Part 10

My Council grave, a thousand thanks With heart I do you render. That you my case so prosperous Entirely do tender: I will not swerve from those your steps, Whereto you would me train. But now, my lord and valiant knight, With words give answer plain: Are you content with me to go The Mars’ games to try?

LORD.

Yea, peerless prince, to aid your grace, Myself will live and die.

KNIGHT.

And I, for my hability, For fear will not turn back; But, as the ship against the rocks, Sustain and bide the wrack.

KING.

O willing hearts, a thousand thanks I render unto you: Strike up your drums with courage great; We will march forth even now.

COUNCIL.

Permit (O King) few words to hear, My duty serves no less; Therefore give leave to Council thine, His mind for to express.

KING.

Speak on, my Council, what it be; You shall have favour mine.

COUNCIL.

Then will I speak unto your grace, As duty doth me bind: Your grace doth mean for to attempt Of war the manly art; Your grace therein may hap receive, With others, for your part The dent of death: in those affairs All persons are alike: The heart courageous oftentimes His detriment doth seek; It’s best therefore for to permit A ruler of your land To sit and judge with equity, When things of right are scann’d.

KING.

My grace doth yield to this your talk, To be thus now it shall: My Knight, therefore prepare yourself Sisamnes for to call: A judge he is of prudent skill, Even he shall bear the sway, In absence mine, when from the land I do depart my way.

KNIGHT.

Your Knight before your grace even here Himself hath ready prest, With willing heart for to fulfil, As your grace made request. [_Exit._

COUNCIL.

Pleaseth your grace, I judge of him To be a man right fit; For he is learned in the law, Having the gift of wit: In your grace’s precinct I do not view For it a meeter man: His learning is of good effect, Bring proof thereof I can. I do not know what is his life, His conscience hid from me, I doubt not but the fear of God Before his eyes to be.

LORD.

Report declares, he is a man That to himself is nigh; One that favoureth much the world, And too much sets thereby: But this I say of certainty, If he your grace succeed, In your absence but for a while, He will be warn’d indeed No injustice for to frequent, No partial judge to prove, But rule all things with equity, To win your grace’s love.

KING.

Of that he shall a warning have My hests for to obey; Great punishment for his offence Against him will I lay.

COUNCIL.

Behold, I see him now aggress, And enter into place.

SISAMNES.

O puissant prince and mighty king, The gods preserve your grace! Your grace’s message came to me, Your will purporting forth: With grateful mind I it received, According to mine oath, Erecting then myself with speed, Before your grace’s eyes, The tenor of your princely will From you for to agnise.

KING.

Sisamnes, this the whole effect, The which for you I sent: Our mind it is to elevate, You to great preferment. My grace, and gracious Council eke, Hath chose you for this cause: In judgment you do office bear, Which have the skill in laws; We think that you accordingly By justice rule will deal, That for offence none shall have cause Of wrong you to appeal.

SISAMNES.

Abundant thanks unto your grace For this benignity: To you his Council in like case, With lords of clemency. What so your grace to me permits, If I therein offend, Such execution then commence, And use it to this end. That all other (by that my deed) Example so may take; To admonish them to flee the same, By fear it may them make.

KING.

Then according to your word, If you therein offend, I assure you even from my breast Correction shall extend. I mean to go[232] Into the Egypt land, Them to convince by force of arms, And win the upper hand. While I therefore absent shall be, I do you full permit, As governor in this my right, In that estate to sit, For to detect, and eke correct, Those that abuse my grace: This is the total of my will; Give answer in this case.

SISAMNES.

Unworthy much (O prince) am I, And for this gift unfit; But sith that it hath pleased your grace, That I in it must sit, I do avouch unto my death, According to my skill, With equity for to observe Your grace’s mind and will; And nought from it to swerve indeed, But sincerely to stay: Else let me taste the penalty, As I before did say.

KING.

Well then of this authority I give you full possession.

SISAMNES.

And I will it fulfil also, As I have made profession.

KING.

My Council, then, let us depart, A small stay to make: To Egypt land now forth with speed My voyage I will take. Strike up your drums us to rejoice, To hear the warlike sound: Stay you here, Sisamnes, judge, And look well to your bound. [_Exeunt_ KING, LORD, _and_ COUNCIL.

SISAMNES.

Even now the king hath me extoll’d, And set me up aloft; Now may I wear the brodered guard, And lay in down-bed soft; Now may I purchase house and land, And have all at my will; Now may I build a princely place, My mind for to fulfil; Now may I abrogate the law, As I shall think it good; If any one me now offend, I may demand his blood. According to the proverb old, My mouth I will up make; Now it doth lie all in my hand, To leave or else to take; To deal with justice to my bound, And so to live in hope: But oftentimes the birds be gone, While one for nest doth grope. Do well or ill I dare avouch, Some evil on me will speak: No, truly yet I do not mean The king’s precepts to break; To place I mean for to return My duty to fulfil. [_Exit._

_Enter the_ VICE _with an old capcase on his head, an old pail about his hips for harness, a scummer and a potlid by his side, and a rake on his shoulder_.

AMBIDEXTER.

Stand away, stand away, for the passion of God; Harnessed I am, prepared to the field: I would have been content at home to have bod, But I am sent forth with my spear and shield. I am appointed to fight against a snail,[233] And Wilkin Wren the ancient shall bear; I doubt not but against him to prevail, To be a man my deeds shall declare. If I overcome him, then a butterfly takes his part, His weapon must be a blue speckled hen: But you shall see me overthrow him with a fart, So without conquest he shall go home again. If I overcome him, I must fight with a fly, And a black pudding the fly’s weapon must be: At the first blow on the ground he shall lie, I will be sure to thrust him through the mouth to the knee. To conquest these fellows the man I will play,[234] Ha, ha, ha, now ye will make me to smile, To see, if I can all men beguile. Ha, my name? my name would you so fain know? Yea, i-wis, shall ye, and that with all speed: I have forgot it, therefore I cannot show; Ha, ha, now I have it, I have it indeed. My name is Ambidexter: I signify one That with both hands finely can play; Now with king Cambyses, and by and by gone: Thus do I run this and that way. For while I mean with a soldier to be, Then give I a leap to Sisamnes the judge; I dare avouch, ye shall his destruction see: To all kind of estates I mean for to trudge. Ambidexter, nay, he is a fellow if ye knew all: Cease for awhile; hereafter hear more ye shall.

_Enter three Ruffians_, HUFF, RUFF, _and_ SNUFF, _singing_.

HUFF.

Gog’s flesh and his wounds, these wars rejoice my heart; By his wounds, I hope to do well, for my part: By Gog’s heart, the world shall go evil, if I do not shift; At some old carl’s bouget I mean for to lift.

RUFF.

By his flesh, nose, eyes, and ears, I will venter void of all cares: He is not a soldier that doth fear any doubt; If that he would bring his purpose about.

SNUFF.

Fear that fear list, it shall not be I: By Gog’s wounds, I will make some neck stand awry; If I lose my share, I swear by Gog’s heart, Then let another take up my part.

HUFF.

Yet I hope to come the richest soldier away.

RUFF.

If a man ask ye, ye may hap to say nay.

SNUFF.

Let all men get what they can, not to lese I hope: Wheresoever I go in, each corner I will grope.

AMBIDEXTER.

What, and ye run into the corner of some pretty maid?

SNUFF.

To grope there, good fellow, I will not be afraid.

HUFF.

Gog’s wounds, what art thou that with us dost mell? Thou seemest to be a soldier, the truth to tell; Thou seemest to be harnessed, I cannot tell how: I think he came lately from riding some cow; Such a deformed slave did I never see: Ruff, dost thou know him? I pray thee, tell me,

RUFF.

No, by my troth, fellow Huff, I never see him before.

SNUFF.

As for me I care not, if I never see him more. Come, let us run his arse against the post.

AMBIDEXTER.

Ah, ye slaves, I will be with you at the host: Ah, ye knaves, I will teach ye how ye shall me deride. [_Here let him swinge them about._ Out of my sight; I can ye not abide. Now, goodman pouchmouth, I am a slave with you! Now have at ye afresh again even now: Mine arse against the post you will run? But I will make ye from that saying to turn.

HUFF.

I beseech ye heartily to be content.

RUFF.

I insure you, by mine honesty, no hurt we meant: Beside that, again, we do not know what ye are; Ye know, that soldiers their stoutness will declare. Therefore, if we have anything offended, Pardon our rudeness, and it shall be amended.

AMBIDEXTER.

Yea, God’s pity, begin ye to entreat me? Have at ye once again! by the mass, I will beat ye. [_Fight again._

HUFF.

Gog’s heart, let us kill him; suffer no longer. [_Draw their swords._

SNUFF.

Thou slave, we will see, if thou be the stronger.

RUFF.

Strike off his head at one blow: That we be soldiers, Gog’s heart, let him know.

AMBIDEXTER.

O’ the passion of God, I have done, by mine honesty: I will take your part hereafter verily.

ALL.

Then, content; let us agree.

AMBIDEXTER.

Shake hands with me, I shake hands with thee: Ye are full of courtesy, that is the best; And you take great pain, ye are a mannerly guest. Why, masters, do you not know me? the truth to me tell--

ALL.

No, trust us, not very well.

AMBIDEXTER.

Why, I am Ambidexter, whom many soldiers do love.

HUFF.

Gog’s heart, to have thy company needs we must prove. We must play with both hands with our hostess and host, Play with both hands, and score on the post, Now and then with our captain for many a delay, We will not stick with both hands to play.

AMBIDEXTER.

The honester man ye, ye may me trust.

_Enter_ MERETRIX, _with a staff on her shoulder_.

MERETRIX.

What, is there no lads here that hath a lust To have a passing trull to help at their need?

HUFF.

Gog’s heart, she is come indeed. What, Mistress Meretrix? by his wounds, welcome to me.

MERETRIX.

What will you give me? I pray you, let me see.

RUFF.

By his heart, she looks for gifts by and by.

MERETRIX.

What, Master Ruff, I cry you mercy; The last time I was with you, I got a broken head, And lay in the street all night for want of a bed.

SNUFF.

Gog’s wounds, kiss me, my trull so white. In thee I swear is all my delight; If thou shouldest have had a broken head for my sake, I would have made his head to ache.

MERETRIX.

What, Master Ambidexter? who looked for you?

AMBIDEXTER.

Mistress Meretrix, I thought not to see you here now. There is no remedy; at meeting I must have a kiss.

MERETRIX.

What, man? I will not stick for that, by Giss. [_Kiss._

AMBIDEXTER.

So now, gramercy, I pray thee be gone.

MERETRIX.

Nay, soft, my friend; I mean to have one: Nay, soft; I swear, and if ye were my brother, Before I let go, I will have another. [_Kiss, kiss, kiss._

RUFF.

Gog’s heart, the whore would not kiss me yet.

MERETRIX.

If I be a whore, thou art a knave, then it is quit.

HUFF.

But hear’st thou, Meretrix? with who this night wilt thou lie?

MERETRIX.

With him that giveth the most money.

HUFF.

Gog’s heart, I have no money in purse, ne yet in clout.

MERETRIX.

Then get thee hence, and pack like a lout.

HUFF.

Adieu, like a whore. [_Exit_ HUFF.

MERETRIX.

Farewell, like a knave.

RUFF.

Gog’s nails, Mistress Meretrix, now he is gone, A match ye shall make straight with me; I will give thee sixpence to lie one night with thee.

MERETRIX.

Gog’s heart, slave, dost thou think I am a six-penny jug? No, wis ye, Jack, I look a little more smug.

SNUFF.

I will give her eighteenpence to serve me first.

MERETRIX.

Gramercy, Snuff, thou art not the worst.

RUFF.

By Gog’s heart, she were better be hanged, to forsake me, and take thee.

SNUFF.

Were she so? that shall we see.

RUFF.

By Gog’s heart, my dagger into her I will thrust.

SNUFF.

Ah, ye boy, ye would do it, and ye durst!

AMBIDEXTER.

Peace, my masters; ye shall not fight: He that draws first, I will him smite.

RUFF.

Gog’s wounds, Master Snuff, are ye so lusty?

SNUFF.

Gog’s sides, Master Ruff, are ye so crusty?

RUFF.

You may happen to see.

SNUFF.

Do what thou darest to me.

[_Here draw and fight. Here she must lay on and coil them both, the_ VICE _must run his way for fear_, SNUFF _fling down his sword and buckler, and run his way_.

MERETRIX.

Gog’s sides, knaves, seeing to fight ye be so rough, Defend yourselves, for I will give ye both enough: I will teach you how ye shall fall out for me; Yea, thou slave Snuff, no more blows wilt thou bide? To take thy heels a time hast thou spied? Thou villain, seeing Snuff has gone away, A little better I mean thee to pay.

[_He falleth down, she falleth upon him, and beats him, and taketh away his weapon._]

RUFF.

Alas, good Mistress Meretrix, no more; My legs, sides, and arms with beating be sore.

MERETRIX.

Thou a soldier, and loose thy weapon! Go hence, sir boy; say, a woman hath thee beaten.

RUFF.

Good Mistress Meretrix, my weapon let me have; Take pity on me, mine honesty to save! If it be known this repulse I sustain, It will redound to my ignomy and shame.

MERETRIX.

If thou wilt be my man, and wait upon me, This sword and buckler I will give thee.

RUFF.

I will do all at your commandment; As servant to you I will be obedient.

MERETRIX.

Then let me see how before me ye can go. When I speak to you, ye shall do so: Off with your cap at place and at board: _Forsooth, Mistress Meretrix_, at every word, Tut, tut, in the camp such soldiers there be; One good woman would beat away two or three. Well, I am sure, customers tarry at home: Mannerly, before: and let us begone. [_Exeunt._

_Enter_ AMBIDEXTER.

AMBIDEXTER.

O’ the passion of God, be they here still or no? I durst not abide to see her beat them so. I may say to you I was in such a fright: Body of me, I see the hair of my head stand upright. When I saw her so hard upon them lay, O’ the passion of God, thought I, she will be with me anon. I made no more ado, but avoided the thrust, And to my legs began for to trust; And fell a laughing to myself, when I was once gone: It is wisdom (quoth I), by the mass, to save one. Then into this place I intended to trudge, Thinking to meet Sisamnes the judge. Behold, where he cometh, I will him meet; And like a gentleman I mean him to greet.

_Enter_ SISAMNES.

SISAMNES.

Since that the king’s grace’s majesty in office did me set, What abundance of wealth to me might I get? Now and then some vantage I achieve, Much more yet may I take; But that I fear unto the king That some complaint will make.

AMBIDEXTER.

Jesu, Master Sisamnes, you are unwise.

SISAMNES.

Why so? I pray ye, let me agnise, What, Master Ambidexter, is it you? Now welcome to me, I make God a vow.

AMBIDEXTER.

Jesu, Master Sisamnes, with me you are well acquainted: By me rulers may be trimly painted. Ye are unwise, if ye take not time while ye may: If ye will not now, when ye would, ye shall have nay. What is he, that of you dare make exclamation, Of your wrong-dealings to make explication? Can you not play with both hands, and turn with the wind?

SISAMNES.

Believe me, your words draw deep in my mind, In colour wise unto this day To bribes I have inclined: More the same for to frequent Of truth I am now minded. Behold, even now unto me suitors do proceed.

SMALL HABILITY.

I beseech you here, good master judge, A poor man’s cause to tender; Condemn me not in wrongful wise, That never was offender. You know right well, my right it is, I have not for to give! You take away from me my due, That should my corpse relieve. The Commons of you do complain, From them you devocate; With anguish great and grievous words Their hearts do penetrate. From[235] right you fell unto the wrong, Your private gain to win; You violate the simple man, And count it for no sin.

SISAMNES.

Hold thy tongue, thou prattling knave, And give to me reward; Else in this wise, I tell thee truth, Thy tale will not be heard. Ambidexter, let us go hence, and let the knave alone.

AMBIDEXTER.

Farewell, Small Hability, for help now get ye none. Bribes hath corrupt him, good laws to pollute. [_Exeunt._

SMALL HABILITY.

A naughty man that will not obey the king’s constitute. With heavy heart I will return, Till God redress my pain. [_Exit._

_Enter_ SHAME, _with a trump black_.

SHAME.

From among the grisly ghosts I come, From tyrant’s testy train; Unseemly Shame of sooth I am, Procured to make plain The odious facts and shameless deeds That Cambyses king doth use; All piety and virtuous life He doth it clean refuse. Lechery and drunkenness He doth it much frequent; The tiger’s kind to imitate He hath given full consent. He nought esteems his Council grave, Ne virtuous bringing up; But daily still receives the drink Of damned vice’s cup: He can bide no instruction, He takes so great delight In working of iniquity, For to frequent his spite: As fame doth sound the royal trump Of worthy men and trim, So shame doth blow with strained blast The trump of shame on him. [_Exit_.

_Enter the_ KING, LORD, PRAXASPES, _and_ SISAMNES.

KING.

My judge, since my departure hence, Have you used judgment right? If faithful steward I ye find The same I will requite.

SISAMNES.

No doubt, your grace shall not once hear That I have done amiss.

PRAXASPES.

I much rejoice to hear so good news as this.

_Enter_ COMMONS’ CRY _running in, speak this verse, go out again hastily._

COMMONS’ CRY.

Alas, alas, how are the Commons oppressed By that vile judge, Sisamnes by name? I do not know, how it should be redressed; To amend his life no whit he doth frame. We are undone, and thrown out of door, His damnable dealing doth us so torment: At his hand we can find no relief nor succour. God grant him grace for to repent. [_Run away crying._

KING.

What doleful cries be these, my lord, That sound do in my ear? Intelligence if you can give, Unto your king declare. To me it seemeth my Commons all They do lament and cry Out at[236] Sisamnes judge most chief, Even now standing us by.

PRAXASPES.

Even so (O king) it seem’d to me, As you rehearsal made; I doubt the judge culpable be In some respect or trade.

SISAMNES.

Redoubted king, have no mistrust, No whit your mind dismay; There is not one that can me charge, Or ought against me lay.

_Enter_ COMMONS’ COMPLAINT, _with_ PROOF _and_ TRIAL.

COMMONS’ COMPLAINT.

Commons’ Complaint I represent, With thrall of doleful state, By urgent cause erected forth My grief for to dilate. Unto the king I will prepare My misery to tell, To have relief of this my grief, And fettered feet so fell. Redoubted prince and mighty king, Myself I prostrate here; Vouchsafe (O king) with me to bear For this that I appear. With humble suit I pardon crave Of your most royal grace, To give me leave my mind to break, Before you in this place.

KING.

Commons’ Complaint, keep nothing back, Fear not thy tale to tell; Whate’er he be within this land That hath not used thee well, As prince’s mouth shall sentence give, He shall receive the same; Unfold the secrets of thy breast, For I extinguish blame.

COMMONS’ COMPLAINT.

God preserve your royal grace, And send you blissful days, That all your deeds might still accord To give to[237] God the praise. My complaint is (O mighty king) Against that judge you by; Whose careless deeds, gain to receive, Hath made the Commons cry: He, by taking bribes and gifts, The poor he doth oppress, Taking relief from infants young, Widows and fatherless.

KING.

Untruthful traitor and corrupt judge, How likest thou this complaint? Forewarning I to thee did give, Of this to make restraint: And hast thou done this devilish deed, Mine ire for to augment? I sentence give, thou Judas judge; Thou shalt thy deed repent.

SISAMNES.

O puissant prince, it is not so, His complaint I deny.

COMMONS’ COMPLAINT.

If it be not so (most mighty king), In place then let me die: Behold that I have brought with me Both Proof and Trial true, To stand even here, and sentence give, What by him did ensue.

PROOF.

I Proof do him in this appeal, He did the Commons wrong; Unjustly he with them hath dealt, His greedy[238] was so strong: His heart did covet in to get, He cared not which way; The poor did lese their due and right, Because they wont[239] to pay Unto him for bribes indeed, This was his wonted use: Whereas your grace good laws did make, He did the same abuse.

TRIAL.

I Trial here to verify What Proof doth now unfold, To stand against him in his wrong, As now I dare be bold.

KING.

How likest thou this, thou caitiff vile? Canst thou the same deny?

SISAMNES.

O noble king, forgive my fact: I yield to thy mercy.

KING.

Complaint and Proof, redress will I All this your misery: Depart with speed from whence you came, And straight command by me The execution-man to come Before my grace with haste.

ALL.

For to fulfil this your request, No time we mean to waste. [_Exeunt they three._

KING.

My lord, before my grace go call Otian, this judge’s son; And he shall hear, and also see, What his father hath done. The father he shall suffer death, The son his room succeed; And if that he no better prove, So likewise shall he speed.

PRAXASPES.