Chapter 5

HYPOCRISY. O loving Father and merciful God! We through our sins thy punishment deserve, And have provoked to beat with thy rod Us stubborn children, which from thee do swerve. We loathed thy word, but now we shall sterve; For Hypocrisy is placed again in this land, And thy true gospel as exile doth stand. This is thy just judgment for our offence, Who having the light in darkness did stray, But now, if thou wouldest of thy fatherly benevolence Thy purposed judgments in wrath for to stay, The part of the prodigal son we would play; And with bitter tears before thee would fall, And in true repentance for mercy would call. In our prosperity we would not regard The words of the preachers, who threat'ned the same, But flattering ourselves, thought thou wouldest have spared Us in thy mercy, and never us blame: But so much provoked thee by blaspheming thy name, Indeed to deny that in words we maintain, That from thy justice thou could'st not refrain. So that Romish Pharaoh, a tyrant most cruel, Hath brought us again into captivity, And instead of the pure flood of thy gospel, Hath poisoned our souls with devilish Hypocrisy, Unable to maintain it, but by murthering Tyranny; Seeking rather the fleece than the health of the sheep, Which are appointed for him for to keep.

[_Re-enter_ AVAR. _and_ TYR.]

TYRANNY. Lo, Avarice, hark what a traitor is here,

[HYP. [aside.] He speaketh to you, Syra.]

Against our holy Father this language to use! I might have heard more, if I would him forbear, But for grief my ears burn to hear him abuse His tongue in this manner: wherefore no excuse Shall purchase favour, but that with all speed By sword I will render to him his due meed. Wherefore, thou miscreant, while thou hast time, Pray to the saints thy spokesman to be, That at God's hand from this thy great crime By their intercession thou may be set free.

AVARICE. Nay, hearest thou, Tyranny? be ruled by me: First cut off his head, and then let him pray, So shall he be sure us not to bewray.

HYPOCRISY. O wicked Tyranny! thou imp of the devil, Too joyful tidings to thee have I brought, For now thou art emboldened to practise all evil.

TYRANNY. Marry, thou shalt not give me thy service for nought, But for thy pains to please thee I thought.

HYPOCRISY. Thou art nothing so ready to do any good, As thou art to shed poor innocents' blood.

AVARICE. Nay, Tyranny, suffer this rascal to prate,

[HYP. [_aside_.] On your face, sir.]

Till some man come by, and then he is gone. Then wilt thou repent it, when it is too late: Despatch him, therefore, while we are alone.

HYPOCRISY. Well may the covetous be likened to a drone, Which of the bee's labours will spoil and waste make, And yet to get honey no labour will take. The covetous likewise from poor men extort, Their gains to increase they only do seek; And so they may have it, of them a great sort What means they use for it they care not a leek: Yet will these misers scarce once a week Have one good meal at their own table: So by Avarice to help themselves they are unable. Avarice to a fire may well compared be, To the which the more you add, the more still it crave: So likewise the covetous mind we do see, Though riches abound, do wish still more to have And to be short, your reverences to save, To a filthy swine such misers are comparable, Which, while[30] they be dead, are nothing profitable.

AVARICE. Nay, farewell, Tyranny: I came hither too soon, I perceive already I am too well known. I were not best in their claws for to come, Unless I were willing to be clean overthrown.

TYRANNY. By the preaching of God's word all this mischief is grown, Which if Hypocrisy might happily expel, All we in safety and pleasure might dwell. Stay, therefore, while from Hypocrisy we hear.

AVARICE. Despatch then this merchant,[31] lest our counsel he tell.

HYPOCRISY. I am content for God's cause this cross for to bear.

TYRANNY. It is best killing him now his mind is set well.

HYPOCRISY. Your scoffing and mocking God seeth each deal.

TYRANNY. Yea, dost thou persist us still thus to check? Thy speech I will hinder by cutting off thy neck.

HYPOCRISY. Nay, hold thy hand, Cadby, thou hast kill'd me enough. What! never the sooner for a merry word. I meant not good earnest, to your maship I vow. I did but jest, and spake but in bord: Therefore of friendship put up again thy sword.

TYRANNY. Nay, caitiff, presume not that thou shalt go scot-free; Therefore, hold still, and I will soon despatch thee.

HYPOCRISY. What! I pray thee, Tyranny, know first who I am. Ye purblinded fools, do your lips blind your eyes? Why, I was in place long before you came; But you could not see the wood for the trees. But, in faith, father Avarice, I will pay you your fees, For the great good-will which you to me bear, [HYPOCRISY _fighteth_. And in time will requite it again, do not fear.

AVARICE. Content yourself, good Master Hypocrisy: The words which I spake, I spake unaware.

TYRANNY. Hold thy hand, Hypocrisy, I pray thee heartily: So like a madman with thy friends do not fare.

HYPOCRISY. For neither of you both a pin do I care: Go, shake your ears both, like slaves as you be, And look not in your need to be holpen of me.

TYRANNY. What, Master Hypocrisy, will you take snuff so soon? Marry, then you had need to be kept very warm.

AVARICE. I swear to your mastership, by the man in the moon, That to your person I intended no harm.

HYPOCRISY. But that I am weary, I would both your tongues charm. See how to my face they do me deride [_Aside_]; I will not therefore in your companies abide.

AVARICE. Why, Master Hypocrisy, what would you that I do? For my offence of mercy I you pray.

HYPOCRISY. With thee I am at one; but of that merchant too I look for some amends, or else I will away.

TYRANNY. The presumptuous fool's part herein thou dost play. What! of thy master dost thou look for obeisance? I will not once entreat thee: if thou wilt, get thee hence.

HYPOCRISY. _Nimia familiaritas parit contemptum_, The old proverb by me is verified, By too much familiarity contemned be some: Even so at this present to me it betide. For of long time Hypocrisy hath ruled as guide, While now, of later days, through heretics' resistance, I retained Tyranny to yield me assistance; But through overmuch levity he thinks himself checkmate With me his good patron, Master Hypocrisy.

TYRANNY. List, I pray thee, Avarice, how this rascal can prate, And with me Tyranny doth challenge equality; Where he of himself hath neither strength nor hability; But thou to him riches, and I strength, do give, So that I must be his master, though it doth him grieve.

AVARICE. Two dogs oftentimes one bone would fain catch, But yet the third do them both deceive. Even so Hypocrisy for the pre-eminence doth snatch, Which Tyranny gapes for, ye may perceive: But I must obtain it; for of me they retain All kind of riches, their states to maintain, To yield to me, therefore, they must be both fain. [_Aside_.

HYPOCRISY. Was Judas Christ's master, because he bare the purse? Nay, rather of all he was least regarded, Have not men of honour stewards to disburse All such sums of money wherewith they be charged? Yet above their master their honour is not enlarged: Even so thee, Avarice, my steward I account, To pay that whereto my charges amount. And to thee, Tyranny, this one word I object: Whether was Joab or David the king? When Joab was glad his ease to reject, The Ammonites in Rabah to confusion to bring, When David with Bathsheba at home was sleeping, Was not Joab, his servant, in warfare to fight? And so art thou mine, mine enemies to quite.

TYRANNY. Nay, then, at the whole God give you good night, Shall Tyranny to Hypocrisy in any point yield?

HYPOCRISY. With this one word I will vanquish thee quite, That thou shalt be glad to give me the field. The end to be preferred all learned men wield: Sith therefore Hypocrisy of Tyranny is end, I must have the preferment for which I contend.

[AVA. Indeed you say troth.]

TYRANNY. I will make you both grant that I am the chief, Or else with my sword your sides I will pierce.

HYPOCRISY. That were sharp reasoning indeed, with a mischief!

AVARICE. I will yield him my right, if that he be so fierce.

HYPOCRISY. The nature of hypocrites herein we rehearse; Which, being convinced by the text of God's word, The end of their spouting is fire and sword. But if you will needs be chief, God speed well the plough: I will be none that shall follow your train; For if I should, I know well enough That to fly the country we all should be fain: Then were my labour done but in vain. You know not so much as I do, Tyranny, Therefore, I advise you, be ruled by me.

TYRANNY. _Inter amicos omnia sunt communia_, they say: Among friends there is reckoned no property, But that the one hath of his own, th' other may Have the use of the same at his own liberty, Even so among us it is of a surety; For what the one hath of his own proper right, It is thine to use by day or by night.

AVARICE. Indeed you say truth, the end is worth all;

[HYP. He hath learned logeres.[32]]

Such things as to get the end are referred, And by this reason to you I prove shall, That I before Hypocrisy must be preferred: The conclusion of my reason is this[33] inferred; Sith Hypocrisy was invented to augment private gain, I am the end of Hypocrisy: this is plain.

HYPOCRISY. _Actum est de amicitia_, the bargain is despatched, And we two in friendship are united as one.

AVARICE. In the same knot with you let me also be matched, And of money, I warrant you, you shall want none.

HYPOCRISY. I agree; what say you? shall he be one?

TYRANNY. I judge him needful in our company to be, And therefore, for my part, he is welcome to me.

[HYP. Friendship for gain.]

Let us now speedily on our business attend, And labour each one to bring it about.

HYPOCRISY. That is already by me brought to end, So that of your preferment you need not to doubt; And my coming hither was to find you out, That at my elbow you might be in readiness, To help, if need were, in this weighty business. To tell you the story it were but too tedious, How the Pope and I together have devised, Firstly to inveigle the people religious, For greediness of gain who will be soon pressed: And, for fear lest hereafter they should be despised, Of their own freewill will maintain Hypocrisy, So that Avarice alone shall conquer the clergy. Now, of the chiefest of his carnal cardinals He doth appoint certain, and give them authority To ride abroad in their pontificals, To see if with Avarice they may win the laity; If not, then to threaten them with open Tyranny: Whereby doubt not but many will forsake The truth of the gospel, and our parties take.

TYRANNY. This device is praiseworthy: how say'st thou, Avarice?

AVARICE. I like it well, if it were put in ure, Yet little gain to me shall this whole practice, More than I had before-time, procure.

HYPOCRISY. The legates are ready to ride, I am sure; Wherefore we had need to make no small delay: They stay for my coming alone, I dare say. Howbeit the laity would greatly mislike, If they should know all our purpose and intent; Yea, and perhaps some means they would seek Our foresaid business in time to prevent.

TYRANNY. Will you then be ruled by my arbitrament? Lest the people should suddenly dissolve tranquillity, For the legate's defence, let him use me Tyranny.

HYPOCRISY. Herein your counsel is not much unwise, Save that in one thing we had need to beware: Lest you be known, we will you disguise, And some grave apparel for you will prepare; But your name, Tyranny, I fear all will mar: Let me alone, and I will invent A name to your nature, which shall be convenient. Zeal shall your name be: how like you by that? And therefore in office you must deal zealously.

TYRANNY. Let me alone, I will pay them home pat: Though they call me Zeal, they shall feel me Tyranny. [_Aside_.

HYPOCRISY. Lo, here is a garment: come, dress you handsomely. Ay, marry (quoth he), I like this very well: Now to the devil's grace you me seem to give counsel. Now must I apply all my invention, That I may devise Avarice to hide. Thy name shall be called Careful Provision, And every man for his household may lawfully provide: Thus shalt thou go cloaked, and never be spied.

AVARICE. Thy counsel, Hypocrisy, I very well allow, And will recompense thee, if ever I know how.

TYRANNY. Now on a boon[34] voyage let us depart, For I [am] well loth any time to delay.

HYPOCRISY. Nay, yet in sign of a merry heart, Let us sing before we go away.

AVARICE. I am content; begin, I you pray; But to sing the treble, we must needs have one.

HYPOCRISY. If you say so, let it even alone.

[_Exeunt_.