to sing

[Exeunt_.