Chapter 9

"Hickscorner bears no distant resemblance to comedy: its chief aim seems to be to exhibit characters and manners, its plot being much less regular than the foregoing. The prologue is spoken by Pity, represented under the character of an aged pilgrim; he is joined by Contemplation and Perseverance, two holy men who, after lamenting the degeneracy of the age, declare their resolution of stemming the torrent. Pity then is left upon the stage, and presently found by Freewill, representing a lewd debauchee who, with his dissolute companion, Imagination, relate their manner of life, and not without humour describe the stews and other places of base resort. They are presently joined by Hickscorner, who is drawn as a libertine returned from travel, and agreeably to his name scoffs at religion. These three are described as extremely vicious, who glory in every act of wickedness. At length two of them quarrel, and Pity endeavours to part the fray; on this they fall upon him, and put him into the stocks, and then leave him. Pity then descants in a kind of lyric measure on the profligacy of the age, and in this situation is found by Perseverance and Contemplation, who set him at liberty, and advise him to go in search of the delinquents. As soon as he is gone, Freewill appears again, and after relating in a very comic manner some of his rogueries and escapes from justice, is rebuked by the two holy men who, after a long altercation, at length convert him and his libertine companion, Imagination, from their vicious course of life, and then the play ends with a few verses from Perseverance, by way of epilogue.

"It would be needless to point out the absurdities in the plan and conduct of the foregoing play: they are evidently great. It is sufficient to observe that, bating the moral and religious reflections of Pity, &c., the piece is of a comic caste, and contains a humorous display of some of the vices of the age. Indeed, the author has generally been so little attentive to the allegory, that we need only substitute other names to his personages, and we have real characters and living manners."

The woodcuts prefixed to this and the foregoing play were very minutely traced and executed by a masterly hand; and there being something singular in giving the portraits of the _dramatis personae_, it is presumed the following will be particularly pleasing to the reader.[110]

[It appears to have been from this drama or interlude, that the saying arose of "Hickscorner's jests." (See Mr J.P. Collier's Diary, part iii. p. 13.)]

HICKSCORNER.

PITY.

Now Jesu the gentle, that brought Adam fro hell, Save you all, sovereigns, and solace you send: And, of this matter that I begin to tell, I pray you of audience, till I have made an end; For I say to you, my name is Pity, That ever yet hath been man's friend. In the bosom of the second person in Trinity I sprang as a plant, man's miss to amend; You for to help I put to my hand: Record I take of Mary that wept tears of blood; I Pity within her heart did stand; When she saw her son on the rood, The sword of sorrow gave that lady wound; When a spear clave her son's heart asunder, She cried out, and fell to the ground; Though she was woe, it was little wonder, This delicate colour [had] that goodly lady, Full pale and wan, she saw her son all dead, Splayed on a cross with the five wells of pity, Of purple velvet powdered with roses red. Lo, I Pity thus made your errand to be sped, Or else man for ever should have been forlore. A maiden so laid his life to wed, Crowned as a king the thorns pricked him sore. Charity and I of true love leads the double rein; Whoso me loveth damned never shall be. Of some virtuous company I would be fain; For all that will to heaven needs must come by me, Chief porter I am in that heavenly city, And now here will I rest me a little space, Till it please Jesu of his grace Some virtuous fellowship for to send.

CONTEMPLATION.

Christ that was christened, crucified, and crowned, In his bosom true love was gaged with a spear, His veins brast and bruised, and to a pillar bound, With scourges he was lashed, the knots the skin tare, On his neck to Calvary the great cross he bare, His blood ran to the ground, as Scripture doth tell: His burden was so heavy, that down under it he fell, Lo, I am kin to the Lord, which is God's son; My name is written foremost in the book of life, For I am perfect Contemplation, And brother to holy church that is our Lord's wife. John Baptist, Anthony, and Jerome, with many mo, Followed me here in holt,[111] heath, and in wilderness; I ever with them went where they did go, Night and day toward the way of rightwiseness: I am the chief lantern of all holiness, Of prelates and priests I am their patron; No armour so strong in no distress, Habergeon, helm, ne yet no Jeltron, To fight with Satan am I the champion, That dare abide, and manfully stand: Fiends flee away, where they see me come; But I will show you why I came to this land For to preach and teach of God's sooth saws, Ayenst vice that doth rebel ayenst him and his laws.

PITY.

God speed, good brother; fro whence came you now?

CONTEMPLATION.

Sir, I came from Perseverance to seek you.

PITY.

Why, sir, know you me?

CONTEMPLATION.

Yea, sir, and have done long; your name is Pity.

PITY.

Your name fain would I know.

CONTEMPLATION.

Indeed I am called Contemplation, That useth to live solitarily; In woods and in wildness[112] I walk alone, Because I would say my prayers devoutly; I love not with me to have much company: But Perseverance oft with me doth meet, When I think on thoughts that is full heavenly; Thus he and I together full sweetly doth sleep.

PITY.

I thank God that we be met together.

CONTEMPLATION.

Sir, I trust that Perseverance shortly will come hither.

PITY.

Then I think to hear some good tiding.

CONTEMPLATION.

I warrant you, brother, that he is coming.

PERSEVERANCE.

The eternal God, that named was Messias, He give you grace to come to his glory, Wherever is joy in the celestial place, When you of Satan winneth the victory, Everyman ought to be glad to have in company, For I am named good Perseverance, That ever is guided by virtuous governance; I am never variable, but doth continue, Still going upward the ladder of grace, And lode in me planted is so true, And from the poor man I will never turn my face: When I go by myself oft I do remember The great kindness that God showed unto man, For to be born in the month of December, When the day waxeth short, and the night long, Of his goodness that champion strong Descended down fro the Father of rightwiseness, And rested in Mary the flower of meekness. Now to this place hither come I am To seek Contemplation my kinsman.

CONTEMPLATION.

What, brother Perseverance? ye be welcome.

PERSEVERANCE.

And so be you also, Contemplation.

CONTEMPLATION.

Lo, here is our master Pity.

PERSEVERANCE.

Now truly ye be welcome into this country.

PITY.

I thank ye heartily, sir Perseverance.

PERSEVERANCE.

Master Pity, one thing is come to my remembrance; What tithings hear you now?

PITY.

Sir, such as I can I shall show you: I have heard many men complain piteously; They say they be smitten with the swerd of poverty. In every place where I do go: Few friends poverty doth find, And these rich men been unkind; For their neighbours they will nought do, Widows doth curse lords and gentle men, For they constrain them to marry with their men, Yea, whether they will or no: Men marry for good,[113] and that is damnable, Yea, with old women that is fifty and beyond: The peril now no man dread will; All is not God's law that is used in land; Beware will they not, till death in his hand Taketh his sword, and smiteth asunder the life vein, And with his mortal stroke cleaveth the heart atwain: They trust so in mercy, the lantern of brightness, That no thing do they dread God's rightwiseness.

PERSEVERANCE.

O Jesu, sir, here is a heavy tiding.

PITY.

Sir, this is true, that I do bring.

CONTEMPLATION.

How am I beloved, master Pity, where ye come?

PITY.

In good faith, people have now small devotion; And as for with you, brother Contemplation, There meddleth few or none.

CONTEMPLATION.

Yet, I trust, that priests love me well?

PITY.

But a few, i-wis, and some never a deal.

CONTEMPLATION.

Why, sir, without me they may not live clean.

PITY.

Nay, that is the least thought that they have of fifteen; And that maketh me full heavy.

CONTEMPLATION.

How, trow you that there be no remedy?

PITY.

Full hard, for sin is now so grievous and ill, That I think that it be growen to an impossible, And yet one thing maketh me ever mourning: That priests lack utterance to show their cunning; And all the while that clerks do use so great sin, Among the lay people look never for no mending.

PERSEVERANCE.

Alas, that is a heavy case, That so great sin is used in every place; I pray God it amend.

CONTEMPLATION.

Now God, that ever hath been man's friend, Some better tidings soon us send! For now I must be gone. Farewell, good brethren here; A great errand I have elsewhere, That must needs be done: I trust I will not long tarry; Thither will I hie me shortly, And come again, when I have done.

PERSEVERANCE.

Hither again, I trust, you will come; Therefore God be with you.

CONTEMPLATION.

Sir, needs I must depart now; Jesu me speed this day.

PERSEVERANCE.

Now, brother Contemplation, let us go our way.

FREEWILL.

Aware, fellows, and stand a-room: How say you? am not I a goodly person? I trow, you know not such a guest: What, sirs, I tell you, my name is Freewill, I may choose whether I do good or ill; But for all that I will do, as me list: My conditions ye know not, perdè, I can fight, chide, and be merry; Full soon of my company ye would be weary, And ye knew all. What, fill the cup, and make good cheer! I trow I have a noble here: Who lent it me? By Christ, a frere; And I gave him a fall. Where be ye, sir? be ye at home? Cock's passion, my noble is turned to a stone. Where lay I last? Beshrew your heart, John; Now, by these bones, she hath beguiled me: Let see; a penny my supper, a piece of flesh ten-pence; My bed right nought: let all this expense-- Now, by these bones, I have lost a halfpenny. Who lay there? my fellow Imagination; He and I had good communication Of Sir John and Sybil, How they were spied in bed together; And he prayed her oft to come hither, For to sing _lo, le, lo, lowe_. They twain together had good sport; But at the stews' side I lost a groat: I trow I shall never i-the.[114] My fellow promised me here to meet, But I trow the whoreson be asleep With a wench somewhere. How, Imagination, come hither, And you thrive, I lose a feather; Beshrew your heart, appear.

IMAGINATION.

What, how, how, who called after me?

FREEWILL.

Come near, ye shall never i-the, Where have ye be so long?

IMAGINATION.

By God, with me it is all wrong, I have a pair of sore buttocks, All in irons was my song, Even now I sat gyved in a pair of stocks.

FREEWILL.

Cock's passion, and how so?

IMAGINATION.

Sir, I will tell you what I have do: I met with a wench, and she was fair, And of love heartily I did pray her, And so promised her money: Sir, she winked on me, and said nought, But by her look I knew her thought; Then into love's dance we were brought, That we played the pyrdewy: I wot not what we did together, But a knave catchpole nighed us near, And so did us aspy; A stripe he gave me, I fled my touch, And from my girdle he plucked my pouch: By your leave he left me never a penny: Lo, nought have I but a buckle, And yet I can imagine things subtle For to get money plenty; In Westminster Hall every term I am, To me is kin many a great gentleman, I am knowen in every country; And I were dead, the lawyers' thrift were lost: For this will I do, if men would do cost, Prove right wrong, and all by reason, And make men lese both house and land, For all that they can do in a little season, Peach men of treason privily I can, And when me list, to hang a true man. If they will be money tell, Thieves I can help out of prison, And into lords' favours I can get me soon, And be of their privy council. But, Freewill, my dear brother, Saw you nought of Hickscorner? He promised me to come hither.

FREEWILL.

Why, sir, knowest thou him?

IMAGINATION.

Yea, yea, man; he is full nigh of my kin, And in Newgate we dwelled together; For he and I were both shackled in a fetter.

FREEWILL.

Sir, lay you beneath or on high on the seller?[115]

IMAGINATION.

Nay, i-wis, among the thickest of yeomen of the collar.[116]

FREEWILL.

By God, then you were in great fear.

IMAGINATION.

Sir, had I not been, two hundred had been thrust in an halter.

FREEWILL.

And what life have they there, all that great sort?

IMAGINATION.

By God, sir, once a year some taw halts of Burport:[117] Yea, at Tyburn there standeth the great frame. And some take a fall that maketh their neck lame.

FREEWILL.

Yea, but can they then go no more?

IMAGINATION.

Oh, no, man; the wrest is twist so sore, For as soon as they have said _In manus tuas_ once, By God, their breath is stopped at once.

FREEWILL.

Why, do they pray in that place there?

IMAGINATION.

Yea, sir, they stand in great fear, And so fast tangled in that snare, It falleth to their lot to have the same share.

FREEWILL.

That is a knavish sight to see them totter on a beam.

IMAGINATION.

Sir, the whoresons could not convey[118] clean; For, and they could have carried by craft as I can, In process of years each of them should be a gentleman. Yet as for me I was never thief; If my hands were smitten off, I can steal with my teeth; For ye know well, there is craft in daubing:[119] I can look in a man's face and pick his purse, And tell new tidings that was never true, i-wis, For my hood is all lined with lesing.[120]

FREEWILL.

Yea, but went ye never to Tyburn a pilgrimage?

IMAGINATION.

No, i-wis; nor none of my lineage, For we be clerks all, and can our neck verse, And with an ointment the judge's hand I can grease, That will heal sores that be incurable.

FREEWILL.

Why, were ye never found reprovable?

IMAGINATION.

Yes, once I stall a horse in the field, And leapt on him for to have ridden my way: At the last a baily me met and beheld, And bad me stand; then was I in a fray: He asked, whither with that horse I would gone; And then I told him it was mine own: He said I had stolen him; and I said nay: This is, said he, my brother's hackney. For, and I had not excused me, without fail, By our lady, he would have lad me straight to jail; And then I told him the horse was like mine, A brown bay, a long mane, and did halt behine, Thus I told him, that such another horse I did lack; And yet I never saw him, nor came on his back: So I delivered him the horse again. And when he was gone, then was I fain: For and I had not excused me the better, I know well I should have danced in a fetter.

FREEWILL.

And said he no more to thee but so?

IMAGINATION.

Yea, he pretended me much harm to do; But I told him that morning was a great mist, That what horse it was I ne wist: Also I said, that in my head I had the megrin, That made me dazzle so in mine eyen, That I might not well see. And thus he departed shortly from me.

FREEWILL.

Yea, but where is Hickscorner now?

IMAGINATION.

Some of these young men hath hid him in Their bosoms, I warrant ye: Let us make a cry, that he may us hear.

FREEWILL.

How now, Hickscorner, appear; I trow thou be hid in some corner.

HICKSCORNER.

Ale[121] the helm, ale, veer, shoot off, veer sail, veer-a.

FREEWILL.

Cock's body, hark, he is a ship on the sea.

HICKSCORNER.

God speed, God speed; who called after me?

IMAGINATION.

What, brother, welcome by this precious body; I am glad that I you see, It was told me that you were hanged; But out of what country come ye?

HICKSCORNER.

Sirs, I have been in many a country; As in France, Ireland, and in Spain, Portingal, Sevile, also in Almaine; Friesland, Flanders, and in Burgoine, Calabria, Pugle,[122] and Erragon,[123] Britain, Biske, and also in Gascoine, Naples, Greece, and in middes of Scotland; At Cape,[124] Saint Vincent, and in the new found island,[125] I have been in Gene[126] and in Cowe, Also in the land of Rumbelow,[127] Three mile out of hell; At Rhodes, Constantine, and in Babylon[128] In Cornwall, and in Northumberland, Where men seethe rushes in gruel; Yea, sir, in Chaldsea, Tartary, and India, And in the Land of Women, that few men doth find: In all these countries have I be.

FREEWILL.

Sir, what tidings hear ye now on the sea?

HICKSCORNER.

We met of ships a great navy, Full of people that would into Ireland; And they came out of this country: They will never more come to England.

IMAGINATION.

Whence were the ships of them? knowest thou none?

HICKSCORNER.

Harken, and I will show you their names each one: First was the _Regent_, with the _Michael_ of Brikilse; The _George_, with the _Gabriel_, and the _Anne_ of Fowey; The _Star_ of Saltash, with the _Jesus_ of Plymouth; Also the _Hermitage_, with the _Barbara_ of Dartmouth, The _Nicolas_ and the _Mary Bellouse_ of Bristow, With the _Ellen_ of London and _James_ also: Great was the people that was in them, All true religious and holy women: There was Truth and his kinsmen, With Patience, Meekness, and Humility, And all true maidens with their virginity, Royal preachers, sadness and charity, Right conscience and faith, with devotion, And all true monks that keep their religion, True buyers and sellers, and alms-deed doers, Piteous people, that he of sin destroyers, With just abstinence and good councillors, Mourners for sin, with lamentation, And good rich men that helpeth folk out of prison, True wedlock was there also, With young men that ever in prayer did go, The ships were laden with such unhappy company, But at the last God shope[129] a remedy, For they all in the sea were drowned, And on a quicksand they strake to ground; The sea swallowed them everychone, I wot well alive there scaped none.

IMAGINATION.

Lo, now my heart is glad and merry; For joy now let us sing "Derry, derry."

HICKSCORNER.

Fellows, they shall never more us withstand; For I see them all drowned in the Rase of Ireland.

FREEWILL.

Yea, but yet hark, Hickscorner, What company was in your ship, that came over?

HICKSCORNER.

Sir, I will aid[130] you to understand, There were good fellows above five thousand, And all they been kin to us three: There was falsehood, favell,[131] and jollity, Yea, thieves, and whores, with other good company, Liars, backbiters, and flatterers the while, Brawlers, liars, jetters, and chiders, Walkers by night, with great murderers, Overthwart guile[rs] and jolly carders, Oppressors of people, with many swearers, There was false law with horrible vengeance, Froward obstination with mischievous governance, Wanton wenches, and also michers, With many other of the devil's officers; And hatred, that is so mighty and strong, Hath made a vow for ever to dwell in England.

IMAGINATION.

But is that true, that thou dost show now?

HICKSCORNER.

Sir, every word as I do tell you.

FREEWILL.

Of whence is your ship? of London?

HICKSCORNER.

Yea, i-wis from thence did she come; And she is named _The Envy_, I tell you, a great vessel and a mighty: The owner of her is called Ill-Will, Brother to Jack Poller of Shooter's-Hill.

IMAGINATION.

Sir, what office in the ship bare ye?

HICKSCORNER.

Marry, I kept a fair shop of bawdry, I had three wenches that were full praty, Jane true and thriftless, and wanton Sybil, If you ride her a journey, she will make you weary, For she is trusty at need: If ye will hire her for your pleasure, I warrant, tire her shall ye never, She is so sure in deed; Ride, and you will, ten times a-day, I warrant you she will never say nay, My life I dare lay to wed.[132]

IMAGINATION.

Now pluck up your hearts, and make good cheer; These tidings liketh me wonder well, Now virtue shall draw arear arear: Hark, fellows, a good sport I can you tell, At the stews we will lie to-night, And by my troth, if all go right, I will beguile some praty wench, To get me money at a pinch. How say you? shall we go thither? Let us keep company altogether, And I would that we had God's curse, If we somewhere do not get a purse; Every man bear his dagger naked in his hand, And if we meet a true man, make him stand, Or else that he bear a stripe; If that he struggle, and make any work, Lightly strike him to the heart, And throw him into Thames quite.

FREEWILL.

Nay, three knaves in a leash is good at nale:[133] But thou lubber Imagination, That cuckold thy father, where is he become? At Newgate doth he lie still at jail?

IMAGINATION.

Avaunt, whoreson, thou shalt bear me a stripe; Say'st thou, that my mother was a whore?

FREEWILL.

Nay, sir, but the last night I saw Sir John and she tumbled on the floor.

IMAGINATION.

Now, by Cock's heart, thou shalt lose an arm.

HICKSCORNER.

Nay, sir, I charge you do him no harm.

IMAGINATION.

And thou make too much, I will break thy head too.

HICKSCORNER.

By Saint Mary, and I wist that, I would be ago.

IMAGINATION.

Aware, aware! the whoreson shall aby, His priest will I be, by Cock's body.

HICKSCORNER.

Keep peace, lest knaves' blood be shed.

FREEWILL.

By God, if his was nought, mine was as bad.

IMAGINATION.

By Cock's heart, he shall die on this dagger.

HICKSCORNER.

By our Lady, then will ye be strangled in a halter.

IMAGINATION.

The whoreson shall eat him,[134] as far as he shall wade.

HICKSCORNER.

Beshrew your heart, and put up your blade, Sheathe your whittle, or by Jis,[135] that was never born, I will rap you on the costard with my horn; What, will ye play all the knave?

IMAGINATION.

By Cock's heart, and thou a buffet shalt have.

FREEWILL.

Lo, sirs, here is a fair company, God us save; For if any of us three be mayor of London, I-wis, i-wis, I will ride to Rome on my thumb: Alas! ah, see; is not this a great feres? I would they were in a mill-pool above the ears; And then I durst warrant, they would depart anon.

HICKSCORNER.

Help, help, for the passion of my soul; He hath made a great hole in my poll, That all my wit is set to the ground: Alas! a leech for to help my wound.

IMAGINATION.

Nay, i-wis, whoreson, I will bite thee, ere I go.

FREEWILL.

Alas! good sir, what have I do?

IMAGINATION.

Ware, make room, he shall have a stripe, I trow.

PITY.

Peace, peace, sirs, I command you.

IMAGINATION.

Avaunt, old churl; whence comest thou? And thou make too much, I shall break thy brow, And send thee home again.

PITY.

Ah, good sir, the peace I would have kept fain; Mine office is to see no man slain; And where they do amiss, to give them good counsel, Sin to forsake, and God's law them tell.

IMAGINATION.

Ah, sir, I ween'd thou hadst been drowned and gone: But I have spied, that there scaped one.

HICKSCORNER.

Imagination, do by the counsel of me, Be agreed with Freewill, and let us good fellows be; And then, as for this churl Pity, Shall curse the time that ever he came to land.

IMAGINATION.

Brother Freewill, give me your hand, And all mine ill will I forgive thee.

FREEWILL.

Sir, I thank you heartily; But what shall we do with this churl Pity?

IMAGINATION.

I will go to him, and pick a quarrel, And make him a thief, and say he did steal Of mine forty pound in a bag.

FREEWILL.

By God, that tidings will make him sad; And I will go fetch a pair of gyves, For in good faith he shall be set fast by the heels.

HICKSCORNER.

Have ado lightly, and be gone, And let us twain with him alone.

FREEWILL.

Now, farewell, I beshrew you everychone.

HICKSCORNER.

Ho, ho, Freewill you threw, and no mo.

IMAGINATION.

Thou lewd fellow, say'st thou that thy name is Pity? Who sent thee hither to control me?

PITY.

Good sir, it is my property For to despise sinful living, And unto virtue men to bring, If that they will do after me.